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this post was submitted on 26 May 2025
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neurodiverse
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What is Neurodivergence?
It's ADHD, Autism, OCD, schizophrenia, anxiety, depression, bi-polar, aspd, etc etc etc etc
“neurologically atypical patterns of thought or behavior”
So, it’s very broad, if you feel like it describes you then it does as far as we're concerned
Rules
1.) ableist language=post or comment will probably get removed (enforced case by case, some comments will be removed and restored due to complex situations). repeated use of ableist language=banned from comm and possibly site depending on severity. properly tagged posts with CW can use them for the purposes of discussing them
2.) always assume good faith when dealing with a fellow nd comrade especially due to lack of social awareness being a common symptom of neurodivergence
2.5) right to disengage is rigidly enforced. violations will get you purged from the comm. see rule 3 for explanation on appeals
3.) no talking over nd comrades about things you haven't personally experienced as a neurotypical chapo, you will be purged. If you're ND it is absolutely fine to give your own perspective if it conflicts with another's, but do so with empathy and the intention to learn about each other, not prove who's experience is valid. Appeal process is like appealing in user union but you dm the nd comrade you talked over with your appeal (so make it a good one) and then dm the mods with screenshot proof that you resolved it. fake screenies will get you banned from the site, we will confirm with the comrade you dm'd.
3.5) everyone has their own lived experiences, and to invalidate them is to post cringe. comments will be removed on a case by case basis depending on determined level of awareness and faith
4.) Interest Policing will not be tolerated in any form. Support your comrades in their joy!
Further rules to be added/ rules to be changed based on community input
RULES NOTE: For this community more than most we understand that the clarity and understandability of these rules is very important for allowing folks to feel comfortable, to that end please don't be afraid to be outspoken about amendments and addendums to these rules, as well as any we may have missed
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Don’t have the time to fully respond at the moment, but this is something I’m also currently struggling with, so seeing this thread is a real gift. Thanks friendo
Aw I'm sorry you're experiencing this, it's really terrible.... Especially when it affects other people, then it's the added shame/embarrassment/guilt....So awesome
I just ordered a pain stim toy thing, I have heard that those work really well for people who self harm so I'm crossing my fingers that it'll help a little.
This is the one I ordered
Likewise- Who could forget dear Ratboy! I’ll CW for brief mentions of violence, drug and alcohol use in my background later on (spoilered section).
In brief, journaling has been big - nothing intensive, just how I’m feeling that day and the conditions I think led to that (either anecdotally or on a 1-5 scale in the big areas: sleep, exercise, diet, stress, etc.)
Recognizing things that are triggering an outburst, then heading it off in an early stage, typically by (in order of preference): addressing the conflict directly (if identified), drawing, writing, meditating/breathing, watching the fish tank, or taking it out on my heavy bag. I’ve really liked stim rings but always lose them (literally 3/3), but I’ve found it’s worth it to get a handful (lol) of replacements. I also really like “worry stones”.
I like soft stim toys (stress ball, etc) but tend to destroy them. Turned out I just needed to cross the ‘cuteness’ rubicon, so now I have a little capybara stuffed animal in my work bag which I literally couldn’t bring myself to destroy and that makes me happy anytime I brush against it while digging around.
I’ve also found that drinking a glass of cold water/splashing water on my face helps reset.
CBT (the therapy) didn’t feel like the silver bullet, but I think it’s helped. I’m reading “ The Happiness Trap” - which deals with acceptance and commitment therapy- and that’s really been vibing with me so far.
spoiler
I was taught all my life (prior to this years adhd diagnosis) that the solution was to just stfu, and put that anger into work/sports. So I always had a chip on my shoulder and thought it was a strength.Which then usually spilled over into goading “assholes” into “justified” fights in my childhood (who’s the real asshole though?); and this does not translate well into adulthood where consequences are more readily available lol. I also recognized that this was a pattern of men in my family which I was falling into - my dad broke the generational cycle of beating children.
Side tangent though, I’ve been talking with my dad and brother and nephews about this tendency, and have seen improvements in all of our tempers. Basically just realizing that we were all at the “end of our ropes”, because our feelings were bottled instead of addressed, and that now we can just outpour love instead and let the negative shit go. Like I feel so sorry for my grandfather; how bad must your life have been to belt a child rather than be a mentor.
Additionally I’ve used (chronologically) food, alcohol, sex, and nicotine/drugs as crutches to avoid feeling my feelings. So most recently I’ve been cribbing my nephews notes as he learns how to “feel big feelings”.
At the highest-level, I’ve been enjoying reading some Buddhist writing, and beginning to understand that happiness isn’t about the absence of suffering - which is what I’ve been pursuing, but angered that I haven’t found. I think I need to adopt the mindset of a pig and rather than crave the absence of mud, enjoy the mud in which I find myself.
Oh also I swear under my breath a LOT at work and the stim ring, breathing exercises, and identifying and directly identifying/addressing the triggers helps. One approach is having someone (a fellow adhd/anger-haver) I’ve established mutual consent with for venting, who then usually helps ground my reaction in a more solid worldview.
That's so cute. I saw some handmade hammerhead shark and frog plushies online that are palm sized that are meant as regulating/sensory items and I was very tempted to get one. I forget that when I'm feeling really bad I like to wrap myself up in my fuzzy robe so maybe having something like that handy could help. I totally get the urge to destroy stuff like that too. I always tear up receipts and pieces of paper, ripping up or chewing on things is so satisfying lol.
Now that I've thought on it more deeply, I think I just kinda try to shove my frustration down....and then do it again, and again, until finally I'm so crispy after a couple of "stressful" days that I just can't control it. So maybe I need to lean into these types of comfort items/stim behaviors more often to head it off, as you said.
in regards to breaking the family cycle: That's really so amazing that you all are able to be introspective and vulnerable with eachother about your feelings. Such a tough thing to do for dudes; my partner often feels pretty isolated because he feels he has to keep things surface level with any of his other male friends.
On this note though- I recently enjoyed Paul Scheers memoir (the American actor/comedian) because he talks a lot about rage issues and adhd, and how he’d always win fights because he’d start at 100% fight for life mode because it was such a release, and uhhhhh same lol.