This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Comfortable_Damage20 on 2026-07-26 23:28:57+00:00.

I do cold outbound for a b2b company and a big part of the job is emailing lists of prospects, which normally goes out one address at a time through a proper sending tool.

So every person only ever sees their own name in the [to] line and never has any clue they're one of a few hundred getting the same note.

This week i was moving too fast through my morning and figured i'd just fire off a smaller batch by hand from my own inbox to save 10 minutes, so i pasted the whole list into a single email, and because i was rushing i dropped every address into the [to] field instead of BCC and hit send without looking twice.

The list itself was clean, i can't even remember whether it got verified through FullEnrich or Apollo that week, but it was solid, which is what turned a small slip into a properly bad afternoon, because it meant several hundred real people just landed in each other's inboxes all at once.

The replies started coming in fast, some people politely asking who i was and how to get off the list, a few of them a lot less politely pointing out that i'd just handed their work email to a room full of strangers and competitors.

And then one helpful guy replied-all to ask everybody to please stop replying-all, which naturally made it drag on even longer.

Then my manager got a forwarded copy from someone at a target account we'd been chasing for months, with a short note asking whether this was really how we handled people's data.

So i spent the rest of the day writing apologies and killing the campaign before sitting down with our ops lead to explain why a clean and fairly expensive list was now a few hundred people who will never want to hear from us again.

TL;DR: i manually sent a prospect list using "to" instead of “BCC”, exposed everyone's work email to each other and to our competitors, blew up a target account we'd chased for months, and turned a good list into a permanent do-not-contact pile, all because i didn't check one field before i hit send.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/SuddenBicycle24 on 2026-07-26 22:03:32+00:00.

Dude what was i thinking???? So I (25M) went to the mall to pick up some sneakers at Dicks sporting goods and since I didn't have anything else to do that day I look around and browse before heading off to the food court or something. I look at the driveway basketball hoops, i don't need one as I already have one but I am looking for a ball to take to the park or the gym. I see this kid(maybe 11M) shooting around and just testing out the hoop with some of the balls they allow you to shoot with. For some reason it was just so tempting to run over and block one of his attempts, but obviously i would never do that right? Yeah I thought so too until next thing I know I'm sprinting towards him while he's gearing up to shoot and I jump in front of him and swat away his shot, shouting "BLOCKED BY JAMES" my name isn't even James who the hell was I feeling like?? The kid looked terrified, and just froze in place. I quickly apologized and told him I have no idea why the hell I just did that, poor kid probably thought I was insane. I ended up seeing him at a different sneaker store and his dad and I had a talk, he wasn't mad or anything, in fact we all seemed able to laugh about it but I still felt awful.

TL;DR: I wanted to relive the basketball glory days at the expense of some kid just shooting the rock.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/stinkyfrogtoes on 2026-07-26 04:36:02+00:00.

Earlier tonight, my mom came over to watch a movie. I made dinner for us and she decided she wanted a glass of chocolate milk with it. She likes to make it with regular milk and the Hershey’s chocolate syrup, so that’s what she did. She took a sip and said “Eww this is gross, there’s not enough syrup, I’m not gonna drink it.” So I said, okay, hell yes, haven’t had chocolate milk in like, years...Took a sip, yum. Completely fine. It WAS a little thick, but I kinda just chalked that up to being because of the syrup (big mistake). I drank the wholeeee cup. And it was a LOT of milk, my mom loves her chocolate milk I tell you. Well, a few minutes ago I got up for a midnight snack and took a swig out of the milk jug...THICCCC. And DEF SPOILED...I’m already sick right now, and I know this is going to make it worse. But there’s really nothing I can do about it but wait in horror for the diarrhea. TL;DR: I accidentally drank a huge glass of spoiled (but yummy) chocolate milk.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/RoommateClause91 on 2026-07-26 04:35:24+00:00.

So this happened about two weeks ago but I'm still dealing with the aftermath. I work at a small company and my boss sometimes brings his 6-year-old son to the office when school's out or whatever. The kid is curious about everything and always asks me questions because I speak a few languages.

Last month the kid started asking me to teach him words in different languages. Innocent stuff like hello, thank you, colors, animals. I thought it was cute and his dad seemed fine with it. Well, two weeks ago the kid asked me how to say frustrated in Polish. I was in the middle of debugging some annoying code and without really thinking I told him the word. Except I didn't say frustrated. I said the Polish equivalent of a pretty harsh curse word. In my defense they sound somewhat similar if you're not paying attention and my brain was fried.

The kid thought it was hilarious and kept repeating it. I realized my mistake like 30 seconds later and tried to correct it but he'd already run off. I figured maybe he'd forget or just stop saying it. Nope. Apparently he went home and started using it constantly because he thought it meant frustrated. His dad doesn't speak Polish so he had no idea. Then last week they visited the boss's wife's family and someone there is actually from Poland. The kid used the word at dinner. In front of everyone.

My boss pulled me aside yesterday and was like so uh my son taught my mother-in-law a new word she didn't appreciate. He wasn't angry exactly but definitely not thrilled. Now I'm the guy who accidentally taught a six-year-old to swear in Polish at family dinners. The kid still waves at me every time he comes in but I'm keeping all future language lessons strictly to food words.

TL;DR: Taught my boss's kid a Polish swear word by accident when he asked for a different word, he used it in front of his Polish grandmother at a family dinner, now I'm that coworker.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/rabies_kid on 2026-07-26 01:58:39+00:00.

