This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Asexual-Dragon-Girl on 2026-08-02 20:54:19+00:00.

So I, 17F, work at an outdoor pool as a lifeguard. I also teach piano lessons part time during the summer, and somehow still go to the gym and see my friends. My pools name is Albert Cross Schooly Pool (First two words are fake, but “schooly pool” is important for story purposes).

Yesterday I was at work doing a 9 Hour shift, (12:00-9:00), and the night before I had only gotten around 5 hours of sleep. We were on heat alert where I live, and my coworkers and I were all exhausted, sweaty, and mentally drained by the time 9:00 rolled around.

Now, to close the pool, we have a PA system. One of us has to do a small message around the lines of: “Attention Albert Cross Schooly Pool Swimmers, the pool is now closing. Please exit the pool and have a good evening”. On this particular night, I decided to do the closing message.

That was a bad idea.

Tiredly, thinking about nothing but wanting to go home, I say with full confidence into the mic:

“Attention Albert Cross Pooly School Swimmers-“

Then I realize my mistake. Around the same time as all my coworkers start laughing. I start laughing too, in my heat induced delirium, and of course, I forget to turn off the mic. For a solid thirty seconds, the swimmers at the pool heard nothing but ten lifeguards laughing their asses off.

One of my coworkers then takes the mic from me and does the closing message because I’m laughing too hard. I have a feeling they won’t be letting me forget this anytime soon.

TLDR: I shouldn’t have a microphone when I’m tired, I can’t speak proper English apparently

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/ThereGoesSanity on 2026-08-02 16:15:20+00:00.

I got an infected bug bite on my toe, which is unfortunately cellulitis. The doctor prescribed me oral antibiotics to take. If you've ever been on them before, you know antibiotic pills are HUGE for no reason. Im on day 3 at this point and managed to get them down pretty well the first 2 days. Side effects are extra bad but better than losing my toe. I go to take my morning dose today and I just CANNOT swallow it for some reason. I pull it out to add more water and try again, at this point its already disintegrating and im like fuck I need to take the full course. So I put it back in and try again, it breaks in half, I get one half swallowed and the other half hit my uvula so I gagged and ended up spitting an antibiotic slurry all over my hand. I got tears in my eyes at this point. I look at my disintegrated meds all over my hands, I grab my water bottle, and i end up licking the mushy remaining antibiotic off my hand followed with water to get that chalky stuff down. Definitely 0/10 would not recommend.

TL;DR: couldn't swallow antibiotic, spit antibiotic paste onto my hand, had to take antibiotics anyways so licked the rest off my hand and chugged with water

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Electronic_Key1521 on 2026-08-02 15:54:46+00:00.

On Saturday, my friend and her bf had a housewarming party and I was invited. That night would be my first time meeting her bf. We used to do film projects together for years but she doesn't work in film anymore so it had been years since we saw each other. I was very excited for this party because I got to see other people I used to work on films with whom became good friends as well. I arrived and we were having a great time catching up with old friends, there were other people that I don't know as well. Anywayl drank too much and I blacked out.

The next day I woke up in one of their bedrooms and I didn't wanna wake them up, so | just left. I texted her when I got home apologizing about what happened. Mind you, I don't know what I did, but I knew I did something stupid. She immediately called and told me I have a problem. She said I walked around naked in the apartment, harrassed people, endangered myself and others, and was so rude. But I don't know any details. She wasn't yelling at me, but she sounded very upset and concerned at the same time. She asked if I'm on any psych meds and yes I am but l've been on them for years and I rarely ever mess up when I drink. So hearing this was a huge shock to me. I apologized profusely and explained that I've never acted like that even when I'm super drunk, so I don't understand why I did what I did. She continued saying how upset she was and told me to take care of myself. I apologized again and asked her to send my apologies to others.

Earlier today I called 3 friends to talk about this who understand that this is not a normal behavior for me even when blackout drunk. They asked if I have been feeling depressed or having big life problems. I don't have any problem and I wasn't feeling depressed.

But now I am because I made trouble and I don't know what I did in details. As of now, I'm still having really bad hangxiety to the point I can't be alone with my own thoughts. I will send another apology in a couple days. I wanna give her (and myself) some space and time to calm down and process what happened. I feel really guilty and ashamed of what I did and I can't stop overthinking it.

TL;DR I did fucked up things that are completely out of character of me even when I’m super drunk and now I’m anxious.

EDIT: To add, I did have a drinking problem years ago and was not mentally okay. I have now much reduced my alcohol intake and mentally in a much better mental space. The 3 friends that I called are good old friends have seen my worst behavior when I was drunk and something like this never happened before.

