This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/shyzzs on 2025-07-11 17:34:12+00:00.

To start off, my old man passed away a few days ago. Heavy stuff. I’ve been drinking a bit more than I should, and last night I got absolutely wrecked. Like, “how the hell did I get to bed” levels.

Next morning, I woke up with that stomach situation. You know the type. Gurgly. Radioactive. My lower half was basically violating the Geneva Conventions.

My mom and I had a bunch of errands, three hours of driving. I had cramps that made me dizzy. We're talking uranium-level emissions from the anoos. If Iran heard about it, they’d ask for the recipe.

First stop was her workplace to collect some flowers her company sent after my dad’s passing. She works remotely, so this was a full 1.5-hour drive. And guys, I was releasing silent little demons the whole way. Hot, stealthy, and absolutely not road-trip friendly.

By the time we got there, I hit critical mass and said, “I need to go. ASAP.”

My mom, now fully traumatized, replied with, “I’m gonna get you back. Watch.”

So now we’re pulling into the parking lot. I’m sweating. She’s half German and fully channeling some kind of German commander energy. We walk into reception and we’re greeted by an absolute beauty of a woman . Early twenties, glowing, gorgeous.

And then, in front of her, my mom asks,

“Hi, where’s the restroom? My son’s about to detonate.”

Thank you, mum. Appreciate the broadcast.

I legged it to the first available room. Occupied. So I went into the other stall. What happened in there… wasn’t pretty. It had my wiping my naught like it was a sharpie or a marker..

Came out looking like I’d done a full CrossFit session. And what does my dear mom ask me?

“Well? Feel better now?”

Right in front of the woman I fell in love with 2 minutes ago.. Cheers again, mom.

I’m 29. I’m grieving. I’m hungover. And now I’ve unlocked a brand new trauma I didn’t ask for.

But I love you, Dad. I know I inherited this power from you. Rest easy, old man.

tl;dr = Created a hazardous gas chamber during a 1.5-hour drive with my mom. Got exposed in front of a 10/10 receptionist. Still recovering.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/ethot_thoughts on 2025-07-11 18:07:46+00:00.

So we have these massive breast forms for certain cosplays, essentially a sports bra with two arm straps, a neck hole, and the large ladies (G!). I was trying them on with a new shirt for a project I'm working on when I ran into the problem: the neckline of the shirt was low and several inches of rubber were showing. Okay, I can work with this. I figured I would just trim a few inches of rubber from the neckline and I'd be golden. WRONG!!!! I start cutting, and the material has almost zero resistance. Like scissors through wrapping paper or a hot knife through butter. My shears slip, and I puncture the actual breast!!! The next thing I know there's horrible viscous white-ish liquid silicone pouring out all over. I tried to catch it in my hands but it's flowing too fast and it's so sticky and running onto the carpet. I tried to open the door but I couldn't grasp the knob. Letting go with one hand was a bad idea. The liquid surged out and onto the floor and all down my clothes. I was locked in the bedroom with this thing spilling fast and all I could think to do was fling the whole thing into the trashcan in the corner. It worked to contain the rest of the mess, but in the process of tossing it, a large spurt of the stuff shot out and got a streak on the wall and floor. It was a disaster. There was a mess everywhere, all over myself, the carpet, the doorknob, the wall, the trash can. It took freaking forever to clean up MOST of it but there's a permanent stain on the carpet and I had to replace the whole trash can.

TLDR I tried to trim some breast forms and exploded liquid silicone all over my bedroom

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/CraigJSmith-Himself on 2025-07-10 21:49:03+00:00.

For a while now, I've been feeling flushed in the face, with a ruddy complexion. My face has felt hot, prickly, and I've had a very stuffy nose, as if I'm allergic to something.

Let's flash back to last April...

In April last year I was prescribed Fluoxetine (Prozac) due to an ongoing mental health situation, and it seemed to work for me.

My mood was elevated, my temper suppressed, everything seemed to be going fine.... Until...

I began a new relationship, and everything seemed very good. The connection was immaculate, the vibes were good, the petting was heavy. However, I begun to notice that things weren't biologically "rising" in the way that they should. I initially chalked it up to being in my late 30s, and that these things might take some time.

However, this problem persisted, and in July last year, I spoke with my General Practitioner, who provided me with a prescription for Sildnelafil (Viagra for the layman). 100mg of which, I should take.

I proceeded to take the little blue, circular 100mg tablet every morning, alongside my vitamins and normal pills of the day. Things were never better.

My sex life was enviable, I begun to feel energy like I haven't felt since my teens, and my general motivation and drive seemed at an all-time high...

Until the 3rd or 4th week, that is.

A colleague said to me, "Hey, looks like you've been laid out in the sun too long. ". "Don't think so... " I responded, hurrying off to consult a mirror, to see that my visage was bright, blotchy red.

I chalked it up to sunburn, or an allergic reaction.... For nearly a whole year. Trying different creams, lotions and antihistamines to try and quell the redness. All the while experiencing tremendous tumescence (not to brag, or anything).

