If you need words of wisdom, just Google "words of wisdom". I'm sure something will come to you.

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This started on Sunday. My mom was nagging me nonstop about stuff I already knew, and I told her that I understood what she was saying, but that I’m tired of her constant accusations that I’m not doing well enough (For example she’s always on my ass to stop communicating with my coach apparently it annoys him, yet at the same time, she keeps telling me to communicate with him more). I just wish she would stick to one thing and not change the subject every five seconds.

She told me that if I wanted to cut her out of my life, that it was a big decision, but she would be fine with it. To be clear, I NEVER said that I wanted her out of my life, I simply said that I wanted her to stop coddling me because it was causing me to be unsuccessful. All my friends for myself, so why shouldn’t I? I’m an adult now, after all. I still love and am in touch with my mom, I just told her to stop nagging me about things that I already know.

Today is day three of no nagging, and this week has gone phenomenally well. On Monday, I had great engagement in a class that my mother insisted I wouldn’t because she assumed it wasn’t my place and I needed tutoring (This is not true at all and my grade in there is good). Whenever my mom nag me about it, I was not motivated to do well. On Monday, however, I engaged the best that I have all semester.

On Tuesday, I engaged well in another class. After that class, however, I had a huge milestone moment. For the first time, I went grocery shopping on my own accord, and used my own money to pay for them. I walked there and back as it was only about a half mile each way. This is such a huge milestone for me as I have never gone grocery shopping on my own before, yet alone, even wanted to. This is a huge skill that I have just mastered, and I’m so proud of myself for that.

Today, I again did really well in my classes, and managed to accept feedback from a classmate on a speech I’m writing. The last time I received feedback, somebody said something offensive and I got really upset, so staying calm in this situation was huge.

Just wanted to mention the good side of Autism within the bad.

So my birthday is coming up in a few weeks, and I have no idea what I want to do. My parents and sister are up for literally anything, and are even encouraging me to make a list of things I want to do. I have many mixed feelings about it.

The thing is, I want to celebrate my birthday. However, it’s been so hard for me the last few years. I’m not sure if this is an autism thing or not, but whenever somebody raises their voice or uses a specific tone with me, I get frustrated and it throws off my whole day. I’ve done better with this, but I’ve also pushed myself to be perfect whenever I’m around my family so that they don’t seem upset at me. My mom says it’s like walking on eggshells around me because she can’t say anything without me getting upset, little does she know I feel the exact same way about her, she has ADD and has a contradiction for everything I say. My birthday is the one time I can avoid this whole frustration thing.

Unfortunately, All I can think about is how awful my birthday was last year. It wasn’t anybody’s fault, but I had a very negative birthday because I found out that my grandfather had died the day before. The grief Left me with mixed feelings, my brain wanted to do everything I had planned for my birthday, but my body did not. I waffled back-and-forth, unable to decide what I wanted to do. That was when my mom got frustrated. She told me that while it was my birthday, she wasn’t going to put up with me doing the whole back-and-forth thing. I ended up getting really upset and the rest of the day was awful, as my mom and I continue to disagree over both our grief and our decisions.

This year, I am still in a big pickle, trying to figure out what to do. Obviously, I want to do everything I missed out on last year, but at the same time, I want to keep it cheap, As my mom and dad made a big deal about how much money was spent on my birthday last year (My best friend and I went to a waterpark the day my grandfather had passed, we were unaware of it at the time. We had a great time, But I was fixated on my mother’s behavior as she spent the whole time crying in a dark corner). Nobody told me anything about my grandfather until the next day. My parents also told me that they hadn’t got me any presents as they had had been so busy with my grandfather. I said this was completely fine, as I understood this took a lot out of them. They ended up throwing a bunch of stuff together last minute, and I was very confused. Later on, I was stupid enough to ask where my real presents were (Stupid question I know), and my parents were very stern, telling me that I had an issue where I was upset that I didn’t get everything on my list (This was not true at all, I was simply grieving and confused). They also continue to talk about how much money they spent on my friend and I (They mentioned our waterpark tickets were over $1000). I really wish they would’ve told me this sooner so that I wouldn’t have had to waste all their money.

My plan this year is to keep it simple. There is a lot of stuff I want to do, but I’m trying to keep my whole budget under $250. The thing is, I don’t know what I want to do yet. I have a tendency to want to do several things in one day. I just cannot make a decision. I love going to restaurants but have been ashamed to go recently as a few weeks ago, my mom and I were at a restaurant, and I apparently said something about wanting to eat six bowls of soup (as a joke), my mom knew this. After two bowls, the waiter took my bowl away because I hadn’t yet asked for another bowl (I have a tendency to go mute occasionally when it comes to asking for specific things). My mom noticed this and said firmly, “You kind of have to ask for another bowl of soup, he thinks you’re done.” That just made me more worried, and I refused to ask for anything else. Then when the check came, the waiter asked if we needed anything else, and my mom looked at me and asked loudly, “Do you want another soup?” I found this so annoying, and calmly made it clear to my mom that she needs to stop coddling me, and that if I want something, I will ask myself. If I don’t ask, I don’t receive. Anyway, I haven’t been too interested in going to restaurants since then. However, I have thought of some cheap things to do that. I really enjoy (I am very young for my age, and often times enjoy doing things that are intended for younger children, like going to the park and watching children’s TV shows).