EDIT: Another addition, I’m a woman in my late 20s.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Inevitable_Trade_722 on 2026-08-02 08:39:56+00:00.

So I was chilling with by friend in his car outside a walmart, and a group of girls who looked around our age walked by and sat in the car beside ours. We were both minding our own business, but on several occasions made slightly awkward eye contact. It happened a few times and it looked like they were laughing about it, as were we – overall the atmosphere seemed pretty chill. The weird side-eyes we were giving each other reminded me of that one meme with the dog giving the side eye, so I pulled up a picture of the sus dog on my phone and held it up the the window as we pulled out of our spot, since for some reason, I thought they would understand it as a reference to our slightly awkward eye contact from earlier. When I put the image of to the window, one of the girls gave me a look straight from the fires of hell. I didnt understand, since my brain stupidly assumed we were on the same page. I was embarrassed that the joke didn't land like I wanted so I slumped down in my seat. My friend then said that one of the girls had angrily stepped out of the car, likely looking to confront me, but by that time we had already pulled out and started driving. It didn't even occur to me that she might have thought I was calling her friend a dog with the picture until my buddy told me on our drive home. Judging by their reactions, it seems like they definitely interpreted it as an insult. Looking back, that implication should have been obvious, but it hadn't crossed my mind at all. I feel so dumb and just hope that she didn't take it to heart. If you google "sus dog", you'll see the image I condemned myself with

TL;DR: I thought we were on the same page about the sus dog meme, but she thought it was directed to her as an insult. <:(

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/pretty-princess6969 on 2026-08-01 22:53:26+00:00.

I (24F) was with this guy I’d been seeing for a few weeks. We finally went back to his place after a couple of drinks, lights off, everything was actually going really well for once.

I’m on top, we’re both into it, and out of nowhere I feel the most violent sneeze of my life building up. I try to hold it in like my dignity depends on it.

I fail spectacularly.

I sneeze so hard that I clench, he slips out, and my knee shoots forward and nails him right in the stomach. At the exact same moment something else happened… loudly… and it echoed.

He froze underneath me. I froze on top of him. The only sounds were me still sniffling and the very obvious evidence of what just happened hanging in the air.

After a few seconds of complete silence he just whispers:

“…did you just sneeze and… do that?”

I tried to play it cool and said “maybe” in what I thought was a sexy voice. It came out sounding like a dying frog. He started laughing so hard he couldn’t breathe, which made me start laughing, which made it happen again. Quieter this time, but still very much there.

We did not finish. I got dressed in complete silence while he was still wiping tears from laughing so hard. He’s texted me “achoo” every single day since.

Still seeing him somehow.

TL;DR: Sneezed so hard during sex that I accidentally kneed him in the stomach and completely killed the mood in the most embarrassing way possible.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Glenncoco23 on 2026-08-01 11:41:23+00:00.

This actually happened a few days ago.

My 10-year-old nephew came over and saw me playing Halo Infinite. He was fascinated by it. I normally don’t let him play a lot of games without asking his mom first, but Halo has never really struck me as being that bad outside of the obvious shooting. So after getting the okay, I let him play a bit.

I made him play in the living room where everyone could see the TV instead of upstairs by himself. He had a blast. Afterward he kept asking me questions about Master Chief, the Covenant, Cortana, and the story.

Eventually his mom asked where she should start if he wanted to play more of them. Without thinking, I said, “Honestly, Halo 4 was my first Halo game. That’s where I started.”

I figured I’d give him the choice instead of forcing him to play everything in release order.

What I completely forgot was that Halo 4’s version of Cortana is… let’s just say much more artistically detailed than I remembered. Apparently my brain had filed away all the “rampant AI” plot points and completely ignored the fact that she’s basically wearing a very high-resolution blue bodysuit made of wishful thinking.

About an hour later I just hear, “Why is she naked?”

Cue his mom slowly turning to look at me.

I tried explaining that she’s an AI and that’s just how Bungie… I mean 343… designed her, but by then it sounded like I was defending the design choices of a fictional hologram instead of helping my case.

Needless to say, Halo 4 is no longer the recommended starting point.

TL;DR: Introduced my 10-year-old nephew to Halo through Halo Infinite. Recommended Halo 4 as his next game because it was my first. Completely forgot how revealing Cortana’s design is. Had to explain to his mom why the glowing blue AI looked like she forgot most of her clothes.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/OliveOk612 on 2026-08-01 02:57:13+00:00.

I was reeeeally excited to make ice cream for the first time. I bought a nice Cuisinart ice cream machine off of amazon. I unboxed it this morning, and I looked over the instruction, which said to leave the churning bowl in the freezer for 24 hours since there’s cooling liquid inside it. I did, and I checked it later today, tried shaking it around, and it was frozen solid! So, I thought I’d just making it tonight.

