Today I Fucked Up

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Dream_Glance on 2024-11-19 00:09:56+00:00.

So this happened a few days ago, and I’m still trying to process how insane it was. For context, I (20F) have been dating my boyfriend (23M) for about a year, and everything’s been great. My best friend “Kayla” (21F) has been staying with me temporarily after her breakup, and I thought we were all cool.

The other night, I went to bed early because I had work in the morning. Around midnight, I woke up and heard voices in the living room. I went to check, and there’s Kayla sitting super close to my boyfriend on the couch, giggling and touching his arm.

I was like, “Uh, what’s going on?” Kayla laughed and said, “Relax, I’m just testing him to make sure he’s loyal. You should be thanking me.” My boyfriend looked like he wanted to disappear, and I just stood there like, is this real life?

I told Kayla that was wildly inappropriate and she needed to stop. She doubled down, saying, “You never really know a guy until he’s tempted.” I lost it. I told her to pack her stuff and get out. She called me dramatic and said I was choosing a man over her.

Now she’s blowing up my phone, calling me ungrateful and telling our mutual friends I “kicked her out for no reason.” Some of them are saying it was just a joke, but like, what kind of joke is that?

TL;DR: My best friend tried to “test” my boyfriend by flirting with him, I kicked her out, and now she’s acting like I’m the villain.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Crystal_Serenity on 2024-11-19 00:06:24+00:00.

So this literally just happened, and I’m praying for a meteor to take me out. I (20F) had a big essay due for one of my classes today. I stayed up all night writing it because, of course, I procrastinated. I finished around 6 AM, half-dead, and emailed it to my professor before crashing.

Except… I didn’t send the essay.

Instead, I accidentally attached a voice memo I recorded the night before when I was absolutely losing it over my boyfriend dumping me. Like, I was sobbing, yelling, “HE DOESN’T EVEN DESERVE ME” and talking about how I hope his next girlfriend hates his favorite band. It was 10 minutes of unfiltered chaos.

I didn’t realize what I did until my professor replied a few hours later with, “I think you sent the wrong file.” I DIED. I opened the email and saw the audio attachment. I couldn’t even listen to it—I know exactly what’s in it, and it’s BAD.

To make it worse, my professor responded again and said, “Take your time and resend when you’re ready.” Like, she definitely listened to the whole thing.

I’m debating dropping out of school and moving to another country at this point. My friends think it’s hilarious, but I’ll never recover from this.

TL;DR: Sent my professor a dramatic breakup rant instead of my essay, and now she probably thinks I need therapy.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/faaaaaaaaaaaaaaartt on 2024-11-18 20:02:43+00:00.

Since I learned to write when I was five years old, I have been told that my penmanship is sloppy and hard to read. I've since adapted my handwriting to block letters and that's improved things drastically, but still I found myself not satisfied with the look of my writing.

I just started going to college again. I was rapidly taking down notes during a long class when I noticed a nagging pain in my right bicep. Felt like I did 400 reps of 1 lb weights. as I was stretching my arm out, I realized how weird it was that my hand or forearm didn't give out from all the writing; it was specifically the most anterior portion of my right bicep.

In a total bolt from the blue, I put all the pieces together. When I was in my first year of grade school, I had broken my right wrist and was in a cast for a good amount of time. I never learned how to use my wrist or hand while I'm writing. I watched my arm as I wrote some nonsense and there it is. Forearm stiff as a board, moved entirely from the bicep.

Can't believe it took me 30 years to figure this out lol

TL;DR: spent my whole life writing like a busted six year old

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Federal_Original_286 on 2024-11-18 17:06:45+00:00.

Looking for some advice and not ready to start pointing fingers yet.

I took my dog to an emergency vet about 20-30 min after he was exhibiting signs of bloating. When we get there they notice he’s a bit unstable and rush him to the back to “stabilize” him. 20 min later the vet comes out and tells me he’s exhibiting signs of bloating and recommended I do a few different scans throughout his body so they can confirm and rush him to surgery. After asking some questions I decided the other scans weren’t immediately necessary and ask her to just do the scan on his belly to check if he’s bloated and if it had already turned into GDV which I guess means the stomach had already turned and he needs emergency surgery instead of decompression and an IV. The vet leaves again for another 20 minutes and comes back and confirms it’s GDV and starts trying to show me a picture of the scan on her phone…. She tells me he will die in 2-3 hours if he’s not immediately cut open and has his stomach turned back to normal. She then proceeds to tell me that due to his age (13) as a bigger dog who previously had surgery for something unrelated, there’s a low chance of him surviving the surgery and even if he does survive the surgery there’s a higher chance he will die during recovery. She recommends I euthanize him and put him out of his misery. I could hear my dog from the waiting room still crying even though he was “stabilized” and under medication/sedation. I make the hard decision to put the absolute love of my life down and let him finally rest. He was also suffering from tumors and had a surgery Q2 of this year. His hips were also bad and he had another tumor that grew which I felt didn’t show any signs of progressing so it could’ve been benign.

Edit: I did tell this vet I was willing to get the surgery for him and there was no one at this “specialized” hospital who could perform it. I was told I had to “get all the scans at this current hospital before taking him to a further one” just seemed like a money grab. I was also told there was a chance he would die on the way to the other hospital.

