Greetings all!
I've known I was trans (mtf) for around 30 years now. Since transgender issues became very much out in the open, I was forced to confront something I always considered a shameful secret, and not something I would ever have to deal with in reality.
However, trying to deny how I've felt, or trying to postpone dealing with it has not worked out well for me, not at all. I ended up losing a lot of what I had worked for, my own apartment and a dream job, then with the pandemic, things just fell apart and I kept wanting to put it back together. Losing everything I worked for really, really took a toll on me, I really went through hell, a lot of abuse and hardship to come as far as I did, and to lose it all was crushing.
I've been trying to hard to restore my life back to what it was for many years now, and had thought of maybe trying to transition after I had managed to do so, but trying to do that while fighting and denying being trans finally became too much. Abut a week ago now, maybe a little over, I realized...I need to at least try it, as a priority for my mental health. I need to commit to trying hormones, to getting comfortable enough going outside in female clothing as my female self.
After accepting myself, even just to commit to trying, made me feel like the biggest weight I had been carrying for the last 20 years or so was just...gone. I felt free all of a sudden. Life seems so promising again...everything I wanted to do, I can still do, and have more motivation to do so now.
My problem though, and the reason for this post, is I want to find somewhere I can travel to urgently, and find some women who can help me getting started, at least with some simple things like makeup, helping to cover up facial hair after shaving, some basic clothing. Ideally somewhere I can learn to drive as well, just to have some independence finally. Somewhere I can start becoming my true self. I'm based around NYC but I do not feel comfortable with the shelter situation here, and would be scared to encounter people i already know here.
I have about $500 cash, no income or work at the moment, and a ton of air-miles so I can at least fly pretty much anywhere - but is there anywhere I can fly where there is some sort of shelter I could just drop in to? Artists collectives? Hippie communes? Motorcycle clubs?
I don't want to stay where I am as I frankly don't feel safe. It's a small room in a house with a lot of large men who like to drink, constantly gambling and yelling about sports. I absolutely do not feel safe here to start practicing my female voice, and to start trying to present female, even shaving my limbs feels like a bad idea here.
I would be very grateful for any options for someone I could move to on very short notice to get support with transitioning, make new friends (I literally have no friends or family in this country at present, and it's been making things so much harder)
I'm willing to do any kind of work, even sex work is something I would be open to as long as it wasn't digital...I just need to go somewhere else basically before Friday. At this point I'm thinking of just going to one of the trans sanctuary cities and hoping I would be accepted if I turn up at a female shelter, but I've had bad luck with shelters in the past so I am hoping for some other ideas.
I can't start hormones straight away as I would like to find a way to maintain my fertility and have children (and after accepting that I want to be a mom, this has become very important to me), but I want to start using shapewear, save up to get laser hair removal for face and adams apple removal and ffs, but basically just go somewhere i can be accepted and get more confident going out as a woman. This feels like a burning desire, something I have to do no matter the cost.
I can move and relocate anywhere as long as it's a city that would be accepting of trans folx and where I could find shelter and start my transition. If people have ideas or suggestions, please do share them, and thank you so much in advance!
define "drop in". There's a ton of punk houses/co-living spaces that are queer/trans friendly in the Bay Area but I'm not sure if 500 is enough. Even the places I know with 10+ people are charging 700-1000 for rent. Also, idk about the women's shelters but the homeless shelters in SF don't take walk-ins fyi
I'd suggest looking for housing first on Facebook housing groups for queer/trans people or Lex. That's how queer people here generally find presumably safe roommates and cheaper living accommodations online
Oakland sounds like a good bet for you though. The Medi-Cal covers a lot of trans healthcare if you can get on it, there's tons of communal help there, rent can be (relatively) cheap in the more suburban areas, an absurd ton of trans spaces/communities there
It's a bit outdated by a year but if you're comfortable with illegally squatting and potentially getting into serious legal trouble, I know a resource to find hundreds of these places in SF. Just DM me
A lot of cities have what are literally called 'drop in shelters', where you can show up and wait in live and at least get some floorspace to sleep on for a few hours.
I don't have enough for a deposit and probably a full months rent anywhere, so am thinking about trying to find a drop in shelter somewhere that could lead to something a little more permanent even if temporary.
Really though I need to find friends to help me. I've been so alone and it's starting to really affect me. No family here, no friends anymore, last 2 birthdays, christmasses, thanksgivings, all alone and I'm tired of it. At the least I would like to find some people who can 'hold my hand' while going out in public as female for the first time, to help me with things like hiding facial hair, and eventually to congratulate me when I start HRT finally.
I may DM later about what you mentioned...would there be other trans people there as well?
You mean Oakland/SF? Like fucking everywhere, especially in the nightlife scene. It's a bit unfortunately but so much of the transfem social scene here is nightlife. Still tons of transfems everywhere in general but I think we're all just trying to catch up on the missed dancing/party gal stage + we're all depressed and like to abuse drugs
There's a lot of trans living spaces here too. I think they're generally full. The only one I know that takes general online applications is ~1k a month. It's just 10 transfems in an anarchist art punk house. Very cool place, very social but it's also very run down. And there's only 1 washroom. And lots of drama
The Bay Life is this nowadays
I can def find more info for you
Feel free to DM anytime for anything
No at the places where it might be possible to squat. Like is there any kind of community or people already living there? Or is it more like the abandoned warehouse in Home Alone 2
But having said that, if transfemms are so prevalent, it's probably a better place to find and meet people willing to accept and help me. I don't think I will be able to make rent straight away but don't want to go to a shelter in nyc either. Just weighing my options.
I'm going to try and do some research now and will DM you later once I have more of an idea, thank you for your assistance :)
I couldn't tell you unfortunately, have never had a friend that has specifically squatted
I'd imagine there are some transfem squatting spots though, purely just going off the fact that a very significant amount of transfems I've met here have either been or are homeless or found illegal living + working situations
Also fyi, I've heard of a few people being caught and taken to court though, so it's a real risk
Not sure what the outcomes or charges were