Now, this is where I fucked up. I didn’t look into the specifics enough. I didn’t realize that the instructions left out something quite important: you’re supposed to chill the base in the fridge for multiple hours. Even a whole day! On top of that, apparently the slush test isn’t all that good, as it’s better to leave it in the freezer for multiple days. So, I made my strawberry base, followed the instructions to leave the machine running, and…

It was soup. Strawberry ice cream soup.

Thankfully, when you fuck up the base of ice cream, it’s not like you burnt a steak or something, so I put the mixture in my refrigerator with the machine’s base. And the bowl is back in the freezer. As it’s Friday night, I’ll try everything again come Monday to be safe.

TL;DR, I rushed the cooling process of everything related to making ice cream, and as a result, I made ice cream soup.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/dvillin on 2026-07-31 18:03:33+00:00.

Three years ago the cold water line in my kitchen broke. It spilled water all over the floor causing warping damage and shorting my electrical box. I got the immediate problem solved and then made a claim with Travelers. What followed was two years of runaround as they rejected my estimates from multiple contractors, including their own. I finally had enough and filed a complaint with the state insurance commission. I was forced to represent myself because none of the lawyers in my state wanted to fight Travelers. I had been waiting for a hearing for almost 8 months. It was originally scheduled for July 21st, but the date was changed. I thought the new date was today. When I showed up to the hearing with all my paperwork, it turns out the hearing was yesterday. Default judgment is being issued against me. I'm hoping I can appeal, but the odds are slim.

Tldr: I got the date wrong for an important hearing.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Throwaway173490 on 2026-07-29 01:16:41+00:00.

Hi reddit, this is my first time posting so if I get something wrong I am very sorry I just need to get this out and maybe get some advice.

I (18 F) have Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder, this never excuses any of my actions but I hope it offers some explanation. I got into the honors college at my future college. I am set up live in honors housing and I thought I had completed all honors requirements since I already completed one canvas course this summer and I did many things while applying. Before my depressive episode started this summer I had taken note of all dates of when things needed to be completed by.

During my episode I didn’t have the energy or motivation to do anything except go to my job (I work full time in a service role), do my chores, and do bare minimum social obligations. During this time I did not check my school email, bad move for an incoming college student I know, but I thought I was aware of all dates. Apparently there was an additional honors canvas course I was emailed about, the date of which I am already late for.

I received an email saying I am no longer part of the honors college and that I can apply again next year. I just feel so full of self loathing and I wish I could take all my loser behavior back. I worked so much these past four years to get to this point to be excepted into the honors college only to throw it away because I got depressed again.

Does anyone have any advice or words of wisdom? Is it worth it to reach out to the honors college and explain my situation and see if they will let me complete the course now?

TL;DR: I didn’t check my college email during a depressive episode this summer therefore I missed a mandatory canvas course and received an email saying I am removed from the honors college.

Edit: Thank you everyone so much for your replies, it means so much to me. Especially the comments reminding me to be kind to myself, that is a skill I am definitely still working on and the helpful words from everyone who commented help a lot :)

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Almondjoy247 on 2026-07-31 04:39:06+00:00.

So, I might just be an idiot. I work hard for a living and finally decided to take a full week off work with the capstone of driving to big bend national park and see the absolutely pitch black sky for the first time. I even bought a telescope on a whim, a whole $700 ,to truly take in the night.

It's a full moon tonight. For those not aware a full moon is so god damn bright, its like being in the city as far as stargazing.

I drove 8 hrs, bought a telescope, and paid a premium on the hotel just to see a WORSE night sky than I can back home on a new moon night.

I'm laughing so hard at myself right now, oh well I still get to enjoy the hiking tomorrow and I still get to appreciate the silent desert night.

Tldr: don't go stargazing during a full moon

Update: a lot of you have been talking about moonrise/moonset. The moon is up basically the entire night right now. I got double fucked.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Castieell99 on 2026-07-28 23:36:48+00:00.

My boss slacked me a screenshot this afternoon with just a question mark under it, and I knew right away exactly what I'd done.

For context, I use one of those AI notetakers that sit in on your calls and email out a summary the moment you hang up, and a while back I turned on a setting to have it send that summary automatically to everyone on the invite, then forgot the setting even existed like an idiot.

So this morning we get on a call with a client who's been, to put it kindly, high-maintenance.

In the couple of minutes before they joined, my 2 coworkers and I were venting the way you do when you think it's just you…

One of us saying the account was going to churn anyway and another saying we'd padded the timeline because this client never approves anything on the first try, then they joined and we were perfectly pleasant to their face, had a totally normal call, and all hung up thinking everything was fine.

