neurodiverse
What is Neurodivergence?
It's ADHD, Autism, OCD, schizophrenia, anxiety, depression, bi-polar, aspd, etc etc etc etc
“neurologically atypical patterns of thought or behavior”
So, it’s very broad, if you feel like it describes you then it does as far as we're concerned
Rules
1.) ableist language=post or comment will probably get removed (enforced case by case, some comments will be removed and restored due to complex situations). repeated use of ableist language=banned from comm and possibly site depending on severity. properly tagged posts with CW can use them for the purposes of discussing them
2.) always assume good faith when dealing with a fellow nd comrade especially due to lack of social awareness being a common symptom of neurodivergence
2.5) right to disengage is rigidly enforced. violations will get you purged from the comm. see rule 3 for explanation on appeals
3.) no talking over nd comrades about things you haven't personally experienced as a neurotypical chapo, you will be purged. If you're ND it is absolutely fine to give your own perspective if it conflicts with another's, but do so with empathy and the intention to learn about each other, not prove who's experience is valid. Appeal process is like appealing in user union but you dm the nd comrade you talked over with your appeal (so make it a good one) and then dm the mods with screenshot proof that you resolved it. fake screenies will get you banned from the site, we will confirm with the comrade you dm'd.
3.5) everyone has their own lived experiences, and to invalidate them is to post cringe. comments will be removed on a case by case basis depending on determined level of awareness and faith
4.) Interest Policing will not be tolerated in any form. Support your comrades in their joy!
Further rules to be added/ rules to be changed based on community input
RULES NOTE: For this community more than most we understand that the clarity and understandability of these rules is very important for allowing folks to feel comfortable, to that end please don't be afraid to be outspoken about amendments and addendums to these rules, as well as any we may have missed
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Sure, but I'm just giving a rough description of a typical way that a casual conversation or connection would be struck by two strangers following allistic conventions to give OP an opportunity to consider where they may be giving the wrong signals to allistic people which makes them feel "unapproachable" for conversation/friendship with strangers so they can reflect upon what might be within their capacity to change, if they so choose to mask in order to connect with people.
Fair enough and I understand anyway. In my experience it doesn't ever get any easier but you can get better at it, although it's taxing to do.
So, like I mentioned, there are the options like cafes or casual dining places particularly during lunch. And there's no rule against going to a bar and drinking something non-alcoholic.
If you are looking at your phone then you can apply the strategies detailed above sporadically to see if anyone is willing to make a connection with you. Or you might consider something else like playing pool or reading a book.
I feel like you're taking my general advice, which was a response for OP to use for their own reflection, and you're taking it personally. If you struggle with things like small talk and facial expressions to the point that it's prohibitively difficult for you then it might be better for you to seek out autistic spaces or groups in your community because then there will be far less expectations for masking when you are attempting to connect with others.
I am OP btw, that reply was my reflection of your general advice. I’ll definitely try to be more aware of my perceived approachability, but it will be difficult to put on an approachable vibe. I’m not particularly good at masking even if I wanted to, I’ve spent most of my life (especially high school, before I knew I’m autistic) just staying withdrawn from other people to avoid the trouble of social interaction entirely. That was a huge mistake in retrospect, probably the worst mistake of my life, but I had no way to know that.
I’ve sought out specific spaces, but I just haven’t found anything.
Shit, do I feel like a doofus 😬
I wouldn't be too hard on yourself. Socialising when you're autistic is hard especially if you are doing it without the right support or the right environment. Withdrawing is a very understandable response to situations which are overwhelming or which feel like they're impossible.
As someone who is high masking, late diagnosed, and who put huge amounts of effort to try and understand socialising with allistic people to fit in, it's a nice skill to be able to draw upon but I can't say that I'm convinced that it was worth the toll that it took on my mental health nor the social situations that it got me into. But I'll spare you the pity party. Suffice it to say that it's easy to look at high maskers and to want that for yourself but what you don't really get to see is all of the negative consequences that comes from being high masking and what it takes to get to that point.
Keep on looking and consider the "nerdier" hobbies because they tend to attract neurodivergent people. You might want to think about taking up something like D&D or a hobby that you're interested in that attracts diehard enthusiasts because you'll often find autistic people hiding out in those kinds of spaces and having shared interests or opportunities to share experiences can take a lot of the effort out of establishing connection with people.