this post was submitted on 15 Aug 2023
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Not The Onion

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[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Woah jetpacks are actually a thing now? Where do I get one?

[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Go to Peru and meet the cartels. They have advanced technology they use to steal gold and set up illegal dredging operations. And they've dressed like lizards in bright green and gold armor. And the jetpacks just glow red and fit underneath the feet. It's all very efficient and nothing to do with aliens.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 year ago

Go to Peru and meet the cartels.

I think I'll pass, thanks.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

In Peru, cartels are just DMT entities…

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

That's a cocaine elemental!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Woah jetpacks are actually a thing now? Where do I get one?

These guys make one.
Jennifer Connelly not included.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I thought the first link was going to be “and it starts right now” jet pack guy.

Not sure of Lemmy etiquette - Do I just paste the link? this guy

Edited to make the link look nicer

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

I mean they have their own drug-runner submarines. You underestimate how big and professional cartels are.