And the notetaker did what it was built to do, it recorded the whole call including those couple of minutes before the client joined, then turned the lot into a summary and emailed it to everyone on the invite, the client included.

I didn't find out until my boss's question mark landed, by which point the client had already replied to all of us asking, word for word, what "padded the timeline" was supposed to mean, with the whole BuildBetter summary quoted right there underneath.

My whole afternoon's gone to damage-control calls, the account's now 2 levels above me, and I've switched off every automation I own since, even a few that never did anything wrong, because I don't trust myself with a checkbox anymore.

The tool did nothing wrong, it did exactly what I set it up to do, and I'm the genius who armed it a year ago and walked away.

TL;DR: left auto-send on for my AI meeting notes, forgot about it, and it emailed a difficult client the 2 minutes of us trashing them right before they joined the call.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/yummy_lobster on 2026-07-29 16:01:08+00:00.

Today I was simply enjoying the weather on my bike and got bored (or just wanted to show off). So my genius brain decided it was good idea to INTENTIONALLY yank the handlebars way too hard just for fun... on a freaking gravel shoulder. So, a split second later I lost control and crashed (surprisingly that was NOT what i was planning), cutting my chin open (and scratched everything I could). I got up with blood literally dripping off my chin on the ground.

Long story short: I got three stitches.

Now that i'm thinking about it, I feel like I could prevent it. I INTENTIONALLY turned the wheel too sharply. I genuinely have no idea what went through my head.

The worst part is that I can't even admit the real story. My mum and the doctor both heard a very convincing story about a stupid rock on my way that i wanted to avoid because I'm just too embarrassed to tell them that i was just messing around.

And now I feel childish (I'm 18) because usually kids go to hospitals with scratched knees and faces😩

Please tell me your dumbest "I did this to myself" story so I don't feel quite so embarrassed.

TL;DR: Played stupid games on my bike at 18, won 3 stitches in my chin and a deeply bruised ego.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Rexxington on 2026-07-29 15:14:27+00:00.

First and foremost I hate these fucking pockets on my pants, they are too shallow.

So yeah, as the title states I had used the bathroom and flushed, well as I was getting up to pull my pants up. Out comes my keys and they get flushed up before I can even react. Cherry on top is they're gone forever as this toilet connects to the sewer, and is an industrial one so when it was flushing it had a lot of power behind it. Thankfully all keys that were lost I have spares for and can make new copies of, yet I did have a thob on it from my deceased father, which is now fucking gone, honestly I'm surprised that didn't keep them from flushing. I hate the pockets on my pants, as they are too shallow and as what just happened, drop things all the time. My new set will be clipped on my pants loop by a carabineer moving forward, as things the first tna d last time this is going to happen.

TL;DR: Used the bathroom, shallow pockets dropped keys while the toilet was flushing, and their gone for ever now, fuck me.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Sparky_Matrix on 2026-07-29 13:47:12+00:00.

TL:DR DAVID protein bars (peanut butter chocolate chunk) gave me orange stools that turned into waxy orange anal leakage happening without any warning or sensation, staining my toilet, my recliner, and eventually my truck seat in front of coworkers. I quit eating them after realizing my daughter had the same orange stool issue from just one bar a day, and I still don’t understand how orange anal leakage from a protein bar is even legal to sell.

I need to tell somebody about this because I am still not over it

I loved DAVID protein bars. Peanut butter chocolate chunk specifically — genuinely delicious, great macros, I was eating two a day thinking I’d found the perfect protein snack. I will never eat one again, and here’s why.

About two weeks in, I noticed my stools had turned orange. I brushed it off — figured it was something in the ground beef my grandmother was cooking (asked her about it, she was NOT happy about that question). Didn’t think much more of it.

A few days later I’m in the bathroom, doing my normal bidet routine, and I look down and there are these waxy orange clumps stuck to the bowl. Not rinsing off. I had to physically scrape them off with the toilet brush. Disgusting. Went to shower immediately after, and that’s when I realized the orange stuff wasn’t just in the toilet — it was all over me. Coating everything back there like actual wax. A bidet spray wasn’t touching it.

I got a little freaked out and looked it up, and sure enough other people have reported the same orange stool thing from these bars. So I back off them for a bit.

Then that same day I notice my recliner has an orange stain on it. From whatever had been happening without me feeling a thing.

Fast forward two weeks. I’m back on two bars a day (I know, I know), sitting in a work truck with coworkers, eating Chinese food. Spill a little on my pants, go to wipe it off the seat, and there’s an orange stain that is very much not sweet and sour sauce. Black polyester pants, cooling fabric, orange wax stain, and I had not gone to the bathroom or felt anything all day. My coworker saw it. I saw it. I wanted to disappear.

