687
me_irl
(thelemmy.club)
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
this post was submitted on 09 Jun 2026
687 points (94.9% liked)
me_irl
7842 readers
3004 users here now
All posts need to have the same title: me_irl it is allowed to use an emoji instead of the underscore _
founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
I didn’t say anything about not liking either of these. The two scenarios are qualitatively different. The purpose of the one at home is to learn what happened that day, how the other person feels about it, planning what we do with the rest of our day, and so on. It’s an exchange of information.
The purpose of asking the cashier about their day is not to actually learn what happened with them (unless you actually know the person of course). It is exchanging pleasantries or just making banter, without the intent of exchanging any information that matters to the other person. I don’t dislike it. But it’s not a conversation, it’s small talk.
I read your top level comment as well and you do seem really irked that some people differentiate small talk from conversation. It seems like you’re fighting windmills though, and it’s in fact you who for some reason has strong feelings about the topic.
Small talk is an important part of interpersonal communication, and it’s good when it creates a sense of comfort, belonging, or serves as the prelude for a deeper conversation. But it can be annoying if it’s self serving, because either it fails creating any positive feelings, or it never gets past the warmup phase. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with people who don’t enjoy small talk, or with those who do.
I guess my gripe is the examples people give, like if you really don't care, why ask? And I don't mean the standard "hi how are you fine thanks you fine" dance, I mean why ask a cashier how their day is going if you don't care? If you want to talk to them, why wouldn't you ask them something you actually do care about? There are plenty of ways to conversate, break ice, fill a silence (if people feel so obligated) that don't involve asking questions that they don't care about, so why ask the ones they don't care about and then complain about the process? "Omg, I asked the cashier about the weather, but I hate talking about the weather and it sucked." Then ask about something you do want to talk about if you want to talk? It's not like it's impossible.
Because it's polite, we live in a society
I never said not to though, lmao, I said to pick something you actually want to talk about.
I never said you said not to, LOL
That's the question I answered, it's in the very first sentence of the comment I responded to.
If it's a short interaction, I'd rather just exchange meaningless pleasantries to indicate to them I'm a normal person and we can both go about our days. I don't necessarily want to talk to them at all, but saying, "hey how's it going" "fine, how are you" takes no effort and lets both parties quickly evaluate the mental and emotional state of the other. It's social lubricant, it's more hygenic than shaking strangers' hands and quicker than telling them your life story. Plus if it's someone doing their job, I'm not going to try to start a substantive conversation with them, that might just distract them and cause them to make a mistake.
You don't need to talk to them at all. A cashier does not need to "evaluate your mental and emotional state." If you don't want to, don't do it.
🤣🤣🤣 yeah ok, lololol. If you can't see the benefit in the person in charge of all the money knowing who they're dealing with, you'll never grasp the benefit of small talk. Have a good day!
If you think a cashier is going to scam you because you don't talk to them then I think you have some serious trust issues.
If you think I think a cashier is going to scam me because I didn't talk to them then you completely misunderstood what I was talking about, just like I predicted.
What "benefit" does "someone in charge of all the money" being able to "evaluate your mental and emotional state" give you? And how would you expect me to take such a line of reasoning other than you having a paranoia about someone scamming you?
It puts them at ease so they can do their job accurately and efficiently. Maybe there's a bag fee and I don't have my reusable bags and they say don't worry about it. Maybe they make sure to bag my groceries without putting a gallon of milk on top of a loaf of bread. Maybe it's a restaurant I get food at periodically and they remember me being nice to them and they throw me a coupon or a free dessert. Maybe they were having a shitty day and just needed someone to look them in the eyes and see that they existed and making them feel better makes me feel better. Maybe they're really Morgan Freeman God in disguise and they're going to make me a deity for a day. I don't know man, it's just fucking nice. I don't need another reason.
Do you really ignore blue collar workers who are doing a job for you and just refuse to speak to them for no reason?