After staying up and crying the entire night and morning I finally got some rest and was starting to tell myself it was the best decision for him.

Then I got a call from a corporate supervisor or something with the company. Turns out the vet misread the scan. She wasn’t supposed to make that call or even recommend euthanasia. They have a policy in place where she should’ve asked a specialist to read the scan and if there was no specialist she uploads it to the system and waits for one of their on call specialist to send back their reading.

We spoke for quite a while and she tried to convince me it was an honest mistake and that maybe the vet was tired… it was like 8-9 pm when I got there with my dog…

I hang up and tell her I’ll speak to her another day. We get on the phone again and after trying to explain to me that this had never happened to them and that their vets are really professional she offers me a refund for the emergency visit but I have to sign an NDA saying I won’t go to the media or sue them in any way.

I speak with an attorney who tells me in my state dogs are considered property so there aren’t much gains in a lawsuit claiming emotional distress. She tells me there are people currently fighting to overturn that law so vets have more of an urgency to make the right calls for our pets.

After reading the NDA and seeing how it was worded as if they were doing me a favor I’m determined to do as much damage to this company as possible and even report this vet to a professional board.

Anyone who can forward me some info on the right way to do this I would highly appreciate it. I know this will be costly but my dog is 100% worth it and if this prevents this insane heartbreak from happening to anyone else I’d consider this a huge win

TLDR

😢😢😢

I miss you so much bud and I’m so sorry I fucked up like this. I fucking should’ve known better and trusted my gut.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/TheUniballer321 on 2024-11-18 14:44:47+00:00.

Happened last night, was at a get together with my wife, her friends celebrating the hosts birthday. His wife and my wife have been friends for years and teach together.

She has an Alexa screen and realized it was giving them updates on orders, including contents. Not wanting to ruin Christmas surprises for her kids and asked if I knew how to fix it. Told her I did (had same concern with our kids) and took her phone to turn off the shipping notifications.

While I had her iphone a message notification pops up with the header “My wife’s name Swallows”, like “Jane Smith Swallows”. Wife’s friends next to me so don’t open the thread and start snooping but internally I’m obviously very concerned. I decide either

1. My wife’s friend actually hates her mean girls style

Or

1. My wife’s in the group and done something to gain said title

I manage not to say anything and just focus on having a couple beers and watching the NFL game. I’m thinking “well yeah she does occasionally but our sex life isn’t that noteworthy, is she cheating” etc.

We get home and she starts bathing my daughter. I ask for her phone (she gives it to me no problem) and I open the messaging app. I immediately see a group chat called “swallows”.

I ask her why it’s called that, apparently there was an inside joke where one of them thought they saw bats in the backyard and another told them they were clearly swallows. I didn’t realize that when you text a group chat the notification is “Sender Name Groupname”. She had been texting her friend from the kitchen so it popped up displaying Wife’s name swallows. Naturally she died laughing and shared my mistake with everyone else.

TL;DR: was using a phone belonging to my wife’s friend and co worker. A notification for a group chat comes up that says “OP’s Wife’s Name swallows”. I spend the evening stressed she cheated on me, turns out it was her texting a group chat called “swallows” named after a bird related inside joke.

Update: OMG SHE WAS REALLY CHEATING just kidding i know it’s funny but quick disclaimer - most of the relationship stories on Reddit are fake and the real ones are posted because of heartbreak, so don’t get tricked into thinking every guy gets cheated on. Go out there and pursue a relationship without being possessive and paranoid. We’ve been married for 11 years have two kids and share everything, password and locations. We’ve had our ups and downs but love each other and would never step out, this was just a humorous story of seeing something glaringly sexual on its surface about my wife that ended up completely innocent. I even asked if they did it as a joke so it’d say “X swallows” whenever one of them sent a message and it never clicked with them. I asked her how she would feel if she borrowed one of my employees phone and “TheUniballer eats ass” popped up and she was howling laughing but understands why I was concerned for a moment.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Maximum_Eye8644 on 2024-11-18 13:41:51+00:00.

I have been on Ozempic for about 4 months now and have had very little side effects until recently. It all started with sulfur burps and stomach pain days ago. This morning I woke up almost unable to make it to the toilet with explosive diarrhea that eventually turned into nothing but liquid. It sounds like I’m peeing when it’s coming out my butt. Thinking I had gotten it all out, later in the day I’m in the car with my boyfriend and had safely farted once already so I go to do it again and end up shitting myself. It’s so liquidy it went straight through my pants and on to the seat. My boyfriend since has been calling me “dookie pants” or randomly says “my baby dookied on herself”.

TL;DR Ozempic gave me straight liquid diarrhea and I shit myself. My nickname is now Dookie Pants.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/rosselamorettyx on 2024-11-18 09:52:45+00:00.

Last night, I decided to make homemade hot sauce because I was feeling adventurous. I chopped up some fiery habaneros, and in my infinite wisdom, I skipped wearing gloves. “It’s just peppers,” I thought. Everything seemed fine until, hours later, I absentmindedly rubbed my eyes while watching TV. Instantly, my eyes felt like they were on fire.

I bolted to the bathroom, desperately splashing water on my face, but it only made it worse. The pain was unbearable, and I started yelling for help. My roommate rushed in, took one look at my tomato-red face, and burst out laughing. Through my tears, I tried to explain, but they were too busy crying from laughter. Eventually, I Googled solutions and ended up dunking my face in a bowl of milk.

