I am going to be upfront and say I'm kinda just looking for a sense of reassurance here. Guilty as charged. But if you feel I have failed or am not a good person in some respect, I do not want anyone to lie.

I have heard this phrase "adult child" a lot. I hear it in reference to adults who refuse to grow up or take responsibility. I am 33, and turn 34 next week. And I have worried about this label applying to me because I still feel like I'm trying to wrap my miond about what being an adult is all about.

As I said I am 33. I still live at home. I get along very well with my parents, and being here helps them out tremendously when it comes to taking care of my mentally handicapped brother. I work, pay for everything I have (including car, phone, insurance, etc,) and help out with projects around the house.

That said, talking to others is a nightmare. I sound articulate here because I can stop and think through everything as much as I want before typing it out. But if you saw me in person you would pick up on a number of mannerisms and a difficulty getting words out. I believe some people may think I have a sort of intellectual disabilty or am suffering from cognitive decline. And none of this i became fully self aware of until my late 20's. I don't really have an adult understanding of the world, if that makes any kind of sense.

If you asked me "Are you ashamed to be living at home?" I guess it would depend on what you meant. When I'm alone, and no one is around to potentially judge me, I don't feel any shame. But I know that people frown on adults living at home, and so it would make me feel really awkward for that to be brought up with another adult.

Muy cousins, aunts, and uncles are all well-to-do. They own businesses. Multiple properties. Huge cirlces of friends. Maybe not all of them, but there is a lot of money in my extended family. And then theres me. I won't be anything most people would consider special. I'm just here until I'm not here.

There's the added fact that I do like video games, and watching youtube a lot on things I like. The image of an adult at home engaging in these things looks really bad to some people.

And I see youtube videos sometimes of police arresting adults living at home who have done some really awful things. And I'm not sure why, but I feel this weird second-hand guilt from it. Almost like there is something inside me that's gross or evil that just hasn't had the right conditions to show itself. I think to myself "Is that me? I really hope that isn't me. I don't want to be like that."

I don't want much in life. I don't want a lot of money. I tend to reject the hustle and bustle. I just want to know I was the best person I could be with what I had available.