this post was submitted on 14 May 2025
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Aside from the pandemic showing that half the planet are selfish assholes, I actualy miss being social. Thinking back on my childhood in the 80's and 90's my family could afford to be social. Going out to dinner with other couples, going to events, purchasing the nesessary items to be social like golf clubs, boats, grills, etc. There wasn't this constant anxiety of living paycheck to paycheck as today. I make more than my parents combined and yet after cost of surviving i am sitting on $5 for two weeks as my expendable cash. At that point I have no desire to go out with people as even the gas to get to them would need to be budgeted.
With money being tight I have found that i was always bowing down to work for fear of being replaced. I worked longer hours than I should have because I've always been trying to catch up financialy. Now that I'm in my 40's I've just accepted that I will never have that moment where I reach that plateau and I can take a breath. I will spend the rest of my life tredding water just keeping my head above it. And I wish it was the avocado toast argument boomers give but there is no personal expenses in my life. mortgage (ik I'm lucky), food, utilities, school loans, clothes for the kids and that it. My entertainment comes from the library or is pirated.
After having this daily stressor constantly pinging in my head I just don't have the mental capacity to deal with people. My partner is more stess than benefit. There really isn't any human interaction I have that is fulfilling anymore. I'm honesty just running on autopilot at this point.
I don’t know how old your kids are but it gets easier. You’re probably in that survival mode right now. Little time for anything but keeping the family alive. There’s research showing that age 50 is on average the least happy time, with things getting much better from there. Kids eventually move out or at least become self-sufficient. You’ll have more time for date nights and working on your relationship. With fewer costs there will be less financial stress so you can find a better job (either one with less stress or more money or both). Inflation will eat away at your mortgage over time and eventually you’ll be like “it’s only $300k now?? That’s nothing!”
Don’t be afraid of making some big changes if necessary. If your job isn’t paying you enough to survive where you live, consider moving somewhere with a lower cost of living. The wage is much less important than the ratio of that wage to living costs. There are lots of places with cheap houses where you might be able to live mortgage free, depending on your current equity.
I’m sure it goes without saying, but do your very best to prioritise your health. Sleep eight hours. Exercise a few times a week (even a brisk walk). Limit alcohol. Take a multivitamin. Reduce sugar and carbs. Etc. You will feel much more mentally resilient. It’s hard though, where you are, I know.
Best of us! You’re in the hardest phase. It gets easier from here.
you kind of missed the point. your comments are based on an antiquated view of our life cycle. the problem is that there is such a disparity of income, and a work cuture of constant drive that many of us are so far upside down for kids moving out to change anything. between the constant inflation, income never catching up and having gone through two and soon potentially three resessions completely destroying our retirement investments, this is a generation that will work until they die. so the need for socialization now rather than later is important.
the problem isn't that this is a huge mountain to climb. it's that we are constantly running up hill and the fatigue eventually gets you. this is why people give up on being social. the benefits never outweigh the added stress. all you've done is dig your hole a little deeper.
i think this is why social media has such an appeal. it has a feeling of social interaction at the cost of selling you personal info which most people don't care about. you use it at any free moment with no commitment. i will see someone on facebook while sitting in traffic, they found a way to cram some sort of social interaction in where they could. unfortunately this isn't a substitute for irl social interactions.
I absolutely agree. Although my parents weren't that well off, they made it work with the little they had and gave me the best that they could. It included a lot of what you stated, just not the golf clubs or boats. We did a lot and I made a lot of friends through the years and it was very fun. I even had a blast when I got out of school and found some financial freedom to do a lot for a bit. As I got older things started getting tighter and at this point I feel the same as you do. I can't afford anything and I'm stuck where I am. I feel bad since I have 2 kids and feel like I do them a disservice not being able to give them what I had.