My eyes are fine now, but my pride? Gone. My roommate hasn’t stopped calling me “Chef Spice Hands.” Lesson learned: gloves are not optional.

TL;DR: Didn’t wear gloves while handling hot peppers, rubbed my eyes, and set my face on fire.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/a_weird_pickle on 2024-11-18 02:15:06+00:00.

Guys…. I (23F) posted a post on Friday about what I thought was a guy trying to ask me out. I shot my shot and asked him to hang out today.

The conversation went something like:

Me: hey would you like to hang out sometime? Him: when? Me: like after school? Him: why? Me: I don’t know as friends maybe?

And he gave me his number.

After I messaged: Him: so don’t get me wrong but you just wanna hang out as friends? Me: haha why do you want it to be a date? Him: it’s good to clear the confusion because I have a girlfriend.

I’m no longer sure how I should act around him! Respectfully would like to curl up in a ball and disappear for!

So I’ll just gonna keep it casual.

TLDR: i guess i misinterpreted the hints i guess and i feel like we’ve been flirting on and off but he has a girlfriend so oh well. Therefore TIFU x2.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/PheonixGalaxy on 2024-11-18 01:29:59+00:00.

My weight lifting class is pretty positive, we crack jokes, motivate each other and sometimes fuck around in the locker room, what do you expect? It’s a room full of guys and 3 girls. At the start of the year the teacher said she would give us a pizza party if we can go the whole class without breaking a bone from doing something stupid, if it was preventable we get no pizza, if it wasn’t we still have a chance. A lot of the guys (Not me) Are on sports teams and regularly come in with casts or arm slings, we normally say “Your costing us pizza!” Or something alone those lines. I for one never broken a bone so I have no clue what it feels like.

We were playing basketball and I stop to catch my breath, all I hear is people gasping. When I turn I see my classmate with his pointer finger in the air, no screams or nothing just a “hey I broke my finger”. One girl was freaking out because the finger was right in front of her it looked like a misshapen “?”. Some of the guys looked visibly sick and others was just straight faced. The guy who broke his finger was trying to laugh it off. What happened was when someone on my team blocked him, his finger got pushed back since he shoved too hard. I waited for him to leave, did 5 Mississippi’s. I was trying to break the tension so my insensitive ass said “Damn It, No Pizza. I was going to get meat lovers….Shit!” Proceed to sniffle then wiped a fake tear of my face. the guys were eating it up and were laughing, then we finally resumed playing. When he came back the next day I asked if he was good because i was genuinely worried about his finger, he told me to fuck off because apparently 5 Mississippi want long enough and he heard what I said.

I apologized several times in public around the ones who heard and in private because I didn’t know this was one of those times I needed to be serious. He told me what I did wasn’t sweet and took it too far. He still talks to me as long as I’m not the one who initiates it. Others said it after me but I was the first who said it. Haven’t gotten any serious repercussions besides a scolding from him but note to self, don’t make anymore jokes about in injuries in the moment. Oh and we still have a chance at pizza since this wasn’t easily preventable.

TLDR: Classmate’s finger broke, I tried to break the tension by keeping a class joke running. Now I’m in deep dish.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/bigassetsmammy3 on 2024-11-17 22:28:25+00:00.

So, I’ve been working on a project for the past few months, and my boss finally emailed me about a potential promotion. I was feeling frustrated with the workload and not seeing much progress, so I vented to a friend in a message, saying “I’m so over this.” I meant to send it to my friend, but I accidentally hit "reply" to the email from my boss instead.

I didn’t even realize until a few minutes later. My heart dropped when I saw the email in my sent folder. I quickly apologized, explaining it was meant to be a private message, but now I feel like I might’ve ruined my chance for the promotion.

TL;DR: Accidentally sent a venting message to my boss about being over the project, which was meant for a friend. Now I feel like I blew my promotion.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Equivalent-Deal-1829 on 2024-11-17 18:17:44+00:00.

TIFU by trying to be a “team player” and accidentally assigning myself homework for the weekend

So we have a big meeting next week, and my boss casually mentioned in passing that we’d need some presentations prepared. Thinking I’d score a few points for being helpful, I hit him with the classic, “Let me know if you need anything!”

Big mistake. HUGE.

His eyes lit up like he’d just found a 20 in an old coat pocket. Without missing a beat, he handed me not one, not two, but THREE presentations to make. It wasn’t even a “thanks for offering” moment—it was like he’d been waiting for someone to volunteer, and I’d just fallen straight into the trap.

The worst part? I’m pretty sure I was getting these presentations anyway, but now I have to pretend like I wanted them. So instead of relaxing this weekend, I’m glued to my laptop, creating slides and hating every single bullet point. Lesson learned: next time, I’m keeping my mouth shut and my fake helpfulness to myself.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to figure out how to make pie charts look exciting. Send snacks.

TL;DR: Tried to be nice by offering to help with presentations; boss immediately dumped three on me. Now my weekend is a PowerPoint prison, and I’ve learned never to volunteer again.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/No-Figure8943 on 2024-11-17 17:25:39+00:00.

