Verbal akido is exactly what it was.

I would often walk away from arguments confused how something I was bringing up that bothered me was my fault like how anytime I fed the cats, I did it wrong even though it's just fucking feeding cats there's no magic song and dance or how asking for my own personal time to do just this exact thing, read about nerd shit/work on d&d/be in my brain about my interests was neglectful and rude to them or something like I affected their space with wanting personal time.

In one argument I remember having to plainly state how I was the one upset not them, this was a problem I was having not them.

When we split we had to live together for a few months because the room at my parent's I was moving into needed work on the ceiling. I often got home around 930/10pm from work so I'd doordash an extra meal for myself so I didn't have to the next day. She was looking around the kitchen for something to eat so I offered her what I had ordered. Somehow within the next fifteen minutes I was annoying and it was somehow rude of me to offer this food to them?

I said fuck that put the food in the fridge and ignored any game she tried to play with my mind from that day forward. Which quickly spiraled into some serious abusive shit they'd never done before - punching themselves in the head when they were upset with me, throwing my clothes in the snow, and accusing me of being weird for normal behavior like doing laundry or singing in the shower.

Absolutely insane how some people are. My advice to anyone is really really think about the people in your life. You'd like to think you know them but you've never seen them handle every situation possible and in some of those situations they will absolutely flip on you and do stuff you'd never expect.