I finally booked in with a different GP, with hopes of seeing a dermatologist, to curb the red-faced woes.

"You've been collecting a prescription for Sildelnafil every month for a year.", he says, upon looking at my file. "Yeah?" I question. "You must have a big backstock by now!" The doctor says. "Are you flirting with me, doc?" I reply. "Surely you aren't in need of them every day." the doctor responds.

And then it all became clear. These aren't a daily medication at all. They're to be used "As and when required."

For those who don't know, Sildnelafil (Viagra) causes one's blood vessels to open more readily. Causing more plentiful erections, but also, flushing, sinus stuffiness, higher heart rate and a multitude of other symptoms which could be attributed to other things.

TL:DR I took Viagra for nearly a year because I thought it was a daily drug, not something you should take when you need it, and I ended up with a red face (both literally and metaphorically).

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/EarAdministrative209 on 2025-07-10 20:30:54+00:00.

As the text states this is about the time Norovirus tried to wipe out our entire household in under an hour. It started with our daughter getting sick first; she was so tiny and dehydrated we had to rush her to the ER for fluids. While we’re sitting there watching her slowly come back to life with an IV, my husband and I kept glancing at each other with that quiet, unspoken panic like, “Do you feel okay?” which of course was immediately followed by both of us trying to gaslight ourselves into believing it was just sympathy nausea. Totally fine. We’re fine. This is fine.

But then, in what I now recognize as the dumbest moment of overconfidence in our marriage, we decided to ask the ER doctor if they could maybe give us a little something too just, you know, in case we started feeling bad. I said it as casually as possible, like I was asking for ketchup packets. The doctor LAUGHED. Like, actually laughed. Not a polite chuckle, but a full “Haha no” like we’d asked for shots of Fireball to go. So we took our daughter and left, still trying to pretend we weren’t both already starting to descend into gastrointestinal hell.

We got to the car, and while I buckled our little biohazard angel into her car seat my husband got into the driver’s seat, gripped the wheel, and just… froze. I asked him if he was okay, and he muttered something like, “Yeah, yeah I’m fine,” with the wide-eyed expression of a man who was absolutely not fine. Then, without warning, he leaned out of the open door and VIOLENTLY erupted onto the ER parking lot pavement. Like full-body heaving, soul-leaving-the-body levels of vomit. It wasn’t cute. It wasn’t discreet. It was The Exorcist, except in front of God, security cameras, and probably a couple of nurses on their smoke break.

When it was over, he wiped his mouth, stared straight ahead with dead eyes, and said with the grave seriousness of a man who’s accepted his fate, “We’re going home.” So now he’s driving us the three minutes home like a war veteran returning from the front lines, windows down, hands gripping the wheel, the car thick with tension and the faint smell of Gatorade and regret, while I sat there next to him clutching the diaper bag and silently praying my own stomach wouldn’t betray me before we made it back.

We got home. I threw our tiny agent of chaos into her crib like a football and heard my husband immediately disappear into the downstairs bathroom where he started making noises so horrific I’m convinced they permanently damaged our pipes. Meanwhile, upstairs, I started to feel the telltale rumblings in my stomach and in my infinite wisdom, I thought a hot shower might fix it because water cures everything, right? Spoiler: it absolutely did not. I quickly became a human Slip ‘N Slide of regret, slipping between the toilet and shower in a loop of agony, crying, sweating, and praying for the sweet release of death while my body attempted to evacuate itself from every available orifice.

At some point, my husband the pale, sweaty, and barely upright shell of a man he was, crawled upstairs like a zombie from The Walking Dead and peeked into the bathroom to check on me. I tried to say, “I’m okay,” but instead my body betrayed me completely and I unleashed a cinematic wave of projectile vomit in the shower like I was auditioning for The Exorcist reboot. In that moment, I knew we were both done for.

In a last act of desperation, I grabbed my phone with trembling, vomit-streaked hands and posted in my neighborhood Facebook group asking if anyone, anyone at all, had nausea meds they could spare before this house officially became a CDC case study. Bless one angel of a neighbor, who replied immediately with, “I have some zofran I’ll hang it on the doorknob for you!” So I somehow dragged myself to her house like a feral raccoon, puked in her yard (I’m so sorry if you find this I couldn’t exactly leave a note), grabbed the meds, and drove back home. I threw a pack at my husband like I was passing him a live grenade in an action movie, took one for myself, and then collapsed naked and wet in the shower like a sad, forgotten rotisserie chicken.

The moral of the story? If your kid ever gets Norovirus, don’t even try to be strong. Just burn your house down, fake your death, and start over.

TL;DR Baby got Norovirus and took us both out. Husband puked in the ER parking lot, I tried to shower it off and became a human Slip ‘N Slide, neighbor saved us with nausea meds I retrieved mid-puke.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/flextdx on 2025-07-10 17:22:48+00:00.

Last week, I (29M) went on a second date with a woman I really like (28F). We went to a cozy pasta place, and it was going great, laughing, sharing bites, chemistry was there.

