I had a lot of questions after Trump was first elected and I started reading as much as I could, not only learn more about how and why it happened but also about Trump himself. One of the first books I read was by his niece, Mary Trump. The very aptly titled, Too Much and Never Enough: How My Family Created the World's Most Dangerous Man. I came away almost feeling sorry for Trump after what he'd been through. To say his father was an absolute monster and his mother was selfish and uncaring are understatements. Trump had an older brother, Fred Trump Jr, who was groomed from an early age to take over the family business. The senior Trump demanded ruthlessness from Fred but he didn't have it in him. The pressure destroyed him and allowed an opening for Donald to step in. Trump knew he wasn't smart enough to be the ruthless and successful businessman his father demanded, so in order to please his father and compensate for his shortcomings, he began to construct a very fragile illusion of himself as strong and capable and ruthless. Gradually, this became Trump's reality. It wasn't based on facts or observations or careful reflection; to Trump, it became what he said it was. And in order to sustain this illusion there must be no encroachment of objective reality like the multiple scientific studies showing no link between autism and vaccines. Trump can only exist if people adore him and support the illusion that he is all powerful. It's why he frequently says that when people talk to him they call him "sir", or that every response from the White House to counter any criticism of Trump always talks about how he's the most engaged, the hardest working and the best president this country has ever had or our military is the best in the world (and will continue to be but only if we can get more soldiers with high testosterone levels). And if his adoring public has any doubt about vaccines and that they might cause autism, then this becomes who Trump is. A reckless and dangerous figure who will do anything to maintain the adoration of his public but is framed as a fearless warrior who fights for the American people. It becomes a caustic, self-sustaining cycle that is the heart of the chaos we now find ourselves in.