askchapo

I think "Blood, Guts, Bullets, and High Octane" from 1998? is one of the worst movies I've seen. I'm not sure if that's the exact movie I saw. I only remember it was some indie flick about a car dealership with tons of swearing. My mom's boyfriend rented it after it was recommended by the store clerk. Movie was unwatchable. Characters talked like "Fuckity fuck-fuck, shit fuck the car piss." The swearing didn't bother me, just that it was incomprehensible. There was no plot and we made it about 30 minutes in before turning it off.

The actual worst movie I've seen that serves as my "This is what a 1 out of 10 stars looks like" is Hooking Up (2009). I was binging shitty teen sex comedies and came upon this one. There's nothing good about it. There's no cinematography. It looks like it was shot on a VHS recorder from 1994. The sound cuts in and out. There's no jokes, just awkward dialog and bizarre lines. If you've seen porn about step siblings fooling around, you've seen better acting than this movie. But it gets worse.

Not only is the plot nonsensical and seems like it was an excuse to get young women naked for the cast and crew to ogle and grope, it's downright mean. There's a girl who gets involved with an older man and he's abusive towards her. It's meant to be funny but it's really not. This character is in high school and she gets hit by a man twice her age. It felt more like "holy shit am I watching #metoo court case footage?" than anything that could be interpreted as a joke. And it just ends. Nothing is resolved. There's no revenge on the shitty boyfriend. There's not even "and then these two became official boyfriend/girlfriend after realizing they have genuine feelings for one another."

It's like if you took all the problematic shit in American Pie and condensed it into one film, slapped a "cheap as hell" filter over it, and shipped it out to audiences, you'd get Hooking Up. I finished hate watching it just so I could tell people how bad it is. It's contribution to the human race and culture is to be an example of how not to make a movie and to serve as the floor where the bottom of the barrel sits. I haven't even seen stuff things like August Underground, A Serbian Film, or Human Centipede, and I know they are better films. At least they're fictional stories meant to horrify. There's zero merit to a """comedy""" that plays domestic violence and statutory rape for laughs.