Was painting the front door, had the bucket next to me on the stoop (the big mistake). Door was slightly ajar while I was carefully painting around the handles. Car honks. I swear to god that car did it on purpose. Dog who’s inside pushes door open and bursts past me. Attempts to jump paint bucket like a hurdle. Paint goes flying, bucket lands on the porch upside down. Dog somehow didn’t trip and hurt himself (he’s a klutz so that’s happened before), thank god. I scream like a banshee (car that honked definitely heard me). Parents didn’t hear me scream somehow, so I call for my mom. Dog hears me calling for her and thinks “you need mom? Oh I can go get her!” Strodes into the house- back through the puddle of paint he just made- and into her bedroom as if he’s not covered in paint. I was frozen still processing the mess. Now there’s a dog covered in paint loose in the house. Paint all over the porch. The bucket is upside down so if you pick it up even more $80 paint will spill. Well. I guess we’re painting the porch white now. Still haven’t cleaned up all the paw prints inside.

TL;DR when painting with dogs around. Poor just a little bit of paint into a smaller vessel at a time.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/dodekahedron on 2026-07-25 14:11:23+00:00.

Today I received my electric bill for the month of July 2026. It has more than doubled, last month it was a mere $90. This month it has increased to be over $220. So I immediately started looking into everything I've done differently this month.

The only thing I have done different this month is run a dehumidifier constantly in an effort to help my HVAC. Its been really humid and it rarely goes into stand by mode. I have to empty it about every 13 hours. Its a 50 pint machine that holds a gallon or so of water.

But its definitely a me problem because the damn dehumidifier has the label and I could have done the math ahead of time. I just didnt.

The good part, my HVAC did run less compared to laat July.

However I still used over 300 more kWh than last year.

Live and learn.

TL;DR: dehumidifiers are expensive to run

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/xXDANG3RDANXx on 2026-07-25 08:21:09+00:00.

First off, I'm an Australian, this took place between the city of Rockhampton and the town of Yeppoon in 2014 so you can look up the route yourself if you want.

When I was 18 and stupid, I went to the next town over, there was a big illegal block party on a public road, lots of drink driving, illegal racing, drugs etc. I just stuck to the drinking, I was a passenger in one of the drunk races but that's another story (Never ever do this! Never get in a car with a drunk person driving). At some point my friends that drove me there left and at around 1am someone asked me how I was getting home, I told them I'd just sleep at the bus stop and wait for the bus home. 

They told me because the next day was Anzac day, the busses wouldn't be running because it was a public holiday. I was like 'Aw fuck' so I had to decide what to do. I could sleep in a bush and just be pointlessly bored and homeless for a day then get the bus home the next day but I'd need food and drinks and stuff, and would I even be able to afford the bus after that, I only had $25. Or I could start walking.

On the way out of town I stopped at each of the 24 hour petrol stations and got some "supplies". 2 bottles of water, a bottle of Powerade, a bottle of Maximus (the rip-off version of Powerade that comes in larger bottles). Some Doritos, Burger Rings and Twisties for food, and a roll of duct tape and scissors.

I had just watched the Mythbusters episodes where they used duct tape as a survival tool, so I figured it would be useful. And it was! I fashioned some rope by twisting the duct tape up, I made a bandolier to hang the plastic bags from so I didn't have to carry my stuff, I made a holster for the maximus bottle so it was always in reach when I needed it. I made a pouch on the bandolier to slip the scissors into in case I needed them for self defence.

By the time I got to the edge of town it had been over an hour of walking. It was overcast and very dark. Behind me was all the street lights, lights of buildings, sounds of cars, but out on the highway was just pitch black. But I figured I'd already walked that far, I may as well finish it, so I kept walking. 

About an hour out on the highway my phone ran out of battery, I'd been listening to music while I walked so if something happened now I'd be fucked. As the sun was coming up, more cars started passing me. About 5 hours into the walk, I could feel the blisters forming, I taped up my heels but it still hurt to walk. I started thinking about finding a spot on the side of the road to sleep, a nice bush or something, but the sky was still overcast and getting darker and I didn't want to be caught in the rain if I could help it, so I kept walking.

As the sun kept rising and I kept walking, what passes me but the bus I was told wouldn't be running! And here was me standing there like an idiot on the side of the highway covered in duct tape after stupidly spending my last dollar on Doritos, so I couldn't afford the bus now even if it did stop it. Feeling like an idiot I took all the tape off and left it behind, I'd eaten and drank all the food by then anyway so it didn't matter much.

After a total of about 12 hours of walking, I made it home, fell into bed and slept for I don't know how long, I think 18 hours. The next 3 days after that were a blur of me barely being able to stand and using a wheeled office chair to slide around my unit to microwave food. If there's a moral to this story I'll let you figure it out. I don't drink much anymore but I'm great at 2 truths and a lie.

TL;DR I got drunk, walked 45km to go home after spending all my bus money thinking the busses weren't running

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Happy-Dog9121 on 2026-07-24 20:17:20+00:00.

This happened today and I'm still replaying it like a cringe highlight reel.

I've been trying to be less awkward, so I've started rehearsing simple compliments in the car before I walk into places. Small thing, but it helps me not freeze up and blurt something weird.

I pulled into a busy grocery store parking lot and noticed someone a few cars over with an amazing haircut: sharp, fresh, clearly intentional. I told myself to be a normal person, say it, and move on. I muttered under my breath, "Okay, just say, 'Your haircut looks really good, have a nice day.'" Then I got cocky and repeated it a little louder to test my tone.

