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submitted 11 hours ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/bvckarthi on 2026-05-29 05:12:03+00:00.


I (M29) work as a consultant for a Norway-based company, but my client is located in Singapore. I’m currently on an 8-month contract that requires me to fly out to the client's office for one week every month. On my very first trip, I instantly clicked with the director of the team, who is also my client manager. He’s originally from my hometown but settled in Singapore. Before my second trip, I asked if he needed anything from back home, and I happily brought over a few things for him and his family. He was super grateful and insisted I come over to his house for dinner. At the time, I genuinely didn't have any free time, so I politely declined.

Fast forward to my third trip. While taking the MRT from the airport to my hotel, I noticed a beautiful, elegant Indian woman(F25) standing next to me. We shared a smile, got off the train, and went our separate ways. Later that evening, I went to a food court next to my hotel to grab some dinner. I was sitting by myself when she suddenly walked up and sat right across from me. I flirtatiously asked her, "Are you following me?" She laughed, said it wasn't like that, and we ended up talking and having dinner together. We exchanged numbers before parting ways.

I’m honestly terrible at texting, so I didn't message her right away. Meanwhile, my client manager kept inviting me over for dinner, and I kept dodging his requests, blaming it on work. A few days later, I bumped into the girl again at the same food court. She playfully called me out for not texting her, so I asked if she wanted to go on a proper date that Friday. She said yes, and I actually changed my return flight from Friday evening to Saturday morning just to make it happen. We went on a super romantic date that she planned out completely, roaming the streets of Singapore until 3 AM before my 6:30 AM flight.

After that, we officially started a long-distance relationship. We constantly texted and called, and whenever I flew to Singapore, I spent all my free time taking her out. My client manager was still pestering me to come over for dinner, but I eventually told him that I had started dating a local woman and she was keeping me pretty busy.

This week is the 7th month of my contract. My girlfriend got sick for a couple of days and told me she was going to stay at her parents' place to rest and eat some home-cooked food. Since my schedule suddenly freed up, I told my client manager that I’d finally love to take him up on that dinner offer. We scheduled it for Thursday.

I arrived at his house, completely oblivious, just chatting with his wife. Then, he started talking about his family. He mentioned he has one son and two daughters, and pointed to a family photo on the TV stand.

My stomach completely dropped. His eldest daughter is none other than my girlfriend. And she was sleeping in the room right next door.

I somehow kept a completely straight face. Just as his wife announced dinner was ready and went to knock on her daughter's door, I excused myself to the restroom. I frantically texted my girlfriend: "Whatever happens, DO NOT react to anything."

She came out to the dining room. When my manager introduced his daughter to me, she looked at me, said absolutely nothing, and played along perfectly. We sat through the entire dinner in agonizingly quiet tension, finished our food, and I got out of there as fast as I could. As soon as I left, she texted me: "What just happened?!" I called and told her everything.

I am still in complete shock. Reddit, I have no idea what to do. Should I tell my client manager about this? Do we keep it a secret? How do I navigate this without blowing up my contract and my relationship?

TL;DR: Met a girl while traveling for work in Singapore and started dating her. Spent months dodging my client manager's dinner invitations to spend time with her. Finally accepted his dinner invite when my girlfriend went to her parents' house sick. Walked into his house and realized my manager is her dad. Sat through the most awkward dinner of my life. Need advice on whether to come clean.

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submitted 11 hours ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/musicwithbarb on 2026-05-28 23:31:50+00:00.


For context, I am completely blind since birth. I am relatively "normal" otherwise. Except when I jam my foot squarely inside my mouth. Also, worth noting,I took a pretty solid edible before this happened. So, I sometimes swim at this pool in our city. It's a therapy pool. So it has a few different levels with steps, and it has several sets of parallel bars that people can use to do exercise. The pool is meant for rehab. But people from the community can come and use the pool in the afternoons. It's beautiful and so relaxing.

So I'm in there today, talking to my husband and sister who are with me. We're having a chill time when, all of a sudden, this woman starts walking back and forth near me. So she's letting me know that she's moving around me. She tells me that she is doing her exercises. Now, what I am good at, normally, is giving people advice and encouragement to keep it up and hey! Maybe you wanna try something fun, maybe a touch more challenging. Just to mix it up a little bit. So I say, proudly because this is obviously the best idea anyone's ever had, "Hey! Youknow what you should do? Have you ever tried walking along the bars but only using your arms? So just grab the bars with both hands and just use them! To walk! It'll be really fun! You should try!"

She responded snippily, "I can't do that!" "Well why not?" I insist? "It's fun! Look! I am blind and I can do it no problem!"

She is clearly pissed when she says I can't do it, because I only have one arm."

Lord, just go ahead and let me drown here at the bottom of the pool, because I can't bear the shame. Everyone I've told this story to, including the woman in question, all said it was fine because I couldn't have known, what with the whole being blind thing. But it is still god damn mortifying! How do you even come back from that?

Well great question. My brilliant plan was to drop a fun etymology fact on her! So I said "Hey! So your name is Celia. Isn't that based on the word for "sky"?

Nope. According to her it absolutely is not. But jokes on her, because I just looked it up and I'm actually right! It means heavenly and will come from the same root as ciel meaning sky. So there, Celia. I do know things! TLDR: A I, a blind woman, told a one armed lady to walk along parallel bars with both of her arms and don't use her legs. Gaaaaaaaaaaa I'm fucking stupid!