Then she started choking.

She made a weird noise and stood up suddenly, clutching her chest. I stood up too panicked and thought she was just overwhelmed or emotional. In my adrenaline-fueled idiocy, I pulled her into a hug.

She tried to push me away but couldn’t speak. A waiter tackled her from behind and performed the Heimlich. Out popped a piece of calamari. She was fine.

Me? Mortified. She didn’t say anything at first. Then she started laughing hysterically and said, “Did you really just try to love me back to life?”

We’re still talking, somehow. But she now calls me CPR (Cuddle-Performing Rescuer).

TL;DR: My date choked and I thought she wanted a hug. Waiter saved her life. I looked like a clown.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/babyv85ix on 2025-07-10 17:06:07+00:00.

This was about a month ago. One of my coworkers (F30s) was leaving our company and we threw a potluck send-off. She’d gained a little weight recently, no one said anything, obviously, but I, in my infinite dumbassery, thought it would be funny to say something like:

“So, are you leaving because you’re having a secret baby or what?”

She went dead silent. I tried to laugh it off, but she looked genuinely horrified. She pulled me aside and told me, quietly, that she had a miscarriage a few weeks prior, and it wasn’t something she’d been able to talk about with anyone at work.

I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach.

I apologized profusely, and she said she knew I didn’t mean harm, but that it was really painful to hear. I still think about that moment and wish I could take it back.

TL;DR: Joked about a coworker being pregnant at her farewell party, not knowing she’d had a miscarriage. Horribly misjudged and still feel like shit.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/rickrolled93 on 2025-07-10 03:55:02+00:00.

I have been putting off changing my oil for faaaaar too long, so I decided I was gonna get it done today after work. I get home, open the garage, place the ramps down. I start driving up the ramps nice and slow, but my car does NOT want to do the thing! I rev the engine a bit more and BAM! I drove over the top of the ramps and they are now stuck under my damn car!!!

I figure I'll just use my jack to lift the car up, no problem. I was wrong. BIG problem. The hydraulic fluid has leaked out of the jack and now the jack will not do the thing. My first thought is to call my dad. He was unable to come get me out of my hot mess because he was hauling stuff for his and his wife's coffee shop.

I figure my neighbor has a jack, which luckily, he does. He helped my jack my car up and get the ramps out. Then he tried to help me get my car up on the ramps but I was afraid to go over them again. He ended up pulling my car up on the ramps for me.

I drained the oil. Then I go to remove the filter and I accidentally tighten it. The ratchet is now stuck on the oil filter, with the handle shoved up in the engine bay stuck in some tubing. It took me like 30-minutes to remove the damn thing. While I am doing this, my neighbor leaves his house. I finally get the stupid ratchet off, reposition, and then make sure the rachet is going the right way. The wrench that goes on the end of the ratchet is now stripped and I can't get the old filter off.

I have a mini-meltdown and like 20 minutes later my neighbor comes back and lends me an oil wrench that has some teeth in on it. I finally get the oil filter off.

Was this my first time changing my oil? NOPE. Am I am giant idiot? Yep, probably!

TL;DR: I fought my car, and my car won. I have the cuts and bruises to show for it.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Admirable_Friend3202 on 2025-07-10 14:04:37+00:00.

I went out for a walk in a park in the evening. It was dark already, but the park pathways are always lit, and the place I live in is pretty safe. So I was feeling comfortable walking, maybe even too comfortable. A man was sitting on a bench, and he started talking to me. I was trying to be kind, ignored all my instincts to go away, and talked to him. It seemed like he had some issues, as his sentences were super unclear and he seemed kind of hectic, but it was like there was inner turmoil in him, nothing that would suggest he would harm me. He offered me strawberries, and when I refused, he started insisting. That was alarming, and I started feeling uncomfortable. Maybe I should not have stopped to talk to him? Why did I put myself in this situation? I took one strawberry and he took one as well, ate it, so I decided it could not have been poisoned or laced with something, as he would not have eaten it himself. We parted ways then, and I safely came back home.

Fast forward to the next day, I see a headline in my local news: a man with open tuberculosis ran away from the hospital. And the man in the picture is the freaking strawberry man. Open tuberculosis is highly infectious, and it can be caught by even talking to the person. So now I am waiting to see if I get any symptoms. If I get it, I am fucked. Good job me, ignoring all my instincts and the lessons learnt since I was a kid - don't talk to strangers and NEVER take anything from them. GOOD JOB!!!! So maybe this can be your reminder, always be careful and trust your gut. Better safe than sorry.

TL;DR - I talked to a stranger who gave me a strawberry, and the next day I found out he was a runaway patient with open tuberculosis. Fun times, yeah?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/imzeigen on 2025-07-09 23:42:48+00:00.

