Give em The Harkness Test

A few years later:

These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise.

Its five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds; to seek out new life and new civilizations. And have sex with them.

Original for those who are frustrated by a phone screenshot of a fuzzy version on Facebook

https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/humans-2

Bonus panel:

!spoiler !<

Obviously Earth has passed the test.

They were given a task, found a group for whom the task would be ideal in both their willingness and ability to do it, and presented this group to the task giver. They did not force a slave class, they didn't do a lottery, they didn't see it as a chance to get rid of undesirables, they just sent people who legitimately wanted to go.

There was no victim, thus there was no crime.

If these aliens can't tell, they're morons who clearly didn't think it through.

I mean id at least sign up. Who knows, I could be into it.

If not, hell, at least I'm off earth.

It's weird... I feel like any civilisation worth joining the galactic federation would have no issues finding volunteers to save their civilisation anyway (though maybe not 14 minutes...)

“Careful what you ask for, you just might get it.”

You know, sometimes I wish I did a little more with my life instead of hanging out in front of places selling weed and shit. Like, maybe be an animal doctor. Why not me? I like seals and shit. Or maybe an astronaut. Yeah. Like, be the first motherfucker to see a new galaxy, or find a new alien lifeform... and fuck it. And people'd be like, "There he goes. Homeboy fucked a Martian once.

"I mean we've been coming here for 50 years and performing anal probes and all that we have learned is that one in ten doesn't really seem to mind."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6tZar4wRP40

Shut up and get that alien dick out!

Humans: hold my beer...

I'll bet they have advanced healthcare.

That alone would get you the volunteers.

an extremely elegantly bite-sized HFY story

Uhm, if the owner of the site is here, the "random" button presents you with an xml.

Just blow them up while you can...they spread

....humans, amiright?