I honestly don’t know what I want to do. I for sure want to get my own cake, Since I didn’t get my own last year due to my grandfather dying, and my parents, wanting to celebrate my grandmother and my grandfather together (My grandmother’s birthday was the day after he died). I also want to go to the park, Since my sister mentioned she wasn’t interested in going last year, but I love playing on the playground and do it even as an adult. My parents came up with the crazy idea to travel on my birthday, since I’ll be off for spring break, but I hate traveling and have no interest in going away from my hometown for my birthday. I’m still thinking about what I want.

Does anybody have any suggestions about activities / things to do that have no age limits and are cheap? There’s a lot of things I want to do that are young for my age but often there are age and height restrictions. I’ll be turning 20. I’m trying to think of things that are family friendly but also something that isn’t too expensive.

It's time to get down! Ok, now get back up.

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Woke up at 3:30AM this morning because my stomach had to remind me that eating pepperoni is bad. But hey pizza!

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I'm not ready for the week.

Bert is unconcerned.

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I'm awake because my stomach hates me.

Here's a cat.

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We miscalculated and ran out of wet cat food. Luckily I bribed them with treats.

Here is a mess of cats.

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It's going to be one of those days.

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Let me know if I shouldn't be posting links to my own stuff but I thought I'd ask here about what's yalls thoughts are on this? Basically I had the idea to represent the variables I've been seeing over the years as a monolithic equation that was then broken down into understandable English by chatgpt, at the bottom there are ways in which to control the variables to get the desired outcomes to have conflict resolution to these kinds of ADHD and autism issues.

My hips hurt from walking around all day.

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I’ve always been viewed as “the shy kid” or “the quiet kid” in school and home. However, I have been much more outgoing since about my junior year of high school, when my teachers began to bring out my voice through putting pressure on the whole class (for example, My English teacher always wanted students to talk, But we were pretty quiet students, So she would often say things like, “ This is your opportunity to share your opinions,” or “ Someone needs to answer this question, anyone at all!” That was what really got me to start speaking up. Plus, My mom pushed me on a lot of adult skills right after high school, Such as checking into doctors appointments and going back myself, Something I never would’ve been able to do had my mom not pushed me.

My dad has always nagged me to advocate for myself, and in social situations, would say, “It’s ok to talk you know.” He was that kid that was always shy, My mom said when she first started dating him, he would not talk at all and wouldn’t even look at her. He has barely any friends (His one good friend is in jail, And most of the people he talks to either don’t talk to him or live far away). He’s always nagging me to talk to people, and advocate for myself. As a kid, It was because it was one of my special education goals, but that’s over now that I’m in college. Now he and my mom both know that I interact with people, and am doing well in life.

However, I get really upset and unmotivated when my dad draws attention to my difficulties. He knows I talk, But he doesn’t fully believe that I interact and talk with other people. He tends to get really excited and surprised whenever I choose to do something outside of my comfort zone (For example, I really struggle with riding roller coasters because often times I get scared, so when I choose to ride one, He’ll get all surprised and say something like, “You actually want to ride this? Really, You’d do that?” And then afterwards, saying, “ You're a champion, I’m proud of you.”

Today I told my dad that I enjoy speaking in front of a crowd (I don’t enjoy group work or one on one conversations, but I love being in front of an audience and speaking. My dad told me that he wouldn’t have guessed this, But it was possible considering he likes to be “ The funny outgoing guy at work,” and my mom is a social Gemini. But this has nothing to do with genetics, but rather just what I enjoy doing. I love writing, I’m an English major in college. Writing is my life.

I told my dad that I will be presenting at My school’s expo in a few months, and said he was welcome to come watch me. I did this to him that I love speaking in front of a crowd. He again seemed really surprised, and he didn’t think I’d want to do something like this. However, him being surprised is making me less motivated to do this. I kind of relate this feeling as to When somebody selectively mute talks in front of someone for the first time, And the other person says “OMG, you talk?” It’s a bad comparison, but it’s all I could think of. My parents told me to be grateful that they care about me, and I absolutely am, I just feel so ashamed whenever people highlight my past issues.

Does anyone have any similar stories about feeling this way? I’d love to know.