So, this happened after a work drinks event that went a little (okay, a lot) too long. One moment, I was at the bar laughing with coworkers, and the next thing I remember was the sound of my apartment door clicking shut behind me. That familiar oh no feeling hit me like a freight train as I instinctively reached for my pockets—and slapped bare skin.

Yup. I was stark naked.

There I was, standing in the hallway of my apartment building with no keys, no phone, no memory of how I got there, and definitely no dignity. It could’ve been 10 p.m., 2 a.m., or even mid-morning for all I knew—there were no windows, no clues, just my mortifying reality.

I started weighing my options. Option one: knock on a neighbor’s door for help, naked. Option two: take the elevator down to the lobby and ask building security for help, also naked. Both options felt equally horrifying, so I just stood there, mentally spiraling and trying to figure out how I’d hit rock bottom so efficiently.

Then, like a beacon of hope, I spotted the emergency call button in the elevator. This was my way out. I pressed it and got connected to a lift operator. She asked what kind of issue I was having, and I—utterly defeated—explained that I wasn’t trapped in the elevator but was instead trapped outside my apartment. Naked. And in need of help.

To her credit, she was surprisingly professional and said she’d contact building management for me. I waited in the hallway, exposed and humiliated, for what felt like forever until she got back to me.

“Sorry, no one’s answering.”

I was back to square one. Naked. Helpless. Pacing the hallway like a madman. Another 10 minutes passed before I tried the emergency phone again. This time, she came back with good news: someone from security was on their way up.

When the elevator finally dinged, my savior appeared—a very well-built security guard. At first, he looked in the opposite direction, probably expecting a normal, clothed tenant in distress. Then he turned and saw me. Naked. Trying my best to cover myself with my hands.

Without missing a beat, he sighed, shielded his eyes, and walked toward me, shaking his head and jingling his keys. As I tried to explain myself, he cut me off mid-sentence with a firm, “I don’t want to know.”

Normally, building policy requires ID or proof of residence, but I guess he decided it wasn’t worth prolonging the situation. He unlocked my door, still shielding his eyes, and walked away muttering something under his breath.

Now, I see him almost every day. I can’t bring myself to make eye contact, and I’m sure he’s equally happy to avoid me.

Needless to say, I no longer drink to excess. The end.

TL;DR: Got blackout drunk at a work event, somehow ended up locked out of my apartment completely naked. Had to call the elevator emergency line for help, and now I can’t make eye contact with the security guard who saved me.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/sugemeumpenem on 2024-11-17 14:22:54+00:00.

So I (24F) was catching up with my mum over FaceTime and she goes ‘oh btw did you lose some earrings in your dad’s car last time you visited?’ and flipped the camera around to show me the earrings. Now for the past few years I basically only wear the same few pairs of gold hoops and these earrings were not gold hoops, they were a pair of big silver heart-shaped studs, so I was automatically like ‘oh no those aren’t mine’.

Then my mum goes ‘oh well that’s interesting, because they’re not mine and they’re not either of your sisters’ either’ and I could tell she was implying my dad has had another woman in his car and was lying about it. It was in that moment that I suddenly remembered buying a pair of silver heart-shaped earrings years ago to match a specific necklace. I hadn’t immediately recognised them because they’re not actually really my style and I only wore them a handful of times before misplacing them, but my dad never cleans out his car so they could easily have been there this whole time. I tried to row back and explain this to my Mum but she didn’t believe me, saying ‘no I knew they weren’t your style, you’d remember if you’d bought them’ obviously thinking I was covering for my dad.

The funny thing is, my dad is probably the least likely man ever to have an affair, he’s super nerdy and introverted, doesn’t like most people, is absolutely devoted to my mum and HATES cheaters as he’s been cheated on by his first wife before meeting my mum.

I’m now trying to find the receipt to prove it was me who bought those earrings in case I have to step in and help my dad clear his name.

TL;DR My mum is worried my dad is cheating on her because she found some earrings I left in his car years ago and forgot about and I accidentally said they weren’t mine

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/mayfavoritelatin2 on 2024-11-17 19:14:36+00:00.

So, this happened yesterday. My boyfriend always raves about this chicken dish his mom used to make when he was a kid. I thought it would be cute to surprise him by cooking it myself. I called his mom, got the recipe, and she even gave me some tips, saying, "It’s super easy!" Spoiler alert: it was not easy.

First, I realized halfway through that I didn’t have the right breadcrumbs. I thought, "No big deal, I’ll crush some crackers." Bad idea—the texture was all wrong. Then I got distracted prepping the sauce and left the chicken on high heat. When I flipped it, it was black on one side and still raw inside. Cue panic.

I tried to salvage it by cutting it into smaller pieces and cooking them again, but they just turned into dry little rocks. Meanwhile, the sauce I made thickened into something resembling glue. The kitchen smelled burnt, and I was on the verge of tears.

When my boyfriend came home, he immediately asked, "What happened in here?" I confessed everything, and he couldn’t stop laughing. He ended up calling his mom to tell her, and we ordered pizza while joking about my "attempted murder chicken."

TL;DR: Tried to recreate my boyfriend’s favorite childhood dish, burned the chicken, ruined the sauce, and ended up with pizza instead.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Sad_Manufacturer_257 on 2024-11-16 23:06:23+00:00.

