this post was submitted on 04 Mar 2024
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Very much agree with everything you said. As a man, having the patriarchy be framed as something that is harmful to men as well as women was a sort of revelation to me. When you're depressed and have low self esteem it can be difficult to be accepting towards messaging that frames you as the bad guy.
It has taken me years to start to process white & male privilege as something independent of me, something that can be examined and acknowledged without destroying what little self worth I had. Coming to terms with my own identity and privilege has been (and continues), to be a long, difficult, and life changing process. I wish more people had empathy and understanding for that.
Even saying what I've just said feels a bit taboo. I can imagine many marginalized folks reading this and rolling their eyes saying "that must be so hard for you". And I totally sympathize with that sentiment, I just don't think it solves anything.
Bruh, I don't think anything you said was "taboo" at all. Recognizing where our privileges and biases lie is the first step to becoming a better human being overall and its hard. I myself had to really look inward and recognize all the white privilege I've had growing up/still have today, and I grew up in a household with extremely racist/misogynist/bigoted/xenophobic views.
I can't imagine having to tack on male privilege as well. You're doing the work my dude. We're all one step closer to truly seeing the actual human being in one another and uplifting one another every time someone does it.
And yeah, the patriarchy is a fucked up world to live in. Even not being male, a lot of us can see how twisted and reductionist it is to be told you're supposed to want/need sex on a regular basis and that's all you're supposed to think about/cant control your urges, you're not supposed to feel any emotion outside of anger so bottle that the fuck up, you're always supposed to be the "provider" and fuck you if you can't due to mental/physical health issues, and there are passions and pursuits you're never supposed to have/desire because it's just not "manly".
Ugh, I'm sure there are more that I've just never even considered because I'm not a dude so there are challenges there that I've never faced /seen, but it doesn't sound fucking healthy for anyone.
BUT! You also said something that I think is very important to hear: patriarchical society/white/male privilege is independent of you. It's not your fault, and you didn't do this. None of us "did" this. But it is up to us to challenge it when we see it, and support one another to bring one another up to the levels we're operating at and demand better for us as a society collectively.
Wow thank you. Genuinely had a bit of an emotional moment reading this, I feel seen.
Personally I think you covered it quite well. I think I've been fortunate in not having some of the more toxic expectations ingrained into me.
Big ups to you for overcoming this. I was raised with all of that but very very tame and I sometimes think if I had been raised in an extremely racist household I would not be able to grow out of it.