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submitted 11 hours ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/DJ_Jiggles on 2026-05-28 21:01:40+00:00.


So I start my daily 1.25 mile walk to work. It's been raining lately, but it was relatively dry. I'm looking down at my phone, trying to choose some Warhammer lore to listen to on my journey when I get to the point where I pass by the grate of a storm drain in front of a warehouse.

One spot.

One spot on my path was not at all dry.

Now I'm finding my foot sliding in a direction it is absolutely NOT, as a fat man, supposed to be going.

I hit the ground hard, right on to the grate. I start to get up and it hits.

My fucking KNEE. I can't put weight on it, so I fall back down into the mud and try the other side.

When I manage to stand, my fucking BACK hurts so much I can't stand straight.

I limp around for a minute trying to assess the damage and if I could still get to work, but nah, ain't no way in hell I was going to be able to get there in my state much less work the entire day.

Thankfully my boss is a good dude. I never miss work, I'm always early and I always cover or pick up an extra shift when he asks. He heard how much pain I was in when I called him and offered to give me a ride home even though I was around the corner from my house.

After a few minutes of limping home, I approach my property. It's at this time I notice an SUV slowly trailing close behind me.

He follows me on to my property, past the driveway all the way TO my house, stops me and proceeds to interrogate me about what I was doing by his warehouse.

Like dog, I get it. I got a little close to your place. I was in a fuckton of pain with the fear of missing work causing massive anxiety, so I wasn't really aware of my exact location.

But do you really think the fat guy in his work uniform, covered in mud, hobbling on 1 leg, bleeding from my left hand while the right is in the crook of my back, bent over like quasi-fucking-modo is trying to break into your place?

Now I'm sure how much work I'm going to miss while I have $8 in my bank account.

Ah well, could be worse.

TL;DR: I wasn't paying attention, slipped in mud, fell onto a storm drain grate and now I'm too hurt to work for a few days.

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submitted 11 hours ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/wahtevur on 2026-05-28 23:41:20+00:00.


I normally rely on what my company puts in the kitchen to fuel my hunger throughout the day since I don't make myself food. Lunch time rolls around and I scour the office looking for snacks. They put bags of dried fruit on the kitchen island today, so I took one. Since I didn't have anything else to eat, I ate a good chunk of the bag. It didn't even taste good. I kept munching on the fruit because I was hungry. Well a few hours later, I had a severe stomach ache. I never have this issue, so figured the dried fruit was the problem. I checked out the bag while driving home and it turns out it contains a ton of fiber. I'm now hunched over on the floor/bed until I shit away this problem.

TL;DR: I ate a lot of dried fruit and the fiber gave me cramps.

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submitted 1 day ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Time-Confusion8660 on 2026-05-28 04:59:52+00:00.


I genuinely think the most embarrassing moment of my life happened today.

For context I’m a 27F software engineer and most of my coworkers are men in their 40s and older. So today my team was going to lunch and I offered to drive. Two coworkers got into my car and my phone automatically connects to Spotify, except it always takes about like 10-15 seconds to fully connect so I didn’t realize/think of it in the moment.

I had something in my trunk I needed to grab real quick so I got out and in that time my phone connected and the last thing I was listening to was a smutty ass book.

And yes it was on one of those scenes exactly.

I got back into the car hearing the MC of the audiobook talking about how there was not enough friction between her thighs to satisfy her carnal lust…

I’m dead. Deceased.

Because I’m dead I of course suddenly can’t function properly and muted/unmuted it 3 times completely just fumbling with my radio. As I’m doing this my co worker in the passenger seat goes “oh what’re we listening to ACOTAR”.

My coworker in the backseat “What’s ACOTAR?”

Apparently you can die twice, that’s fun. I then just say it’s a book series us girls love and we all left it at that.

Honestly great joke from my co-worker maybe I’ll be able to laugh at it in 10 years or so.

TL;DR: offered to drive my co-workers to team lunch. Forgot my phone auto connects to Spotify and they heard my smut book playing.

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submitted 1 day ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Character_Cattle7001 on 2026-05-27 18:17:52+00:00.


I answer phones as part of my job. Usually people call either looking to purchase tickets for an event or to rent the space. Today a woman called with severe speech challenges, so I really tried to be patient and figure out what she was looking for. Being a certified woke person, I know there’s a number of reasons someone could have speech problems, so I didn’t automatically assume any intellectual disability. I just treated the call like I would any other phone call where I’m having trouble hearing or understanding the person.

20 minutes later, her mom comes in the room, grabs the phone, and angrily interrogates me like I was trying to scam her daughter. I guess I understand being suspicious of someone on the phone with your intellectually disabled adult child, but she came in so hot at me when I was just trying to help and understand. ;~; I apologized and let her know I just didn’t want to be rude and she said “you don’t have to be rude” but…at what point am I meant to make the judgement that I should end the call on someone who sounds like they’re just trying to find out information?

TL;DR: I tried being patient assisting someone on the phone with speech difficulties and got yelled at by a caretaker thinking I was scamming her disabled daughter

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submitted 1 day ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/DickNJaneNumber1Fan on 2026-05-27 03:36:24+00:00.


TIFU by saying yes to a private first date.