My GF wanted as a gift a kind of specific 'toy' that wasn't sold in my country. However I have relatives in the states so as usual I sent them there. I visit them every 3-4 weeks and kind of common to pick up packages and bring them with me. I had no idea but an aunt an uncle and my grand mother took a quick trip with my grand mother aunt where we receive our packages and since we have a couple of them they took them with them. Since timing could be better they got randomly audited by our customs and since they had several closed boxed and asked about them they had to open them. Well the rest of the story is told by itself. At least instead of becoming a very uncomfortable topic it became a joke around my family and my GF isn't that upset.

TL;DR I order a sex toy and now all my family know that we like to play kinky with self powered toys with too many speeds

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/addsubzero on 2025-07-09 17:29:04+00:00.

I’ve been a long-time listener and lurker, and this is my first post. And I’m sharing it as a warning so others don’t mess up like I did. Leaving it a little vague to protect myself as it's still ongoing.

I’m a 25-year-old college student, and one day, while counting pennies to survive the week on a negative bank balance, I got a message from someone claiming they wanted to use my photo for an art commission. They promised I’d get a framed copy and $500 from a $2.5K commission. Desperate for money, I agreed and gave them my email and phone number so they could “pay” me.

They texted me at night while I was sick, so I wasn’t thinking clearly and didn’t see the red flags. Later, their “client” contacted me, confirming who I was and saying they would email me a check. I was excited, thinking, “yay, $500!” The first check they sent was less than $500, which didn't raise any red flags. I deposited the first check, and immediately, the “client” started pressuring me to transfer the money back to them. I couldn’t because my bank wouldn’t let me, but they kept calling (which I didn't answer as I didn't want them to hear my voice) and texting nonstop, demanding I send the money.

Against my better judgment, I accepted a second check, totaling around $600, but still couldn’t send the money back despite their constant yelling and pressure. That’s when I realized something was wrong. I suspected they were using me for money laundering or check fraud, so I went to my bank and explained everything. The bank confirmed the checks were fraudulent, and we contacted the issuing banks and their fraud departments. They advised me to file a police report to protect myself and keep a record in case it falls back on me, which I did.

Meanwhile, the scammers kept spamming me, demanding to know why I wasn’t responding, and I reported all of this to the police and the bank. On the third day of ignoring them, I got a message from a new number claiming to be an assassin, threatening to kill me and my family if I didn’t “return the money.” They sent a video of themselves pointing an assault rifle at the camera and another video of them allegedly killing someone. I was terrified, shaking, and felt like I couldn’t breathe.

I called the detective on my case, who told me to contact dispatch immediately. Officers came to my house, took another statement, and set up close patrols around my home for safety. I also reported it to the uni's police to make sure that I cover all my bases and protect myself the best I can.

Since then, I’ve lost my bank account, have a bad mark on my credit, and my family found out, scolding me for not telling them sooner. It’s been weeks, but I still feel paranoid, constantly looking over my shoulder, scared for my life.

Please make sure you vet all people who call or text you and don't get sucked into a situation like I did

TL;DR: I agreed to let someone use my photo for a paid commission, ignored red flags, got caught in a check fraud scam, and when I stopped responding, I received death threats and videos from scammers. I’m now dealing with financial and emotional fallout and fear for my safety.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/ZeldaRat on 2025-07-09 22:45:23+00:00.

So I (32F) and my boyfriend (30M) had just moved into our very first apartment together—a charming, newly renovated two-bedroom that felt like it was made for new beginnings. But what really sold us? The bathroom. Oh, that bathroom.

Soon after settling in, we made the classic first-home venture: shopping for the essentials. You know, towels, soap, toilet paper, the little mundane details that make a place yours. Then, as we strolled through the aisles, my boyfriend asked innocently, “Should we get a bath mat?” I dismissed it without a second thought. I’d never needed one. Just another thing to clean.

Flash forward to our first shower—two months ago. We were exhausted from the move, our bodies aching, clothes damp with sweat and dust. A warm shower felt like salvation. But the moment we stepped in, we both noticed it—the tub was slippery. Too clean. Too smooth. We laughed it off, gripping the wall, adjusting, trusting ourselves to be careful.

It became routine—tense moments stepping in and out, gripping the wall. He brought it up again that we really should get a bath mat. And again, I shrugged it off.

Then today happened...

I had just come home from a brutal 10-hour shift. I was tired, achy, irritable, my body felt like it was stitched together with frayed nerves and short fuses. My boyfriend was watching a movie with his best friend, and I just wanted to disappear into the shower, to let the hot water melt the day off me.

Everything was fine, at first. I stepped in carefully, gripping the built-in nook on the wall like always. The water was warm, the steam comforting. I started to relax. Maybe things would feel better after this.

But then it happened.

I turned to grab the body wash. Just simple movement. And that’s when my foot betrayed me. In a heartbeat, the slick ceramic turned into a trap. I slipped. Time slowed. I fell. Hard. My head struck the tile, cushioned just barely by my arm. But my back, my hip,they took the full force.

And there I lay. Wet, stunned, humiliated. The sound of the curtain rod clattering echoed like a punchline to a cruel joke.

