this post was submitted on 24 Jan 2024
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Who hurt you
The world, my friend. The world. SOB. Ok I'm over it. I don't really feel hurt at all, just disappointed that people are the way they are. Not that I don't like men, I do (being a gay man) but I see them for what they are. I've no delusions. I prefer my own company anyway - if I could "do" myself I would never date again. I'd become a solid self-sucking circle of self-contained self-centeredness. And maybe disappear up my own butt hole and then, THEN finally, then I'd find all the answers to life. Or something. I'm really rambling......
You are a man, do you see yourself that way too?
The craziest revelation about this whole chain is the fact that they have an issue which demonstrates that at least some men do want emotional attachments, so the entire point is invalidated.
It's hard in the gay community though, there are just as many people who want casual sex as in the straight community but since the supply and demand isn't limited the same way as heterosexual casual sex it seems like it's more akin to finding a needle in a haystack for them to get something meaningful.
Yeah I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't see my own shallowness. I can see how it happens, I was raised with brothers, I saw how sexualization becomes objectification of female bodies rather than appreciation of females as human beings, it happened to me also.
I remember my brother's friends would tear parts of women's pictures out of playboy (the breasts, what else) and flash them around saying "this is the only part of a girl i care about." I don't mean to say it's wrong or anything, but I see how men's views of sexuality are kind of shallow and based around just getting their own rocks off. I'm not judging so much as just commenting on it.
I'm not judging you right now, just curious. Does it also feel that (gay) men immediately sexualize other men? Do you do that? Did you feel it was done to you?
Was talking to my partner now (he's a man, I'm not). Wondered if hearing straight men objectifying women when you're yourself not into women sounds a lot more jarring and unreasonable, precisely because you're in a way "sober" about women.
I'm not saying men don't have a huge damaging influence growing up, that a lot can only break with a lot of effort, but with your brother's friends it sounds also like a bunch of horny teenagers posturing to each other. Not ideal behavior and not always harmless, but far from making men emotionless hole-seeking creatures.
From my own experience, I've seen how gay men do objectify and immediately sexualize other men all the time. Yes it's a common thread. I'm guilty of it too. Honestly I think has less to do with sexual orientation and more to do with just being a male.
And BTW, I didn't mean to give the impression that I'm not into women, my first sexual experiences were hetero ones and I really enjoyed them. I still think about women as sexual partners. As I've gotten older I've become more appreciative of them as much deeper more sensitive partners than men usually are.
But that's not to say men are evil or terrible. I love everything about men, ok admittedly some of it attraction to their callousness or mischeviousness also. I think most guys have the experience of sexual knowledge shared as horny teenagers. I'm not condemning that just commenting about it. Frankly I enjoyed the sheer sexual energy of those experiences.
But I will concede that not all men are emotionless hole-seeking creatures. The truth is, men can be very sensitive and caring, but that's pretty rare from what I've seen. So if you have such a partner, congrats and don't take it for granted. It's a wonderful thing.