What I didn't realize was that my driver-side window was down and a different person was walking right past my car, pushing a cart close enough to hear me.

They stopped, looked at me, and I smiled and delivered my rehearsed line like I was in an ad: "Your haircut looks really good."

They just stared, then reached up and patted their head like they were checking for hair. They were completely bald.

My brain shorted out. Instead of backtracking, I panic-laughed and said, "I mean, like, the shape of it." That somehow made it worse, like I was complimenting the geometry of their skull.

They pushed the cart away in silence while I sat there red-faced, wishing I could rewind time or at least roll my window up faster.

TL;DR: Practiced complimenting someone's haircut in my car with the window down, accidentally said it to a bald stranger, and made it worse by complimenting the shape of their head.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/acrusty on 2026-07-24 16:55:49+00:00.

I often drive between a few hospitals in one day since I work as a medical device rep. It has been hot and sweaty lately and my car air conditioning has been having trouble so it has been extra uncomfortable. I saw a post online about how guys should have powder on hand to powder their balls during the weather. I thought that’s a good idea and bought some to use while changing, before getting in the car.

The other day I was leaving my last case and was heading to a work bowling outing. I added powder to refresh. The powder kind of dissipated through my underwear and pants, localized in the crotch area. The bowling center had purple lights that illuminated anything white, including the powder I just applied. Someone pointed it out and I tried to pass it off that it was maybe food I wiped. It looked crazy, it was all over the front and back.

I don’t see many of my colleagues in person and am not too close with them so that made it extra weird.

TL;DR I powdered my underwear due to the high humidity and it glowed under the lights at a bowling alley and my colleagues saw.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/glittersoap3 on 2026-07-24 16:29:16+00:00.

This happened a few years ago - I was in 11th grade. The final assignment for my parenting class was to take home the “realcare baby” (a robotic infant simulator) for a few days. Like a real baby, it cries with no regard for your sleep, other classes or mental health. You have to figure out what it needs through trial and error, and keep it up until its satisfied.

You also get a tamper proof ID wristband - the baby won’t accept care without scanning it, so you can’t just hand it off to your parents or whoever. The baby records a bunch of data and your teacher downloads a report of how badly you parented it at the end.

Our teacher let us choose whether to pick it up before or after school, but she recommended before. It gave you lots of time to spot and deal with any issues before you’re stuck with it at home. Not having to be a mom in math class was worth the risk for me, so I picked it up on a Friday afternoon.

Nobody could drive me home that day, so I had to haul the car seat onto a packed public bus. The doll was the size and weight of an actual infant and its face was fairly believable at first glance, so I got some looks. Probably an even split between “huh, that girl in a school uniform has a baby” and, “huh, that 16 year old chose to take her weirdly realistic baby doll to school.”

About halfway to the station, the baby started whimpering. Great. I held my ID bracelet against its chest.

No chime.

I tried again.

No chime.

The crying is picking up. I guess the confirmation chime isn’t working? I put the bottle up to its lips. No drinking sound. I rocked the car seat. It didn’t care.

Now I’m rapidly and aggressively hitting its chest with my bracelet while the crying becomes hysterical. I flip it over and do the same on the neck and butt sensors. Nothing. People around me are obviously confused. Old people from the care home near my school start offering parenting advice that would be great if it were a real baby that wasn’t mechanically failing. “You can hit it all you want, she won’t stop crying until you feed her!”

I finally get off the bus. The baby is FREAKING OUT. The volume and intensity of this crying is now way beyond a baby that’s kinda hungry and more so a baby on that’s been lit on fire. You have two minutes to tap your ID once it starts crying - any longer is considered “neglect,” and it loses its mind.

I’m now on the floor of the bus station. I’m ripping off its pants to change its diaper, pressing the bottle into its face with my other hand, rocking the carrier with my knee. It doesn’t care. FUCK.

EVERYONE in the building can hear the pure agony of this thing. Some people ask if everything’s okay, but majority are side eyeing me and trying to avoid getting involved in whatever the hell is going on here.

I reach to grab my phone from my backpack. I realize my backpack (and thus my phone, wallet and keys) is gone. I was so distracted that I forgot to put it back on before getting off the bus. So now I was stuck in the bus station with an inconsolable robot baby, none of my belongings and no way to contact anyone about it.

I run into a nice girl I know from school with her boyfriend. She lets me email my teacher on her phone, while she looks around in case I just dropped the bag somewhere. Her boyfriends job was to awkwardly rock the baby with his head turned away because the crying was so fucking loud.

The teacher responded saying there was no way for her to remotely shut off the baby, and I should hurry to bring it back before she had to leave. This wasn’t happening because I needed to deal with the backpack situation asap.

I forgot to tell her boyfriend that it really matters how you handle the baby. He tried to make me feel better with some dumb joke that involved shaking it. I feel my stomach drop. Its neck audibly snaps back and forth twice, and it lets out a scream that I don’t think I’ll ever forget. The crying afterwards sounds like the baby is on the brink of death.

Awesome, I’ve unlocked shaken baby syndrome. Me and my baby are sobbing together on my way to the help desk. I figured out the run number of the bus. The employee was too exhausted to give a shit about whatever nonsense was going on with me or my child.