I work in an Amazon FC and today while loading a truck I squatted and felt a slight breeze accompanied by a ripping feeling. Thankfully I was in the truck alone so I shot and felt my butt to see if my shorts ripped.

BUT NO, they hadn't so I checked the front to just to make sure. No tears, so I moved on and kept loading the truck and eventually I felt more and more ripping before it finally dawned on me... my boxers had been ripping, I've been letting my breezy balls hang loose all day as my boxers continued to rip. Finally by the end of shift which is now. My boxers are ripped up to my man hood in the front and the seam in the back....

And I can never tell my wife about this, because she been telling me for weeks to buy new clothes.... she's right but I will never let her know she was.

TL;DR: I ripped my boxers at work and only proceeded to let it get worse.

EDIT: I told my wife, she laughed at me and then asked to see how bad it was XD, she's now going on about me needing to listen and buy clothes...

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Nikaru-Hakamura on 2024-11-17 08:52:44+00:00.

So, this happened yesterday, and I’m still dying inside. I work for a pretty chill company, but my boss, Mark, is... how do I put this... very proper. Think tucked-in shirts even on Casual Friday.

Yesterday, during a particularly boring Zoom meeting, my best friend texted me. We were joking about something unrelated, and she sent me a meme. You know, one of those spicy, borderline NSFW memes that would make a nun blush. I laughed way harder than I should’ve, but the meeting was still going, so I decided to be sneaky and text her back while pretending to take notes.

Except I didn’t send it to her.

I sent it to Mark.

It took me exactly three seconds to realize my mistake, which was three seconds too late. The meme? It was a picture of a banana and a cucumber with the caption: "One of these is more useful, but the other gets more attention."

Mark replied IMMEDIATELY.

“Uh, I think you sent this to the wrong person.”

I panicked. My brain short-circuited, and for some reason, I thought explaining it would help. I typed: “OMG, that was for my friend! We were talking about grocery shopping. Haha sorry!”

GROCERY. SHOPPING.

Now Mark thinks I’m not only wildly inappropriate but also incapable of lying convincingly.

The worst part? Today in our team meeting, he started with, “Let’s get this meeting a-peeling,” while making eye contact with me. I’ve never wanted the ground to swallow me whole so badly in my life.

TL;DR: Sent a spicy meme to my boss instead of my best friend, now I might be the unofficial office banana expert.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/AutoModerrator-69 on 2024-11-17 06:16:16+00:00.

So, I was on a business trip in Miami this past week, Monday through Saturday. I rented a car with AVIS to get around, thinking it’d be easy, convenient, stress-free… yeah, famous last words.

The week goes smoothly until late Thursday night. I’m beyond exhausted after a full day of meetings and drive back to my hotel, park the rental in what looks like a hotel-designated parking area, slap on my hotel parking pass, and go collapse in my room.

Friday morning rolls around. I’m packing up to head out for my last meeting of the trip when… I realize my car is gone. It’s just not there. Cue immediate panic. My mind’s racing with every worst-case scenario, and like a total genius, my first conclusion is, “Someone stole it.” (Yes, this was the beginning of the chain reaction of FUs.)

With my ‘stolen car’ vibes in full swing, I call my colleague to pick me up so I can still make it to my meeting. I’m already imagining explaining to AVIS how their car disappeared from under my watch. By afternoon, I’m at the police station, filling out a full report on the “stolen vehicle,” and the police are gathering details. AVIS is now involved, and it’s all getting messy.

Finally, I get back to the hotel later that night, totally deflated. Then I see a huge sign near the lot entrance: “Hotel Guests - DO NOT PARK HERE OR YOU WILL BE TOWED.” Uh… so there’s a chance it wasn’t stolen, after all.

I go to the front desk and ask if they know anything about towed cars, and they give me a number to call. But it’s already late, so I have to wait until morning to check with the towing company. All I could do was sit there, wondering how I got myself into this mess.

Saturday morning, I call the tow company, and yep, they have my car. They towed it because, apparently, I parked in a shared lot that my hotel guests aren’t allowed to use. But here’s where the real kicker comes in: they won’t release it until AVIS sends someone to claim it, since it’s a rental (even though I have the key and the rental agreement under my name).

So I call AVIS, hoping they’ll handle it quickly. But nope! They inform me that they need to “send a rep to the lot,” process some paperwork, and then arrange for the car to get back to the airport. And guess what? Until they get the car back, I’m still being charged the daily rental rate. Yeah, I’m paying for a car that’s sitting at a tow yard and not even in my possession.

I’m out here bleeding money on this rental until AVIS decides to get it back. Lesson learned: double-check every parking rule because the cost of a careless mistake? Painfully high.

TL;DR: Parked my rental car in the wrong spot, assumed it was stolen, filed a police report, got AVIS involved, only to find out it was towed. Now AVIS is charging me daily until they retrieve it from the tow yard.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/7ransparency on 2024-11-17 04:50:24+00:00.

A few hours ago my neighbour sent me a text saying that my garage door has been open for a few days and whether I'd like for them to close it for me. That's strange I thought, I never leave it open. For context I'm in a townhouse complex and the closest garage to the main entrance garage shutter, my garage door has a 4 digit combo lock that I just clockwise and anti-clockwise one digit every time instead of mixing it all up, figured one 4 digit is as good as any other.