Went straight to the bathroom and confirmed it: my ass was full of orange wax. It had apparently been slowly leaking out of me for hours without any sensation whatsoever.

To top it off, my daughter had been eating one bar a day and was also getting orange stools.

I’m a 40-year-old man and this might be the single most disgusting and unsettling thing that’s happened to my body in years. How is a snack bar out here causing unnoticed anal leakage? How is this legal? How does the company not have a warning on this?

Never again. Check your stool, folks, if you’re eating these.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Pixies_Girl on 2026-07-29 11:02:22+00:00.

For context: my country isn’t a native English speaking country but the interview itself was conducted mostly in English. I’m not a native English speaker myself so I had some trouble translating the answer to the interview questions in my head from my native language to English.

Basically, I had an internship interview at a BigLaw lawfirm in my country. Midway through the interview, one of the interviewer (there were 2) asked me about my time advocating for womens rights through one of the organizations I joined in my faculty. I explained to him about my time and then he asked me about what issues I was campaigning for and why it was important basically.

I told him it was about online gender based violence and proceeded to explain to him about it.

During said explanation, one of the things that I tried communicating is that men in my country still tended to treat victims (women in this context) of sexual violence as “sluts” and impure so thats why we need to combat it. The problem is that I couldn’t think about how I could phrase it without using the expletive “slut”.

I literally stopped in the middle of my sentence for a good 5-10 seconds trying to think of a better word (my interviewer even asked me whether I wanted to explain it in my native language). I ended up just fucking winging it and used my native languages term for “slut” as I literally couldn’t think of anything else that has the same implication as said term.

Now I’m really regretting using that term as I really wanted the internship at said BigLaw law firm. I’m really scared that my use of the word slut just tanked my chances to getting that internship.

TL;DR: Using the word “slut” because I couldn’t think of a better word most likely just tanked my internship interview.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/EverySection509 on 2026-07-29 02:02:21+00:00.

There’s a big (and fancy) fundraiser gala coming up at work this coming Friday night, with some pretty fancy speakers from NASA, some old money people, etc, etc. And one of my co-workers asked if anyone had an apron or toolbelt for them to use so they could carry around raffle tickets, pens, stuff like that.

Now, I have two kinds of emails I send while at work. I have the normal, professional ones that begin with "Hello (name)," and end with "Best, (name)". Formal. Professional.

And then there are the types of emails I send out to my manager, and a few other coworkers that include gifs and stickers and the like. I'm also the youngest person at this workplace (23F), with the next youngest person being my manager and she is in her early 30's. So there are two types of demographics here- the laid back millennial crowd, and the traditional pen-and-paper notetakers.

So that request email comes from one of the co-workers I am close with. And I, being who I am, decide to send her a half helpful half joking email. Because I do have an apron she could use. It's not super fancy gala type, but it's still technically what she asked for. A brown apron, which I got off amazon vine when I got on a healthy cooking kick in college. It has a cute little crab in the corner. Amazon vine is a service where you receive items on amazon for free in exchange for writing detailed reviews, preferably accompanied with photos/videos. So I have a photo of me in this apron that I took for my amazon review, and put it in this email. Me, making a bodybuilder-esque flexing pointing pose with my crab apron. I send it over, and only after it has fully gone through and sent did I notice it went to EVERYONE.

My boss. My boss's boss. The event planners. Even contracted workers. EVERYONE.

Another awful part is that the people here love to troll. There's this thing called the "Wall of Nate" (Nate is a placeholder name) for a coworker i'm going to call Nate, which is a bulletin board in the common area of photos of him, eating fries, riding a motorcycle, as a fake magazine cover, dressed as a headless horseman. There are photos of other people which get posted to their doors when they're gone, like wanted posters when someone is on PTO.

One coworker emailed me immediately back and said they're now going to be calling me 'Crab Queen'. They also said the photo has gone into a 'database'. I'm so fucked. I just started here a handful of months ago and have not yet been subjected to bad photoshopped photos of myself, and I fear i've placed the first fuel in the fire.

Worst part is, she doesn't even want to use my apron.

TL;DR: I sent a photo of myself in a stupid pose wearing an apron to my entire company and now I fear I am going to be office-trolled for the foreseeable future. Photo in comments.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Jumpy_Ad3453 on 2026-07-28 22:26:33+00:00.

My younger brother had started borrowing my car whenever he saw the spare key sitting in the kitchen drawer, usually without asking first. After arguing about it a few times, I hid the key inside an old pair of running shoes in my closet.

I picked the shoes because I never wore them and knew he wouldn’t look there.

While clearing out some stuff, I donated a bag of clothes and shoes to a charity shop. I felt pretty good about finally getting rid of things I hadn’t used in years.