I’ve fallen before. I’m no stranger to clumsy moments or twisted ankles. But this, this was preventable.

I called out, ashamed but aching. My boyfriend came running. He helped me up. I didn’t have to say it but I did anyway.

“We need a bath mat.”

TLDR; Newly renovated bathtub/shower combo, had no bathmat, told my bf we didn’t need one multiple times over 2 months. I ended up falling most dramatically out of the tub taking the curtain with me only to admit to him we need one.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Boysenberry7504 on 2025-07-09 21:11:58+00:00.

Story is actually from a year ago, but haunts me to this day.

For context: I [30f] am a lead in my department. So while I don’t supervise anyone, I’m almost-management. We’re WFH, so it’s common for me to get on Zoom calls with coworkers throughout the day.

On this particular day, I was screen sharing with my coworker, Jane [53f]. She happens to notice that as I’m helping her, I’m also responding to various messages and email. She comments on how I’m always doing a thousand things at once.

Here’s where I FU. What I meant to say was, “yeah, I’m a master of multitasking.” Instead, what came out was, “yeah, I’m a master of masterba-.” I stop myself mid-word. I was mortified. If I could have disappeared from this plane of existence I would have.

She starts hysterically laughing, and asks “were you gonna say masturbating?”

Sheepishly, I confess that yes, that’s what I was saying. I tell her don’t know what short-circuited in my brain, and I really meant to say “multitasking”. And I beg her to please not report me to HR for my FU.

She was super cool about it, but I’m still embarrassed to ever see her in person again.

TL;DR: My brain glitched and instead of telling my coworker “I’m the master of multitasking”, I instead said “I’m the master of masturbating.”

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/HurryNegative6117 on 2025-07-09 18:41:05+00:00.

Okay, for context I am a Canadian high school student who while on summer break took a job to tutor a boy who just finished Grade 4 and due to Covid happening when he was in very early grades he is behind on both reading/writing and math.

Now, as a Canadian it's a right of passage to make fun of Americans and in early elementary school one of my teachers brought up the fact that Americans pronounce the letter "z" as "zee" instead of "zed" which is more common in Canada. She told us jokingly that maybe the reason that Americans pronounced it as "zee" was to have it rhyme with "v" in the alphabet song and since then me and my friends have joked about pronouncing "v" as "ved" to make it rhyme with "zed" in the alphabet song.

Now at first I only used this when I was talking with my friends and when spelling words out to them I would say "ved" instead of "vee". But it's been many years since we started doing it and now it's stuck. Whenever I need to remember how to spell a word, or my computer password which has a "v" in it, or when singing the alphabet song in my head to remember the order of letters to search through a dictionary or whatever, I'll always say "v" as "ved"

Anyway, all that brought us to my tutoring job where I have to walk through reading with a kid and unfortunately anytime I mention the letter "v" (which happens more frequently that you would think) I accidentally say "Ved" this has happened multiple times and every time the boy looks at me like I have 2 heads and I have to apologize and correct myself. To make it even worse the kid's mom sits in from the room beside the one me and the kid are in and she definitely hears me struggle to say "v" properly. I have to really pay 100% attention to the letter in order to say it properly because right now "Ved" sounds more natural and correct and "Vee" just sounds wrong.

TLDR: I keep pronouncing the letter "v" as "Ved" to a boy I'm tutoring because of an inside joke with my friends made to dunk on Americans.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/GamerDadJer on 2025-07-09 16:00:43+00:00.

First, obligatory this didn't happen today, but last week.

Now, for those unaware, Cuphead is a video game where you run around in a '50's Disney art style game shooting finger guns at opponents to beat them. Before we go any further, I want to preface that there is a kids show based on this game on Netflix, which was her introduction to the franchise.

Now, the game is cutesy looking, but has some mildly darker implications, as the whole premise is that you are collecting the soul contracts of the bosses you defeat to give to the Devil. These undertones aren't anything a child would reasonably pick up on though and honestly is very tame as far as appearances and violence and whatnot.

We got to the last level, which is defeating the Devil, but first he asks if you're going to hand over the contracts per the characters agreement with him from the beginning of the game. I was curious about the result (it was a yes or no answer, which is the only time they offered a choice like this), so I took a second to look it up. It probably would have taken me about ten seconds in total to make sure I didn't make a bad choice here for her sake.

As I am doing this, having warned my daughter to give me a moment to look into it, she starts button mashing and selects "Yes". Spoiler free result: a very creepy end game screen, with accompanying music that made my daughter not want to play the rest of the night. Spoiler full result: the next screen shows Cuphead, Mugman, and Chalice (the playable characters of the game) essentially zombified with spooky expressions, sharp teeth, and fire surrounding them. The title screen music was also creepy when I tried to jump back into it. She refused to play anymore that night, but luckily the next night asked me to help her defeat the Devil. This was only last week, and she's already back to playing it with me, but I still felt pretty bad about it.

Also, for those asking that are familiar with the game, yes of course it's too difficult for her to actually reasonably play, I had cheats turned on for her sake so she could get through the whole thing and have fun.

