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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/KDragonDeluxe on 2026-07-05 21:18:34+00:00.

Obligatory ~this was not today, this was about 5ish years ago~

Let me preface this with a little about my sense of humor. I like to make sarcastic jokes. Like, I like to make a joke that is OBVIOUSLY not true, NO WAY, totally illogical, furthest thing from the truth. For example, I know my coworker just worked her ass off and got a bunch of overtime covering open shifts and she gets pulled into a meeting. Before the meeting I go "Damn, I can't believe they're going to fire you!" while we both fully know it's a meeting thanking her for her outstanding work. That type of sarcasm. I've made jokes like this since I was a kid.

Anyway.

A couple years after high school when I was living with my now-husband, I would go to my parents house every weekend to hang out with my mom. I'd usually come over around like 10am and hang out the whole day.

On this particular weekend, I had texted my mom to see what time she wanted me to head over. She told me to ask my dad. Kinda weird, I was going to spend time with her specifically, why did my dads schedule matter?

So I text him and he tells me that they're busy and my boyfriend and I should just come over for dinner. Why didn't my mom just say that? I brush it off. It was odd but whatever.

We come over in the evening and my dad immediately gathers us in the kitchen. So me, my little brother, my boyfriend and my parents all sit at the kitchen counter. My dad says "So. We wanted to talk to you about some things."

I, with my perfect comedic timing, say "What, are you guys getting a divorce? 🤪", rolling my eyes and chuckling, knowing that was OBVIOUSLY not happening.

My dad pauses, looks back at me, and goes "Yeah."

TL;DR: I made a sarcastic divorce joke to my parents at the exact moment they blindsided me and my brother by telling us they were getting a divorce.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/ashbelero on 2026-07-05 19:34:34+00:00.

Obligatory “not actually today”. This was back when I was working at a very busy convenience store chain at the front counter. I was very friendly with most of our regulars and got consistently good reviews, but unbeknownst to most people, I’m autistic/ADHD and just very good at masking when in Customer Service mode. But sometimes the mask slips and it slips BAD. Like painful for everyone involved.

A regular customer has his service dog with him all the time. This is a legit service animal, not an emotional support dog - he’s extremely well behaved and trained to support this customer for seizures if I remember correctly. Now, if you’re like me, you know that you are not supposed to touch a service animal without asking. Frankly, I don’t think you should ever touch ANY pet without asking, because you don’t know how the animal will react. But if you’re like me, you also know people are idiots and assholes and don’t care about things like that.

On this particular day, I ring up Dog Owner and while I’m bagging his things, Dog Petter reaches down and pets the dog. Not a single word to the owner, no indication he’s going to do that, nothing. Dog Owner doesn’t react and neither does the dog, he’s clearly used to people being asshats. So am I, but on this particular day, I decided to speak up.

While ringing up Dog Petter, I offhandedly remark with a smile, “Oh, did you know you shouldn’t pet service animals without asking? It’s rude and the dog is working.”

I expect Dog Petter to maybe ignore me, maybe apologize if I’m lucky and say he didn’t know. Instead, he doubles down and says, “If the owner didn’t say anything, then it’s fine. Dogs want to be pet.”

I quickly replied, “But you shouldn’t pet an animal that doesn’t belong to you without asking, even if it isn’t a service animal.”

Dog Petter argues back, “If they didn’t want someone to pet their dog, they shouldn’t have it in public. And why don’t you mind your own goddamn business?”

To be honest, I should not have said anything. I should have let it go, because it was not technically my business, but I have a very strong sense of right and wrong and I was upset that this person was committing what I saw as an injustice against a disabled person’s service dog.

However, I also feel my emotions very strongly, as in a physical reaction, and I’ve had a history of hurting myself when those emotions are too strong. Things like shame, guilt, and embarrassment feel like uncontrollable panic attacks. (I have, since this incident, gotten better about it and have healthier outlets) This is necessary information to explain what happens next.

I paused what I was doing, said “I’m very sorry,” and promptly slammed my own head down into the countertop in front of me.

It was very loud. I ended up on the floor and there was a lot of commotion, and then I was further embarrassed because I genuinely hadn’t meant to do that - there was no conscious thought between the apology and the impact. Then I had to explain to my boss who was screaming at the customer that no one else did that to me, I had done it myself, and then I had to explain the same thing to the paramedics, and then I got carted off to the ER because I admitted to harming myself. Typical Tuesday at that point in my life. Like I said, I’ve gotten better and do not do things like this anymore. (I’ve switched to running my hands under cold water or putting ice in my mouth when I feel a panic coming on.)

Apparently the Dog Petter went back and apologized to my manager, but stopped coming to our location after that. I’m still embarrassed by the entire thing to this day, some four years later. But I hope that guy remembers not to pet service animals without asking. (Side note: I’ve petted lots of dogs, service or otherwise. But you have to ask politely first!)

TL;DR: Guy pets service dog, I tell Guy not to pet service dog, Guy snaps at me and I slam my head into a counter out of embarrassment.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Laiii12 on 2026-07-05 18:05:51+00:00.