For context, about a year ago, I (27 F) got out of a six-year relationship with the woman I thought I was going to marry. It was a hard breakup, but we parted amicably and remain best friends. She moved on pretty quickly. However, it’s been a bit more difficult for me. My sister encouraged me to get on the dating apps to just “see what’s out there.” So I did and I matched with Max (fake name) (28 M). He had some funny quips in his profile so I swiped right. Max takes horrible pictures of himself so I was just kind of going for the potential banter.

We exchange numbers and he seems normal enough over text. He ends up calling me and we talk for like 6 hours. NOTE: I’m a chronic phone caller so this isn’t terribly uncommon for me, but seemingly, we clicked. It had been so long since I had been on a date that I didn’t want to repeat the mistakes I made as someone in their early 20s… which didn’t work out in my favor. Now, there are a series of red flags that I ignored throughout this:

**RED FLAG #1** : Max told me about how he went to a girls house that he met on Tinder, they hung out and played video games 2x, “she didn’t kiss [him] or anything,” and then she ghosted him.

When he told me this, I pushed back a little on it. I asked why he thought she did that. He said that he felt like she was sending mixed signals.

**RED FLAG #2** : Max said that he checked her Snapchat story several times after she didn’t text him back. He was annoyed she was still posting stories. Look, there is nothing wrong with being annoyed at getting ghosted, but something felt off in the way he was telling me about it. Like no self awareness that he could’ve potentially done something wrong that would cause her to ghost him. I also felt a little off that this almost 30 year old man was using Snapchat as a major form of communication.

I paused at this, but like I said he seemed kind of funny and I thought the jokes he made in his profile were exactly my humor style so I felt like more could come out of us continuing to talk. Now, here’s where I can admit some fault. I did over share a bit in the two several hour long phone calls we had prior to meeting up. I told him that I had somewhat recently gotten out of a serious relationship so I didn’t really want to get into anything. Just explore and see how things go basically. However, I shared that I do not hook up without REALLY knowing someone and the reason why (sexual assault/abortion trauma). I wasn’t specific and it was really brief, but I did confide in him that had happened to me and that I struggled to trust people with that. However, he seemed supportive and said he completely understood.

I kept trying to make plans to meet up at a bar or somewhere in public.

**RED FLAG #3** : He always seemed to be busy when I tried to plan these things, but never busy after work. Max claimed he was too tired after work to go out, but that I could “always come [t]here.” Max worked at a candy shop (fake job, similar workload) so it wasn’t like he was breaking his back all day long.

I finally agreed to come over with the stipulation that NOTHING would happen. It was just to hang out and get to know each other. Now, I know you’re thinking I’m stupid and you’re right, I am. I knew it was dumb, but I kept telling myself that I was putting myself out there and it would all be ok.

I drive way too far out to go to his place and finally pull in. He leads me in and he has a dog. The dog is so sweet, but really energetic, like clearly a dog that needed tons of exercise.

**RED FLAG #4** : He would basically throw the dog to the side anytime it greeted me. I don’t mean shove, I mean aggressively push the dog down and get in its face. I get that there is some training that uses similar methods, but it seemed more like someone who didn’t research their dog and wasn’t giving it the proper exercise regimen.

Prior to me coming up there, he told me that he needed 2 hours after work to get ready and I thought great he pays attention to his hygiene.

**RED FLAG #5** : I asked him if he felt good after his shower and he proceeds to tell me that he didn’t and was still wearing the same clothes from work. He didn’t smell, but it was kind of like why did you make me wait 2 hours for you not to shower? And also, I don’t know. I feel like it’s common courtesy to shower before a first date?

Max gave me a “tour” (it was a one bedroom apartment) and then we sat on the couch. Here’s where things get ugly. He IMMEDIATELY tries to kiss me. I was like WTF because he literally told me he was good with nothing happening so I do what a normal person does and duck out of the way. He’s looking at me like I’m crazy and tells me that’s never happened to him before. I tell him you should probably ask someone to kiss them before kissing them. He then proceeds to tell me that he has “a 100% track record” when it comes to kissing women the second he meets them on Tinder, apparently. Remember how I said that he told me about the girl who ghosted him, yeah, I was starting to understand why.

As if it weren’t bad enough, Max starts guilt tripping me for not kissing him and saying I can just leave if I want to go. I try to explain to him why it’s not ok to just kiss people randomly (big mistake). He basically is talking over me and not letting me explain. I eventually say “we are—“ and he interrupts me to say “WE?! We aren’t anything. We aren’t dating. Why are you saying we?” Oh, I don’t know dude maybe because it’s a PRONOUN. Max is being so crazy cruel that I start tearing up. It’s awful and I should leave, but he’s honestly freaking me out at this point so eventually I submit to him kissing me. I hated it SO much. After he’s done he proceeds to say “Now was that so difficult?”

We sit down to watch a movie and honestly he can’t stop bickering with me, interrupting me, etc. I know I should’ve left but again I was kind of scared of the dude and didn’t want to make any missteps. Throughout all of this he’s giving me that gross look people give you when they want to kiss and he just keeps going for it even though I’m clearly not into it. I know I should’ve stopped it or said something. I don’t know. I honestly feel really stupid but I just kind of went into auto pilot and didn’t know what to do.

All of this culminated to the WORST part. Max was not wearing socks and kept putting his UNSOCKED FEET that had been in his sweaty work shoes all day ON ME. I was absolutely repulsed. I kept moving to get away from them, but he just kept rolling them towards me. FOUL. JUST UTTERLY FOUL.

