Art by SmoothDunk
Oh boy. I am slightly drunk but man, this one got me good ๐คฃ
this post was submitted on 16 Aug 2024
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That version is definitely not directed by Ridley Scott.
It's a little unfair to the first Alien movie. It's been a while, but the first one is often hailed as an example of everyone acting as intelligently as makes sense for the character's job and motivation.
Prometheus in the other hand... I think Ridley Scott doesn't respect scientists very much.
Scott obviously hates scientists or is completely oblivious to how science works. The crew is the least scientific group of people ever assembled on film.
The Prometheus cost a trillion dollars and Wayland is betting his life on the success of the mission, but off the top of my head:
- The scientists aren't told what their mission is until they arrive at their destination which is so ridiculous, but you can argue that's what they signed up for, so okay. But that gives no one a chance to say "oh, then we should pack this odd piece of equipment."
- Wayland's presence isn't known to the crew, so no one is prepared as any sort of backup to David other than his daughter.
- There's one autodoc and it's only configured for males so again... Travel to another star after spending a trillion dollars with no backup? But somehow it can perform a C-section on a female with an alien in her. Okay.
- The pilot has to stand up? Really?
- The atmosphere is breathable so on that alone they take their helmets off. Sigh.
He should have brought the scientists and engineers that designed, tested and built the ship itself, because they were good.
I mean the list is just goes on and on about how unscientific the mission is. There's a whole cottage industry of youtubers pointing out the innumerable flaws in that movie.
I mean seriously. What the fuck.
I forgot about the autodoc only being set for Male. And it was just a software setting! Like, why?
Don't forget about the geologists equipped with mapping drone... getting lost in a cave!
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The entire crew acted like idiots for most of the movie. I guess that's what happens when you negotiate the lowest paying contracts that you can. Remember the guy complaining about his contract for the first 1/3 of the movie?
I'd be complaining even more if I survived into the last 3/4th of the film. I didn't sign up to fight aliens. I signed up to sleep for months at a time because I don't even know what their actual job was supposed to be (were they miners or something? They were transporting ore IIRC)
They're space truckers
I don't think Mother or the Android(drawing a blank on his name) would have allowed this.
Bilbo Baggins
Edit: Ash
Ketchum?
Moostard?
Omelette du fromage~
I'm not grandpa!
The android was named Ash
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i want a "saving the world" movie where the sole reason the team is able to do it is because everyone else is a horror movie moron and the protagonists tell them to stop doing stupid shit.
"I think he's a serial killer! He's waiting outside to catch us!"
"Ok call 911, lock the doors."
"We don't have service!"
"Ok use 911 over WiFi"
"They'll never get here in time, were in the middle of nowhere"
Texts geolocation of serial killer to police
FBI easily arrests meat face man who only move at a walking pace
You might like Don't Look Up.
And I'll add the disclaimer that it might be a just too close to reality. I was expecting a comedy and I ended being just depressed because I could see the world going down that route.
Jesus that movie was depressing AF, too realistic.
Too fucking depressing, especially when you realize the same sort of moronic attitudes, anti-intellectualism and inertia for byrocracys sake have existed on ones life for too many years, but one has just grown too accustomed to it. It really fucking makes one hate itself and makes one want to do SOMETHING to break these monkey people's moronic inertia against everything that might make the world a better place for as many people as possible. Fuck, is this self the r word? Im drunk, I dont know.
Yeah it's pretty close, except for that "able to do it" detail.
Would be a much shorter movie.
What do you mean? Do you know how dirty the dining table gets and then you have to clean the bulkhead. Check lights and buttons. Make sure the ship is pointed in the right direction and going the right speed. 90 minutes of content right there!
I unironically want a slice-of-life space film where it's just humans wandering around their grubby lived-in space ship being people in the 31st century.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_Dwarf
(Not a film, but still, 90% just dicking around)
At least in its good seasons, when they remembered they were making a sitcom over monster of the week type stuff.
Red dwarf.
Firefly.
The Expanse?
It blows my mind when people defend Prometheus and Covenant. ESPECIALLY when they say either one is their fave of the franchise. WTF
Just as Starbucks coffee is coffee for people who don't like coffee, Prometheus and Covenant are Alien movies for people who don't like Alien movies.
The roast on your burn is as strong as what Starbucks does to their beans.
I'm convinced they're trying to crack fusion and the coffee beans are just the results of their failures..
I'll be honest, I kinda like Prometheus. I think it has some absolutely gorgeous scenes, although the plot is pretty bad. Covenant is in the same vein, with less beautiful scenes and a worse plot
The thing that killed Prometheus was entirely the script. Set design? Great. CGI? Great. Acting? Great.
But when everyone character acts exactly opposite of what their chosen profession was, I can only come to the conclusion that Ridley Scott has a deep disrespect for Scientists.
The Geologist/Cave Mapper got lost. The Archeologist contaminated the site. The Biologist didn't recognize a treat response. The Anthropologist couldn't separate her work from her religious beliefs. I can see the subtext that Scott was going for and I disagree with it.
I hated Prometheus the first time I watched it. I now love it after 5 watches
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Could have been an Easter egg and you'd never know.
the director's cut is 2421 panels long includes 34 more characters and a time travel subplot
Source: @SmoothDunk on Twitter. (Despite the fact that not everyone can see links from the hellsite anymore, crediting sources is still the cool thing to do.)
@SmoothDunk
Thank you, i can't find the autor ๐
Weird looking note the swcond guy is whistling
whistles in Hebrew
J
Is that a religion to a specific movie, or just the genre in general?
Edit: reference
Specifically the first Alien movie, and I guess technically Prometheus as well.
Prometheus has no excuse on the plot of playing with the baby alien/proto-facehugger. The dude is a biologist and should have known better not to play with any potentially dangerous animals, especially an unknown alien animal!
Prometheus scientists made the Life scientists seem like some of the most competent people to ever grace media
And our lord and savior Xenomorph Christ.
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