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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/DickNJaneNumber1Fan on 2026-05-27 03:36:24+00:00.
TIFU by saying yes to a private first date.
For context, about a year ago, I (27 F) got out of a six-year relationship with the woman I thought I was going to marry. It was a hard breakup, but we parted amicably and remain best friends. She moved on pretty quickly. However, it’s been a bit more difficult for me. My sister encouraged me to get on the dating apps to just “see what’s out there.” So I did and I matched with Max (fake name) (28 M). He had some funny quips in his profile so I swiped right. Max takes horrible pictures of himself so I was just kind of going for the potential banter.
We exchange numbers and he seems normal enough over text. He ends up calling me and we talk for like 6 hours. NOTE: I’m a chronic phone caller so this isn’t terribly uncommon for me, but seemingly, we clicked. It had been so long since I had been on a date that I didn’t want to repeat the mistakes I made as someone in their early 20s… which didn’t work out in my favor. Now, there are a series of red flags that I ignored throughout this:
**RED FLAG #1** : Max told me about how he went to a girls house that he met on Tinder, they hung out and played video games 2x, “she didn’t kiss [him] or anything,” and then she ghosted him.
When he told me this, I pushed back a little on it. I asked why he thought she did that. He said that he felt like she was sending mixed signals.
**RED FLAG #2** : Max said that he checked her Snapchat story several times after she didn’t text him back. He was annoyed she was still posting stories. Look, there is nothing wrong with being annoyed at getting ghosted, but something felt off in the way he was telling me about it. Like no self awareness that he could’ve potentially done something wrong that would cause her to ghost him. I also felt a little off that this almost 30 year old man was using Snapchat as a major form of communication.
I paused at this, but like I said he seemed kind of funny and I thought the jokes he made in his profile were exactly my humor style so I felt like more could come out of us continuing to talk. Now, here’s where I can admit some fault. I did over share a bit in the two several hour long phone calls we had prior to meeting up. I told him that I had somewhat recently gotten out of a serious relationship so I didn’t really want to get into anything. Just explore and see how things go basically. However, I shared that I do not hook up without REALLY knowing someone and the reason why (sexual assault/abortion trauma). I wasn’t specific and it was really brief, but I did confide in him that had happened to me and that I struggled to trust people with that. However, he seemed supportive and said he completely understood.
I kept trying to make plans to meet up at a bar or somewhere in public.
**RED FLAG #3** : He always seemed to be busy when I tried to plan these things, but never busy after work. Max claimed he was too tired after work to go out, but that I could “always come [t]here.” Max worked at a candy shop (fake job, similar workload) so it wasn’t like he was breaking his back all day long.
I finally agreed to come over with the stipulation that NOTHING would happen. It was just to hang out and get to know each other. Now, I know you’re thinking I’m stupid and you’re right, I am. I knew it was dumb, but I kept telling myself that I was putting myself out there and it would all be ok.
I drive way too far out to go to his place and finally pull in. He leads me in and he has a dog. The dog is so sweet, but really energetic, like clearly a dog that needed tons of exercise.
**RED FLAG #4** : He would basically throw the dog to the side anytime it greeted me. I don’t mean shove, I mean aggressively push the dog down and get in its face. I get that there is some training that uses similar methods, but it seemed more like someone who didn’t research their dog and wasn’t giving it the proper exercise regimen.
Prior to me coming up there, he told me that he needed 2 hours after work to get ready and I thought great he pays attention to his hygiene.
**RED FLAG #5** : I asked him if he felt good after his shower and he proceeds to tell me that he didn’t and was still wearing the same clothes from work. He didn’t smell, but it was kind of like why did you make me wait 2 hours for you not to shower? And also, I don’t know. I feel like it’s common courtesy to shower before a first date?
Max gave me a “tour” (it was a one bedroom apartment) and then we sat on the couch. Here’s where things get ugly. He IMMEDIATELY tries to kiss me. I was like WTF because he literally told me he was good with nothing happening so I do what a normal person does and duck out of the way. He’s looking at me like I’m crazy and tells me that’s never happened to him before. I tell him you should probably ask someone to kiss them before kissing them. He then proceeds to tell me that he has “a 100% track record” when it comes to kissing women the second he meets them on Tinder, apparently. Remember how I said that he told me about the girl who ghosted him, yeah, I was starting to understand why.
As if it weren’t bad enough, Max starts guilt tripping me for not kissing him and saying I can just leave if I want to go. I try to explain to him why it’s not ok to just kiss people randomly (big mistake). He basically is talking over me and not letting me explain. I eventually say “we are—“ and he interrupts me to say “WE?! We aren’t anything. We aren’t dating. Why are you saying we?” Oh, I don’t know dude maybe because it’s a PRONOUN. Max is being so crazy cruel that I start tearing up. It’s awful and I should leave, but he’s honestly freaking me out at this point so eventually I submit to him kissing me. I hated it SO much. After he’s done he proceeds to say “Now was that so difficult?”
We sit down to watch a movie and honestly he can’t stop bickering with me, interrupting me, etc. I know I should’ve left but again I was kind of scared of the dude and didn’t want to make any missteps. Throughout all of this he’s giving me that gross look people give you when they want to kiss and he just keeps going for it even though I’m clearly not into it. I know I should’ve stopped it or said something. I don’t know. I honestly feel really stupid but I just kind of went into auto pilot and didn’t know what to do.
All of this culminated to the WORST part. Max was not wearing socks and kept putting his UNSOCKED FEET that had been in his sweaty work shoes all day ON ME. I was absolutely repulsed. I kept moving to get away from them, but he just kept rolling them towards me. FOUL. JUST UTTERLY FOUL.
Before we planned the date, I told him I had to leave by a certain time. As soon as that time came, I shot up and went to the front door as quick as I could. He gave me one last excruciating kiss goodbye and I got out of there.
I immediately call my best friend SOBBING and all I can get out is, “HE WASN’T WEARING SOCKS!” So imagine you get a call in the middle of the night with your friend scream crying about bare feet. I’m telling her how awful it was and I get another call. And who is it? Max.
He starts berating me, basically telling me that I wasn’t ready to date again and how immature I was about the whole thing. Mind you, he had only had one relationship (at age 26) and it was a year long + the “perfect track record” of 11 (yes he had counted) girls he had hooked up with in the year after his breakup. Let’s just say I had significantly more dating experience than him. Max also tells me that I overshared and that I was moving too quickly for him. He said that I was treating this like it was a thing when it wasn’t. Literally WHAT could I have possibly said that made it any more clear that I wanted to take things super slow and didn’t want anything serious.
Max also said, and I quote, “Other guys on Tinder aren’t going to be as nice as I am.” And the cherry on the top of the damn cake is come to find out he didn’t even make his tinder profile, his friend did. The ONLY reason I swiped on him was because of what SOMEONE ELSE WROTE?! But I digress…
I hadn’t had meat or dairy in 4 years (vegan) and I drove to Whataburger and got a cheeseburger, chicken nuggets, a Dr Pepper shake and a large order of fries (and you better believe they’re fried in tallow). Absolutely housed it.
I know I’m stupid and I’ve now learned my lesson to never meet someone at their apt for the first date.
TL;DR: I met up with my Tinder date at his apartment and it was so bad that I broke my four year streak of veganism.