In my defense, this wasn’t my first time on crutches.

I had already gone through this whole ordeal once before on the other side. Total non weight bearing for 3 months, partial non weight bearing for 3 months. I thought I was an expert.

I remember waking up from surgery and PT coming by to teach me to do stairs. I tried to decline. I remembered from last time (I even took notes!) but no, they had me do it again “just in case.”

I remember all the discharge instructions from the surgeon and the nurses encouraging me to rest and to slow down.

I remember distinctly thinking in my head “I know, I know, I know” and biting my tongue to keep from rushing them because I really just wanted to go home.

Did I listen?

I was on the phone and needed to go downstairs. I remember telling this to my friend. He asked if I needed to go? “No, it’s fine. I can do both.” Idiot.

I held my phone up to my ear with my shoulder and used my hands for the crutches.

Made it about halfway before I missed a step.

I wasn’t paying attention. I thought the crutch was on the stair. It was actually on the edge. It slipped (carpeted stairs).

I actually realized what was happening and tried to catch myself before falling down the stairs.

By placing my leg down to stabilize.

The leg I just had surgery on a few days before.

I saw stars.

I thought I was going to puke.

I don’t know how I didn’t pass out.

Forcefully putting all of my weight on my bad leg a few days after surgery was not a part of the recovery plan.

Tl;dr ignored medical professionals telling me to be careful; wasn’t careful; worst pain imaginable.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Complete_Meat_2510 on 2026-07-05 17:34:58+00:00.

I decided to do my first solo trip this year. Since I am a music teacher at a public school, I have the summers off and have the ability to travel at any time. With my wedding coming up in August, I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to have some alone time before the big day. My goal was to spend as little money as possible, but still have a nice relaxing time. When looking at flights on SkyScanner I saw a flight pop-up for Atlantic City for only $55 round trip. I immediately booked the tickets and started planning things to do while in Atlantic City. I had been to Atlantic City about 10 years prior and had a great time so I figured it would be fun to go back and spend time by the beach and the boardwalk. I was able to book my hotel and flights for the 3 day trip for just under $200. I used credit card points to cover the purchases. Everything was going so well. On my flight from Cleveland, I talked to the lady next to me for the entirety of the 2 and 1/2 hour flight. I told her about my plans on the boardwalk and how I was looking forward to the beach. When we landed, I opened up the Uber app to get a ride to my hotel. I checked before leaving and it was just under a 30-minute drive. When I put in my hotel's address I received an error message as well as options for a train. I knew something had to be wrong, so I went to Google maps. Simultaneously as I saw the almost 13 hour drive time pop up on my screen, I heard the pilot come on the intercom and say "Welcome to ATLANTA GEORGIA"..... My whole world froze, as a tingle ran down the length of my spine. ATL did not stand for Atlantic City but in fact Atlanta Georgia. I KNEW THIS! I HAVE BEEN TO ATL BEFORE. As a seasoned traveler who has visited all 50 states and been out of the country multiple times you would think I would understand the difference between the two. But no, this idiot got excited about cheap tickets and the memories of Atlantic City and booked before bothering to double check or actually read. How did I make it through all of my planning without realizing? I really couldn't tell you. My best answer is that I was traveling alone, and would have gone anywhere so I didn't plan as thoroughly as I would have if I was going with friends or my fiancee. While the trip ended up costing more than I had hoped, I enjoyed my stay in Atlanta, and overall still had a great trip. My friends proceed to remind me how stupid I am, and we all get a good laugh out of my misfortune. What the sweet lady next to me on the plane thought I was doing? Who knows? She probably thought I was crazy and went along with it.... to her credit maybe I am.

TL;DR: I mistook the airport code ATL for Atlantic City NJ, instead of Atlanta GA. I didn't realize until my plane landed.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/sandbag747 on 2026-07-05 16:43:06+00:00.

Obligatory not today. A couple of weeks ago I was working at a local festival with the police department as a volunteer. It's the same uniform, same equipment, identical to the local police except for a line on my shoulder patch and on my badge.

We were walking around chatting with vendors and giving kids stickers with the police department's badge on it that said "junior police officer". Kids love them and it's great for them to have those positive experiences with police.

One of the vendors had a bunch of chainsaw carvings, some of which were of Morels, which are a mushroom that grows in the spring and people like to hunt for. That got us on the topic of mushroom hunters, some that had been poisoned, how dangerous it can be, etc. The point here is we were talking about mushrooms, which is where the fuck up came in.

As we were walking, there was a kid and a parent coming in the opposite direction, as I reached for a sticker I asked the kid, "hey dude, you want some mushrooms"

I immediately realized what I said and started apologizing, fortunately the father had a sense of humor and shot off, "wrong festival, region non-specific drug centric festival is that way".

I apologized again and explained we were talking about mushrooms, we both had a laugh and parted ways. I'm still appalled by what I said, especially in that uniform.

Tl;dr: working for the local police department in uniform at a festival, was talking about mushrooms that were carved with a chainsaw, and when I tried to offer a kid a sticker I accidentally offered the kid mushrooms

*Some details were changed to keep my location vague*

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/zitronelemone on 2026-07-05 14:23:36+00:00.