Before we planned the date, I told him I had to leave by a certain time. As soon as that time came, I shot up and went to the front door as quick as I could. He gave me one last excruciating kiss goodbye and I got out of there.

I immediately call my best friend SOBBING and all I can get out is, “HE WASN’T WEARING SOCKS!” So imagine you get a call in the middle of the night with your friend scream crying about bare feet. I’m telling her how awful it was and I get another call. And who is it? Max.

He starts berating me, basically telling me that I wasn’t ready to date again and how immature I was about the whole thing. Mind you, he had only had one relationship (at age 26) and it was a year long + the “perfect track record” of 11 (yes he had counted) girls he had hooked up with in the year after his breakup. Let’s just say I had significantly more dating experience than him. Max also tells me that I overshared and that I was moving too quickly for him. He said that I was treating this like it was a thing when it wasn’t. Literally WHAT could I have possibly said that made it any more clear that I wanted to take things super slow and didn’t want anything serious.

Max also said, and I quote, “Other guys on Tinder aren’t going to be as nice as I am.” And the cherry on the top of the damn cake is come to find out he didn’t even make his tinder profile, his friend did. The ONLY reason I swiped on him was because of what SOMEONE ELSE WROTE?! But I digress…

I hadn’t had meat or dairy in 4 years (vegan) and I drove to Whataburger and got a cheeseburger, chicken nuggets, a Dr Pepper shake and a large order of fries (and you better believe they’re fried in tallow). Absolutely housed it.

I know I’m stupid and I’ve now learned my lesson to never meet someone at their apt for the first date.

TL;DR: I met up with my Tinder date at his apartment and it was so bad that I broke my four year streak of veganism.

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submitted 1 day ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Unicorn_in_disguse on 2026-05-28 01:55:35+00:00.


On mobile, English is really the only language I speak- if I make any mistakes I'm just stupid, and not a throw away because screw it.

So my wife is at the very start of her transition ( mtf ). It's been a learning curve and I'm doing what I can to be supportive because it's amazing to see her be more comfortable, confident, and relaxed. Part of that is doing whatever we can to make her more comfortable with her body. The biggest issue has been that she's very *very* hairy. I don't have a problem with her body hair but she does so therefore it has to go.

Another problem is that shaving takes forever, is a whole ordeal, and the hair grows back stupid fast. The next logical solution? An epilator. The epilator really hurts and you can't use it on sensitive areas. The next solution is wax. Do we go to a professional? No of course not. That'd be like $400. We do not have that kind of money to drop on a basically full body waxing. So we got a wax kit. Read the instruction manual. We're confident and ready.

We were not actually ready. So the waxing kit came with soft wax which I did not like using because to me it's very fussy and you can only do little strips at a time so it takes forever. Tried it, worked well enough until it didn't. I managed to wax her armpit closed. That was a whole thing to fix. I let the wax melter thing cool off and I just pop the machine's plastic lid on, put it in its box, and put it on a shelf to forget about until now.

That leads us to today. I did not put the lid on the wax tub. I did not think that the wax would be spillable after it hardened back up. My wife says I lack critical thinking skills and I honestly can't argue with that. We bought hard wax and were very excited to try it because it just seems so much easier to work with. We took the wax kit off the shelf and opened the box.

Wax *everywhere*.

Its on the cord, the outlet prongs, and more critically, the machine lid. It has completely coated the lid. Since taking it out of the box there is now wax on the coffee table, the cat, my hands, her hands, the kitchen faucet and handles, the bathroom sink, the dish soap, and chain mail scrubber. I thought an abrasive would be the answer. That only accomplished ruining the scrubber. My hands are completely coated in wax and so are my wedding rings because I didn't think to take them off. Threw out the offending wax and went through an entire tube of alcohol wipes cleaning the cord, prongs, and coffee table. My hands were fucked. The lid was fucked.

Upon some googling we learned that oil and dish soap will get wax off. So one bottle of oil, a couple hours later, and a very angry wife we got all of the wax off of everywhere. The cat was not amused that we had to trim the little spot of wax off of him. It probably would have been easier to do a lot of doordashing or something to be able to afford going to a professional.

Have we learned? Maybe. That remains to be seen. We're about to try using the hard wax. At least I now know how NOT to store it.

TL;DR: Don't do this. Go to a professional. Wax went everywhere and it sucked to fix

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submitted 1 day ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/NoCommunication7 on 2026-05-26 19:59:32+00:00.


A few years back i got this cool 10x pirate spyglass, or draw tube telescope, it had limited field of view but was pretty good for terrestial viewing, it also just looks cool, a conversation starter, i ended up letting someone borrow it who ended up breaking it, so i had to buy another one because i liked it so much.

A while back someone gave me a ton of binoculars, that not only worked with my eyes, but let in more light and had more magnification, even a 25x beast that looks like something the navy would use, but the 10x and 15x were good enough and i could see things with them that i couldn't with the spyglass, it was like the spyglass was only 720p.

Despite that it's still much smaller so i kept it around, left it in the car in it's case (so it doesn't start a fire with the sun) in a storage compartment, it's been in there for ages now.

It's been very hot the last few days and i thought i hadn't used the spyglass in a while so i took it out, immediately i notice it's covered in a sticky greasy residue which i had to wipe off.

I go to extend it and the central draw tube is stuck, it takes a lot of force to extend and collapse it now.

