My sympathies. I know it's a huge struggle, and mental health in football (especially post-career) is a dark underbelly that is often swept under the rug.

I don't know what that is like personally, as I've never had much footballing ability to lose in the first place. Though I've had vaguely similar experiences in regard to some mental pursuits, mainly related to my prolonged lack of sleep from insomnia. In that sense I'm familiar with the feeling of lost ability and frustration at your body (or mind) betraying you.