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this post was submitted on 09 May 2026
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Having kids. I just don't get it.
Huh. That's an odd one. We are all here because someone had kids, you grew up with people who had kids, it's a funny thing to not understand. I always wanted kids but can wrap my mind around people not wanting them, feel everyone should live their lives the way they want & most of my kids don't themselves want kids (though they all like kids, they just each want one of their siblings to give them nieces).
Raising kids is by far the best work I ever did, and babies are cute, little children are delightful, teenagers are cool, and now as adults they are awesome.
I don't get having kids before making the world at least a decent place. And the main thing that is wrong with the world is not climate change, some resource constraint, or even the psycho dictators ruling over us all.
It is the human flaws that make this all possible. There is just something fundamentaly very wrong with humans. We won't make it unless we engineer this out on a fundamental level.
We need to treat Psychopathy genes as a lethal disease, as if it were SARS, and everyone needs to be "vaccinated".
Just giving humans a predisposition towards empathy would be step 1.
Step 2 is creating an anti-trust structure where no one can really have power, that keeps itself strictly in-check. Constutionaly allow citizens to dislodge or if necessary kill leaders who violate the law, and don't get arrested.
And those citizens should be let off free, if certain conditions are meet (illegality of the leader obvious enough, he was asked to step down, law-enforcement did nothing, certain amount of time passed).
Everyone needs to have their own independent resources. No one should be in the position to be exploited. This must be ensured by LAW.
That seems like a very tall order for a single generation, and for such a large area (worldwide).
If everyone thought this way, we'd probably be extinct by now — or at least massively declining in places where birth control and abortions are widely accessible, since every birth would be an accident.
(To be clear, I can understand why one might not want to bring kids into the world in its current state. It doesn't seem unreasonable)
I see it from the complete opposite direction. What is wrong with the world and humans is all the generational trauma and how we used to raise and treat children.
So in my view the only way to heal the world is through children which are raised from parents who ideally have already worked on their trauma to be strong and caring individuals and learned to handle their emotions without supressing them.
Of course the political system is important too, but the thing is you need strong individuals first. If you have a population of people which have had their individuality "beaten out" and are slaves to their emotions they will inevitable seek comfort in groups and leaders leading to authorian regimes and fascism.
You can't change adults much. Every change has to come through our children.
I'm guessing us misfires need to get out of the way, probably die too in order to make way for this healthy generation.
I've never really gotten it either. Might be because I've never really liked kids even when I was one. Loud human noises tend to drive me up a damn wall and if there's one thing kids and alcoholics have in common it's their love for being as loud as possible. Also every time I hear people talk about their kids, there's always so much negativity even when they're trying to make it sound positive. What's there to gain from having them other than the supposed animalistic instinct to reproduce parents love to bring up?
Out of curiosity, what's not to get? It's a biological imperative for the human race to continue. I can absolutely get not wanting kids and choosing to be 'child free', but it's personally not that difficult to understand why people chose to have them.
But I'm not controlled by my biology.
I can be hungry and choose not to eat. I understand the need for reproduction on a species level, but from my point of view having children looks like peer pressure and Stockholm syndrome. There is no upside for the individual.
It might be an imperative for the human race, but not on an individual level. There is no must ... there is no law in the universe that says that we must continue.
In line with the other commenter, I can only speak for myself. Nothing about parenting is appealing to me, and I can't even think of one aspect of my life that would improve. A long list of cons with no pros. I've accepted that people are just wired differently. For me it makes no sense, but others go through great effort and expense to become parents (e.g. those with fertility issues going through various treatments).
Absolutely get that opinion. Nobody should ever feel pressured by society or individuals to have children
I had my kids later in life, having travelled the world and had a few long-term relationships. The version of me that was diving in Thailand, working in bars in New Zealand and exploring catacombs in Paris in his 20s found the concept of having kids almost absurd.
I was 36 when my first son was born, 38 when we had our 2nd. It's an absolutely profound experience and everything else I've experienced pales in comparison to fatherhood. My younger self would never have believed it, and I don't expect anyone who's not got kids to fathom what it's like.
In fact, I fully expect people who read this who don't have kids to find the sentiment condescending and even a little patronising. I know I would have.
Sorry, but to me this sounds the same like a suicidal person saying, they don't get why people want to live.
Of course everyone can do what they want. But I can totally understand someone who doesn't want kids or who wants to off themself. The not being able to understand people wanting to have children part seems a bit pathological to me.
Oh boy! Us childfree people have never heard that one before.
Nothing about parenting is appealing to me. I'm obviously missing whatever the draw, and that's ok. That's not pathological, that's just being honest with one's self. Maybe society should be more honest about what parenting actually entails and accept that it isn't for everyone rather than trying to shoehorn everyone into it.