I have a job in software development, and I enjoy the work I do, my coworkers, and the pay is quite good. However, management keeps the work environment very... unsympathetic. Despite it being a programming job it's very strict on working in office, and there's a vibe of everyone just being a mistake or two away from being fired. This came to a head for me when I had a child recently and when my spouse was a couple weeks from her due date she started struggling to get out of bed to use the restroom or get food. However, when I requested to work from home so I could just briefly help her out a couple times a day (a frequency and duration of break which is totally fine in the office), I was made to start my paternity leave early.
I worry about coming across as out of touch, since having paternity leave at all makes me super fortunate, but it feels absolutely terrible having to give that time up and spend it without my kid because of my company's resoluteness on this matter. (Side note: they've explained it to me as not wanting to make exceptions / "play favorites", while not acknowledging that they themselves can just make the rule that you can be remote at will, when your spouse needs help, etc.) It's enough for me to start looking at other opportunities when I am able, but I'm back at work without any bites. I just wish to work someplace that feels like it cares about its employees more. But man, job hunts are just so draining, and since my salary expectations are quite a bit higher than they were when I first got this job, the hunt hasn't actually gotten any easier from me having professional experience. I just want somewhere I can work remote so I can spend more time with my kids, and as a pie in the sky optional requirement I want a democratic workplace, where I can more realistically expect business decisions to be in the employees' best interests. But the very very few of those that exist are not really looking for new members, and with the kid already here I can't take a risk on starting a new co-op that could take months to years to become financially solvent, if ever.
Realistically I can just keep working here which I realize puts me in a much more fortunate position than so many fellow humans, but I can feel the stress increase as the employees continue to get spread thinner and thinner, while the company's massive success YOY does not proportionally scale to our own benefits or salaries increasing, and the parental leave incident has just left an incredibly sour taste in my mouth. I'm just not sure what to do.
Rip sounds like Amazon or some unprofitable hypergrowth multi-billion dollar SV company
If you're in the US, taking care of your spouse is covered under FMLA. You can take up to 3 months off and they can't fire you. If you're in certain states (WA, CA, etc.) or your company has a benefit for it, you can even get paid up to 100%
https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/fmla
I'm not sure how the FMLA slipped my mind. I'll have to discuss this with the SO to determine how long we can handle being unpaid. Thank you so much.
I really hate to be the likely bearer of bad news, but the federal FMLA only applies to companies with 500 or more employees :(
Double check if your state pays you during FMLA or if your company has a benefit for short term leave pay! If you're in the US, there's 6 states that do pay
E.g. https://paidleave.wa.gov/about-us/
FMLA isn't going to get you exactly what you want, I've been there. You can take the time, unpaid, or burn your PTO if you want to get paid. You can't take the time off paid and still retain PTO. If you are stable enough to take the pay hit i guess its an option. I wasnt at the time, so I had to eat the PTO.
Its up to your employer how the days are burned, so its always a stacked deck. I had 60 sick days when my first kid was born but couldn't use any of them. I got two weeks off paid for the birth of my kid.
I'm still supper pissed about it, and its been 3 years. FMLA is not a replacement for a proper parental leave policy. (Not implying you think it is)
I have friends in Seattle that got 100% pay during FMLA and I've taken 2 weeks of FMLA before with 100% pay + continued equity vesting, both of us no PTO used. It's highly dependent on state to state and company specific benefits. Please don't discourage OP from properly investigating their situation
https://paidleave.wa.gov/about-us/
There's 6 states that pay during FMLA
Not trying to be discouraging, just realistic. Its not going to give you exactly what you want. If your employer has a parental leave policy, awesome, you're doing better then 99.9% of American workers. If your state has a paid leave policy, also great, better then most states. My states policy doesn't include public sector workers. So if you work in schools, at the state, or in a municipality, you have no paid leave.
So look into it in detail, but keep your expectations low.
Unhelpful doomer brain. One will always give up too quickly and easily if they expect nothing
Hope for the best but prepare for the worst
Its the advice I would have wanted at the time so I could spend more time being present at the hospital instead of in a protracted back and forth with HR about my interpretation of the law vs theirs.
Its not doomer brained to set realistic expectations and not get to emotionally invested. I did hope for the best at the time and wasnt prepared for the worst. So consider this my warning that its probably worse then you think, even if you've read the law and think you understand it.