Asklemmy

48044 readers

705 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy 🔍

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

Open-ended question
Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

Lemmyverse: community search
sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
[email protected]: a community for finding communities

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_[email protected]~

founded 6 years ago

MODERATORS

[email protected]

209

What was the biggest pill you've had to swallow about your own self or habits? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 1 day ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

169 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I'll go first...after 10 years of speculating in the market (read: gambling in high risk assets) I realized I shouldn't ever touch a brokerage account in my lifetime. A monkey would have made better choices than I did. Greed has altered the course of life many times over. I am at an age where I may recover from my actions over the decades, but it has taken its toll. I am frugal and have a good head on me, but having such impulsivity in financial instruments was not how I envisioned my adulthood. Its a bitter pill to swallow, since money is livelihood of my family, but I need to "invest" all I have into relationships, meaningful moments, and fulfilling hobbies.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 day ago (4 children)

I dissociate and fawn pretty much constantly in most social situations. I do not feel in control. What most people know me as is a bunch of trauma responses. I feel like I'm watching myself have conversations and making "decisions" from another room.

It took me a long time to admit this to myself.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 18 hours ago

Stop having social situations by staying in the basement. All better!

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 day ago

I have this too, I have some friends that I can be myself with and some other people that my trauma response just kicks in and I become non confrontational people pleaser. Im starting to notice it more and trying to not do it.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Do you manage to better "stand your ground" now that you're aware of the fawning ?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Only really just started to notice I'm doing it constantly. Not much luck or strategy so far

[–] [email protected] 2 points 23 hours ago

Well that's certainly a good first step. I'd like to encourage you to consider yourself first, and every feeling you have as valid. YMMV but this is what helps me counter the otherwise instinctive fawning.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

holy shit, u put it better than i could, this is exactly what i have been grappling with lately and i have no idea how to fix it

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago

If I understand correctly, fawning is people pleasing to an excess because you're afraid of the potential response. I've had trouble saying "no" for a long ass time, and have been bending over backwards to accomodate other people, at my expense, completely disregarding my own comfort and preferences. I think that's part of the same mechanic. I slowly realized other people mostly place their own needs first, and somehow find themselves legitimate when asking the other party to "meet them halfway". So I've been trying to emulate this. Does this ring a bell to you ?