TL;DR: Played a cutesy looking game with dark undertones with my 4 y.o. daughter, ended up scaring her into not wanting to play the rest of the night.

ETA: For clarifications sake, the show does not follow the same storyline or most plot points as the game, the only part that's somewhat similar (that I can recall) is at the end. Chalice's soul is taken by the Devil, and Cuphead beats the Devil in rock paper scissors to get her soul back. Otherwise, most episodes are standalone entries, and many include run-ins with the various bosses of the game, but without any fights.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Optimal_Walrus5727 on 2025-07-09 12:46:53+00:00.

I was coming home from work and called an Uber. The driver pulls up and I get in but he starts driving in the opposite direction from my house. At first I thought maybe he was just taking a different route but after like 10 minutes I started getting really paranoid. I kept checking the app and it looked like we were going completely the wrong way. I started thinking about all those true crime podcasts I listen to and convinced myself this guy was trying to fucking kidnap me. I was texting my friends my location and everything and I was so close to calling the police, but I finally worked up the courage to ask him where we were going and he said he was just following the gps to the address I gave him. Turns out my dumbass self had put in my old address from like 2 years ago by mistake. I felt so stupid and awkward for the rest of the ride. The poor guy was probably wondering why his passenger looked terrified the whole time. I gave him 5 stars and a good tip but I still cringe thinking about it.

TL;DR: got an uber and thought that he's kidnapping me

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Slight-Address-8238 on 2025-07-09 12:59:56+00:00.

I was scrolling through Instagram (like 2 am or something) and somehow ended up on my ex's profile (guilty I know). We broke up like 8 months ago and I've been trying to move on but I guess I was curious about what she's been up to. I was looking at her recent posts and then started scrolling back through older ones. I guess I was deeper than I thought because I accidentally double tapped on a photo from like 2 years ago when we were still together (not a pic of us two, but a pic of her that was done through my iphone). I tried to unlike it right away but the damage was done. She texted me an hour later asking why I was stalking her profile and I said that I miss her (I truly do). I almost fainted when she said to me that she misses me to and now we're gonna go out this weekend. I did fuck up by liking her pic, but I guess sometimes fucking up will bring a good thing next haha

TL;DR: I liked my ex's instagram post and now we have a date set for this weekend

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/zain_zia7x on 2025-07-09 12:29:37+00:00.

Okay so it’s a funny F up but had me laughing to no end. So the backstory: This happened last week, my wife (30F) moved to my country from the USA almost a year ago and the 4th of July was coming and I (27m) wanted to do something special for it. I ordered a few decorations to set up and kept it well hidden so on the day before, I got the balloons out and after finishing up with work, i started blowing them up and hiding them all around the house (like in closets and wardrobes).

Now here’s where the fuck up happened. Whilst I was blowing up a balloon, I could hear my wife walking quickly down the hallway towards the bedroom so my first instinct was to let the air out whilst coughing loudly and expectedly, the air coming out sounded like an absolute heinous fart and the cough itself didn’t help! I slowly slipped out the room and my wife was there and asked: “Did you just fart??” I’m unable to hold my laughter but at the same time trying to look guilty and answer her: “Yes 🤣🤣”

She gives me the most disgusted look ever and I’m just in front of her laughing, trying to look semi ashamed. So I left and went back and messaged her sister explaining what happened and she could not stop laughing either. For the rest of the day I was getting weird looks from my wife. (Keep in mind, farting is normal but when it sounded like that balloon, she was right to be concerned haha)

Fast forward to next day when I revealed the surprise, we both laughed so hard when I finally revealed to her that it wasn’t a fart but rather the balloon.

TL;DR: wanted to surprise wife with 4th of July decor, whilst blowing up balloons, I ended up making her think I did the most diabolical fart.

Thanks for reading!

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/LastMuffinOnEarth on 2025-07-08 22:46:24+00:00.

I promise there’s context and this is completely SFW.

So my sibling’s gf is a super sweet person. Last night she decided she’d come over to our place today and bring some of her old clothes that she wanted to be rid of with her so that I could try them on and see what I like and want to keep. These were the clothes she’d already gone through that didn’t fit my sibling; K (name substitute for sibling’s gf) and I wear an XS whereas my sibling wears a M iirc. So as you could imagine, there were a lot of clothes that she brought in a laundry basket stuffed to the brim because most of what she wanted to get rid of didn’t fit my sibling.

For some additional context, K is basically the only feminine person I’m close with. I absolutely love having a feminine girl in my life for once because she’ll help me pick clothes and give me opinions on the nails I make and such which is something I lacked before having mostly guy friends. She really is like a sister to me. So since I take fashion advice from her and really trust her opinion, every now and then as I went through the basket of clothes, if I felt uncertain of an outfit or clothing item, I’d put it on and go out to the family room to ask for opinions from my sibling and K.

