Wish me luck! I'm about 10bpm away from a heart attack 😭
Edit: After removing my hoodie and revealing my top, my mother gave me the dirtiest look I've ever received from her. She complimented my jorts and belt, that was it. This sent me into a really bad dysphoric spiral. Grandma keeps misgendering me. Everyone treating me like a person feels forced. Currently crying in the bathroom. I want to die
Edit2: Mom was talking to me, asking me why I was sad. I told her, that I could never really afford the surgeries I need to pass, truly pass. She said how people get those and look funny in their 50s. She doesn't even understand what FFS is. She told me I was a normal, pretty, young girl which should have made me feel better, but just felt forced and fake.
She told me that most trans people have 0 family support while I have full support, which is true. I just sit and whine while others have it way worse. I'm such a shitty person.
She told me I have all day every day to focus on myself, so I should get a job and distract myself. Not like I haven't been trying. With my anxiety, even going to the store is a challenge. Leaving the house is a challenge. I don't know how I'd manage a job.
All in all, today sucked extremely. I'm crying in the bathroom, again, but this time I cut my arm with a pair of scissors. I hate myself. I'm leaving the party now, and I'll probably just end it when I get back. I'm such a useless existence. I want out of this world. Sorry everyone, for everything.
Thats gross, same thinking as "well i dont beat you the way my parents beat me" or "some kids dont even have clothes to wear, be happy with your 8 yr old outfits"
Like yeah sure, maybe lots of trans people have 0 family (thats me) DOES NOT MEAN your feelings are any less real or valid.
It sucks cause it sounds like your mom is supportive in the best way she knows how. But still you can have these feelings and you should be able to express them.
Its like my therapist says, intent vs impact. People far too often focus on the intent of what theyre saying to others but rarely think about the impact of saying it. I can tell you that impact is more important, regardless of someones intent. If im making any sense lol
Youre so so pretty btw, dont let them get you too down sis. Youre amazing and beautiful the way you are, no matter what ❤️
Intent vs. Impact is such a great reframing. That's something I'm gonna carry with me. Thank you.
❤️❤️
Thank you. Really, thanks a lot 🩷
She's really nice most of the time, but then she pulls one of these and I feel like all our good relations go down the toilet...
This makes...so much sense honestly. I never even considered that, but I absolutely get what you mean.
I'm definitely guilty of doing the same. Sometimes, I only consider the intent of my words and not the impact.
Knowing the labels of these concepts, I can do my best to keep myself from doing the same to other people.
That's actually so nice of you to explain it like that, holy shit. Thanks a lot ❤️
Hey my insurance pays good money for advice like that, might as well spread it around. Im happy i can help! Stay beautiful girly ❤️