tl;dr: have a friend who has historically always been mad when his friends got a gf/wife. He acts like he's 15 years old and saying "bros before hoes" still. He calls me and other friends a yuppie or breeder, and he thinks crosswalks are authoritarian so he has to always be a "rebel" and make it seem like he has the most unique viewpoint in the world. He doesn't change anything about himself, and he's stubbornly proud of having "no filter." This has caused every wife/gf of his friends to not like him. He will never be invited to any kind of social event because he will say stupid shit. Like, nobody has to be a rabid commie all the fucking time. Him and my gf got into a huge fight because he always talks like an asshole, and i live with my gf, so he doesnt come to my house at all because he'll say some shit. He still brings up this fight when im around him, and it's like get the fuck over it. I basically don't share anything about my life that involves my partner now, because he'll say something fucking stupid about her. He also begins a lot of sentences with "well" or "actually" which is never helpful. He literally can't admin when he is wrong, even about the simplest shit.
This really all seemed to get worse once I started my current long term relationship, and then it got way worse when my gf got sick of his shitty attitude and how he treats everyone like an asshole. He literally just can't be chill at all. No leftist(or similar) should be ranting constantly about every single injustice during every single social situation. That is exhausting to be around, and there is a time and place for it, but there has to be an ability to switch that shit off.
Finding and keeping relationships requires changing yourself just a bit, and making compromises, and it's now become apparent he isn't capable of that.
related question: have you ever dumped a long time friend? This is all a somewhat recent change, like the past 3-4 years, and it really seems to be because im in a relationship like most of our friend group, so now he's totally alone. Ive heard him say he's in therapy but i have to wonder if that's true, because it clearly isn't working. I'm annoyed by him but I pity him too because he can't fucking change for anybody at all.
Anyway any tips to dump a friend??
If you've explained yourself enough to them just grey rock it or just cut them immediately block and everything. Cold turkey is easier than you think
True. I'm just like naturally a people pleaser and very non confrontational so I am just kinda building up courage a bit
Me too that's why it took me forever to cut those friends off they're aware you're people pleaser even if you've never mentioned it, because they never will knowing that
Ohbyeah this person is very aware I'm a people pleaser and like very non confrontational. That's why I was like seriously you're gonna make me tell you 4 times that I'm not romantically interested? Like stop please. But at this point I just need to actually end this thjng
Yea fuck em, cut em off you'll thank everyone here later for making the right choice
i wish, the easiest way is to just mildly ghost them or not make yourself as available. like if they tell me they have tickets to a baseball game(and i like baseball) just say no, even if i have free time. truly the worst part about this is i avoid talking about anything involving my gf, which is pretty much impossible to do. I straight up don't even tell him about shit i'm doing with her like vacations. He just sorta finds out eventually that I went to Denver but didn't say shit about it. He's only good at making surface relationships and nothing deeper.
Yeah this seems like the path of least resistance tbh. Eventually they will get the hint. But at the same time, it depends on the situation AND how oblivious they are. Some people literally just can't take the hint. They can't read body language. They won't actually even listen to the words you say lol. But really if you feel the need to hide your personal fun life from your friend it's yeah doomed.