Anyways, I’m getting to the very bottom of the laundry basket and I see a super cute top. Black and lacy with thin straps. I’m immediately in love and it does occur to me that it looks sort of like a bra, but K tends to like to ‘dress like a slut’ (her words, not mine) and I’d seen her wear something like it before as a top, so I just assumed it was a top. Plus, why would she give me a bra? I hadn’t seen any others in the laundry basket up until that point.

So I put it on, adjust it, and check myself out in the mirror. It was definitely super cute, but I wasn’t super sure if it suited me well. So I went out into the family room and said, “Hey, K, how does this look on me?” She nodded and said, “It looks cute. But… it’s not a top. That’s a bralette.” My sibling was in the kitchen making mac & cheese bites and they glanced over, sort of giving me a judgmental look but agreeing that it looked fine on me. I just gave a nod, laughed it off, and went back to the master bedroom to continue sorting through clothes.

Very anticlimactic, I know. But I was quite horrified by the fact that I just walked into the family room to ask K how her bra looked on me. As it turns out, there was even a second bra in the basket which I should’ve taken as another clue that she would give me a bra, so… I guess I’m just very blind. But in my defense, it was at the bottom.

TL;DR: My sibling’s girlfriend gave me some clothes to try on. I saw a bra in the basket, thought it was an actual top, and went out into the living room to ask her and my sibling how it looks on me.

Update: The mac & cheese bites were ridiculously good.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Thin-Huckleberry-432 on 2025-07-08 15:25:19+00:00.

I (22M) have had gnarly tension in my shoulders lately from working long shifts. My roommate (26F) has a ton of wellness gadgets, so I asked if I could borrow her neck massager. She said “Yeah, it’s in my bottom drawer. It’s the purple one with the curved handle.”

Great.

I go to the drawer and find the purple one. It’s not what I expected, more like a wand but hey, maybe it’s high-tech. I use it on my neck and shoulders for a good 15 minutes, thinking, “Wow this is intense. No wonder she swears by it.”

Later that night she comes home and sees it on the kitchen counter. Her face just… drops.

“That’s not a massager. That’s my vibrator.”

I died on the spot. I used my roommate’s vibrator. On. My. Neck. And left it on the counter.

She was a surprisingly good sport about it but now calls it “Necky” and refuses to let me live it down. I might move.

TL;DR: Thought I borrowed my roommate’s fancy massager. Turns out it was her vibrator. I used it on my neck and proudly left it out like a moron.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Useful_Bread6268 on 2025-07-08 07:04:53+00:00.

Pretty straightforward story. There's a hot tub place I have gone to for years. I visited back in March and wanted to go again and figured I'd bring a date this time. Packed my swim trunks and went off to have a relaxing evening. Get there, pay, there's a little locker room type room where you can shower and change clothes and I'm in there getting ready while date is waiting on the hot tub. I strip down to slide on my swim trunks and they won't go over my thighs. Same trunks I wore back in March and they were always a little tight but not this bad. There was no squeezing into the shorts- I looked like I was trying to wear a child's clothes. After a few minutes of struggling, I accepted that it's time to retire the shorts. This is how I learned I need to lay off the pizza for a while.

Ended up hot tubbing in my boxers. Still a good date. But maybe future dates will consist of me trying on clothes ahead of time to ensure they fit.

TL;DR I got too fat to wear my swim trunks.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/jjbannerr on 2025-07-08 09:42:15+00:00.

I hung out with bestie a couple days ago, we were just walking around and saw that there's like a craft workshop open in the town hall right? So we were like cool lets go. So we found the hall and found some formal dressed people but it didn't seem right, it was mostly chairs, no tables, and then I noticed a pamphlet stand. An older lady came up to greet us, nice lady, asking how our day was, how the traffic is terrible. While we were engaging small talk, I read 'in loving memory of so and so'. I asked if this was indeed the hall, then she was like well there is a crafting thing going on in the hall a block over. I apologized profusely, thankfully she was like "it's okay dear" and we left. She was like I wonder what was going on, the couple in there looked nice. I was like dude it was a funeral and she goes omg thank goodness I didn't say 'congratulations, I thought it was a little wedding.' Thank. The. Fucking. Higher. Power.

TL;DR: we almost crashed an old man's funeral for not knowing there's two halls in the small ass town.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/No_Writing2298 on 2025-07-07 14:01:36+00:00.

Today I was feeling extremely tired even though I slept a lot like 10 years or so and I figured I’d take a little edible to smooth things out not even a full dose, but just enough to take the edge off while I worked from home. Usually our HOA meetings are on Tuesday nights so I thought I was in the clear. But apparently they’d moved it to Monday (today) at 9am and sent an email about it last week that I totally missed.

I joined the meeting (pretty high) when the Zoom notification popped up: “HOA Monthly Budget Meeting - starting now.” I joined late and I was already sweating and hoping to coast with my camera off (I had it off the whole time), but unfortunately I got called on to give an update on landscaping expenses. I clicked the unmute button and literally forgot how to fucking talk. This continued I think for like 10-15 seconds and the silence was so painful. My camera was on by then and I could literally see someone squinting at me like I was buffering in real life.