I had to wait about an hour for this bus to come back. The baby took short crying breaks, but it got to the point that I could still hear it in my mind when it stopped. I asked a woman waiting nearby if she’d call my dad and hold the phone up on speaker for me. She said no and kind of backed away from me. I then realized that a teenage girl with mascara all over her face, carrying a very distressed baby doll and asking to use your phone probably looked like a weird scam. I didn’t ask anyone else.

Eventually the bus came back and the driver had my bag. I was so relieved that I sprinted to get it, leaving the baby (in the car seat, covered with a blanket) by a station entrance. As I’m walking back, I can see concerned people stopping around it with “…did somebody just abandon their baby here??” looks in their eyes. I had to lift the blanket and explain my situation once again.

Took my phone out, it was dead. Of course. I really just wanted to go home. I couldn’t check if my teacher was still at school, and I didn’t think it was a kind idea to just leave it outside her classroom door for someone cleaning at night to discover.

I made my way down to the subway. Some people coming up the stairs on the other side start smiling at me and my baby. I see them do a double take once they get a closer look at it.

I’m waiting for the subway, and a woman who seemed to be dealing with some substance issues walks up to me and asks, “Your school lets you bring your baby?” I’m really not in the mood, but I still explain, and couldn’t help but vent about the bullshit afternoon I’ve had. She laughs unsettlingly for a bit. She begins a detailed, mostly incoherent lecture about never letting a man talk you into unprotected sex, no matter what he says. She lists every single possible thing he might say. Smiled and nodded until I rushed to get on a different subway car than her.

I hid in the corner, covered the baby with the blanket and tried to muffle the speaker with my hands. I prayed nobody would see me and think I’m trying to suffocate a real infant.

I finally got home. I fought tears to explain what was going on to my dad.

The baby was taking a break so he wasn’t quite understanding the severity of the situation. “It seems fine right now, maybe it cried itself out.” “Maybe we can just muffle it under some pillows in the basement.”

The completely devastated screaming of the “punish this incompetent single teen mom” machine began.

“Okay we need to get rid of this thing.”

His first suggestion was putting it in the shed. Then we realized someone would probably hear it and call the police about the child in our shed.

It had an internal battery pack, so we couldn’t just take out the batteries. We found instructions online to trigger an emergency shutdown (not sure why my teacher didn’t send me these right away ??) Regardless, the lights and chimes would act like it worked, but it would start crying again a few minutes later.

The screams of neglect were becoming more and more heartbreaking. I felt this deep sense of maternal shame despite it being a robot and not my fault. I start telling it, “I’M SORRY!!!! I’m trying to help you!!! It just won't let me!!! You know that, right?!!” My mom was the same way when she got home.

My teacher and I emailed back and forth for a bit. Eventually, she said she said we could bring it back to school, and a custodian would lock it in the classroom over the weekend. After 12 hours of neglect, it would automatically shut off.

On the way there, my dad made a joke about me getting the premium “colic baby” experience that I wasn’t in the headspace to appreciate. We then handed my baby to the very sweet custodian so she could lock it in a classroom to die.

TLDR: Found out my parenting class robot baby was inconsolable while already on the bus ride home. Lost bag + dead phone left me stuck in public with it for hours. Robot baby ultimately had to be locked in a classroom until it died.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Jeffrey_Friedl on 2026-07-24 09:38:50+00:00.

When my son was maybe four or five years old, he was particularly fussy in the bath one day, saying that the shampoo hurt his eyes. Baby shampoo is completely neutral for the eyes, so I knew he was just being fussy, but he insisted. Finally out of frustration, I said "Look" and proceeded to pour some directly into my eyes.

OH FUCKING HELL, IT BUUUUURNED. What I imagine a cocktail of lemon juice, napalm, and pepper spray might feel like. I don't know whether we got a bad bottle or it was just a shitty brand, but damn, it hurt.

(In my response to the situation, after flushing my eyes, I concentrated on his emotions: how it must have felt for him to have it hurt so much after daddy said it wouldn't hurt, and how it must have felt when daddy didn't believe him when he said it hurt.)

TL;DR: young son complained that shampoo hurt his eyes. To show that the shampoo didn't hurt, I poured some into my own eyes and found that that contrary to the "no tears" label, it burned like hell.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/epicfangirl01 on 2026-07-24 02:39:38+00:00.

I'm so fucking depressed and hungry.

For context: I had a long day at work today. My schedule was all off, because I was covering for a coworker on vacation. I'm also a hard core introvert with AuDHD that works in retail, which results in me having an empty social battery after work. I'm going to be honest. I love my job, coworkers, and customers, but I want to lock myself in my house for at least a week after working 8 hours. This is relevant, I promise.

Anyway, I was feeling lazy and I wanted some "really bad for you, but tastes good" food to recharge. Cool. I'll order Little Caesar's cheese bread and pretzel crust pizza on doordash. I use a contact-less delivery because I don't want to see another human being until I have to in 12 hours. After a while, I get the text that my food is at the front door. Perfect. I'm starving. I finish up a task that I'm doing, and I head to the door about 2 minutes after getting the message.

TELL MY WHY I HAVE A FUCKING SKUNK RIGHT NEXT TO MY FRONT DOOR, CUDDLING MY PIZZA

It jumped away and I thought it was a cat at first. Then we locked eyes and stared at each other for a second before I saw the white stripe. I screamed and slammed the door. After a few seconds, I faintly smell skunk from the other side of the door.

