this post was submitted on 12 Dec 2024
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I am going to be facing a lion in the arena and I need to win.

all 42 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 31 points 2 weeks ago

Talk over and faster than it. Make up scientific studies to sound credible.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 1 week ago (3 children)

You just gotta go pspspspsps

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Shouldn't it be the reverse? Ƨqƨqƨqƨqƨqƨqƨq?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago

Lick it on the head to confuse it.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Finger in your ear and then hold it out for him to smell.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

lol I read somewhere that this is how you get an unfamiliar cat to befriend you. They want to smell up close. Try it out!

Here you go! https://lifehacker.com/befriend-a-cat-with-your-earwax-1529804717

[–] [email protected] 24 points 2 weeks ago

Only reported to work with lion dens, but might be extended to arenas as well.

Pray to the god of Daniel and be without sin before the face of god and the king. (DANIEL 6, 13)

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

If you're fighting a singular male lion on it's own... They're not brave without their pack and they're way more 'bark' than bite. It's just like a black bear, be as big and loud as you can. Do not ever run, this triggers an instinctual urge to chase. Alone in the face of a fight it's not sure it can win, the Lion will want to run though. That will just buy you time, closing the gap and actually winning the fight will depend on circumstances, but you can get the upper hand in a lot of ways.

Whatever happens, be thankful you're not fighting a Tiger.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I'll just wrestle it to the ground and bite its neck (I'm a vampire)

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 week ago

rookie vampire mistake. Just summon in a swarm of wolves and mist-form away whenever the lion gets close. Maybe shoot some of the spectators some beguiling eyes and throw them at the lions too. Once its too full to keep moving, then deliver the coup de grace.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago

Instructions unclear, now I'm a snake

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

YTA! Lion's house, lion's rules. Hit a lawyer, get Facebook, drop the gym. This narcissist is a textbook lion; I also choose this man's stupid prize.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago

you didn't mention the "Karen"

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 week ago

Bring all the Pokemon.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Get on top of one of those four pillars and then pray that your quiver has enough arrows. Good luck Grand Champion.

Alternatively, also send in your adoring fan as a diversion.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 week ago

Poison a gazelle

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 weeks ago

Bribe the lion keeper. Your battle with a dead lion will be legendary.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I heard once that if you rub the top of a cat's head with a toothbrush, it'll calm down.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Well known fact.

Alternatively, it will sit on any passing roomba, according to YouTube.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago

Has anyone tried placing a gherkin next to it mid battle?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 week ago

The problem is, you are the passing roomba in this case

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Can you choose your weapons?
In that case, choose either a boar spear, or an Atchisson AA-12, depending on your era.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

They have sensitive noses but they can't be stopped mid charge and likely won't be deterred by peeing in their face. Maintaining eye contact will make them slightly more hesitant but also angry.

They swipe harder and faster than Mike Tyson in his prime, but if it's a show lion it might be suffering from lifelong narcotics addiction so at least you've got that going for you. The bite force is enough to sever your limbs so never let it grab you.

TLDR Stay away but don't run, try to hit it's nose but never get near its face.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago

What are the rules? Are you allowed weapons of any sort?

Is it like gladiator style combat or are you allowed ranged weaponry?

This is pretty vague, and I'm fairly sure the community rules say that when posting questions about lions you need to be very specific otherwise you're what is known as a "dingus."

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago

With a gun, the larger the calibre the better.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago

Catnip and hakuna matata

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago

Be Batman, have prep time.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago

Get a really big laser pointer to distract it

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago
[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago

Have lots of steaks with poison in it.

That or an assault rifle.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago

Punch that motherfucker in the nose so hard his skull flies out the back of his ass! The crowd will go wild.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Its very important you change your name to Daniel.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 week ago

Sampson would work as well.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 week ago

Get two Rodesian Ridgebacks.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 week ago

Are you planning to visit your crazy uncle Duncan?