Later, I couldn’t find my normal car key. After checking every pocket, drawer and random surface in my apartment, I remembered the spare.

Then I remembered the shoes.

I called the charity shop and explained that there might be a car key shoved inside one of the donated shoes. Somehow they found the bag before everything was sorted, and the key was still pushed into the toe.

I got it back, but the woman asked why I was storing car keys inside footwear.

TL;DR I hid my spare car key from my brother inside an old shoe, forgot about it and donated both the shoe and my backup key.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Maximum_Muscle9953 on 2026-07-28 16:55:15+00:00.

This happened to me last month.

A little background. I (41m) am a keen runner. I don't want to brag because I'm not a pro or anything, but I can run a marathon in just over 4 hours. Last year, I ran 1000 miles, and this year, I am shooting for 1400. So yeah I'm not an elite athlete by a long stretch, but I am a probably a lot fitter than the average man at my age.

Anyway, I had recently read some research about how kettle bell training can quickly improve your lung capacity and I wanted to give it a shot. I ordered 2 kettle bells, a 16kg and a 20kg from a local store, and it just so happened that my wife needed to go out to collect some things. So we hopped in her car and off we set.

I get to the store, get my bells, and walk back out, one in each arm. My wife has to go around the block to get where she needs to go so she was still sitting outside. And that's when I get the idea!

We are only just over 2 miles from my house, and I'm already in a running vest, shorts, and running shoes. I haven't worked out today. I set down the kettle bells, open the car door, and tell her "you know what, I think I'll just walk home with these to try them out."

She shoots me a "are you sure that's a good idea?" look, but I am not paying attention, because I am, in my mind, already all in on my idea. So I take my phone out of my pocket, throw it in her car, and tell her, I'll see her back at home. (For context, when I run, I don't take my phone. I like the feeling of being disconnected from the online world, if only for a short time. My watch has GPS so my wife can see where I am.)

She drives off, and I start my Garmin watch, pick up my new kettle bells, and start heading home. I get maybe 200m, dropped the bells to the floor and finally at this moment, I realised, that I had FU.

Already, my hands were struggling to maintain grip. My shoulders were aching. My forearms throbbed. My glutes were pulsing. I set down the bells, check my watch, and realise I still have over 15x this distance to go.

I had no phone. I had no wallet. Nobody was coming for me. It was just me and the bells. I swapped them around, picked them up, and started walking again.

100m later, I dropped the heavier bell, set down the lighter one, and checked my watch again. FUCK

3 HOURS LATER, I finally get to my garden gate. The pain in my hands, arms, back, and legs is like nothing I've ever felt. I set down the bells and slowly hobble to the door. I plead to my wife to PLEASE bring the bells in because I can't do any more.

She says, smirking, "you've gotten this far! It wouldn't be right for me to take over now"

Damnit. She's right. So I hobble back to the garden gate, and with both hands pick up the heavy bell and bring it to the house. Then the smaller one. This takes me, I kid you not, nearly 10 minutes. My garden is not a large garden.

I have ran many races, including marathons, ultra marathons, hill marathons and triathlons. But nothing, and I mean NOTHING, will ever compare to that 2 mile walk.

tl;dr I bought heavy weights and left myself with no way to get them home other than walking and carrying them

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/some_guy_9258 on 2026-07-27 06:06:12+00:00.

this was two years ago, but i was too embarrassed to post it before. i can laugh about it now.

i live in a small town…such a small town that we have one talent show. like, for elementary, middle and high school. those are the three different schools in my town. maybe we do it this way to save costs. idk. there’s not that many people in our school district, but, it’s everyone i have ever grown up with. anyways, so i was the MC for the talent show, as a high schooler. they almost weren’t going to have the talent show that year because the usual family who was in charge were too busy but my mother volunteered to run it.

i basically did everything, the sign ups, canva fliers and the little booklet that tells you who is preforming what and stuff. but, i actually thought it would save time and be more efficient if everyone scanned a QR code and it opened up a canva page with the order of everyone and what they were doing, who’s songs they were covering, etc. this allowed me to easily change things around if people dropped out or whatever, which always happens. (my performance got cut 😐 that’s a story for another time ig). this all sounds kinda jank because i was 16, what can i say.

anyways, the talent show comes around and i do a great job MCing, i remember everyone’s names and order so i don’t need to read off of a paper, which i always thought was a bit unprofessional of the last guy who did it (so yes, i have no script at all. i am making it all up on the spot other than the predetermined order and doing a great job of it so far). a bit of info about the last guy. him and his wife usually ran the whole thing. they have LOTS of kids, but only two are relevant in this story. i’ll call them Holly and Riley. Riley is probably 12 or 13 at this time, she does not have a piece in this talent show, but in the audience. Riley used to play with my sister, so i know her well. we also know the family very well and have for many years. Holly is 7ish and does have a piece. i guess now is the time to say how similar they look. they seriously look like the same person. or, well, Holly looks exactly like Riley did 4 years ago when she played with my sister. i have called Holly Riley on several occasions.

