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this post was submitted on 26 Oct 2023
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I really need to come out fully, but I can't figure out how, and it's leading to more and more awkward situations. Like Im boymoding in class, but I've been on HRT for ages, and my hair is quite long, so I look weird. There is one out trans woman in my major, and I ended up sitting next to her in a class. I'd love to be friends with her, but as it is now it's super awkward. Like she definitely knows, and I know she knows, and she knows I know she knows, and probably everyone knows because we have a rather similar vibe. We don't really talk outside of class though, but idk how to become friends if I'm still pretending to be a guy. It's not the worst situation in the world, but just stuff like this keeps happening
Also, I'm worried that the boymoding will wreck my relationship with my gf, because she's made it very clear that she doesn't want to pretend to be in a straight relationship, so there's lots of people I know who I can't introduce her to.
Idk, how do you come out to a big group at once?
I'm admittedly kinda bad about this myself, but I've found it works to just, do it at the start of a semester. Especially if your class has introductions on the first day it's really easy to do it then, at least if you can push past the discomfort. If your school uses your deadname maybe talk to the prof after class to make sure they get it. (My friends recommended emailing but I've heard horror stories about that so I haven't done it ever)
In the case of the girl you want to be friends with though, you could just try talking to her to be friendlier (smalltalk can work, eventually it'll develop into something closer to an actual discussion as you know each other better) then come out when you're already friends. It's what I did with the cool trans people in my classes and they're my best friends now.
As for your other friends that you can't introduce your gf to, try to come out to several of them at once while making sure that friends who already know are in the group too. It makes it much easier when you have that bit of backup to work with.
None of these are really the ideal way to do it though, I still haven't figured that out myself so I stress over it anytime I need to come out to people.