this post was submitted on 04 Mar 2024
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Many women and men do not like their SO having friends of the opposite gender, especially if they are alone together. So that means having a female friend that you can privately confide in is not easy to have or maintain if either party is in a relationship.
The "safest" way to have an opposite gendered friend that you can talk to is one that you only talk to at work during work hours, which isn't an option for male dominated fields(e.g. construction) and men in those environments are probably the most in need of a female friend to talk to.
The irony is that the people who don't want their SO having an opposite gendered friend probably need an opposite gendered friend to talk to.
If there's that much lack of trust, only having same gendered friends isn't helping anything.
It's just prolonging a bad relationship
Product of the times. It used to be that infidelity was uncommon, but it happens with around 35% of unmarrived couples and around 20% of married couples today, with twice as many being the mens' fault, probably due to their own faults not being the men that women deserve.
Around 65% of romantic couples begin as platonic couples.
The best relationships are based on a foundation as best friends. If you can't be best friends, then you can't have a strong enough relationship to make marriage work. There are a lot of people who get married based on expectations and poor reasoning, but the relationships that last are between people who are best friends, can communicate effectively, and naturally meet each other's needs last the longest. That is a narrow band of people per individual which can persist without outside pressure(culture, religion, kids, etc.).
We are so lonely and desperate to have someone to love and be loved by that we end up in relationships that are unsustainable. Meeting someone who actually completes you, or feels more compatible, ruins a workable relationship because it is not harder than the easiest day spent with another person who can only temporarily satisfy the needs left unfulfilled by a relationship with a viable partner.
The grass is always greener, but your grass can be just as green if you put in the work, and that takes effort that may not seem as cheap as hopping the fence. Put in the work and the hassle of switching pasture will be less than the upkeep, that is hard to understand.
If there is any given fact about the human condition, it is infidelity, this goes back as far as we have records of marriage being a thing. The modern change is how we see marriage and relationships.
And while I agree on the friends make good relationship partners, it is not the duty, or even the point, of the other person "completing" you. If you want a good relationship, you need to be "complete" on your own, because no one, not even a romantic partner, can do that for you.
PS:
you're a "feminist" (bigot who hides behind the veil of equal rights for all sexes, note the massive quotes) aren't you? I would recommend you do some introspection if you really believe yourself a feminist, and why you would victim blame anyone for "not being good enough" real "you made me hit you" vibes here
I don't think it's unreasonable to think your spouse shouldn't have an opposite gendered friend with whom they spend a lot of alone time. It's not just about trusting your spouse, it's also about trusting the friend. Couple friends and friends groups are great, not sure why my husband would need to spend a lot of time alone with another lady. There are plenty of women I trust him to be alone with, but they're all also my friend, and usually their partner is a friend as well.
Last time my husband had a female friend who was not mutual she ended up sending pictures of herself drinking in the shower to him. She was also in a relationship at the time, so he thought she was just a platonic friend. I trust him, I don't blindly trust people I don't know.
How exactly do you think bisexual or pansexual people function? Do you think they just don't have friends? If not, why is it different for heterosexual people? I genuinely don't understand. I'm not trying to do a 'gotcha' or a win a silly internet argument or anything like that. I just genuinely have never understood it and I want to so I keep trying. My best guess so far is it's just a mix of insecurities and weird gender norms and heteronormativity.
I really don’t understand heterosexual people that are like this. I’m a gay dude. I’m attracted to dudes, I have lots of gay dudes that are platonic friends. It’s possible to be friends with people without boning them lol.
I think the fear isn't that everyone of the preferred gender wants to bone your partner, but that you have no way of knowing which ones do. The uncertainty is what I think gets to a lot of people.
Still, it's silly. If one of the core values of your relationship is that you're exclusive, it's up to you and your partner to honor that, not up to every other person who comes along. If your partner won't respect that if a friend offers, then they don't respect the relationship to begin with and you're better off finding out.
At least, that's my take from listening to other people. I'm not a sociologist or anything.
I think that's part of what's beautiful about love. The healthiest relationships are those which accept they don't have control over their partner loving them. It's like the greatest expression of trust.