Pretty sure half the board thinks I had a stroke and the other half thinks I start the week with a dose lmao

TL;DR: hit an edible before the hoa meeting and froze when my turn came to talk

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/S_Laughter_Party on 2025-07-07 11:13:14+00:00.

Obligatory not today, but recent.

So, the other week, my parents went on an anniversary trip to a hot air balloon festival, as Dad has promised Mom a hot air balloon ride for a few years but things got in the way (broken bones, illness, dying cat, etc.).

They had a great time and while out there, Mom decided to visit a touristy antique shop by their hotel.

Mom finds some uranium glass on display and buys me a small bowl.

Its STUNNING. I love it so much, and couldn't contain my excitement, especially when Dad pulled out the black light flashlight he just had laying around.

And thats where I fucked up.

The thing is, Mom historically does not gift very well. Everything isnthought out, and there is a logic to most of her gifts, but they're almost always just a bit off the mark.

For example: I collect and regularly wear funky earrings, so she gets me some very elegant silver ones from Iceland with volcanic rock. Lovely, and definitely great for a special event, but not my usual Shinbari Torso, Where the Wild Things are, Rotary Phone, Silver Ax (weapon, not body spray), or Sour Night Crawlers vibe.

When they were road tripping she also got me some indigenous beaded jewelry. A set of massive pink starfish (I have a /known/ repulsion to most sea creatures, especially ones with tentacles) and a hand beaded pop socket in the shape of an alien head, which she forgot to take the tag off of ($50+). I don't use pop sockets, but do like space/aliens/celestial shtuff.

She also got me a very delicate hand made Christmas ornament from Germany. We're ALL Jewish (my partner included).

I'm not trying to brag about their funds, my parents are in their early 70s, retired, and like travel now that they aren't supporting us. My Dad budgets tightly and they are extremely frugal the rest of the year.

When they've given me these things in the past, I've done the obligatory "Oh thanks, that's lovey!". Showing my appreciation for the thought, effort, amd cost behind the gifts, if not the actual gift itself, as is polite.

The problem is, I literally could not hide how much I liked this little green bowl.

Now she knows the other gifts were not as appreciated and I'm pretty sure I hurt her feelings, as she hasn't talked to me since (we usually chat/check in every few days).

I know I will probably have to approach it eventually, but its an awkward situation, especially with her wounded pride.

TLDR: Mom got me a really cool gift, I enthusiastically showed my appreciation, which directly contrasts how much I didn't really like previous gifts, where I was appreciative for the sake of politeness.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/superfunniguy on 2025-07-07 10:17:19+00:00.

Today while scrolling TikTok I found out about how Nickelodeon cancelled a show called "Tiny Chef". I had never heard of it previously but I saw how it got cancelled by Nickelodeon and nothing else.

Later, however, I begun getting official animations from the channel on YT shorts that they've been making showing the tiny chef himself finding out about the cancellation and other videos of him being sad about the cancellation.

I never thought seeing a fluffy tiny chef crying about his show getting cancelled would be a thing that would make me cry, but you somehow feel bad, so bad about it. Idk why but my god I'm wrecked.

Hopefully they either raise enough money from the fundraiser they're doing or the fans petitioning for it to be uncancelled to Nickelodeon make it happen because it not I don't think I can take seeing another vid of Cheffy being depressed

TLDR; I cried because I saw a video talking about the cancellation of a show I'd never watched and now I feel sad

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/loco-burn on 2025-07-07 08:17:59+00:00.

Adding another injury on my throwaway account. This time, 2 giant bruises on the back of my thighs.

On the North Shore of Oahu, HI there is a 20 to 40 jumping rock in Waimea Bay. I've jumped it years ago, but I was chicken shit back then and climbed to a lower ledge to jump. Today with the friend pressure and trying to be a fearless example for me kids, I climbed back up. And this time, I was doing the full height.

I sat on top of the rock for 20 minutes. Contemplating the life choices that brought me to the rock. Being mad at myself for thinking it would be easy because I did it all those years ago. Mad at my husband for joking he was gonna push me. All the while dudes are doing back flips, and all sorts of kids jumping off only to immediately climb back up and do it again.

When I finally convinced myself to jump, I hesitated. Do I plug my nose to stop the water? Do I cannon ball? Do I put my arms at my side to be a stiff pencil? What if I belly flop? Are my kids even watching? All these things in a span of less than 2 seconds.

My body decided to kick my legs out into a seated position. The slap of 140lbs hitting the water, ass first, was heard by the entire beach&. Pretty sure the ocean gave me a small enema. My thighs were immediately tender, but I didn't let it ruin my day. It wasn't until we left and we finally saw the beginnings of welts. It hurts to do anything that involves sitting or laying on back. I now have 2 ice packs on the back of my purple and black legs. Lessons were learned. I now I know how to jump, but I doubt I will ever try to again

Tl;dr. Jumped off a 30ft rock into the ocean, hit the water ass first. It now hurts to sit.