Thankfully my brother just got off of work at our job, so i called and asked if he could pick up food for me, and I'll pay him back in the morning once my paycheck hits my account. He's grabbing Wendy's for me now because LC is closed 😭 Now I'm just waiting for the skunk to leave before I throw out the pizza. Thankfully tomorrow morning is trash day. I'm scared that my doormat and front door are going to be stanky too. I'm never ordering contact-less again.

TL;DR: I ordered pizza and had it left at my door, and a skunk cuddled up with/sprayed it.

Edit: My brother just got back with nuggets. I'm now slightly less depressed and hungry

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Comcernedthrowaway on 2026-07-23 23:41:01+00:00.

I had a meeting with a client today, it was at the customer premises and I had not met this customer in person before. This company is a huge account for my work and my senior management made a very big deal about it needing to be handled by a manager rather than one of the BDMs who would normally be in charge of it.

(This was mistake number one, why on earth would they send someone who hasn’t seen a customer in person or actually made any sales for at least the last 5 years over someone who does this day in and out, and probably does it far better than anyone in the management team ever could?!)

The meeting goes fine and while sat in his office wrapping the paperwork up, I spot a photo on his desk and the demon that’s apparently running my brain, prompts me to comment “aww, what a lovely picture, is that you and your father?” Mistake two

He looks me dead in the eyes and in the most scathing voice says “that’s my wife”.

I immediately lost the ability to act like a normal person and instead of apologising and blaming my eyesight, I fucking reply with “right-oh, very good“ like im a posh police officer from the 1960s- I’ve never in my life used that phrase before today.

Then having failed at making small talk, as soon as he was done I muttered “thanks for having me” gave up on trying to look at all professional, snatched up my files and scuttled out of the building

Currently trying to think of plausible reasons to palm this account off on one of my staff.

TL;DR Complimented a customer’s picture of his father, turned out to be his wife. Have a suspicion that this is the last time he’s going to give us his business.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Curious_Owl78 on 2026-07-23 00:16:16+00:00.

So this happened yesterday.

I work from home and have a mini-fridge in my office space, energy drinks (Celsius) and protein shakes mostly.

A while ago the little door that covers the freezer section popped off. No big deal, right?

Wrong! Slowly, I've been building a mountain of ice in my fridge.

Yesterday I decided enough was enough and figured I'd shut it down, defrost it, and fix the freezer door.

And I did! No issues.

After a few hours, I had a huge chunk of ice left over, maybe 8x6 inches and 1/2" thick. I tossed the wet towels in the washing machine, tossed the hunk of ice in the sink, and went back to work, feeling like I accomplished something.

Husband comes home and decides he wants chicken for supper. He opens a couple packs and pours the excess water (juice?) in the sink.

Yes... the same sink.

He's cooking, I'm working, and the ice is sitting in the dirty chicken-water sink.

Enter the child. 7yo. You'd think she would be old enough to think twice, but no.

She starts EATING THE ICE from the kitchen sink! 🤢 No idea how much she ate, or if it even had the chicken on it, but the potential is there.

Husband catches her when he enters the kitchen from a bathroom break. Immediately freaks out. Sink is scrubbed and disinfected, but it's too late at this point.

Child gets scrubbed with antibacterial soap and strong mouth wash, and a huge lecture about eating out of the sink (or the trash can, just in case🤷‍♀️).

And now we are on watch for any possible diseases or side effects for the next few days. She's made it 26 hours at this point, and still healthy. 🤞🏻

This wouldn't have happened if I would've stayed off the Celsius and just been LAZY yesterday.

TL;DR: I got hopped up on Celsius, defrosted my mini-fridge and threw a chunk of ice in my kitchen sink. Husband drained raw chicken in the same sink, and child ate the contaminated ice. Waiting for food poisoning symptoms.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/CRK_76 on 2026-07-23 11:34:53+00:00.

This happened a few months ago at work and it was both embarrassing and funny at the same time. A new woman started working at my job the previous week. We had said hi to each other a few times, but never actually talked before. So one day a few of us were in the office and she asked out loud, "Does anybody have a pen?"

I instantly said, "I do!" I took a few steps toward her and somehow I tripped over my own feet. As I was falling I tried to grab onto an office chair, but since it had wheels, it just rolled away. I hit the ground hard. Everybody asked me if I was OK. When said that I was, they all started laughing, and they kept laughing. I got up, gave my coworker the pen and immediately left the office. I wanted to hide for the rest of the day.

We both joke about it now and once in a while she asks me if I'm OK. Nobody will ever forget this.

TL;DR: I tried to give an coworker a pen. I ended up falling down and embarrassing myself.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Initial-Rest-573 on 2026-07-23 09:29:15+00:00.

This happened about three hours ago and I am currently writing this from the office bathroom while contemplating moving to a new state and changing my identity.

For context, I (26M) recently got a new job at a mid-sized tech company. It’s a great gig, but everyone here is pretty professional and I’ve been trying really hard to fit in and look competent.

Our internal chat system (Slack) allows you to set custom status emojis and short bio notes. Yesterday, I was messing around on my personal phone during lunch and saw a meme about the song All Star by Smash Mouth. Without thinking, I decided to set my Slack status emoji to a green ogre icon with the custom text: "GET OUT OF MY SWAMP."

I meant to change it back before the end of lunch. I completely forgot.

