this post was submitted on 05 Feb 2026
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I'll never understand the assertion that it's normal for married people to not get along with their spouse or their spouse isn't their best friend. What exactly do people think the point of marriage is beyond religious reasons?
Because marrying for love is a very recent development when it comes to the institution of marriage.
Marriage was created for the primary purpose of passing down family wealth, and ensuring that it stayed within the family. Marriage was a tool to secure political and economic relationships first and foremost. For most of history, consent between the couple to be didn't even matter.
This fundamental reason behind marriage predates most religions, who later co opted it.
As time goes by, the actual reason behind traditions gets lost and forgotten, so most people just have some nebulous obligation to marry ingrained within them, e.g. my grandparents got married without even knowing each other, so people should be satisfied with anything better than that.
This extremely problematic history behind marriage is also why some progressives perceive marriage as an oppressive institution that is impossible to reform, and seek to abolish it entirely.
Ten key moments in the history of marriage - BBC News - https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-17351133
it's revealing right? there's so much they genuinely do not understand or misinterpret it's amazing they can get through the day without having yet another crisis about how someone they don't like gets human rights or does something they think their god doesn't approve of.
I've been with my wife for sixteen years next month. I'm still madly in love with her and I genuinely like being around her. I kinda hope she feels the same way about me.
You gotta hit her with one of these:
"Do you like me? □ Yes □ No"
That's silly. I like it. I'll do that when I get home from work. :P
Be old/conservative, want to have sex at 18 because hormones, you can't unless you're married, get hitched for life to the first attractive person who shows up, wake up in 10 years and realize you married a stranger and you don't really get along.
accidentally play the long game instead
> build community group for shared hobby
> get a few dozen ppl
> group gradually over years expands to be a lot more
> together with friends make a sidegroup with those y'all like talking with, so y'all dont spam the rest of the community under
> continue chatting about hobbies, gay stuff etc
> eventually you and another realise you like each other
> talk with them more
> oops now you have a date
> meet up irl
thats how i got into a queer ass relationship at least, basically the online version of creating/joining a hobby club and realising you like each other.
and tbf, if you think about it, a real good relationship should be that anyways - it's like having best friends but you do much more than that, like cuddling and mrrrping together :3*
shared interests and complementing personalities help amazingly more, tbh. looks are great, but unless if you're going for a short term thingy, i feel like personality is something you should prioritise on. but to each their own.
* like yeah there's fwb but a romantic relationship is a little different. there's this kind of level of trust where you can be truly yourself and tell each other the wackiest shit.
Tbf, I do feel spouses have a duty to hold eachother to a higher standard than friends do. For mutual improvement, growth, etc... And shared ownership/finances is huge. And often raising kids. Marriage is a lot more than just friendship, though that is a massively important part.
So I grew up homeschooled with a conservative Christian mother. A lot of people I knew got married from the same small group of families, right after high school, and started having kids right after. (I know 2 sisters from one family that married 2 brothers from another). It’s what everyone did. Nobody gave themselves any time to meet new people, just married someone their age and the opposite sex they’d grown up with. Also, nobody had sex or lived with one another prior to getting married so you don’t really know who you’re marrying. But when you’re taught from an early age that people of the “world” are misguided and will never understand you, that’s what you get. I didn’t fall into this, but my brother did.
Ever heard of shotgun marriages?
I am familiar with the term. However they are usually for religious reasons. The notion that one must marry due to pregnancy is arbitrary.
It's easy and common for the sparks to die down after 15, 20 years and you're left basically living with someone who feels like an acquaintance. It's a trope for a reason.
BTW there's nothing wrong with that. Most people are mature enough by then to make it work.
Tell that to every person who has been married for 40+ years and is still madly in love with their spouse. It's very common.
I'm sure it is.
Shit, I've been with my wife for 16 years (married for 1), sparks are still strong AF. Does the timer start when you get together or when you get married?
I wouldn't say it's normal, I think that's just cope from people who're scared of being alone or can't afford to live separate.
I think societal pressure also contributes. Not as common today but it's definitely still a thing.
I don't think it's all that complicated to consider platonic and romantic relationships different