Went down there and the garage is empty. My heart immediately sank to the floor, and stayed there.

You hear about these things but just don't expect it to ever happen to you, you know? I only got the car 2yrs ago after wanting it for 15yrs... Stood there for what felt like an eternity. How could this happen? Why oh why me?

Went back up to the house and just sat there for the next 2hrs, defeated (have only 3rd party insurance) and had no idea what to do, I WFH and use the car 1-2x/wk, last time was Tuesday when I went into work and got some groceries on the way back. For all I know it could have been a whole 5 days since it was stolen. After much chewing over the matter I decided to call the police to report it stolen, having zero faith of recovery. The report took 10mins, they asked a bunch of questions and I answered in a zombie manner, was told they'll do what they can and get back to me.

The next few hours was a blur, I browsed Reddit/YT mindlessly to pass time. Then decided to go back down to the garage to see whether the padlock was cut. It wasn't... And it was in the same spot that I'd usually leave it right by the floor, hold up... 🤨 If this wasn't a forceful entry where the fuck is my car?

I had retraced my steps time and time over and over again for the past few hours and couldn't figure it out, I went to work and finished quite late and was tired, went to get groceries, came back home, that's it.

Then, a light bulb went off. I had gone and gotten groceries yes, but, I had forgotten something and didn't realise until was almost home so drove to a tiny community grocer on the way back to grab it there. I go there from time to time but always on foot as to drive there takes exponentially longer to do a big loop and cross many more streets. So, after I grabbed the missing item I just naturally walked back home due to habit, and thought nothing more of it.

OMFG.

I ran towards the grocer's parking lot immediately, every single step felt like a million miles away and I was both striving for pending relief, or, pending misery. It's usually a 2mins walk, though the journey felt like a lifetime.

When I finally got there, yup my baby's sitting right where I left her.

Human behaviours are fascinating aren't they? The second I saw the car from a distance the first thing that came to my mind was oh I hope I didn't get a ticket, as if I just erased the past few hours from the mind immediately. Luckily, I did not.

Drove it home and locked up, rang the police back telling them sorry I was a complete moron. They asked a few more questions and I'm sure I'll get a mention during their lunchtime chat for wasting their day for no reason.

Some of the groceries are spoiled after sitting in the sun for the last 5 days, I'll make a trip to replace them later on today, and will make sure I complete the entire shopping list in one trip.

TL;DR thought my car was stolen from the garage, instead I was just a muppet.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/nothereexisting on 2024-11-17 03:23:17+00:00.

Title: Managed to Snap Both Ankles at a Horse Show This Weekend

So, this weekend I was at a horse show in Florida, staying in my friend’s trailer. I was there to take photos of my friends competing, and things were going great—until I stepped out of the trailer.

I had my camera in hand, ready to head to the arenas, when my left ankle decided it was done. It gave out completely, and I heard a loud snap. Before I could even process it, I shifted my weight to my right foot, and snap—that one went too. I hit the ground in a heap, and all I could think was, “Please don’t let the lens be cracked.”

Thankfully, the camera was fine. My ankles? Not so much. I sat there in pain, trying to figure out if I could even stand, but moving wasn’t happening. My phone was nearby, so I called my friend for help. She rushed over, got me up, and somehow I convinced her to drive me to the arenas so I could still take pictures. Priorities, right?

I hobbled around for a bit, snapping shots of my friends’ rounds, but my ankles were swelling fast. Luckily, medics were on-site (it’s an FEI-level event), so I asked them to check me out. They took one look and told me I needed X-rays ASAP.

After the rounds, my friend drove me to the ER. I was pretty sure something was broken but didn’t want to believe it or thought maybe I was over reacting. Turns out, I was right. X-rays showed my left ankle is sprained and the right one is broken. They put my left ankle in a small air splint and right one in a cast and gave me crutches. I’m now relying on the sprained ankle to do all the work, which is… not ideal.

Now I’m back at the horse show, hobbling around and trying to stay positive. I’ve got to call an orthopedic on on Monday to figure out what’s next. Can not believe this happened

TL;DR: Stepped out of my friend’s trailer at a horse show, left ankle snapped, then the right one snapped too. Left is sprained, right is broken. Camera survived. Now in a cast and on crutches.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/WeaselPretzel12 on 2024-11-16 22:05:16+00:00.

It's protocol that we get patient photos as our boss says "to get to know them personally. She said it's important we get EVERY patient's photo so we recognize them when they walk in. Unfortunately some patients are barely toddlers, and this specific patient was a hyper 6 year old. His dad tried to get him to focus but this kid was just going crazy, dancing for the photo, smiling and just wiggling around, and in an attempt to get him to focus I did what I do to my dogs to get their attention for a photo by going "Pspspsp! Tk, tk tk!" and I immediately cringed as it was instinctual and didn't even process what I'd just done. Luckily the father was too focused on how crazy his kid was acting and laughing, so I can only pray it's not mentioned later in a review. TL;DR: I made noises at a patient's kid that I use on my dogs to get his attention so he'd stay still for a photo.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/happyserenaa on 2024-11-16 20:49:31+00:00.

so last night i (20f) went on a date with this guy ive been crushing on forever. hes super cute, funny, like the perfect guy. we went for sushi and it was amazing, great convo, good vibes, all that.