Fast forward to this morning. Our regional director a very serious, stern woman in her 50s who rarely smiles sends out an all-hands announcement in the main channel congratulating our department on closing a big quarterly project. She asked everyone to share their favorite motivational quote or productivity tip in the thread to build "team spirit."

Everyone was dropping normal corporate stuff:

"Work hard in silence, let your success be your noise."

"Done is better than perfect!"

I wanted to reply with a nice, professional quote I saw on LinkedIn earlier. But here’s where the FU happened.

I misclicked. Instead of pasting the quote into the reply thread, I accidentally hit the quick-reaction button on the director’s main post which automatically applies your current status custom emoji and text as a reaction to their message.

So right under her serious, inspiring announcement, in front of 140+ employees including C-level executives, my profile dropped a massive green ogre head with the bold text GET OUT OF MY SWAMP right next to her name.

I panicked. My hands went completely numb. I tried to remove the reaction immediately, but in my panic, my mouse slipped and I somehow accidentally re-tagged her in a reply with just: "Sorry, ogre reflex."

Before I could delete that, three different senior managers reacted with "😂" and "?".

Then the floodgates opened.

People started assuming it was an inside joke. A coworker in my pod sent a GIF of Shrek roaring. Another guy replied, "Is this the new company core value?"

Ten minutes later, the Regional Director herself replied to my comment with:

"I appreciate the enthusiasm, [My Name]. Let's keep the swamp managed during client hours."

Now everyone thinks I am the "Shrek guy." People I have never spoken to are stopping by my desk saying things like "How's the swamp today?" and dropping green sticky notes on my monitor. Someone just placed a single onion on my keyboard while I was in the restroom.

I have to work here for the rest of my life.

TL;DR: Tried to be a polished corporate professional at my new job, accidentally replied to my senior director's serious company-wide announcement with a Shrek quote, and now my entire office treats me like a swamp-dwelling ogre meme lord.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/zorggalacticus on 2026-07-23 03:22:41+00:00.

This is a story from ye olde high-school archives. I was in V.I.C.A. (vocational and industrial clubs of America). I was the vice president for the southeast Missouri district. More like the president because that guy never showed up.

We had to dress fancy and wear these itchy red polyester blazers, with black pants, white dress shirt, black dress shoes and black tie. I also had a plethora of tiny and annoying pins that I had to put on my lapels. Packed into a crowded auditorium, I was hot, itchy, and ready to get the day over with so I could go back the hotel and flirt with the many cute girls in attendance.

One of my dress shoes had some rubber coming off the heel that kept getting caught on stuff. Probably should've glued that back down, but I didn't think of it while packing my overstuffed suitcase. Now I'm 200 miles from home, and nowhere near Walmart. Definitely a new experience for me.

We had to do the opening ceremonies for the conferences and stuff, which consisted of each officer lighting a candle and placing it on a V-shaped stand, and then flipping the page on a giant transparent flip book and telling what the symbol meant. All the pieces overlaid to form the logo for the organization. It was a whole thing. You had to be there.

As I'm going up to place my candle, that piece of rubber on my shoe caught on the carpet and I tripped. I rolled down the steps of the stage with my lit candle, and caught both the carpet and the sleeve of my blazer on fire. Fire extinguishers were brought out. The sprinklers didn't go off, thankfully. I was now missing a good chunk of my blazer sleeve, and we didn't pack extras so I was stuck with it.

This was in front of a couple thousand people. I still had to get back up and complete the opening ceremonies, and then do other duties and greet people for the 3 days of that conference, burnt sleeve and all. Did I mention that it was also televised on all the local news stations?

TL;DR: Broken shoe caused an embarrassing (and flammable) moment.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Mechalorde on 2026-07-22 11:12:39+00:00.

GF(34F) came home a night and showed me an app on her phone and how she invested $300TTD into it. She told me that she didnt want to show me because she knew I would be against it, because of that I didnt bother to question what the app was.

Fast forward to today I noticed she was on her phone a lot longer than usual she was typing from when we left home to her work i saw a glimpse of the app she was talking about, I saw a message saying she needed to pay $100USD to access her money, I went into panic mode and started questioning her on the app because something was not right. She told me she got 5500 and trying to send it to her account I knew then it was a scam there is no way

I got furious at her i didnt want to be, its not my money wasted but im not mad she wasted money i am mad she let a scam trick her, I should have intervened when she told me the first time.

TL;DR: GF got scammed and I didnt stop her

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Fit-Manufacturer7281 on 2026-07-22 17:21:33+00:00.

When I was like 6 my family lived with my aunt and 2 cousins who were both significantly older than me. I remember one time during dinner we had asparagus and one of my cousins told me that we don't eat the top parts of the asparagus because theyre poisonous. I was a naive little kid and this cousin didnt prank me often and was very nice to me so i believed her and ever since I have cut the tops off of asparagus. Until last night.

When I was having dinner with my family which was porkchops, stuffing, and asparugs. Well as per usual I cut the tops off of my asparagus and ate them a few minutes later my dad asks me why I havent eaten all of my asparagus, I tell him I did and that the tops are poison with a stupid amount of confidence. My entire family proceeds to laugh thinking im joking since I usually do, once they realized I was being serious they were confused on how I thought that. I explained to them how my cousin told me they were poisonous.

I am 19 and for the past 13 years I thought aspargus heads were poisonous.

TL;DR my cousin made me think asparagus was poison and I lived with that as fact for 13 years

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/TwistySlideThrowaway on 2026-07-22 15:01:10+00:00.

