I thought I had one but I read everyone else's first and after each one thought, yeah that would be good. Thank you for making me fully grasp just how inadequate I am. Just sign me up for any of these.
this post was submitted on 27 Nov 2024
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Asklemmy
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Maintain eye contact.
Shit makes me so uncomfortable. Look at me all you want, that's fine. I'm going to look at that plant.
If you want to look at that plant, I'll look at you, but you can't have both.
Unless we both look at the plant. That's fine too.
I wish I could bang ass for longer than a minute :/
I have ADHD. Anyone telling you it is a super power is either lying or has a drastically different experience with it than I do.
Its a super power in battle/reaction situations. In all aplicable areas of modern age, its a nightmare.
Nope. Absolutely not. That is your experience with it. Not mine. It's a disability. Please don't describe my experience with a disability as a super power.
I say because I have ADHD too. My reaction are more thoughtful and cold in stress situations like theft assaults or accidents are way better that neurotypical ones (I'm from latinamerica so they are very common). But I have so much problems to do normal things daily and they are ruining my life.
Sleep instantly and without interruption
What up insomnia gang? Coming to you love from the bed at 6 AM. Too late to fall back asleep, too early to get up.
I wish I could have a baseline functional understanding of human interaction & relationships.
As someone who transitioned from a deeply introverted anxious young adult with a persistent stammer, to a relatively outgoing person who is capable of clear communication, the secret is caring less and forgetting that you exist.
There are steps though to get there:
- Look at a person. De-age them back to when they were a shy or excited or inquisite toddler. That's their base model. Anything built on that is just extra wisdom or fluff or bluster.
- Talk to people like you would an innocent child, just use more grownup words.
- Cheat questions:
- "How was your day today" "what did you get up to" "hows your upcoming week looking"
- Cheat responses:
- "nice!" "well done!" "oh damn"
- Cheat moves:
- Eye contact. Look at people in the eye, then look away when describing something, then look them in the eye again.
- Nodding: Make nodding gestures as they respond to you
- Hands: Gesture with your hands when you describe something.
- Smile: You don't need to smile, but it helps. You can look away when you do it.
- Listening helps but is top-tier and isn't a requirement
- Learn to build connections through topics though. If they're talking about cats, remember your dog.
- Signal it's your turn: I suck at this and wait for gaps, which usually means I forget what I wanted to say, but you can signal in other ways
- Yes: Finger gun and a nod whilst inhaling
- No: Polite laugh and a head shake whilst exhaling
- Random: if someone won't stop, they need to be stopped. Just jump in with your crab story, who cares.
This should hopefully get you along the way to forgetting that you exist in a conversation, and it should become second nature after a while.
I wish I could actually listen to what is being said to me for more than 5 minutes. Instead of having my attention drift off and me starting to daydream about something the other said.
I wish I could just live in the present without having to completely fake a personality to hide the fact I don't have one.
I wish it didn't take me so long to understand things that other people seem to get easily.
To be consistent on a physical level.
I play guitar and games like rocket league, things that require excellent physical dexterity, and consistency is a big factor. I struggle to repeat physical actions the same way every time. I practice lots, and I'm reasonably good at both things (imho), but I know I screw up more than most people because I can't repeat things the same way every time.
Not a common ability but some people have photographic memory.
I can't remember shit. Photographic memory would be life changing.
Your wish has been granted! You will now keenly remember old photographs ๐
๐
As someone with ADHD. My brain remembering things would be a game changer.
To do things at the proper time, and not procrastinate.
I truly don't know how some people work if not in a manic state for 10 hrs straight because you have a bunch of stuff due at the same time
I guess I could spread out the work, but sometimes I'm passively thinking of the best way to tackle it and other times it's a task I don't like doing.
Executive functioning.
Pretending to give a shit when I don't
It's literally how I make all my money.
Teach me your secrets!
Which half are you having trouble with? The apathy, or the pretense?
The pretense. I do not have a good poker face.
You don't want a poker face! You want to be very expressive. But voice is even more important. Pitch voice soft and a little low, and always decreasing at the end of a sentence, the opposite of asking a question. Like a kind parent talking to a tired toddler or particularly stupid dog.
You're trying to slip information into the person at a subconscious level, and the information you want to slip in is that you, the speaker, are trustworthy and will take care of them. It's much easier to do this than to actually figure out and fix whatever bullshit problem they've created for themselves.
Note that this is not effective on people you see everyday, as they will eventually realize you didn't do anything to actually help them. But for one-offs, work associates-of-associates, clients you're not the sole contact for, and the more distant sort of relative, it works pretty well.
That's pretty hilarious and I don't doubt it's efficacy!
