if you call everyone dude and a transfem person gets mad about it, don't get defensive. just say like "sorry, i won't do it again" and don't argue "actually it's gender neutral" or "i call everyone dude". even if you do, i guarantee she's heard that argument from someone who very much does not call people they see as women dude. i certainly have
same goes double for the word guy.
It's not that hard to be decent and respectful.
All it comes down to is owning up to it.
"Hey, I don't like it when you call me that, so can you please not?"
"Oh, I'm sorry. I won't call you that again."
vs.
"Hey, I don't like it when you call me that, so can you please not?"
"Well, have you ever tried not getting offended when I call you that? You're being too sensitive!"
Everyone has their own personal boundaries for comfort, even beyond things like gender. People just like to emphasize forgetting this principle for transgender people to show them as "crazies" and deny them their personhood due to their own hatred.