About 20 years ago, I moved halfway across the country to live with my partner (now wife) and a friend. Before I moved, I was basically a hermit. I had no local friends and was extremely depressed, so I wasn't taking very good care of myself. Among other things, this meant that I didn't go to any kind of doctor for a couple years...including the eye doctor.

At the time, I wore two-week disposable soft contact lenses. When I got down to my last pair, rather than scheduling an eye exam to get more, I just kept wearing them long after the two weeks were past. Like, for over a year. I took them out every night and cleaned them, so I tried to tell myself it wasn't that bad. My eyes occasionally got red and itchy, but I thought that was just because of my allergies.

After I moved and started spending time with people again, I started to feel like I needed to make more of an effort to take care of myself. I didn't have a job yet (so no insurance, since this was before the ACA), but I still had some money that I'd saved, so I decided to start by seeing an optometrist. My partner needed new glasses, so we looked for one together and made appointments for the same day.

My partner went first. When she came back out to the waiting room, she said that the optometrist was really nice, funny, and laid back. They got along great. Then it was my turn. I walked into the exam room to find a man who looked exactly like Chuck Norris. They could have been twins; it was uncanny. We introduced ourselves and he asked me to take my contacts out so he could examine my eyes.

While the optometrist had been friendly in the beginning, things quickly took a turn for the worse when he asked me how long I'd been wearing those contact lenses. I wasn't sure, but gave my best guess. Then he said, "Has anyone ever talked to you about vessel growth in your corneas?" I said no, and he left the room for a couple minutes.

When be came back, he drew me a picture of an eye. He said, "This is your cornea. Your corneas need oxygen, and they usually get that from the air. But you've had those contact lenses in for so long, and they've gotten so dirty, that your corneas couldn't 'breathe' that way anymore. So your body found a new way to feed them, by growing blood vessels where no blood vessels should be."

I was horrified and asked if there was anything I could do about it. He said that he was going to give me the most breathable lenses on the market and that over time, the vessels would contract. They'd always be there, but they'd be much smaller and wouldn't cause any problems as long as I never did anything like that again. He was extremely stern...not quite yelling at me, but it was clear that he wanted to. Honestly, it was pretty intimidating, especially when he added that if I'd waited much longer to come in, I would have been permanently blinded. At that point, he drew lines to represent the blood vessels growing right across the pupil of the eye. He said that mine was the worst case he'd seen in all his years of practice.

By the time the supply of contact lenses this eye doctor gave me had run out, I had a job again...but with no benefits, so I couldn't afford an eye exam. I thought about the optometrist lecturing me and decided I'd just go back to glasses, and I'm still wearing glasses to this day. Every time I have my eyes examined by a new optometrist, they get all excited about the shriveled-up blood vessels in my corneas.

TL;DR - Kept wearing a pair of two-week disposable contact lenses for over a year and was lectured by an angry Dr. Chuck Norris, who told me it had caused blood vessels to grow all over my corneas and nearly blind me. See your optometrist every year or two, kids.

PS - In case anyone remembers my first post about breaking/spraining my ankle 15 years ago on a twisty slide, I finally made an appointment with an orthopedist! I'll find out how bad things actually are in a couple weeks.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/tealmoas on 2026-07-21 20:45:10+00:00.

this wasn’t technically today, it was yesterday, but i write fanfiction & i’m also in university at the same time.

so, my university has a proofreader and a coding program built into one (claims to be powered by grammarly for the proofreading, claude for the code) & last night, i finished my fanfiction & decided to pop it into the proofreader for spellcheck & other things. i was not purposely engaging with the coding component whatsoever.

apparently though, the entire program ISNT powered by grammarly anymore & completely merged with claude (i didn’t know this) until i upload the draft, with the file name and all, and i got an error code saying it couldn’t be processed due to “copyright violation” since it’s RPF (real person fiction) & to try again. so, i try again but i changed the names in the fiction to avoid that (perro, conejito & oso were what i changed the names to) & i was immediately met with a very long warning about “purposely attempting to bypass administrative laws”, then the application closed out.

this morning, i got a call from my university saying that i was flagged as “violating the student acceptable internet usage policy” because i had triggered claude, which i didn’t even know was being fully integrated & the fic has to be manually seen by the dean of students since i filed an appeal.

TLDR; i used a school authorized proofreader to scan an RPF fanfiction, the proofreader has strict AI guardrails & now my school has to read my fanfiction.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/lumoslomas on 2026-07-21 14:39:37+00:00.

Obligatory "didn't happen today", but I just discovered the FU today and figured I'd share so no one else falls into this trap (or if someone is looking to lose weight I guess? Maybe don't do this without a doctor's supervision)

I'm very bad at eating. I will literally get too distracted to remember to eat, or even feel I'm hungry, until I'm physically weak. I've never been a breakfast person either, so combining that I'd sometimes not eat anything at all until 3pm.

I thought I'd stumbled across the perfect solution however. Protein shakes and porridge for breakfast, legume meals for lunch! I'm adding calories I wouldn't normally be having for breakfast, and having something more nutritious for lunch than toast-because-i-physically-cant-make-anything-else. Plus my usual chicken-veg-rice dinner. What could go wrong?

A lot, apparently.

I had a regularly scheduled medication review for which they check my weight, and I was horrified to find that I am now not only underweight, but bordering on the dangerously underweight. When asked if I was eating well, of course I said yes, because in fact I was eating *more* than I used to!

