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narcania of time
(thelemmy.club)
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this post was submitted on 04 Jul 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost
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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.
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Or bath salts. And in reality, Hyrule is normal and peaceful. At least until Link, tripping balls, thinks 100 years have passed while he napped and the world has gone to hell.
His quests to collect shit all over the world were given in hopes that he would come down by the time he returns, but Zelda gets some really good shit (she doesn't have a hook up, she's the ruler of Hyrule and has a fully staffed lab) and likes getting Link high on various substances, sending him out on "quests" then does meth and follows him around disguised as a ninja until she crashes.
Then she usually needs him to deal with the head chemist, Al, who likes to invent even stronger shit and tries to take over the kingdom as his alter ego, Ganondorf (or sometimes just Ganon when he's too fucked up to add the "dorf") while Zelda's out on her Shiek binge. The castle guards are too wasted to know what's going on and prefer to patrol the garden (so they can just puke in the bushes when they need to).