TIFU I messed up, and it's a big regret. I never really told my best friend how much he impacted my life, and now I never will.

His name was Marcus. We met in seventh grade when he accidentally threw an eraser at my head and then spent the rest of the day apologizing. That's pretty much how our eleven-year friendship began.

Looking back, I was on a bad path then. I was hanging out with the wrong crowd, skipping school, and getting into trouble. The teachers had pretty much written me off, and my parents were exhausted. Then Marcus showed up, and surprisingly, he stayed. He'd drag me to family dinners, court for basketball, or we'd just hang out and watch movies. He never made me feel like I was a project he had to fix; he just treated me like the person I was meant to become.

I actually graduated high school because of him. My whole life changed direction, and it was all thanks to him.

He moved across the country for a job about three years ago. Our calls started to get less frequent. I kept telling myself, "I'll tell him properly someday. Maybe over a beer, when I figure out exactly what to say."

He passed away six months ago. A heart condition that no one knew about. He was only 26.

I spoke at his funeral, but even then, I couldn't bring myself to say the real truth out loud.

So, I guess the point here is, don't wait for the perfect moment. Because sometimes, there just isn't one.

TL;DR my best friend pulled me off a bad path just by refusing to give up on me. He died at 26 never knowing what he actually did for my life

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/DragonTamer_1 on 2026-07-04 16:21:02+00:00.

I was at a club with family members. Me, still single and didn’t know how to flirt, followed my two older and more experienced cousins around to find a girl to talk to. Keep in mind that I was following them expressively to find someone to talk to. I feel like that’s important. While following them, a girl flicked my arm to gain my attention. She pointed to her friend beside her and said that she likes me. Me, being the nervous wreck I am, saw this girl for the first time, felt my social anxiety spike up. I then proceeded to look that girl in the eyes and say “Sorry.” I then proceed to run away, nervously shifting through the crowd after my cousin and trying my hardest not to look back. TLDR: Basically, a girl wanted to flirt with me and I hauled my butt out of there. This is probably why I am still single.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/RedFoxBlackCat on 2026-07-04 17:48:26+00:00.

Three things to know : I weightlift often, I have no abdominal definition, I go to physical therapy a lot.

I've been fairly athletic for about 5 years, turning myself around with regular running and weightlifting. I always include ab work in the routine, planks and crunches and stuff.

3 years ago I started doing long distance running and I ran a half-marathon after preparing for 2 months. After the race I noticed developing knee pains, so I started physical therapy to strengthen my support muscles. Immediately the therapist noticed a lack of hip flexor developed but we focused on quads.

The results were mixed but sufficient, and I also got some insoles to help my posture.

Then a few months ago I turned to a more strength-training oriented workout. Lots of squats, deadlifts and bench presses. One day as I'm warming up my hips give out beneath me. I'm back in physical therapy, now working on hip mobility and core stability. Once again, my therapist sees that I have no balance and stuff that should be simple is hard. So she asks me to do a plank, but keeps saying my back in buckling, when I feel its straight. She asks me to crunch more and more with my core, until she says "Now your back is straight, how does it feel" and I reply that it's the hardest ab workout Ive ever done.

As it turns out, I'd never actually been using my core in my core workouts. Instead I put all the loads into my arms and lower back. As a result my upper and lower body are essentially disconnected and I have very little means to correctly orient my hips causing me chronic pain in my knees and hips. Also, despite fairly regular workouts I have never had any core definition, and I know why.

TL;DR My abs have gone unused for years. Now I'm flabby and injury-prone despite working out lots.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/ThomasGeorted on 2026-07-04 15:12:41+00:00.

this happened yesterday and i'm still cleaning up the aftermath so figured i'd share.

my chiweenie Peanut is 12 pounds of pure food obsession and i've dog-proofed most of the kitchen because of it, but the counter has always been safe since she can't jump that high, or so i thought until yesterday when i got home from Costco, put the rotisserie chicken container on the counter, and went upstairs to change out of work clothes for maybe 8 minutes.

came back down to find Peanut on the counter with the container destroyed and a good third of the chicken already inside her including the bones.

And since cooked chicken bones splinter and are one of the worst things a dog can eat, i panicked and drove her to the emergency vet.

$470 later she's fine because they induced vomiting and coated her stomach with something, told me to feed her rice for 2 days, and the x-ray came back clear of shards which is apparently lucky.

Except now Peanut has decided the counter is her personal buffet, so i've caught her staring at it 3 separate times today and she has learned exactly the wrong lesson from all this, which means i'm putting baby gates up tomorrow before she figures out something worse.

TL;DR: left a Costco rotisserie chicken on the counter for 8 minutes, chiweenie somehow got up there and ate a third of it including the bones, $470 emergency vet bill, and she's now convinced the counter is a food-delivery service.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Consistent-Pea4165 on 2026-07-04 00:01:09+00:00.

Yesterday I stayed up finishing a research proposal and presentation due the next day. I woke up exhausted. Cognition at about 12%.

