this post was submitted on 15 Nov 2023
35 points (100.0% liked)

anti_cishet_aktion

2730 readers
1 users here now

A space for LGBTQIA+ people to express themselves.


RULES

  1. Familiarize yourself with the site-wide Code of Conduct

  2. Be nice to each other, no bigotry of any kind
    Bigotry includes transphobia, homophobia, aphobia, sexism, racism, ableism, etc. Hold each other accountable. If you see something, say something.

  3. Don't link to transphobia
    Please don't link to transphobia (or other bigotry), even if your personal intent is to challenge the bigotry in some way. Provide a content warning label in the title of your post where applicable.

  4. Be dank; don't be not-dank
    No liberalism, capitalist apologia, imperialism, etc.

  5. Harassment
    Cyber-stalking, harassment, and all other forms of threatening another comrade will result in removal.
    Threatening, inciting violence, and promoting harm to another comrade shall result in removal.

  6. No sexually explicit content
    As badly as some of us want to get saucy here, do not post sexually-explicit content that could reveal your personal or confidential information. Until there is a way this could be safely executed, all sexually-explicit posts will be removed to keep our comrades safe.

  7. Do not post NSFL Content
    It will be removed.

  8. We are not a crisis service
    We can't guarantee an immediate response. This does not mean no one cares. If you need to talk to someone at once, you may want to take a look at this directory of Hotline Numbers.
    If you need help but don’t feel comfortable making a post for any reason, please message the moderators. We will be glad to talk with you privately, or help in any other way that we can.

founded 4 years ago
MODERATORS
 

Have any queer vibes to share? Here's your place! hexbear-pride

Talk about what’s happening queerly in your life - like coming out, getting HRT, questioning, and all that good stuff.

blob-no No cishets allowed! no-copyright

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] [email protected] 11 points 11 months ago

It feels like I'm getting closer to being my authentic self. I don't know if this is appropriate here, but I've been thinking a lot about my role in m/m relationships and the kind of dynamics I'd prefer. Just the idea of bottom shaming and how that intersects with race feels like an important conversation in leftist circles. Especially when we're trying to find the right words for the feelings we're experiencing.

For example, I'm attracted to people who I consider more masculine and assertive than how I present for personal safety. If the situation calls for it, I'll be the one to talk to the waiter if someone gets my friend's/partner's order wrong. I don't mind doing that and I am happy to do it when I can, but I think I want a consistent presence in my life who would actively do that for themselves. Or maybe I just want to have a fairer workload in those relationship situations.

In my head, a lot of the things I'm looking for align with what is considered a traditionally masculine man. I don't want to pressure my partner to be things he's not, but that is what I feel drawn to. I've felt like a bad leftist for that and I hate the way dating puts a value on being a straight guy. I've been on the receiving end of rejection based on not being masculine or feminine enough. I'm ashamed that I rejected people on the basis of not being masculine enough.

I'm working with an LGBT specialized therapist to help me unpack this and see what's shame from misunderstanding myself, or what's valid feelings I'm pathologizing.