anyways, after dinner he asked me to come over to “watch a movie” (we know what that means lol). i was like omg yes, trying to play it cool. fast forward, we’re on his couch, everything’s chill—then my stomach starts making these insane noises. like not normal grumbles, more like theres a monster in here.

im like ok maybe i can ignore it. nope. i excuse myself to the bathroom bc apparently the sushi was NOT sitting right. i go, do what i gotta do, but when i flush… nothing happens. toilet just gurgles at me like nah fam. i try again (huge mistake) and the water starts rising. full panic.

so now im in his bathroom, staring at this toilet like its my worst enemy. no plunger, no idea what to do. i literally thought about jumping out the window and disappearing forever. finally i open the door and go, “uhh so your toilet isnt working.”

he comes in, looks at it, and just goes “oh… yikes.” then HE has to fix it while im standing there wishing i was dead. to be fair, he laughed it off and said “dont worry, happens to everyone” but like… no way hes texting me again.

TLDR: sushi destroyed my stomach and i clogged my crush’s toilet on our first date, he had to fix it while i stood there dying.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Hereismyusernayme on 2024-11-16 17:56:50+00:00.

So it's getting colder outside. We all know this, winter is coming and the such. I've noticed a collection of spiderwebs below my kitchen sink that I've decided to leave in place and admire their progress. We have an understanding, the spiders and I.

However, three days ago I had to break that agreement. My wife was preparing lunch when she discovered the extent of the webbing. Naturally, she looks down to get a closer look. Upon a closer look, we found what looked like a brown recluse. A big, chunky one.

Next came a debate. We have an army of pill bugs that live below our home that I can only assume have been feeding it. I knew this was a shared area because I could see at least one daddy long leg nearby. I thought about just capturing Becky with the bad bite and removing it alone so I didn't hurt the others, but realistically, no matter how I cut it, with a young child and a couple of small animals in my home, we couldn't let this one (and possibly the others nearby) stay.

So the decision was made to spray the area.

We evacuated ourselves and our pets and I set to work. Eventually, the deed was done and the beautiful webbed landscape was now coated in death soup and I could see pillbugs and spiders alike trying to get away. It was too late for them.

Several hours pass, we packed up and headed out to a playdate for our daughter and life carried on.

Until today.

We've noticed an awful smell in our house. We went through everything. Trash? Nope. Dishwasher? Doesn't stink like that, at least. Fridge? Nah, cleaned out a couple of days ago.

We can't escape the smell in the kitchen, and it was getting worse.

Three days passed. We went about our lives, joked about the spiders watching our toes the last few weeks and making efforts to clean anything that could be causing the smell.

My wife and I were cooking dinner. I opened the microwave to heat up our chili and I'm hit with a wave of hot meat stank and fruit flies riding that wave to freedom. We finally found it.

She had been defrosting chicken in the microwave when she discovered the spider bungalow. With the events that followed, the chicken was never removed from the microwave and we (apparently) just hasn't used it the last three days.

It was so bad. We've removed the source of the smell and we're all relieved but now we've lost our microwave and I guess I'll have to get a new one. At least black Friday is coming, I guess.

TL;DR

My wife discovered a mass of danger spiders by her feet, forgot about defrosting meat in the microwave, and it took way (way) too long for us to find it.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/casserole422 on 2024-11-16 17:24:22+00:00.

Several weeks ago my(32 f) maternal grandfather (80m) had what we suspected to be a stroke. He was entering the last stages of his life and was vehemently anti-hospital. We never got a full understanding of what happened in this instance because he refused to go to the hospital, but think like can't walk, speech, not making sense, trying to get undressed and random spaces etc. He was just under 6 ft. And my grandma and Mom are both well under 5'5, and physically could not manhandle him to get him to bed. So I had the bright idea that I was going to go and purchase a simple folding wheelchair so that they could get him two doctor's appointments and back and forth from the car with less trouble, which is where our story begins...

I get the call about his stroke at roughly 6:00 p.m. and make the decision to call out of work the next day to support this change in his life. Immediately I start googling where in town I can pick up a wheelchair same day. I don't want to out any specific brand names, but let's say "hall-mart" has some in stock. So that's my plan. I get up in the morning, go to the wall with Marts and pull up the app to see which aisle wheelchairs are sold in. This leads me to somewhere near the pharmacy, which has a wheelchair, but it's on the very top shelf and appears to be a floor model. I look all around. Nowhere do I see a box that says wheelchair or anything like that. I wait patiently in line at the pharmacy until I see a pharmacist and ask them "I would like to buy a wheelchair, is that something that I have to go around back for or can you point me to where I could purchase one?"

Not sure if this pharmacist was new or something but this really threw them for a loop. They told me I had to go online for something like that, or wait, did I have a prescription for a wheelchair? Also, that they weren't sure if they had wheelchairs in stock. I luckily already had my app open and told them I think they do have them in stock, and that I'm okay with waiting for a little bit, but I don't want to go through the online "pickup" wait. They make a couple calls and tell me that yes, they do have them in stock, but I needed to go to the fitting rooms and request one. I figured there was a 50/50 chance that this pharmacist was just trying to get rid of me so they could help the next customer and hoped that I would not return.

But I'm a good little girl and go to the fitting rooms, I tell the lady at the fitting rooms that "I would like to purchase a wheelchair, the pharmacy sent me to you."

