Even back when crush had openly admitted she had an interest in me, she had also mentioned that she also had feelings for someone else in the same conversation. The person in question was, like myself, one of the first people to make enough of an impression on her that she opened up to him when she first started working with us. The biggest difference being that he was more openly flirty with her than I was. And while they did develop a bit more of a closer relationship he never really did go all the way, reason being that he was already in a relationship, and his girlfriend would even pass by our job once in a while. But for as much as he hesitated about it he still kept leading her on enough that there she seemed to feel a certain type of way for him. In the meantime we were always on a bit of a back and forth thing, mostly because of how much I struggle with opening up to people, but things would always end up developing at a steady pace.

When she finally told me she was interested in me I let him know. I wasn't the first to tell him, my coworker did since he was trying to get her to go out with him. But I still felt it was better if I let him know. And he was like "cool, shoot your shot". I wouldn't say I ever felt like we were friends through and through, but we were close enough that he'd pass by and just chat with me and my co-worker while he was on break from his work area. So I figured I should be good to go, no chance at any drama/hurt feelings. I ended up hesitating anyway and after the first date plans went by the wayside I held off for a while. So things mostly stayed the same as before. Him being closer to her and me doing my slow, but steady opening up.

Earlier this year he was in my work area having a conversation with my coworker and me and they started talking about her. He said that even though she seemed to have strong feeling for him he didn't really see her as someone he'd have a relationship with and how he didn't like how she would "weigh her options" for potential partners aside from him. Also went into some of the other people who had been trying to talk with her, mostly unsuccessfully. And I again had admitted that I had been thinking of asking her out, but that I also wasn't really talking with her in a way where I was really pushing for it. And that was that.

A few weeks later he got fired and according to some people she took it pretty hard when she found out. I was on PTO at the time so I wasn't around to see much of anything. I let him know that if he needed any help with recommendations for a new job that I'd be willing to help and that it was unfortunate that he got let go under the circumstances that he did. About a month later he passed by the job on a day I was off. Since I wasn't around I texted him to ask him how he was doing. No response. Which is fine. People have lives to live. I did catch him another time later on and things seemed cool in the short time I was able to talk with him. By now things between my crush and me had gotten to a bit of a tipping point and about a month later I finally asked her out again. This was about 3-4 months after he left.

After our date we both posted pictures of the event we went to on socials, but neither of us made any reference to each other or even that we were with anyone at all. He had both of us on his friends list (different sites though) and he liked the pictures I posted. He seemed to figure that we had gone with each other. And this is the part that I've been thinking about. While we were out having a dinner with some other people, my co-worker tells me that he's been texting him to ask him what's up with my crush. Maybe they had some sort of falling out or she just lost her feeling for him, but apparently she had stopped texting him.

When he saw the pictures he asked my coworker if I had gone out with my crush and he told him he wasn't sure even though he was the only person I had told. The crazy thing is that he could have just asked me. I don't know if I would have told him, especially now, retrospectively. But Its just a bit weird that, even though he never really took her as seriously as she seemed to take him, he still felt the need to ask my coworker about something that really shouldn't have mattered to him. Not sure if he asked her, but this was also around the time where things kind of went south between us. Maybe there were other external factors too, of course, but this is the only thing I could think would have lead her to distance herself from me the way she did.

I don't know that she'd ever tell me about it since I spent the better part of two weeks asking her was was wrong in different ways, but I'm just glad that I at least eventually got through to her and gave her some space to work through some other things she told me she was going through, so things have at least improved between us now. It would have sucked to have lost a love interest and a friend all at the same time.

Due to the lingering effects of COVID-19 and pneumonia my health has not been recovering as expected and I am finding it increasingly difficult to even get out of bed each day. Severe coughing and dizziness have also been affecting my daily life so after consulting with my doctor and management I have decided to take a break until I get better dayo

I wanted to continue streaming as much as possible but given my current physical I have realized that it is difficult to fully dedicate myself to streaming.

l will focus on recovering so that I can enjoy streaming with you all again. Thank you so much for your continued support I hope to see you soon dayo!

It was very frustrating, this kid just does not have the experience to understand what we're talking about and doesn't believe how bad it is, which is fine, but when he stepped over to saying we've given up because the odds are so bad it went from frustrating to actively insulting bc everyone in the chat was probably among the top 2-3% of politically active and engaged americans. Like yeah, cool, he's naive, he's used to Americans being idiots (the condescension when we talk about eu politics is a whole nother thing. Like, thank you, i know Americans are ignorant, I am not, i am at least as informed as you are about high level politics please stop trying to explain Austerity to me)

Ugghghghfhhjruojdfsnuod zrufjkdS

Like idk how to nicely tell a young very educated man that he's wrong in a way that prevents the discussion from continuing when he's locked in to the idea that this is just American's being shits. I've had other discussions trying to hammer in to him that no, American Christian Fascists are not just like the mildly annoying religious person who cornered you in a coffee shop once, they are a tens of millions strong violent fascist political block of vicious killers and you country literally does not have any remotely comparable political formation and please stop telling me they're not actually that bad or they're just misguided I have had guns pointed at me by these people.

Just... general frustration. Very smart guy, well meaning, very kind, and also frustratingly unable to accept that things are different in other parts of the world. Which, you know, guilty, i was the same way, and i was probably just as much of a shit about it and probably pissed off the older, more experienced experts i wasn't listening to just as much.