The other day, I heard "Embrace yourself!". Instead of "brace yourself". I think I prefer that version

Demo is used as an abbreviation for both demonstration and demolition. Usually it's pretty obvious which one is intended, but every time I hear someone say "demo" I try to imagine what kind of chaos would result if the wrong usage was assumed.

Had a coworker whose first language was not English. His English was good, but some coloquialisms went over his head. At one point, I had to explain the difference between a "butt dial" and a "booty call."

Specific/Pacific.

You have to be Pacific.

You mean specific?

Yeah, that's what I said: Pacific.

In my family we now call it the Specific Ocean.

It's a doggy dog world.

These are usually eggcorns

Anyway, there was once a joke on Friends, where - to massively paraphrase - Joey said 'the point is moo ... not even the cows care about it'. I sometimes use 'moo' instead of 'moot' just 'cos it amuses me.

My friend used to go to the store and ask the clerk if they had any cosmopolitan ice cream.

I had a boss one time that would say "feast or fathom" instead of "feast or famine".

This might not be exactly what you’re asking, but my daughter calls marshmallows “marsh pillows.” And they will now forever be marsh pillows to me.

Rickyisms. Water under the fridge, worst case Ontario etc.

During a cycling workout, the instructor said “our destination is breathless” as a motivator to really push hard. I thought she said “our destination is breakfast” and honestly, I prefer my version.

I love singing love songs and replacing the word You with Poo

My Polish mate, who's English was pretty good but still had a noticeable Polish accent, was asking me about some weird pronunciation of a word or I corrected him in something.

He said "Ah Potato, Tomato. Doesn't matter". I burst out laughing, some guy actually tried to correct him on it.

I also like "We will burn that bridge when we get to it".

Old timer's disease

Nip it in the butt.

It’s nip it in the bud, bud.

"Seize the day"

I imagine people are being told to have a seizure

'Emails'. Except it's a mean laughter and I wish they would stop.

Go watch some YouTube (channel: that’s a bad idea).

"Very unique"

"My work" when referencing a place of business.

These less make my laugh than cry though.

I'm a Briton living in the Netherlands; I've lost count.