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this post was submitted on 07 May 2026
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Ask Lemmy
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Ideals should remain just that: idea(l)s. Be fine with them not being... a reality.
Exactly. It's fine to build up flawless versions of people in your mind and to try to emulate those imaginary heroes or draw inspiration from their strengths.
Just be aware of the fact that you've created a fiction. Don't treat real humans like you would their hero image. They say to never meet your heroes, but you can't anyway: your heroes don't exist in reality. And that's ok.
That said, many really really awesome people do exist. They may not be perfect, but they're arguably better than that: they're good and they're real. You would be lucky to know them. I think one issue is that far too often our heroes are famous, and that is not a group that generally selects on the basis of quality of character. Many famous people are good at something and we mistakenly take that as proxy for being a good person. It probably helps that we mostly see them doing the thing they're good at.
Indeed. And even without looking for heroes, or role models. Try to be the best version of yourself does not mean you have to be perfect, nor that other people should be.
We're all filled with flaws. No matter how amazing we've been told we are, or how amazing we think we are, or even how amazing we can indeed be (lucky you).
Doesn't mean you need to accept the unacceptable, just be realistic. Don't you ever fart in bed? Don't you ever pick your nose? Don't you like to eat some crap from time to time? Don't you like to watch/listen to/read and actually do some real stupid shit, from time to time? I do!
Me? I'm the sum of countless flaws plus a few scarce qualities. I know it and so does my spouse, which is also filled with her own flaws btw, the person who I love today at least as much as I have been loving her for the last 30 years or so we've been together... and counting.
Yes! They're all around us. They're just not perfect and they've not been waiting for us to debark in their life.
So, when we're dismissing them because of their perceived flaws/imperfections, or because of something/someone they like we don't like... we're missing out on their qualities and maybe on getting to meet an amazing friend/partner/someone to spend time with.