Cue panic from all involved. All kinds of theories, everything for hyperthyroidism to coeliac to cancer. Tests left right and centre, but everything has come back fine (so far at least, I still have to have a colonoscopy to rule out cancer).

It wasn't until I was asked to track my food that we realised. Despite eating more, I'm actually getting less calories. Literally everything I added to my diet was high fibre, high protein, or both, all of which keep you full without actually giving you the calories you need.

I know there are people who'll call me an idiot. But considering the extent of my dietary knowledge is "5 a day" and that fibre is my friend because high cholesterol and bowel cancer run in my family, I thought I *was* being healthy.

Anyway, I'm off to make myself a peanut butter banana coconut milk smoothie, and drizzle some olive oil over some salmon and avocado. Still going for that colonoscopy though (yuk).

TL;DR: Thought eating meals when I never used to was good regardless of what they were. Lost 3kg in 6 weeks; turns out not all food is equal.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Ricky_Tech254 on 2026-07-21 12:29:09+00:00.

This happened earlier today and my heart rate has only just returned to normal.

I work as an IT project consultant, and for the past two weeks, my team has been preparing a major system demo for a high-priority client. We had a external vendor on the line who was supposed to manage the backend server during the live walkthrough. About twenty minutes into the presentation, the system started lagging severely, causing error codes to pop up right on screen in front of eight client executives.

Naturally, I tried to stay calm and talk through the slide deck while messaging the vendor privately in our side chat. He started pushing back, blaming our network instead of fixing his application service. I got frustrated because we had tested the exact bandwidth an hour before.

To handle it quickly, I decided to unmute on our internal vendor call and address him directly. I hit what I thought was the mute button on the main meeting software, swapped windows, and proceeded to give him a firm, unfiltered piece of my mind about his team's lack of preparation and how he was ruining our presentation. I was completely professional with my language, but my tone was sharp and very direct.

After a glorious 40-second rant, I paused, expecting him to respond. Instead, total silence.

Then I heard a quiet voice from the main call room speaker: "...Ian, we can still hear you."

It turned out I had hit the unmute button on the main presentation window instead of muting it. All eight client stakeholders, my own project directors, and the entire team sat through my loud, passionate callout in real time. To make matters worse, the whole session was being recorded for their executive board.

The room was dead silent for three seconds before the client director let out a soft laugh and said, "Well, at least we know you're fighting for our project speed."

I wanted the earth to swallow me whole. The vendor fixed the issue within two minutes, but I spent the rest of the call sweating through my shirt trying to wrap up gracefully. My boss sent me a message right after saying we need to "have a chat" tomorrow morning.

TL;DR: I tried to mute myself on a major client presentation to chew out a third-party vendor for breaking our system demo, but I accidentally unmuted instead, broadcasting my entire angry rant to eight executive clients on a recorded call.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/BlueberryImmediate25 on 2026-07-21 06:26:47+00:00.

I live in a tourist city, and it's not uncommon to see people with a public following visiting and sharing media and content from here, especially in the summer.

I was in the queue in a coffee shop over the weekend, and realised that the man two people in front of me was a vlogger/youtuber. He was with a younger woman (a cautious estimate at the time was that the man was in his mid-50s, and the woman was in her mid to late 20s), who I assumed was his daughter, or a family member.

Now, I don't actually consume this person's content myself, but my dad especially does watch what this person uploads most weeks, which is why I recognised him from thumbnails. We ended up all waiting for our coffees at the same time, so I did turn to him and said that my dad really enjoys his videos. He laughed, thanked me, and nudged the woman and said that he hadn't anticipated being recognised when he wasn't filming (to confirm, it's not like this was Mr Beast, this is someone with a small following). I joined in laughing, and said something about how if I was out with my dad and someone stopped him, I'd have been spooked as well. They both immediately stopped laughing, and he asked if he thought this was his daughter. I replied that I did, and asked if she wasn't. They both shook their heads, and she said that she was his partner of many years. Thankfully, their coffees came at that exact moment, so they grabbed them and took off.

I did some googling afterwards and from their Instagrams especially (which I'd never looked at before), they are clearly a couple. From the last birthday post, she has recently entered her 30s (to her credit, she did look younger in person), and he is in his 50s. Each to their own, nothing wrong with an age gap in a relationship, I just legitimately didn't process at the time that she wouldn't have been his daughter.

I mentioned the above to my dad, and he had a good laugh, but confirmed that she's been in a couple of his videos as his girlfriend. Hopefully I haven't ruined his favourite vlogger, but I know I'll never be able to sit through a video again without cringing!

TL;DR: met a vlogger, thought his partner was his daughter, embarrassed all three of us

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Don_Quixotel on 2026-07-21 01:28:47+00:00.

My mower wouldn’t start. Over the past two days I’ve tried everything and made multiple trips to the hardware store: changed spark plug, new gas, new oil, new air filter, tune up spray, and even rebuilt the carburetor.

It worked fine for an hour. When I ran out of gas, I refilled and pulled the cord and WOOOOSHHH

Had to call 911

My 8 year old daughter was scared to death. All the neighbors came out to watch. Flames got over 10 ft high. I was afraid there was going to be an explosion close to my house.

Funny thing is, at every trip to the hardware store I saw a family friend. On the last trip I said, “If this doesn’t work, I’m setting it on fire.”

I have pics, but unfortunately this sub won’t allow it

TL;DR I rebuilt my mower, it caught fire, and I had to call 911