i announce Holly, she has a little song about the countries of the world or something. it’s super cute. i say “give it up for Holly!” everyone claps and she leaves the stage. everything goes perfectly for the entire show. at the end…all the performers get up on the stage to do a final bow, curtsy, etc. i’m going through the list “Bob, Dylan, Kelly, Grace, Riley— frick, i mean Holly”. i panic. i can feel everybody starring at me. my face is getting red, and so is Holly’s. i make eye contact with Riley in the sidelines and she’s looking at me like “seriously bro”. for some reason i decide to dwell on this moment for a second longer and say, into the microphone in front of everyone i’ve event known, “sorry, you look so much like your sister”. Holly replies to me “yeah i know 😒”…clearly not amused by my fuck up. i can feel literally everyone in my town’s second hand embarrassment for me. Holly does a weak little curtsy and i continue announcing everybody. i don’t remember anything after that moment. must have blacked out. it really wouldn’t have been that bad if i just went “Riley— Holly!” and moved on but the fact i doubled down like anyone needed an explanation. i am cringing writing this but also laughing and i hope you are, too.

TLDR: i was MCing a school talent show and i called a girl by her older sisters name on the microphone in front of everybody because they look so similar.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Ruinerofchats on 2026-07-28 08:21:23+00:00.

For context, i live in a basement suite.

I was snoozing on the couch by my front window. A u-haul backed up into my window hard enough to take it off the frame. I woke up to broken glass raining down around me and a bonk to the head from the frame.

It was slowly turning after backing into the wall, I assumed they noticed they'd clearly hit something. So I'd quickly put on some clothes and went outside to see they had disappeared. They haven't been found yet.

I should have just bolted out there naked.

As for injuries, nothing serious. I have a bunch of microcuts on me though.

I just keep thinking 'if I'd just booked it out there i'd have caught the idiots'

Ive made a police report, contacted u-haul and no one has been able to track this truck.

"TL;DR:" I didnt run outside naked and the people who almost hurt me really badly got away.

Update: thanks for smacking some sense into me. Theres nothing I could have changed. Im gonna contact insurance in the morning. Thank you again!

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/EfficientShake1867 on 2026-07-27 15:19:31+00:00.

Today i fucked up by inviting this girl I was interested in to my apartment. For context, I met this really pretty girl while I was out for my friends birthday. I was super exhausted from work, so I just kinda sat around mildly moving to the music, when her and her friends approached me. I chatted them up for a bit, and in the end the girl ended up hugging me 3 or 4 times to say bye. I got her insta and a few days later I hit her up asking to go the beach. I thought she was really pretty and sweet, and so a few days later I hit her up asking if she wanted to go to the beach. She asked which beach, and I replied with my apt has one. I didnt even think of the implications of inviting her to my apt at all I just wanted to hang out with some people at the beach and have a few drinks. Haven't heard from her since, and like 3 days later I looked at it, and was like OH, I Basically just asked her to come over my apt which was SUPER forward. 😭😭 i just wanted to hang out at the beach with cool people, and ended up being a creep fml.

TL;DR: Met a girl at a club, invited her to the beach/my apt which definitely read more as my apt inv. Pretty sure I came off as a creep and got ghosted

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Pale_Message_1739 on 2026-07-27 02:19:48+00:00.

Obligatory this happened a few months ago. I (20F) and my gf (21F) are both college students. We were headed to the library with our friend (20F) to do a long night of group studying. We wanted to eat first so we didn’t have to get takeout (broke college students, eating out is expensive af). Our friend had already eaten so I made boxed mac and cheese for my gf and I. I was out of milk, which I didn’t realize until after I’d already started boiling the noodles. Luckily I make cold foam for my coffee all the time, so I had some heavy whipping cream in the fridge. I figured I would just use more butter than the box recommended and use a bit of heavy whipping cream in place of milk. Not as much as I would have regular milk, but some, because making boxed mac and cheese with just butter is an oily mess, which I learned the hard way a different time.

Anyway I dished it up and we started eating, and my gf really liked it. I mean, who doesn’t like mac and cheese, but this was Walmart brand super cheap stuff, so I was a little surprised. She asked if I added different spices or something, and I said no, but I used heavy whipping cream instead of milk. She looked at me like I was crazy. I didn’t think it was that weird to do. I mean it wasn’t my first choice but it was what I had. She said she was going to have stomach issues from it. (We are both a little lactose intolerant, I mean isn’t everyone?) I apologized but I was kind of laughing, and she was too.

