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this post was submitted on 07 May 2026
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Chapotraphouse
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I hate that this is so accurate. I also hate that rightwingers would kill at cheesy C&C vids :rage-cry:
Right now I'm imagining
as the Russian president during the Red Alert 2 intro, just yelling into the phone at the Americans. 
would brief me about our tattered US defenses and that I need to get a base up to counter the Russian assault.
EDIT:
Fuck, another EDIT:
Candace Owens would be that secret agent that backstabs everybody and we eventually find out she's working for Kane. The Fox News cast would be the fumbling on-the-ground grunts reporting that they are getting hammered. The My Pillow Guy would be that hapless Soviet general that is "sacrificed" by Ms^[but not miss
] Kirk because of a power struggle.
I have to stop because I could do this all day and I have work to do! :thonk-cri:
It's because all of these people doing an extremely poor job of acting but you notice it less until you stick them on a C&C background where it's incredibly obvious what B movie acting they're doing
There is a better timeline^[with world peace and puppies and gay space socialism and...] where all these nerds are all making Red Alert 5 videos and we are all hyped to play it.
Pete Hegseth is a C&C character come to life
He's the American general that will turn on us because we made him look bad after the Soviet attack.
Can't forget this classic
How could I forget Peterson?!
That video is 100% accurate. He absolutely would be your opponent for the Soviet campaign!
I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy: