this post was submitted on 29 Jan 2024
849 points (96.0% liked)
Not The Onion
12376 readers
295 users here now
Welcome
We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!
The Rules
Posts must be:
- Links to news stories from...
- ...credible sources, with...
- ...their original headlines, that...
- ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”
Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.
And that’s basically it!
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
You know what, I've thought about this some more and the reasoning is clear.
If the 49ers win, they'll inadvertantly resurrect Harvey Milk, who will kill JFK (who faked his own death and has been lying in wait), who will then be unable to reclaim the last months of his presidency (his term was never officially ended you know) which he planned to use to restore Donald Trump to power. Harvey Milk will then become president and make heterosexuality illegal and force us to live in 15 minute neighborhoods.
That must be their angle! They win either way!
There’s one key piece you’re missing, Joe Montana is actually resurrected Harvey Milk & has been this whole time.
This plan began back when Joe was winning Super Bowls, but Steve Young was an unexpected hiccup. The queer stopped spreading as fast when Joe got traded.
This Superbowl has been chosen specifically because Montana played for both the Chiefs & the 49ers, & because Joe Montana is also Taylor Swift.
They were going to do it 4 years ago, but Joe was still Arianna Grande back then.
It’ll all make sense when Andy Reid eats Travis Kelce during halftime.
Unfortunately, this is still tracking easier than whatever that word salad was up above.
Excuse my ignorance, but is there something going around about 15-minute neighborhoods? Someone pretty kooky mentioned something about that to me just today (in relation to Chattanooga, I think, but I didn't exactly follow the crazy train of thought). Something about how they're monitoring everyone and they can't take more than 100 trips outside that zone or something. I know it's all nonsense but there's also usually some tie back into reality.
The abilities of some to twist and misconstrue almost everything is almost impressive. Anytime anything might be helpful to society, they come up with conspiracies and ways it must be for evil.
I don't have, and never planned on having, any kids but, I always vote for and push for education. It is scary what large numbers of ignorant people can accomplish.
This is how things work now. Every idea we come up with to marginally improve society will be met with completely invented bullshit.
I found this USA Today https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/factcheck/2023/04/10/fact-check-false-claim-15-minute-cities-lock-down-residents/11593351002/
From a snippet:
"The 15-minute city is the opposite of lockdown," Moreno said. "The 15-minute city is an open and connected city, which balances the differences in access to services."
The framework does not limit residents' ability to leave their neighborhoods or access services in other areas of the city.
“All citizens are free to go where they want," Moreno said. "There are no constraints.”
Thank you for this! I figured it was the usual mix of 1) a term based in reality, 2) a dash of sci-fi / dystopian tale, and 3) a whole ton of crazy.
Yeah the conspiratorial right claims they’re a way to trap people into restricted zones 15 minutes across
Sadly yes, there are a bunch of conspiracy theories around them.
Nailed it