Jax is a type of trans story that needs more attention

I think one of the reasons a lot of cis people didn't catch on to Jax being trans was because her story wasn't a story of coming out or finding femininty, her story was a rejection of feminity.

A lot of transfem stories (I'm not adding transmascs because I can only speak from experience as someone who is transfem) are based on the idea that the trans character realizes they were trans in the story as a sort of catharsis, and they realize the signs of their earlier experiences.

Jax isn't that, Jax knew she was trans before even entering the circus, she told her mother and she was rejected, then after pushing her she ended up feeling guilty and ashamed of her own identity, she didn't "find something girly and realize she was trans", she knew, when she entered the circus it wasn't an eye opening experience where she was a girl and no one realized she "used to be a man", she still put on the front of being a man when she entered despite knowing who she really was, there was no coming out despite knowing, because she was still reppressing herself.

The scene in Ribbit's room with the bow wasn't Jax realizing she was trans or anything like that, it was a moment of gender euphoria, Ribbit knew who she was because she is also queer (possibly genderqueer too), I'm sure in a lot of peoples minds who don't understand the trans experience so well they would think that's it and she can just come out, I mean she knows it and the person she's closest too knows it too.

But it isn't that simple, it's true she was getting to a place of comfort but then Kaufmo comes in, it was too fast, it was something she wasn't ready to share with anyone else, I think the fact that Kaufmo is a man plays a role here, even if they are friends, even if he's a chill guy, to a lot of trans women there is this insecurity regarding men, a fear of being judged, even when they're with a man who hasn't done anything wrong or shown any judgement, shit goes deep, especially with Jax who has daddy issues (same here girl), I think this also played a part in Jax freaking out.

This is what her trans story truly is, she rejects the bow because she is horrified at the thought of being mocked and laughed at for who she is, she avoids Ribbit because she is scared of how much she knows about her, her identity, her mother, her living situation, it's too vulnerable, even if Ribbit would never expose Jax, Jax feels she needs to avoid her and shut her out to survive.

Obviously this then leads to Ribbit's abstraction and separation and bullying of the other circus members, at this point she has stopped trying to live in aa way true to herself, she adopts the sarcastic mocking persona we meet her in the first episode, she is repressing herseelf so much, it hurts her and everyone else around her because she feels the same shame and guilt she felt with her mother, but now she expresses outwardly by hurting others.

And then she starts building connection again, reluctantly, with Pomni (and honestly I'd even say she has a sort of messed up connection to Zooble too), after fighting with Pomni it becomes the last straw as she relives all of her fuck ups, she is ready to abstract in episode 7, obviously she is stopped, then the end of episode 7 and all of episode 8 happens and she is at her worst, she was starting to mellow out but the "escape the circus" adventure, being tortured by caine, and the reveal they are actually brain scans and really can't leave breaks her, even if she didn't want to leave in the first place, she probably believes she killed her mother and she's still on the streets, maybe dead.

And then there is one last chance for connection with Pomni, but she walks away, "nevermind" those are her lasts words in the circus, she gives in to abstraction, because she believes she has nothing left to live for, and it's all her fault.

Pomni shows her she was wrong, she tries her hardest to pull her out and show her she is loved, and... it works, she doesn't want to go, but it was too late.

I think Jax as a trans story represents what can happen when trauma runs so deep, she wasn't doomed from the start but, she was in the worst moment of her life, in a horrible position, and when things seemed they were going to get better, a mix of insecurity and bad timing sent her down a spiral she couldn't crawl out from.

Lee Mateo got out of her situation, she had friends she could room with, she got a job to pay her rent, and found community, she even started to express herself, going to a queer bar, growing out her hair.

They are the same person but they ended up in different situations at different times, repression kills, sometimes you have to take an uncertain step, sometimes you fail, you get hurt, you hurt people, but you need to keep going, repressing it will only make you bottle up everything until you can't anymore, be you.