Fitting room attendant number one yells at me, louder than necessary "WHY WOULD THEY SEND YOU TO US?!?" Fitting room attendant two is more concerned "Mam, this is the fitting rooms, are you having a medical emergency?"

Fair point, I did feel crazy right at that moment, but I tell them "no, I don't need a wheelchair right this instant but I would like to purchase one for my grandfather. It sounds like there's one somewhere in the store but none that I can go and get off of the shelf myself. I am guessing that the pharmacist thinks you guys might have the ability to go to the back of the store and bring me a wheelchair the store is selling??"

Indignant fitting room attendant number one throws her hands up in the air, annoyed at my request, and grabs her radio to see if there are wheelchairs available for purchase in the back. Wouldn't you know it there were! So they head off on an adventure to find me a wheelchair. They come back in less than 10 minutes, wheelchair box in a cart, and I completed my purchase to skip off into the sunset...

In total I spent just over an hour and a half in the store (admittedly I did search more than necessary because I have social anxiety and don't want to bother store employees unless I know for certain the thing I need isn't there.) Tall-mart is always good for a laugh right?

TL;DR: attempted to purchase a wheelchair at mal-mart, broke several employees brains, spent way too much time there.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/RosieQParker on 2024-11-16 17:21:19+00:00.

Obligatory: this happened yesterday, but I guess it started during the COVID lockdown.

Way back in the days of lockdown, I had to renew my firearms license. Here in Canada, they're called a Possession and Acquisition License (PAL) and they're super important to keep up to date. You can get into trouble if you let it lapse and own any guns. As a result, they go out of their way to make the process easy and painless. During lockdown when it was difficult or impossible for people to get a license photo taken, they were allowing renewals to carry over the old photo.

I completed the renewal process, and got the identical-looking license with the identical-looking photo. I followed the enclosed instructions: destroy the old one immediately and put the new one in a safe place. The old license went into the shredder, and the new one went into my fire safe.

And there it sat for years. I did target shooting in university, but since then I haven't had the money to keep up with the hobby. Depending on where you are in this country, firing range memberships can be cartoonishly expensive.

Fast forward to yesterday. I was cleaning out the family garage, and one of the important tasks was to get rid of the rinky dink little rifle that's been gathering dust (properly stored) in the rafters for years. Lucky for me, the local gun shop had just enough space to take it on consignment. It was a filthy and exhausting day, but I had just enough time to grab my PAL and get to the store before it closed.

We go through the inspection and settle on a price, and then he starts filling out the paperwork, which includes taking down my PAL info. Then, my FU blooms into full flower.

"Uhh, do you have a non-expired PAL?"

So it turns out that I put my brand new license in the shredder, put the old one away, and didn't notice the mistake for four years.

Lucky for me, the system is pretty well-run. He was able to put the number through the database and see that my license was valid, and even got the correct expiry date. I felt pretty bad about keeping him late, but he reassured me that it was the funniest thing he'd heard all day.

Now I need contact the CFO on Monday, report my license destroyed, and request a replacement. And they're gonna want to know what happened. So I get to tell the government how stupid I am.

TL;DR: I mixed up my new and expired firearms license, shredded the wrong one, and then didn't notice for four years.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/[deleted] on 2024-11-16 08:58:50+00:00.

I (28M) am a kissless virgin. No hand-holding, no hugs that lasted longer than a couple seconds, nothing. I’ve spent my entire adult life either too shy or too awkward to pursue anything resembling romance. Though, I’ve been dating this absolutely stunning woman (26F) for the past two months. She’s sweet, funny, and way too good for me. Like, she’s dating down into the earth’s crust levels of too good for me and I love her. I don't know why she would want me in the first place, but I definitely fumbled it now.

Last night, we were at her place, having what I thought was a casual movie night. But then the vibe shifted. She cuddled up to me, was laughing a little harder at my terrible jokes, and then—it happened. She asked me if I wanted a kiss and I nodded. She leaned in then, and did it. My first-ever kiss.

My brain went into complete meltdown mode. She kept kissing me, and even got on my lap. After a minute or two of kissing like this, she stroked the hair on the back of my head and that did it for me. It was embarrassing.

It wasn’t subtle, either. No “maybe she didn’t notice". She probably felt it since she was straddling my lap. There was absolutely no hiding it. She froze mid-kiss and I felt her kinda smile. She was probably about to laugh at me. I panicked. I stammered something incomprehensible, grabbed my jacket, and bolted.

I spent the rest of the night lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering why I was born.

She actually texted me. Probably making fun of me or saying that she doesn't want to see me again. I haven’t opened it. I can’t. I'm so fucking humiliated.

What am I supposed to say? “Sorry, I finished in my pants because I got overwhelmed by a kiss”? I can’t even think about it without wanting to disappear into a black hole.

I’ve probably ruined everything, and she's probably laughing about this with her friends now.

TL;DR: I’m a 28-year-old kissless virgin and I finished during my first kiss. Panicked, ran, and now I’m too scared to open her text or face her ever again.

EDIT: Yeah I was panicking for nothing. I opened the text and she was asking if I was okay, then said that she thought it was kinda hot. I did apologise for storming off and we're good now. She also told me that I'll build more stamina with practice.