Wish me luck! I'm about 10bpm away from a heart attack 😭
Edit: After removing my hoodie and revealing my top, my mother gave me the dirtiest look I've ever received from her. She complimented my jorts and belt, that was it. This sent me into a really bad dysphoric spiral. Grandma keeps misgendering me. Everyone treating me like a person feels forced. Currently crying in the bathroom. I want to die
Edit2: Mom was talking to me, asking me why I was sad. I told her, that I could never really afford the surgeries I need to pass, truly pass. She said how people get those and look funny in their 50s. She doesn't even understand what FFS is. She told me I was a normal, pretty, young girl which should have made me feel better, but just felt forced and fake.
She told me that most trans people have 0 family support while I have full support, which is true. I just sit and whine while others have it way worse. I'm such a shitty person.
She told me I have all day every day to focus on myself, so I should get a job and distract myself. Not like I haven't been trying. With my anxiety, even going to the store is a challenge. Leaving the house is a challenge. I don't know how I'd manage a job.
All in all, today sucked extremely. I'm crying in the bathroom, again, but this time I cut my arm with a pair of scissors. I hate myself. I'm leaving the party now, and I'll probably just end it when I get back. I'm such a useless existence. I want out of this world. Sorry everyone, for everything.
You look great, girl. Really. I'm glad your mum supports you, but it sounds like there's a lot of people around who don't. Also, she could support you more.
It's hard to keep the negativity of people in your family from affecting your mind, even if you know they're wrong. I deal with that by not hanging around people who aren't kind, but I know that's a luxury not everyone has. And my family mostly are kind.
However, it will get better, because you will make it through this, and find people who love and appreciate you for who you are. Found family is still family.
I believe in you. You're brave, this post is proof of that. You have good fashion sense too, your look is actually really great.
Hold your head up high, you are a beautiful person and you deserve respect, and you deserve to wear fun clothes, or whatever clothes you want, without being shamed for it! It's your body. Remember that. You own yourself. Nobody else.