No time for breakfast. Luckily chocolate meal replacement drinks exist. I brought one to drink between classes. First class ends. One more to go.

Open bottle. Take a sip. Loosely screw the lid back on. Forget. Put it in pocket.

Walk around, everything is fine. Sit on the floor. Gravity.

…Why am I wet and cold?

I look down.

Brown puddle in my lap.

Brown puddle on the floor.

OH FUCK. OH FUCK.

Two people walk past. I panic and try wiping the floor with the only paper I have. A bank statement. It just smears. Turns out receipts aren’t very absorbent.

Out of options, I flee the scene and sprint to find a single stall universal bathroom while leaving a sticky chocolate milk trail behind me. Brown liquid is running down my leg from my crotch. I am wearing shorts. White sock turning brown.

FIRST FLOOR: OCCUPIED.

SECOND FLOOR: OCCUPIED

THIRD FLOOR: OCCUPIED

FOURTH FLOOR: OPEN

Thank fuck

I rush inside. I empty my pockets. Phone, Keys, Cards and IDs everything is coated in sticky protein smoothie. Damage control begins.

The sink is broken

drip

drip

drip

The sink dispenses approximately 2 mL of water per minute.

I strip naked and attempt to clean myself. The toilet paper disintegrates into wet confetti. I now resemble a breaded chicken strip.

I try rinsing out my clothes. I’m about to miss my presentation. Being the reliable group member I am, I text:

“Hey, bus is running behind but I’m coming. Ask if we can present a little later.”

Absolute bullshit. I’m literally one building over, naked, fighting for my fucking life.

Get some of it out with what little water was available, cut my losses. Fuck it. Black clothes hide stains

Socks… those could not be saved. Trash.

Go to the presentation smelling faintly of cocoa, sugar and milk. I am wet. But it had been raining, so I’m prayed everyone assumed I just got caught outside.

Unfortunately there was still meal replacement residue marinating on my body. The classroom was warm. As time passed, the smell got stronger. I quietly moved far away from everyone until it was our turn to present

On the bus ride home, I STARTED TURNING SOUR 💀

Get home, empty out my backpack, stepped directly into the shower no stripping.

Water runs brown 🍫

I washed:

myself,

my clothes,

my backpack,

my phone case,

my cards,

basically everything I owned.

I survived.

My iPhone survives. Apple is milk resistant. 5 stars

My assignment was submitted.

My presentation was finished.

I gained resilience.

And I learned three valuable lessons:

Tighten the lid.

Black clothes are your friend.

Never trust white socks.

**TL;DR:** Forgot to tighten the lid on a chocolate meal replacement drink, put it in my pocket, accidentally emptied it down my crotch, spent 20 minutes naked fighting a broken sink, then gave a presentation smelling like fermenting milk

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/haylive on 2026-07-03 23:15:18+00:00.

Obligatory this didn't happen today, but back during my college years.

Back in college, there was a blood donation drive on campus. I donated for the first time, and on my way out they told me I was A+.

A few months later a close friend's aunt was in critical condition and needed A+ blood. I volunteered immediately. When I got to the hospital, I was treated like royalty. The family was in tears, thanking me, practically force feeding me food while we waited.

The nurse drew my blood and told me to wait while they confirmed the match. I sat there soaking up the royal treatment, everyone fussing over me like I was some kind of hero.

About an hour later, the nurse came back looking thoroughly confused and said, "Wait. Did you not know your blood type? You're B+."

I have never wanted to disappear from a room faster. Probably the most embarrassing moment of my life 😭

TL;DR: A college blood drive volunteer told me my blood type was A+. Months later, I accepted royal treatment and free food from a friend's crying family as a "crisis donor," only for the nurse to reveal I am actually B+.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/SuzieSue32 on 2026-07-03 17:41:08+00:00.

We had chicken and sausages in the fridge that I'd forgotten to freeze and needing using in the next few days. Found a recipe online for a casserole and got it all cooking this morning. Meat was seared in a pan with red wine brought to a simmer and then I put it in the slow cooker for the rest of the day.

Whenever I went into the kitchen I gave it a stir and tried a little sip of the sauce. Delicious.

Come tea time, I go to stir again and think it's a bit cool...

Turns out when I'd relocated the slow cooker from one side of the kitchen to the other, after about 30 mins, I'd forgotten to turn the plug on. It was hot enough at first to stay warm enough for me to not notice. But this warm, half-cooked meat has been sitting on the side for 6 hours while I occasionally sipped it.

Now ordering a takeaway because I don't trust cooking it now and I'm trying to decide if I'm shaky because I haven't eaten much today or if salmonella's taking hold 🤦‍♀️

Tl;dr: half-cooked some chicken, forgot to turn the slow cooker on and then proceeded to keep tasting the sauce over the next 6 hours

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/lily-kym on 2026-07-03 14:43:41+00:00.

As subject above. Today, just 30 min ago.

Clearing out the fridge and found mozzarella that was old. I’m talking OLD here. So old that the bag was completely full of air, to the point I’m surprised it didn’t burst already.

Bf gave it to me to dispose of so I figured I’d just pop it in the sink, shove a mug over it, burst corner with scissors. Great right?