If you don't know about collapsible telescopes, they put felt between the sliding draw tubes so it's smooth and doesn't get knocked out of focus easily, there was black residue on the draw tube and sticking out of the end of it, the felt or the glue holding it must have melted.

I didn't even test it, i guess it's either leaked oily stuff or glue on the optics, or melted out of collimation, or maybe it still works but it won't be the same again.

Least i know now not to do it with my good binoculars.

TL;DR: I left my collapsible telescope in a really hot place, it got so hot that it basically almost melted together and leaked something like oil

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submitted 2 days ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/keiko17 on 2026-05-27 09:42:46+00:00.


I (25F) own two conures who are obsessed with water. They love to sit on top of the shower door while I take a shower. One of them is terrified of the dark. (To the point he actually has a night light)

Last night we were taking a shower when all of a sudden the power went out. So the bathroom turned completely dark.

One of them freaked out and tried to fly towards me, but he got hosed down to the floor instead.

I managed to turn off the shower and used my phone as a flashlight to find them. Poor dude was soaked and very pissed off.

I quickly dried off and got dressed. I was absolutely terrified that he got water in his lungs so I called the emergency vet.

Once we arrived at the vet he was still acting quiet and not himself.

Vet checked him and I was told that he was fine, just being dramatic.

TL;DR: my conure fell in the shower, took him to the vet only to be told he was being dramatic.

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submitted 2 days ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Chance-Midnight1892 on 2026-05-27 12:25:08+00:00.


This happened today and I am still sweating.

I'm 23 and live in Texas. My girlfriend has been slowly getting pulled into my friend group. We have a huge group chat for game days and random plans. It is loud, constant, and full of sports takes and memes. She joined because she genuinely wants to bond with everyone, which is sweet and also kind of terrifying because my friends have opinions.

This morning she messaged that she was coming over after work. Feeling bold, I typed a very flirty, very specific message about what I wanted to do later. Not graphic, but definitely not something you share with the same people you argue with about fantasy lineups.

The mistake: I had been replying in the group chat about weekend plans. When I switched back to my texts, muscle memory made me hit send in the group chat instead.

The message went straight into the group. For a few seconds I thought the typing bubbles were broken. Then reactions started popping up. Someone wrote "OH." My girlfriend replied with a single heart emoji, which somehow made it worse. I tried to delete it, but half the chat had already seen it and screenshotted it. One friend immediately tried to change the subject like they had just watched a car crash. Another asked if we were still bringing chips to the watch party.

Now my girlfriend thinks it is hilarious, my friends are being weirdly polite, and I am considering moving to a new city and changing my name.

TL;DR: I meant to send my girlfriend a private spicy text, but I sent it to the group chat and now everyone knows what was on the menu tonight.

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submitted 2 days ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/tinybluesubaru on 2026-05-27 03:14:08+00:00.


So this didn't actually happen today but about a week ago. I (30M ) had to go to a dentist to get a really bad wisdom tooth removed. I was in a lot of pain and was suffering from light headedness. I had a bad headache and a sore throat. My stress and heart were going out of control. I was not doing well.

So the operation started and the dentist pulls out this huge needle. Knowing that whole area is super sensitive and starting to panic. I blurt out in a terrified squeaky very feminine voice "Ppp Please be gentle" the dentist stares at me for a bit still holding the needle and bursts out laughing. Her assistant is not doing much better.

I wanted to die from both pain and humiliation.

As soon as they stopped laughing the procedure continued while they were occasionally giggling. Nothing about the whole thing hurt more than a small pinch. I hugely overreacted.

I can never go back to that dentist can I?

TL;DR Grown man asked female dentist to "Please be gentle" got laughed at now can never go back.

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submitted 2 days ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Embarrassed_Elk9437 on 2026-05-27 07:29:42+00:00.


My roommate and I just moved into her newly built, slightly isolated house, about two months ago and we’re still getting used to it’s little quirks, and still finding new places to put things. Recently, my roommate put a whole pergola, and outdoor lounge area right outside of my bedroom window, which is right next to the backdoor. I try to be mindful at night, especially since I’m renting and can’t make unnecessary holes, means I have no blinds, only curtains on a tension rod.

Today, I turned in early for the night so I could relax on my own before heading to bed. I decided it was a good night to have a little spicy time so I lit a candle, took out my favorite toy, and put on a sexy scene from a show. Everything was going fine, I was almost there, hit my point, fireworks, moaning, etc. mission complete. Suddenly, I hear quietly, from literally the other side of my window, not two feet away from my head, “Come on X, are you done? Let’s go back inside.” I thought she had stuck her dog outside to go to the bathroom while she prepped for bed, but apparently she had quietly set herself up outside of my window, while I was having myself a good time inside.

Had I know she was there, I would have stopped immediately. Fingers crossed, this is one of those things we just never bring up and it will die with us.

TL;DR: Friend heard me getting off in my room while she took her dog out to go potty.

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submitted 2 days ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Outrageous-Wait-3101 on 2026-05-27 02:06:30+00:00.


I feel like such an idiot today so I just need to share because there’s no way I can tell my partner. I’m so incredibly embarrassed and I feel like my brain has been overloaded with work and other stuff.

I went to work today, as usual, I arrived around 9 ish. Usually, I use my keys to access my office but because I was working in a different office today, I didn’t need them. It’s now almost 7pm, I’m about to leave when I realize I don’t have my keys. I empty my bag in desperation and I can’t find them. I tend to be pretty forgetful but I don’t panic quite yet because I don’t always have a specific spot for my keys in my bag. At this point, I knew I probably left them in the car, so I go downstairs and it’s an open parking lot.

