So my birthday is coming up in a few weeks, and I have no idea what I want to do. My parents and sister are up for literally anything, and are even encouraging me to make a list of things I want to do. I have many mixed feelings about it.

The thing is, I want to celebrate my birthday. However, it’s been so hard for me the last few years. I’m not sure if this is an autism thing or not, but whenever somebody raises their voice or uses a specific tone with me, I get frustrated and it throws off my whole day. I’ve done better with this, but I’ve also pushed myself to be perfect whenever I’m around my family so that they don’t seem upset at me. My mom says it’s like walking on eggshells around me because she can’t say anything without me getting upset, little does she know I feel the exact same way about her, she has ADD and has a contradiction for everything I say. My birthday is the one time I can avoid this whole frustration thing.

Unfortunately, All I can think about is how awful my birthday was last year. It wasn’t anybody’s fault, but I had a very negative birthday because I found out that my grandfather had died the day before. The grief Left me with mixed feelings, my brain wanted to do everything I had planned for my birthday, but my body did not. I waffled back-and-forth, unable to decide what I wanted to do. That was when my mom got frustrated. She told me that while it was my birthday, she wasn’t going to put up with me doing the whole back-and-forth thing. I ended up getting really upset and the rest of the day was awful, as my mom and I continue to disagree over both our grief and our decisions.

This year, I am still in a big pickle, trying to figure out what to do. Obviously, I want to do everything I missed out on last year, but at the same time, I want to keep it cheap, As my mom and dad made a big deal about how much money was spent on my birthday last year (My best friend and I went to a waterpark the day my grandfather had passed, we were unaware of it at the time. We had a great time, But I was fixated on my mother’s behavior as she spent the whole time crying in a dark corner). Nobody told me anything about my grandfather until the next day. My parents also told me that they hadn’t got me any presents as they had had been so busy with my grandfather. I said this was completely fine, as I understood this took a lot out of them. They ended up throwing a bunch of stuff together last minute, and I was very confused. Later on, I was stupid enough to ask where my real presents were (Stupid question I know), and my parents were very stern, telling me that I had an issue where I was upset that I didn’t get everything on my list (This was not true at all, I was simply grieving and confused). They also continue to talk about how much money they spent on my friend and I (They mentioned our waterpark tickets were over $1000). I really wish they would’ve told me this sooner so that I wouldn’t have had to waste all their money.

My plan this year is to keep it simple. There is a lot of stuff I want to do, but I’m trying to keep my whole budget under $250. The thing is, I don’t know what I want to do yet. I have a tendency to want to do several things in one day. I just cannot make a decision. I love going to restaurants but have been ashamed to go recently as a few weeks ago, my mom and I were at a restaurant, and I apparently said something about wanting to eat six bowls of soup (as a joke), my mom knew this. After two bowls, the waiter took my bowl away because I hadn’t yet asked for another bowl (I have a tendency to go mute occasionally when it comes to asking for specific things). My mom noticed this and said firmly, “You kind of have to ask for another bowl of soup, he thinks you’re done.” That just made me more worried, and I refused to ask for anything else. Then when the check came, the waiter asked if we needed anything else, and my mom looked at me and asked loudly, “Do you want another soup?” I found this so annoying, and calmly made it clear to my mom that she needs to stop coddling me, and that if I want something, I will ask myself. If I don’t ask, I don’t receive. Anyway, I haven’t been too interested in going to restaurants since then. However, I have thought of some cheap things to do that. I really enjoy (I am very young for my age, and often times enjoy doing things that are intended for younger children, like going to the park and watching children’s TV shows).

I honestly don’t know what I want to do. I for sure want to get my own cake, Since I didn’t get my own last year due to my grandfather dying, and my parents, wanting to celebrate my grandmother and my grandfather together (My grandmother’s birthday was the day after he died). I also want to go to the park, Since my sister mentioned she wasn’t interested in going last year, but I love playing on the playground and do it even as an adult. My parents came up with the crazy idea to travel on my birthday, since I’ll be off for spring break, but I hate traveling and have no interest in going away from my hometown for my birthday. I’m still thinking about what I want.

Does anybody have any suggestions about activities / things to do that have no age limits and are cheap? There’s a lot of things I want to do that are young for my age but often there are age and height restrictions. I’ll be turning 20. I’m trying to think of things that are family friendly but also something that isn’t too expensive.