No.

Big mistake. HUGE mistake.

It popped so hard, the mug shot up and rancid liquid sprayed me all over, plus my newly cleaned kitchen.

Bf finds it hysterical, apart from the smell which is through the house now.

I smell so bad despite a long shower. Some of it went up my nose, in my mouth (can taste it still). It’s put me off for life, never getting it again.

Off for another shower now…

TL;DR: popped very old mozzarella pouch and covered myself/my kitchen in gross liquid. Smells through the house now and I can’t get the smell off me.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/spooky-enby on 2026-07-03 13:51:18+00:00.

I know it's ridiculous to be 37 and still scared of my mom's opinion but here I am.

The last 10 years I've been on welfare, and my mom's been helping me a lot. Because she's helped me out so much she feels entitled to question every purchase I've made.

Last March, I got a job, just a scoche above minimum wage (17$/h) and over the past year I got back on my feet, moved to a better apartment, and... adopted the cat.

Well, over the past year every time I bought something she questioned it. Told me to "stop buying things because your apartment might burn down" (??????) and even though I'm financially independent with a decent credit now, my mom is still on my lease as a guarantor so I think it makes her feel entitled to give me shit over every little thing.

So in February I adopted the cat. I panicked and told her he was a foster (ADHD knee jerk thing that Im working on with my therapist) but today I found out that she's trying to get her partner to adopt him (he won't, but still).

I brought this on myself, not looking for advice, I know I'm the idiot who did this. Just needed to get it out 😅

TL;DR I adopted a cat and lied about it and now I'm facing consequences

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/resident_god on 2026-07-03 07:53:45+00:00.

Like my stomach is absolutely CHURNING.

Today I read and absolutely demolished 'Eileen' by Ottessa Moshfegh. That was one of the most revolting books I have ever read. It wasn't a horribly written, and Moshfegh writes excellently but it was GRIM.

But I also made the absolute horrendous mistake of lending it to a professional colleague because I was still in utter shock at the entire thing that I wasn't thinking AT ALL.

I have no idea how to get it back. I'm literally terrified that they're going to read it and think I'm some freak because FUCK I WAS THE ONE READING IT.

I have no idea why I offered it, I don't think it ever actually like settled into me that it was as horrifically detailed and skewed until it simmered in my gullet.

I'm literally dreading coming into work and half tempted to ask for it back to save my professionalism ngl.

I don't know what to do. Like at all. So I utterly fucked up. Keep in mind, it's a male colleague so there's no way that they're going to actually think it's a normal book. I did warn him that it was extremely dark but I don't think I was able to actually articulate just how vividly graphic and depraved it was.

Do y'all think I should just lie and say that I wanted to lend it to a friend and that he should bring it back to me or something? Would that be timely enough considering that it's literally the Fourth of July weekend and I won't see him until maybe Monday (and considering the fact that he might have taken it home so he'll just with forget to return it or bring it back by Tuesday, at most)

TL;DR: I lent a male coworker a grotesque book centric on female depravity and I fear it will ruin my reputation because of just how sickening it is. 😭

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/AuraInkWrites4u on 2026-07-03 05:10:31+00:00.

So I have been on a health kick lately and I have been fiber maxxing so that I can restore my gut health. I felt the need to do this because I eat keto but there are times I can't fit keto in so I need fiber. I don't know what possessed me to do this but I drank an ollipop soda and had a snack today with a fiber one bar. About an hour later I still felt hungry so I ate a homemade flax seed muffin. I made these from scratch so I do not measure how much flax seed goes into these I just shake the stuff into the dough mixture and call it health I guess. I also use the King Arthur baking mix to make these flax muffins sometimes I will add blueberries to these as well to enhance the nutrition. But anywho I had one of these too.

I really fucked up because I was sitting in the office trying to work just power through whatever I had to do. My stomach started hurting really bad like super bad. It didn't feel like a regular tummy ache. I mean it hurt like hell. I thought it was period cramps at first then I leaned back in my chair to stretch. Well, I felt this sharp pain dig into my lower abdomen like it just hurt so bad. Keep in mind my stomach was hurting so bad that I felt actually nauseated. I powered through work and whatever. It hurt from the time I had these snacks in the morning until I got home around 5pm.

My stomach was cramping so bad I damn near crawled up on the floor into a ball. I was hunched over on the couch my stomach was hurting so bad. I felt something passing and it was the most violent fart I ever had. It smelled so bad too like I never smelled something like this come out of my body. My whole living room had this smell linger because I thought it was just coming from the trash but it was coming from me, pure ass trash. Like it was demonic the smell. Well, I had some relief because afterwards I had to go to the bathroom. I mean that thing looked like the size of a forearm. I had the plunger ready to go because I was so scared to flush that bitch down. It was so bad. I mean really bad.

TL;DR I had a mid morning snack of a fiber one bar, flax muffin, and ollipop soda that resulted in a bad stomache and the largest turd I ever seen. I regret this.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/zer08eight on 2026-07-03 02:28:08+00:00.

