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Hey, good on you. You recognized you have a problem on a runaway train and you're taking steps.

a bit of clarity has returned not having to obsess over what my next get off urge will be and spending time hunting for harder and harder porn.

It's kind of mind blowing how much that clarity will improve the more time you allow for recovery.

I've been doing this since 2020, and honestly it was pretty profound how I felt a few months in the first time I abstained. It's truly indescribable how stark the contrast in quality of life was compared to day 0. Colors were more vibrant, more beautiful, as were sounds. My mind that was a chatterbox on steroids was finally at ease and not plagued by intrusive thoughts. Everything was just so quiet, so still and lucid. I felt like I was truly the captain of my own ship again. There weren't any tension headaches, I had energy and noticeably improved motivation and willpower, and I actually liked myself a lot more. Quality of life just improved steadily over time, and it was fascinating to experience, because I just thought I was getting more miserable and breaking down more and more due to ageing, which turns out wasn't at all the case.

Now that I've experienced that, it's given me piece of mind that there actually is something I can do about my quality of life. The longer you abstain from huge blasts of dopamine (orgasm, pot, whatever gives you a big rush of rapid euphoria), the more your brain will compensate for the lack of incoming surges to the receptors by producing more and more receptors themselves, which is why things that seemed boring or uninteresting before gradually become more and more attractive and enjoyable. The more surges of dopamine you feed the brain, the more the number of available receptors dwindles, making life harder to enjoy. This low receptor availability is why you experience withdrawals, which can be pretty intense early on, but they fizzle out and gradually dissolve as the brain recovers.

I've been on and off with the sexual pleasuring for about three years now, and I've learned not to be unrealistic about what success is supposed to be. The overall trend of the use of sexual release to cope with things is downward, like a faucet running out of water. Instead of a constant stream like pre-2020, it's an increasing frequency of air pockets that go on for longer and longer as time passes. Don't let yourself get caught up in the idea of landslide victories being what you have to measure up to. It's a dialectical process, and you'll become increasingly skilled at it the more you practice.

I'm currently coming up on 4 weeks sober from sexual release, and my brain is feeling a lot better than a couple weeks ago. I'm in your corner here.