As I approach my car, I hear the engine running and I thought “no fucking way”…… My car was on for over 8 HOURS, just sitting idle, doors unlocked in the fucking parking lot. As if gas prices were not expensive enough😭

I mean I’m just 😶.. I have no words. Words have failed me at this point.

Hoping I didn’t ruin my car since I just bought it a few months ago.

TL;DR: I left my car on for hours while I was working and now I’m questioning what possible state can my mind be in for me to do this. Hoping my car doesn’t suddenly die on me or something 🫩

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submitted 2 days ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/vie75 on 2026-05-27 00:15:59+00:00.


This happened back when I bought my very first car.

For context, I am the type of person who gets curious about every single button in a new gadget. So, a few days after getting the car, I was messing around with the rear seats and noticed a little toggle switch on the rear left passenger door. It said "Child Safety Lock." Out of pure curiosity, I flipped it. Nothing immediately happened that I could notice, so I completely forgot about it within five seconds.

Fast forward a few days later. I was driving around with a group of friends. We arrived at our destination, parked, and everyone prepared to get out.

Except for my friend in the back left seat. He pulled the handle, pushed the door, but nothing happened. Every other door opened perfectly fine, but that specific one was completely dead from the inside.

My friends, being the supportive people they are, immediately started roasting me. "Bro, it's a brand new car and it's already broken?" or "Man, you got scammed by the dealership." The teasing combined with the frustration of having a "broken" new car made my anxiety skyrocket. I was genuinely convinced I got a defective unit.

The next morning, fueled by pure annoyance and a slight hit to my pride, I drove straight back to the dealership. I marched up to the salesman and complained, quite firmly, that they had sold me a car with a broken rear door.

They quickly called a mechanic over to inspect the vehicle. The guy opened the door from the outside, tinkered with it for literally three seconds, looked up at me with a knowing, polite little smile, and said:

"Sir... it looks like someone accidentally flipped the child safety lock."

Time stopped. The dealership grew dead silent. My brain completely lagged as the memory of me flipping that exact switch a few days ago flashed before my eyes. I stood there for a solid five seconds, looking at his holding-back-a-laugh smile, slowly turned around, and mentally slapped my forehead into oblivion. I had just confidently accused a professional establishment of selling a broken car, only to be defeated by my own curiosity.

To this day, my friends still bring this up just to laugh at me. My car works perfectly fine, but my dignity at that dealership is forever gone.

TL;DR: Thought my brand new car was broken when the rear door wouldn't open from the inside. Went to the dealership and confidently complained to the salesman, only for the mechanic to smile knowingly and point out that I had turned on the child safety lock myself a few days prior.

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submitted 2 days ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/EverySection509 on 2026-05-26 21:57:25+00:00.


I have been getting back into working out, and I keep my elliptical in the basement. It's an unfinished basement, and I'm a renter in a college house. Typically, I work out every day. I take my ipad down with me and put on my headphones and do duolingo or quizlet or watch some youtube. It's a three room basement, and the stairs that lead to it are down a short hallway behind the pantry. Like I said, it's unfinished, and so it's concrete floors, stone walls, pipes and whatnot down there. I live with two other girls, and neither of them work out nor have any reason to go into the basement, so really I'm the only one who goes down there on the regular.

But recently, I've been... lazy. Since finals, I haven't done my daily studying which I usually do on the elliptical. So I've been avoiding working out. I dunno, I just took a rest day and then another rest day and another rest day. This went on for about two weeks and today, I decided to finally snap out of it. So i downed an alani at like 2pm and put on my workout set and had plans to watch the new season of invincible.

I did my stretches in the living room before heading down, and waited for the caffeine to kick in, and then headed downstairs. And something is off, right away. There's like, these white scraps on the floor. I don't know what it is. I'm thinking maybe a mouse? Because this house is from the 1920's ish and we did have a mouse problem in the winter, but we'd set traps and hadn't had any more problems with mice since like march.

But now i'm curious, because the white scraps seem to be going in a line to a drain by the stairs. So i follow the line from the drain through the main room, and into the second room. And holy hell. There's probably a three foot by three foot pile of wads of toilet paper and dried shit. It's dry on the edges, and wet in the middle. I don't know HOW we didn't smell it upstairs. I gag, and take some photos, and then run out of the basement. But the problem is now i'm hopped up on caffeine, and there's no way in hell I am working out in a shit-filled basement. I NEED to get this energy out of my system and process what I just encountered- ie my basement full of two weeks worth of shit- so i go on a run outside. The entire time I'm just thinking if i wasn't a lazy fuck, there wouldn't be two weeks of shit in my basement. It's already been there for this long. Three girls. Two weeks. One massive pile of shit.

I get back and take a shower and text my landlord and send him the photos. He immediately calls me and asks for more photos and videos of the area.

So i go back down in the basement AGAIN and take photos and videos and send it to him, and like half an hour later he texts me that the earliest appointment for the company to come clean everything up will be on friday. I have to live until friday with shit in my basement. It was different when I didn't know. But now I know.

So now i'm sitting in my bedroom above a shit-filled basement. I will sleep tonight above a shit-filled basement. and tomorrow. and thursday. I can't smell it up here. but i know it's there. All because I avoided my elliptical.

