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It's perfect
(thelemmy.club)
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this post was submitted on 18 Aug 2026
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so all my friends and family should be cut out of my life?
No, I think you should try to stand up to their criticism, educate them until they either become better, or until they choose to self-select themselves out of your life instead. We are social creatures; speech, criticism, argument, shame and rejection are key tools we use to shape others behavior. You may not get exactly the result you intend, but you will almost inevitably be able to change their behavior somehow.
Conflict is natural. We've become too socially conflict-averse and it has let nasty people thrive when they shouldn't and reinforces their attitudes to others. We need to stop tolerating other people's shitty attitudes. Make it intolerable for people who are intolerant.
Oh, they just tell me I'm a loser with no ambition when i push back. Or if it's someone I'm dating, they break up with me after telling me that. I am the one who is at fault here, not them.
I live in America man. You are not allowed to be modest and enjoy your life here. You have to always be striving for more and deeply unhappy with what you already have. It's the national religion. If you have 50K in the bank you need to want 500K, if you have 500K you need 5million, if you have 5 million you need to want 50 million, so on and so on. hedonistic treadmill never ends.
Where I live owning a modest 500K apartment is not considered achievement it's considered failure at life. Achievement is owning a 5 million dollar home. And in the places where they own 5 million dollar homes, they all want to own 50 million dollar ones.
Naw, you just have actual ambitions or goals. More is not an ambition, it's a sickness.
Rocco wants more
Anybody who calls me "a loser with no ambition" doesn't get the privilege of my company. Anybody who doesn't respect your lifestyle and priorities and preferences to the point of insulting you is not your friend. They can disagree with your choices, but that level of disrespect is unacceptable.
I'm also in America. Tons of coworkers are obsessed with making more money to buy more shit, and I'm just over here with my little townhouse with my wife and dog, driving my little commuter EV, saving money instead of spending it. They can't comprehend that I just go a year without buying shit other than groceries even though I make good money.
It's your life. It's okay to value time over materials. It's not hurting anybody. Fuck keeping up with the Joneses. Let them run around all they want while you enjoy your little slice more than they could ever enjoy their larger slice.
Yeah, I'm not as anti-social as that. I have never met anyone who isn't keeping up with the Jones.
It's not anti-social to not surround yourself with toxic people.
it's anti social to think anyone who is different than you is toxic.
That's not what was said.
People insulting you for having a perfectly reasonable apartment size are toxic.
If a date calls you a loser for that, they're doing you a favor by giving you an early red flag so you can move on.
Anyone who criticizes your living situation like that isn't someone whose opinions aren't worth listening to.
Perhaps being a "loser" according to the standards of nasty, cruel, selfish people who are too ignorant to realize they are any of those things is actually a sign of success and a good thing. Don't let your surroundings define your morality. It's normal that living in such an environment will skew your moral compass, but you can correct for that, and it doesn't make you wrong.
Yeah, but if you don't believe in God and everyone else around you worships that God, well that's just something you have to deal with isn't it?
It's bizarre but it is what it is. Not really on board with the moral purists here who are like 'root out the non-believers from your life'. I personally just don't care that much about housing, or cars, or job titles or any of that stuff. I roll with the punches of life, it's not like it's something I sit around stewing about hours per day, or talk to my therapist about every week.
To put it bluntly, yes.
After reading your reply to someone else, you seem to be wrapped up in what all of those people think about you. If you can unwrap yourself without cutting them out, do that. It'll take a lot of quiet confidence and being able to let their criticisms roll off your back.
That's hard to do when you're in a hole, and nobody wants to support your getting out of it. (And by hole, I mean your mental state, not your financial situation.) You should connect with people who support you, not with people who continue to push you down.
lol dude, they are my friends and family. I can't not be wrapped up in them.
Let me just never talk to people again I've known for 20+ years because they don't think the place I live is nice enough....
Personally I'll never understand the absolutist attitudes that are so prevalent on here or reddit. But hey, I use Windows computers, drive a car, and play video games on a console, I'm a heathen!
You can tell me these magical 'supportive' people exist, but to me they are entirely theoretical and I'll take real people over theoretical people. Just because folks don't support me one way doesn't mean they haven't supported me in others. But again... everything on the internet is this absolutist/extremist take. Clearly if I make a comment on the internet... about a legit social issue... I must be the one with a deep personal issue and insecurity or something... lol
This meme is a take on the whole sexist 'how dare men be happy with a simple home' thing. You know that, right? The 'issue' would exist regardless of me mentioning or not. I was simple relating to it in my own personal way, as I find it amusing how true this is, how folks get bent out of shape over my own home being 'too little' and I don't see 'the issue' with it that they do.
But maybe I should just buy $5000 worth of fancy pillows and that would solve it.
You're the one who brought it up. If you're already fine with it, and I misread your several comments as your being conflicted about all that, forgive me. But "You can tell me these magical 'supportive' people exist, but to me they are entirely theoretical" really doesn't sound like you're okay with it.
All that said, just because people are family doesn't mean they can't be shitty shitty people. Just because you've known someone a long time doesn't necessarily make them a friend.
Dude, it's lemmy.
anything anyone says means some random person has to come out of the wood work and turn into a historical battle of good vs evil.
you can't say 'i like cake' here without someone appearing to lecture you how enjoying cake makes you a fascist who supports the gaza genocide and if you REALLY were anti-fascist like they are, you'd never enjoy cake again and destroy all previously memories of cake enjoyment
my family are just people man. they aren't especially shitty people, they are just normal americans. they like football and hamburgers and the suburbs and vote republican. so basically... they are pure evil incarnate for the lemmy userbase. I am the weirdo to them, with my urban living and my small car and my democrat votes.
but some of us have lived our entire lives in a gray area of compromise, and see nothing wrong with that. it's just how ordinary everyday life is... full of compromise, faults, mistakes, and laughing about it. not all of us are holy keyboard warriors.
Who's being hyperbolic again?
it's not hyperbole dude. where in USA culture is being content with what you have celebrated or looking upon positive?
certainly not in our popular culture. maybe regionally sure, i have known mid-western people who were pretty content, but certainly not common attitude in most other parts of the country. maybe in more rural areas that's true, i certainly grew up in a town with people who had no ambition and many of whom never left or never improved their lives.
hell USA is the origin of the prosperity gospel. we are so obsessed with material greed we mixed it up with our religion.
You've not met very many people then, and/or are heavily influenced by what you see online. Most people, yes even in the US, are not like what you're describing.