Last night my brother came home with two slices of pizza. “You can have the other slice,” he said, “but save the jalapeño piece for me.” First red flag. He shares a Look with my dad. Second red flag, except I barely notice it.

Flash forward to this morning. I wake up at 8 to go to work. I think, oh, what should I have for breakfast? I think, oh, there’s a slice of pizza! I am absolutely positive at this point that this is cheese pizza. I go to heat it up in the toaster oven. When I take it out, a tiny piece falls off. I eat it. I notice a tiny bit of spice. I assume this is because it was bathing in the jalapeño soaked take out container. Third red flag. I sit down with my coffee and water and pizza and start to eat.

One bite in. Hm, I think this has onions and stuff on it. That’s kinda fun. Three bites in. Wow, this is a bit spicier than I expected. I continue eating it though. I eat half the slice before I take the bite that sets my mouth on fire.

In the moments before hell sets in, I wonder if the slice was just part of the jalapeño pizza, like maybe these guys got a half n half pizza. And I just got the jalapeñoiest bit of the cheese pizza. This is not true. Jalapeños are NOT that spicy. My mouth is on fire. I feel like throwing up. I get up, desperately pouring myself a cup of apple juice and drinking it. It doesn’t help, not much at least. There’s milk in the fridge but I don’t drink milk and I don’t know if it’s still good. I drink more water. I go to the bathroom and hunch over the toilet for a moment, fearing the worst. I have to leave for work in Less Than Five Minutes.

I don’t throw up, because if it was that spicy going in, it would be so so so so much worse coming out. I skedaddle, popping a hard candy (peach flavored) in my mouth before I get in the car. I am a passenger, so I tell my friends about the pain I am in. “Guess who got tricked into eating the spiciest pizza on the planet this morning. Oh my fucking god [brother’s name] you are horrible. “Hey you can have this slice of pizza” and you leave out the part that the devil himself made it. Oh my god my mouth is on fire and nothing can calm it down.”

I message my brother, “why are you evil. fuck you and your pizza.” I message my dad, “what is this pizza and why is it so spicy.” I am going through the five stages of grief.

Fifteen minutes into working at my job, my stomach starts hurting. Nothing bad really happens, just thought I’d make sure you knew.

Flash forward to when I get home. I am talking with my brother. He reveals that this was his scheme all along, though he did not expect me to eat it for breakfast, or eat as much as I did. He reveals that this is HABANERO pizza. He confesses that even he could not eat it. I am stronger than him. But not stronger than dad. I think he ate that whole pizza without flinching or tearing up. I am a spice wimp. He is a spice warrior. My brother is a spice criminal.

I can’t get past the fact that they got TWO pizzas and they were JALAPEÑO and HABANERO pizzas. what the hell is wrong with them. He can never be forgiven or trusted ever again. Please give me ideas for Revenge.

TLDR: my brother tricked me into eating a habanero pizza. I suffered. I yearn for vengeance.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/dhomzthee on 2026-07-03 00:09:35+00:00.

TIFU by accidentally getting Biofreeze on my ball sack. I have an inguinal hernia above that area, so I sprayed Biofreeze on it to help with the pain. Unfortunately, some of the spray got where it absolutely should not have. Within seconds it felt like my entire crotch was on fire. I mean seriously burning—way worse than I ever imagined possible. I honestly started panicking because the pain was so intense, even though I knew I probably shouldn't. If this ever happens to you, here's what worked for me. First, I put my entire ball sack into a bowl of milk for about 30 seconds. Then I took a washcloth with just a little warm water, wrung it out, and absolutely covered the warm side with Dawn dish soap. I gently held it against the area and lightly wiped it. I grabbed a fresh rag and repeated the exact same process. I ended up doing it twice, though you can repeat it around three times if needed. The relief started pretty quickly after the second round, and the unbearable burning finally subsided. It was one of the dumbest and most painfully unforgettable mistakes I've ever made. Hopefully this helps someone else avoid a full-blown panic if they ever make the same mistake. TL;DR in conclusion, do not get biofreeze on your balls. And if you do, remember these steps!

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/GoodAd3658 on 2026-07-02 22:17:32+00:00.

To start this story I have to say I'm an outgoing and playful person but can't catch on when someone is flirting with me. These interactions are common for me. Two years back I volunteered at my first convention. Connooga. I was mostly with pride track raising money giving out temp tattoos. They also have an adults only section where they were holding demi/ace meet and greet. I was just finishing up on a baddie of a cosplayer dressed as barf from Spaceballs. I told my replacement where I was going next and cosplayer said she was heading there to and we should walk together. No problem. We walk, make small talk, and everything's good.

Here's the part where I f'ed up: I go to the person running the event and say that pride track was told they may need extra people.

Head person: no, we're good. We got enough people.

Me: okay, I guess I'll see who else needs help in other sections.

Cosplayer: or you can stay....

Me: for what? I swear now as it replays in my head as I walk away it just sounds like SpongeBob rubber foot steps.

How did I realize the fumble: getting ready for the current one and saying to myself: it was weird when she wanted me to stay....... oooooo. To the cosplay baddie: I'm an idiot and I hope my absent-mindedness didn't hurt your confidence.