Then she stopped about halfway through eating and went to the bathroom. She was in there for like 20 minutes so I texted her and asked if she was okay. She said “no I’m shitting my brains out”. I said “haha I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to lol”. She came out and was kind of upset but also not serious about it, saying how I screwed up her stomach for the whole day and night because of the heavy whipping cream. But then she sat down to finish the bowl, because according to her it was the best boxed mac and cheese she’d ever had. But then she went to the bathroom for like another 20 minutes after. I was just laughing with our friend the whole time. We were late to the library to study, which wasn’t ideal but it was better to poop at home than out in public.

My gf still brings it up sometimes, saying she’s “still mad at me for that,” but I know she’s kidding. Also any time one of us poops for a long time we just say “at least it isn’t as bad as the heavy cream mac and cheese”. So let’s just say I will never make it with heavy whipping cream again, to hopefully save the porcelain.

TL;DR: I made my gf mac and cheese with heavy whipping cream instead of milk, and she shat her brains out and we still tease each other about it.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Exotic-Pop-8539 on 2026-07-27 22:58:13+00:00.

Today I had an interview and was running late but wanted to stop by for a little drink beforehand. So, I stop by some random fast food place and they hand me a sprite. Unfortunately, they had no more canned or bottled sprite so I transferred it to my owala water bottle that way I could have it out of sight from the interviewers in case that’s viewed as unprofessional.

Halfway through the interview I’m feeling thirsty so I grab my water bottle and hit the open button and BAM. It literally sounded like a gunshot going off and this soda explosion going everywhere. I mean EVERYWHERE. I was mortified and learned a valuable lesson on why soda is packaged the way it is.

Do you guys think I’ll get the job..

TL;DR transferred sprite from an open container to a closed lid owala water bottle then opened said bottle during an interview and it sounded like a gunshot and proceeded to spray sprite floor to ceiling

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/CarobImpossible9 on 2026-07-27 22:48:05+00:00.

A neighbor in my building group asked if anyone had a tiny screwdriver for his coffee grinder. I had one, went downstairs and helped him tighten a loose part. Took 30 seconds.

He posted in the group thanking me for fixing it, so I joked that my repair shop was officially open and I accepted payment in coffee.

A woman from the third floor messaged me almost immediately asking if I could look at her flickering lamp. I told her I was kidding and had no idea how lamps worked, but she said it was probably something simple.

Then another guy asked about his toaster. Someone else sent me a photo of a desk fan making a weird noise. The original neighbor kept replying to people saying I was being modest because I saved him money on a new grinder.

By the evening three different people were trying to arrange times to bring things over for me to fix. I turned them all down and explained that I literally just tightened one screw, but one of them still replied with “no worries, whenever you have time.”

I muted the building group after someone asked if I also repair microwaves.

TLDR: Fixed one loose screw, made one joke, and accidentally became my apartment building’s appliance repair guy.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/PurplePenguinPants42 on 2026-07-27 15:14:24+00:00.

This happened yesterday. Let me preface this by saying that lately I've been living in some Lemony Snicket's type series of dumpster fires. Most have been outside of my control but this FU is purely my own fault.

Ive been suffering pretty extreme migraines for the last month or so. 2 weeks ago I had a strange neurological event that I thought was just a weird migraine. But within an hour I could no longer speak without severely stuttering. Mind you, I've never had a speech impediment in my life. So far drs cant figure out why and I cant get in to see a neurologist until January.

So yesterday at around 6pm I felt a new and rather spicy migraine coming on. I took my migraine cocktail, sat at my desk for a bit while it started to work, then took my dentures out and went into my cave of solitude for a nap. I always put them in their container, except for this time. When I get a migraine, clearly thinking isn't really possible.

About 2 hours later I got up and saw my lower dentures alone on my desk. Panic filled me instantly. I frantically searched and found the uppers in one of the dogs' bed. They had gotten on my desk and unfortunately chewed off a part, leaving it jagged. It still "fits" in my mouth but whenever I move my tongue or swallow, it cuts my tongue.

I can't communicate clearly at all due to the new stuttering so I had to have my mother call my dentist's office. And of course he is away on vacation until Friday. He's the only prostodontist in that office so I'm stuck waiting with jagged dentures until then at the earliest. I dont know how expensive this is going to be either. I'm just crushed. My entire confidence is tied to my teeth. I'm terrified I'm going to be without them for awhile.

TLDR: I carelessly left my dentures in reach of my dogs and they did what dogs do, chew things. I do not blame them in any way. The fault stops with me.