I'll admit my trouble with these situations is I can't help but care about people or fixing things, often to save them from themselves as if they're, like you said, toddlers.
I start to resent being taken advantage of though. It's tough. :(
So you're also struggling with the apathy part, huh? For me, waiting tables, I just don't think of the guests as fully human. They come in hungry and I make sure they leave happy. Giving them a sense of assurance is a part of that, but as soon as they're out the door they cease to exist.
As to resentment, you shouldn't be resentful of something you choose to do, or to put it another way, you shouldn't choose things to do that harm your own well-being.
Haha I used to wait tables long ago. I know exactly where you're coming from!
My most recent job nearly drove me mad. I worked for a public library computer lab. I got a chair, and could look busy scrolling reddit instead of hurredly rushing to the walk-in freezer to scream. Hooray!
But it actually made me miss the simplicity of taking and delivering orders and "flipping" tables. This was a job where I'm pretty sure I did some good sometimes, but you might know how dumb and angry people get with anything digital.
Explanation of what that entailed:
Everything was an end-of-the-world crisis for each unique individual that came in, everything required multiple steps, often stymied by the fact people thought they were being clever by having 13 email addresses and forgetting the passwords and not updating the phone number the recovery code was tied to. ("And I MUST print this thing for a job interview in like 1 hour! Oh computers are terrible I hate them you must be a genius, back in my day we just shook a hand and got a salary rabble rabble.")
It was an awkward position because you really couldn't just say "Wow, sucks to be u." If they were siphoning too much life force.
They would not leave until closing if you just left em' there. And the worst ones lived like down the street so they'd show up every day. And they piled up. And instead of a section of tables, it was ~20-30 computer seats I was in charge of.
I genuinely want to help people live better lives. And I seized the opportunity when I could, but man, people have bandwidth. Dropping the individual systemic issues of an entire society on singular "caring profession" workers is downright vile. I'm so thankful I escaped. I'm still mentally recovering.
But hey, making more then $2.14 an hour was nice. Lol
You shouldn't choose things to do that harm your own well-being.
Yeah, I agree. I hate that socioeconomics always seems to push us in that position. If it's not harmful, it seems to be relegated to the select few or outmoded as a job, it seems. (I'm trying REALLY hard to not be a doomer! Lol)
You're absolutely right though. I struggle to "not care". I think if everybody cared more about each other things would be better, but y'know, reality. Lol
I want to be social monke and love and help people, but everything must be some kind of infinite assembly line of the screaming masses. :(
I'm trying to finally be a digital artist and make games instead. It's definitely not the moneybags route, but I have a lot more energy to put towards the people who deserve it from me...
It takes too much energy to have a good poker face, I'd rather just stay grumpy.
I would love to be able to say the most ridiculous, warped, ignorant, crazy ass shit, and have everyone else believe me to the point they are willing to fight on my behalf.
Oh wait..
People who are very good at instruments. I wish I just knew guitar to be able to shred on demand, but I just could not put in the time and effort to get there myself.
Don't compare your blooper reel with other people's highlights.
Also, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie split up about twenty years ago and that relationship is still creating drama
Do you mean Pitt and Jennifer Aniston? The Brangelina split was in 2019.
My favorite Jolie story.
Lauren Ridloff is deaf. She was having problems with her cues in 'The Eternals.' Jolie told the director to use a laser pointer and then clean it up in post-production.
Also, they had to use her own kid in Maleficent because she was scaring all the other children.
I wish I could form intimate relationships.
To get what I want by just being cute. Like little kids or cute girls. Or to be automatically excluded from manual labor/heavy lifting for the same reason.
If you're a healthy boy, the moment you become a teenager is the moment you're just expected to be performing manual labor or other hot, sweaty activities. At least in the US ๐คท
Have you considered trying to dress cute or paint your nails?
It'd be ineffective and in fact, decrease the likelihood of obtaining that default assumption of innocence that cuteness provides. It'd be like tying a pink ribbon to the tail of a tiger. The ribbon itself would be cute but the tiger would still be viewed as a dangerous predator.
Might help with getting out of manual labor though ๐ค ๐คฃ
The sort of natural looking and sincere charm that someone like Robert Downey Jr. can just turn on and work the whole room at once, not that fake or smarmy shit that has people commenting that it fake after the fact.
I've worked with accounts guys who can do it, I've watched them work close up, but I be damned if I cant just naturally do that.
To light things on fire with my mind.
You know someone who can light a fire with their mind?
Maybe. On a completely unrelated note, can you let me know the next time you'll be in public, preferably not standing within several feet of anyone else and anything flammable?
Not being anxious about almost everything.