this post was submitted on 10 May 2025
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"It's chemicals!"
"It's spider webs of chemicals!"
"It's microchips!"
"It's sun blocking special metallic smoke!"
"It's cancer seeds!"
Technically correct, I guess.
Well, and "it causes cancer" is as well. But not like... It's raining down cancer on you. More like jet fuel contains known carcinogens.
It's more the direct effects. According to my mom, the chemtrails should have...I don't know, but done whatever it was supposed to be doing by now. A 30+ year timeline for something causing cancer? So less bad than smoking? That's the metric?
At least some nutters have the decency to say that it's mind controlling chemicals, not the "you'll be dead soon" kind.
Kind of like the covid vaccine. I should have been dead in ~~3~~ ~~6~~ ~~8 months~~ ~~a year~~ ~~2 years~~ ~~3 years~~ ~~4 years~~ I'll be dead in 5 years!
Do they say what purpisebtheyee being mind controlled? How about the impracticality of mind controlling millions of random people with no special access or skills, and you’re not even there to tell them what to do?
Can’t we at least inject some logic into the chemtrails conspiracy, like it’s a mild sedative to keep you from worry what they’re doing and to keep you from standing up for your rights?
All those second amendment types talk about how they would repel an unjust government, but they never actually do. It must be the chrmtrsils making them docile
H~2~O
The most scary of chemicals
Dihydrogen Monoxide kills thousands of people every year. It should be banned! /s
And, like a good person I tell that it is Dihydrogen Monoxide.
Then we go from there.
The best kind of correct.
What kind of cancer will those seeds grow into?
Yes
Do they also grow into lobsters, or do they believe in crab superiority.
I sea what you did there.
The fourth one of those is unfortunately an almost plausible theory. Plenty of people are seriously advocating for studies into Stratospheric Aerosol Injection (SAI) in order to mitigate climate change so that the almighty free market would have more time to fix the problem without any need for systemic change.
But that wouldn't be visible to the naked eye :D
Funnily enough, contrails like all other clouds composed of ice crystals actually warm the planet up by letting shortwave radiation from the sun through while reflecting longwave (infrared), effectively trapping heat. Thcker and lower clouds are more effective at reflecting shortwave radiation.
Yes, but the conspiracy theory version is that it's a scam to further the scam that is climate change. It doesn't make any sense.
My theory?
The real conspiracy: It always goes back to the desires of capital.
Why is it always that climate change is a huge con job and it's all a secret control plan that we...need to stop burning and breathing known carcinogens?
Oh, because the evil shadow government orgs like the EPA and OSHA want to take all our good ol' jobs (tey derk er jurbz!) with their "regulations" and "standards" and "penalties for pollution" right?
And they're trying to make America "less great" by no longer being a mass-polluting post-war economic powerhouse! Think of the lost profits! Think of the widespread misery and poverty wrought by a secret New World Order of...(Paper flip) corporate regulation! What's next? Unions?!
Yes, chem trails are ultimately a path to such horrors as a less wealthy C-suite and not putting clean air on the commodities exchange market. (gasp)
...And all these conspiracies are seeded and peddled by the very sources that told people to take veterinary dewormers or inject sanitizer to cure a virus, have brought us the highest unemployment rates seen in a century, dismantled and fired safety regulation and watchdog agencies (deh DERK-A-DURRBS!), are trying to bring back child labor and company towns, and conveniently rail against taxation which they dodge anyway.
Sure, but I think the cultural component of Agent Orange had a lot to do with it as well. That's why it's always sprayed by planes.
Oh no, not the chemicals!