Tl;DR: focused too hard on helping and missed the chance with a cosplayer.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/TheBritishG2020 on 2026-07-02 21:29:52+00:00.

So I’ve got the flu and I’m necking a 10ml shot of cough medicine while my girlfriend (23F) lies next to me. Out of nowhere she goes, “That’s one fat baby,” mid swig of this medicine…

Sleep-deprived brain decides the perfect comeback is “I’m not that fat” — and delivers it mid-swallow.

Cue instant regret. I laugh at my own genuinely unfunny joke, the medicine goes down wrong, and I’m suddenly choking, sticky cough syrup spraying everywhere, sprinting to the bathroom convinced I’m about to be sick.

I didn’t even find it that funny. I just have a gift for shit one-liners that only I laugh at, apparently badly enough to nearly kill myself over.

TL;DR: made a rubbish joke back at my girlfriend mid-sip of cough medicine, laughed at myself, choked, nearly puked

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Individual-Gas5276 on 2026-07-02 19:53:09+00:00.

this happened yesterday....

I have always prided myself on being the "tech guy" in my family. I use a password manager, I have 2FA on everything, and I laugh at obvious phishing emails. But yesterday, my brain completely short-circuited, and my ego got absolutely humbled by a terrifyingly well-designed scam.

At around 8:00 PM, I was watching Netflix when my iPhone and Mac suddenly got bombarded with dozens of "Reset Password" requests. I mean dozens. Pop-up after pop-up asking me to "Allow" or "Don't Allow". I kept aggressively mashing "Don't Allow", but it was relentless and honestly panic-inducing.

Ten minutes into this notification bombing, my phone rings. The Caller ID says "Apple Inc." and displays the exact official 1-800 Apple Support number.

I answered it.

A guy with a perfectly calm, professional American accent says: "Hi, this is Apple Support. We are seeing a massive brute-force attack on your iCloud account from an IP address in Russia. We need to secure your account immediately before they lock you out."

Instead of hanging up, I believed him. He didn't ask for my password, which made me drop my guard completely. Instead, he started reading my info to me to "verify" my identity. He told me my full name, my home address, and the last 4 digits of my linked credit card.

Like an absolute idiot, I verbally confirmed all of this information for him on a recorded line, basically verifying to a hacker ring that my phone number is active and all their dark-web data on me is accurate.

Then he says: "To block this attack, I am generating a one-time Support PIN to your phone. Please read it back to me so I can lock down the system."

I get a text with a code. My heart is pounding. I am literally taking a breath to read the numbers out loud to him.

Right before I spoke, my eyes finally focused on the actual text message. It wasn’t a Support PIN. It was the Apple 2FA code to authorize an Apple Pay device transfer.

I froze, realized what was happening, and hung up the phone.

If I had read those six numbers, he would have bypassed my 2FA, taken over my Apple Pay, drained my accounts, and likely remotely wiped my Mac and iPhone using Find My.

Because I blindly trusted a spoofed Caller ID and verbally confirmed my identity, I spent the rest of my night in a full-blown panic attack, freezing my credit, locking my bank accounts, and changing every password I own. My pride is completely shattered.

TL;DR: Got hit with a massive MFA fatigue attack, answered a spoofed phone call from "Apple Support", confirmed all my leaked personal info to a scammer, and came within three seconds of handing over the 2FA code to my entire digital life.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/the51m3n on 2026-07-02 11:40:27+00:00.

So this weekend, me (36M) and my wife (34), together with some friends and family, are going to this local festival on Saturday. My wife's mom (WM) was going to babysit our kids.

A couple of days ago, one of my wife's friends, suddenly told her she couldn't make it, and said that if we know anyone willing to buy her ticket, let her know. WM has apparently been wanting to go forever, but couldn't get tickets, so my wife asked me if I could ask my mom to step in as babysitter instead, so WM could join us. I said 'no problem', and phoned my mom.

She said that she would be happy to babysit, but also let me know that she feels like it's kind of wrong of WM to ditch babysitting. My mom is a very firm believer in the whole "if you make an appointment with someone, you can't ditch it just because something 'better' comes along", which I absolutely agree with, I just didn't really see this situation as that, I guess.

For the fuck up: I told my wife that my mom said that. I contemplated not saying anything, but, I don't know, I figured it might come up sooner or later, or that I might become a problem down the line if something similar were to happen, so I thought it was better to play it straight.

Wife got really hurt and sad, and told me she now is going to think twice about asking my mom to babysit from now on. I told her that babysitting is absolutely not going to be a problem, that I'm sorry I said anything, and that I was dumb for doing so. I also didn't know WM was that keen on going, my wife told me after the fuck up, and obviously didn't convey that info to my mom. I'm honestly really scared that I've partially ruined the relationship between my wife and mom, and it really breaks my heart. I feel absolutely miserable about it. Both for my wife, and mother.

Tl;dr: told my wife that my mom thinks her mom made a bad decision, by swapping babysitting for a festival. Wife might now resent my mom a little bit.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/StripedCat404 on 2026-07-02 11:04:11+00:00.