TL;DR I didn't work out for two weeks and when I finally went into my basement to workout, I found the floor covered in toilet paper and shit overflowing from a pipe in the floor, and it can't be cleaned up til friday. I have a photo for proof but i don't think it's wise to post on here. Just... yeah.

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submitted 2 days ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Mundane_Mushroom_122 on 2026-05-26 18:56:24+00:00.


TIFU by trying to flirt with my gym crush and accidentally making him think I have a sweating disorder.

So there’s this guy at my gym I’ve been lowkey obsessed with for months. We do that thing where we pretend not to notice each other but somehow always end up using machines near each other. Today he finally started an actual conversation with me while I was on the treadmill. Everything was going fine until he smiled and said, “You always smell really good by the way.”

This was my moment. A normal girl would say “aww thank you.” Maybe even flirt back a little.

But my brain completely disconnected from reality.

Without even thinking, I replied, “Yeah, I sweat a lot so perfume sticks better.”

The second the words left my mouth I knew I needed to leave the country.

He just stood there blinking at me like he was trying to decide if I was joking or if I genuinely overshare with strangers for fun. And instead of shutting up, I got nervous and added, “Like… concerning amounts sometimes.”

WHY DID I KEEP TALKING.

I started fake laughing because I panicked, stepped off the treadmill while it was still moving, lost my balance, and almost flew backwards. He grabbed my arm before I completely wiped out and asked if I was okay while trying so hard not to laugh.

I said “yeah haha happens all the time” which honestly made it worse because now I sound both sweaty AND unstable.

I’m skipping the gym for at least a week out of respect for everyone involved.

TL;DR: My gym crush told me I smelled good and I responded by oversharing about how much I sweat, then almost flew off a treadmill in front of him. I now need a new gym membership and possibly a new identity.

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submitted 2 days ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/CRK_76 on 2026-05-26 19:42:16+00:00.


My girlfriend and I have cute sexual names that we call each other. We use these names almost all the time, except when we're around other people of course. Well a few weeks ago, she had her parents over her house for dinner. We were all having a great time. At some point my girlfriend asked me a question, and I said, "Yes, tits." I instantly realized what I said. My girlfriend and her Mom and Dad all started laughing. I turned red and got so embarrassed.

My girlfriend, who has an amazing sense of humor, said, "Great, now everybody knows about them." I didn't even know what to do. I just apologized over and over. Everybody was very understanding and didn't get upset. I had to power through the rest of the night. But I really wanted to run away.

TL;DR I accidentally called my girlfriend "Tits" in front of her parents. Wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there.

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submitted 2 days ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/the_real_big_jesus on 2026-05-26 17:47:11+00:00.


Obligatory this happened on Sunday. I was riding my e-scooter to the grocery store to pick up snacks for the race. I am not very trusting of the human race so I'm pretty diligent in being aware of my surroundings. I also obey traffic laws, I don't run stop signs, wait for lights to turn green, etc. Because of my distrusting nature I assume that every car is going to hit me and I ride cautiously.

Enough background. I approached an intersection with a four way stop sign. One for each direction of travel. I was in the bike lane and came to a full and complete stop. There was a red sedan approaching the intersection in the opposite direction of travel. Having stopped at the STOP sign I began to traverse the intersection. The oncoming red sedan however did not stop at the STOP sign and proceeded to turn left into my path of travel. Having a basic understanding of physics and still being of sound mind and body I did my best to avoid a collision with a moving object who's mass was greater than my own by a factor greater than 10. In that I was successful. I did not in fact get ran the fuck over. However, in taking the evasive action to avoid becoming a smear on the pavement I neglected to factor in that stationary objects can also be dangerous. My adrenaline flooded brain didn't register the curb as problematic until it was too late to do anything else but strike it. What followed was a brief moment of freedom in the form of flight and then abrupt stoppage of my forward momentum. I did attempt to tuck and roll. I neither tucked, nor rolled. Maybe I rolled a little bit. What is of certainty however, is that the red sedan did not stop, and it was plainly, painfully obvious that my right wrist was broken. I suspected my left elbow was broken as well, but would later be told by medical staff that it was not. Bully for me.

So I still being of sound mind (no longer body) took a moment to recite some gratitude mantras. I was still alive after all. Then I practiced some box breathing and calmed down a bit. Since I was less than a mile from my home I decided to ride my scooter home. The throttle being on the right handlebar was fun little experiment. I made it home safely, and my roommate drove me to the hospital. The panic they showed when I asked them for a ride and they saw my arm was adorable. I could tell they really cared. Another thing to be grateful for. I truly am blessed.

TLDR- Avoided getting ran over, hit curb and shattered wrist instead.

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submitted 2 days ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/shre3293 on 2026-05-26 05:34:05+00:00.


its not even that big of a fuck up but I feel so embarrassed. so I graduated a while back and am not having any luck finding a job, I feel sad and depressed about it, I also kinda realise I am NEET, its an old common term but has been popular in anime for some time, it basically means Not in Employment Education or Training.

I recently got an interview. Its not directly related to my degree, its for site inspection and survey. so I will basically go to a place and collect the information about placement of stuff, some other factors. interviewer specifically mentioned that I will need to draw some stuff as well. it was going well, I low key feel confidence about and general speaking. I was saying I will learn this stuff, and to show I attempted to explain my understanding of the job, and belief that I understand it well enough. Then interviewer kinda sheepishly asked "are you a NEET person?" my brain went wtf?? , I went into self depreciating rant. saying its kinda tough getting jobs and I am trying currently, don't know what to do and recent graduate. but yeah technically i am NEET.

