Story time: it’s an old wives tale amongst my people that plants grow splendidly when they’re stolen. My mom told her neighbor, who was having trouble growing flowers, that she should try it and cheekily motioned toward some shears sitting nearby before heading to bed.

She woke up the next morning to her 30 fucking year old dogwood tree lying on its side, partially uprooted, mutilated from the middle down with a saw, and dragged across the lawn to the beginning of the neighbor’s gravel driveway where it had been abandoned. Somehow, her neighbor had understood her to mean “just take any plant you like, however you like.” So, beware of seeding your torrents irl.