They immediately said no no no. are you like .. couldn't find words. Thankfully my brain saw their confusion and made the connection and understood that they actually meant neat like clean and organised. I immediately lied with full confidence. I am neat and I pay attention to details which i understand is important for this role. I feel l kinda recovered. this is still a part time job but at this point I would be grateful for anything.

TL;DR: interviewer asked are you a neat person? I thought they meant NEET, which made me go into a self depreciating rant.

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submitted 3 days ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/AggressiveRegion4342 on 2026-05-26 05:44:09+00:00.


Just as the title says, I (F20) told my boyfriend(M23) his breath stinks. I’ve been with my bf for almost three years now and I’ve never had an issue with his breathing smelling bad until this recent month. I figured it was because he was sick and had an increase of tonsil stones maybe? I decided to keep quiet about it for a while, not wanting to bring it up in case he was already aware of it and was working on it. He’s really on top of his oral hygiene. I’d argue even better than I am at it. Anyways, it’s gotten to a point where I can’t ignore it and I don’t want to smell it anytime we are in each others space.

I love my boyfriend a lot. And I want to be able to kiss him and cuddle without having to breathe through my mouth or holding my breath.

So I brought it up to him. I think I may have been a bit insensitive, asking him what he was doing differently and saying he should clean out his tonsil stones. He got upset and called me rude and mean. I then made it worse by saying, “I’d want you to tell me if I had really bad breath.” To which he responded with, “thanks for letting me know that I have ‘really bad breath’”. And then left the room. He’s currently doing dishes and I feel incredibly horrible for how I went about it. I understand the why and just want to make it up with him.

TL;DR: I told my boyfriend his breath stinks and now he’s mad at me and thinks I was being rude.

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submitted 3 days ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Significant-Major393 on 2026-05-26 10:47:53+00:00.


I was working in ICU as a nurse. The patient's family had finally been able to come back and visit after the patient was intubated and stabilized. I put a couple of chairs next to the bed, and they sat there in shock, trying to take it all in. I was trying to give them some time to sort through their feelings. But an IV pump started beeping, so i was trying to squeeze around them to get to it. The wife looked up with tear rimmed eyes and said that she was sorry that they were in the way. I wanted them to know that their presence there was important, so I tried to casually say, "It's all good." But in the middle of saying it, my brain decided that it was too casual, and to switch to, *It's no problem." So what came out, as I gently placed my hand on her arm and looked at her with empathy was, "It's all problems."

TL;DR: I accidentally told a grieving spouse of a patient of life support that "It's all problems" while trying to be supportive

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submitted 3 days ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/wil4 on 2026-05-26 07:30:13+00:00.


TLDR; I underestimated the sexual side effects of anti-depressants

This obviously didn't happen today and is still unfolding. I had severe depression starting age 18 and the main symptom was insomnia. I ended up averaging like 3-4 hours sleep for about a year and a half and lost about 20lbs. I finally went on trazadone and Zoloft age 19 and almost immediately I could sleep and felt good again.

I never had problems getting off while masturbating but when I became sexually active I was like hopeless when it came to getting it up or keeping it up so I always thought I had PIPE/PIED and just thought I was bad at sex.

At age 46 after a bad breakup I finally quit both trazadone and Zoloft. The first thing I noticed was that I had quicker and easier erections, and they wouldn't go down for much longer than usual.

I can AMA this but it's like being a virgin again. For the first time (at age 47+) I can be with a woman and relax and try to enjoy it for the first time in my life.

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submitted 3 days ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Biddle-Luzizila on 2026-05-25 19:53:06+00:00.


had an interview last week for a position i actually really wanted. was nervous but felt prepared. first few questions went fine, i was almost starting to feel like a functional human being.

then they asked "what's your biggest weakness?"

i panicked and said "i sometimes care too much."

i know. i KNOW. i heard it leave my mouth in real time and watched the interviewer's smile do that thing where it stays on but the eyes just... leave.

so i tried to recover. told them what i actually meant was that i tend to overinvest in projects emotionally. which somehow made it worse because i then accidentally implied their company might not deserve that level of investment.

there was a pause. a long one. the kind where you can hear your own heartbeat.

i did not get a callback.

TL;DR: bombed a job interview by saying "i care too much," tried to clarify, accidentally insulted the company, did not get the job.

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submitted 3 days ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Rouy_Jakubowski on 2026-05-25 19:14:38+00:00.


i've been on this whole "wake up earlier, be a real person" kick lately. set my alarm for 5:30am, made a whole plan, even bought one of those sunrise alarm clocks so i'd feel like a woodland creature gently greeting the day.

day three. full autopilot mode. made coffee, grabbed my bag, walked to the bus stop. feeling good. feeling disciplined. feeling like a woman who has her life together.

got to work and my manager looked at me weird. then my officemate goes, "did you forget something?"

i was wearing my pajama top. the one with the little clouds on it. tucked into my work pants. i had dressed in the dark like a haunted person and didn't notice until i was already three floors up in an elevator with my boss.

the worst part? two coworkers said it looked "cute" and "intentional." i nodded like yes, this was a choice i made.

TL;DR: tried to become a morning person, showed up to work in pajamas, got compliments, may keep doing it.

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Today I Fucked Up

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