TIFU by not realizing the slide closure on my Yeti cup is magnetic

I received my first Yeti from my husband in April for my birthday. Well, I've had some health issues this year and needed to up my water intake. Now, I love coffee. My favorite is cocoa and coffee. So, I just switched to decaf after my first morning dose of caffeine.

I drink 16oz of decaf with a teaspoon of cocoa in my tumbler repeatedly throughout the day. The one thing that always pissed me off about my Yeti is that the cocoa would get trapped under the black slide closure on the clear lid. So, today I decided to get after it with dental floss... and the black slide popped off... because it's magnetic and not attached like I thought.

Now I feel stupid and happy in equal parts. Hopefully my fuck up helps another ignorant Yeti user.

Cheers

☕️

Update- My husband, who's watched me soak the lid in vinegar and baking soda and listened to me complain, knew. He knew it was magnetic and just 'didn't think to tell me'. So, he's an asshole and agrees he's an asshole. SMH

TL;DR The stopper slide on my Yeti is magnetic and actually comes off the lid. I didn't know for months.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Logical_Fuel_733 on 2026-07-01 23:55:06+00:00.

Throwaway account for obvious reasons

Some context: I had been re-using one outfit for the last couple of days, mostly because I have been staying home most of the day to avoid the heat wave. I'd go out for maybe 10-20 mins and change back to my PJs once I'm back home. It's just a jeans and t-shirt combo and I didn't deem the outfit dirty enough to change into anything else when going out.

Now, I have a habit of leaving my undies inside the pants when I take it off. Basically I just take them both off at the same time and leave it like that. But, every time I wear the jeans, I'd at least wear new underwear. I went out earlier today at noon and didn't notice anything strange at that point.

Went out again in the afternoon and I was walking the same path I walked earlier today. I noticed something lying down in the middle of the street, and once I got closer I realized it's someone's underwear. At first I was like, "Lol, people do weird things" and "Maybe it fell out of someone's laundry hamper?". But, as I was passing it, I realized it's MY UNDERWEAR!

It couldn't be, right? When I was walking back again, took another look at it, and yep it's distinct enough that I can't deny it's mine. My guess is that I forgot to remove the last pair of underwear that was inside the jeans, and slid down the pants legs without me noticing. How do I know that can happen? Because it had happened once before, though I caught it before I royally embarrassed myself.

I had contemplated picking it up and throwing it away, but I was too embarrassed in case some one saw me pick up strange underwear from the ground in broad daylight. Now it's just lying there, menacingly. And it is squarely in the middle of the road, maybe it'll get caught in someone's tire and go away 😬 My only consolation is that at least no one will know who it belongs to.

tldr; forgot undies inside my jeans, slid down the pants legs on to the road, I hate myself, down one pair of panties

Update: I went and got it back, put it in the trash straight away lol it was out there all day, I am never wearing it again. Thanks to everyone who was being nice and not mean/weird :) Surprised to see this is more common than I thought

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/throwingawayayaywyaa on 2026-07-02 04:27:12+00:00.

This morning my mom woke me up and told me that my cousin saved up enough money to come fly over and visit us the first week of august.

i majorly fucked up the week before by forgetting to tell my parents the dates of me and my friends senior trip across the country.

also the first week of august.

the thing is i also saved up for that on my own and the tickets were already bought. so my morning started with an intense phone call between my mom and my uncle.

Things start to look up cuz i had a hair appointment and as i was driving there i got pulled over for not pulling into the right lane when a cop was in the turning lane with someone else.

im really stupid and didn’t merge in time and i thought since the cop was parked and nobody was in the turning lane as long as i slowed down enough it’d be fine.

Indeed it was not fine.

I gave him a cookie and it was my first time getting pulled over so i’m shitting my pants and he was a very intense guy and got upset like for a very valid reason.

One citation and two warnings later im at my hair appointment which was like the one good thing of the day.

Finally i decided to clean my bathroom with a new toilet cleaner my mom bought me earlier in the day. It’s like this stick thingy that connects to a plastic scrubber. The plastic scrubber thing fell off the stick and when i tried to get it, it got stuck up further into the toilet.

I told my dad and he told me to just reach in and grab it but at that point i had already tried the plunger.

Then i learned that plungers push things down and don’t pull them up.

Then i learned how expensive plumbers are.

And how loud my dad’s voice gets when he’s mad.

Today i felt very incompetent and like i am making everyone’s life very difficult right before i go to college and it’s kinda the worst feeling ever. I learned a lot of lessons today about responsibility. It sucks when all these things pile up on the same day but it’s part of growing up is having to take responsibility for this stuff. I just messed up a lot and it’s humiliating and i made some bad calls

that i shouldn’t have.

Right now it feels like im messing so much stuff up when im barely even an adult it’s like how am i gonna survive when im thirty if im fucking ip this much at eighteen. and i hate disappointing my parents and all this stuff is funny and laughable but i don’t think it is like it’s expensive and clumsy and so preventable.

Dang it.

TL;DR; i forgot to tell my cousin the dates i’d be out of town, and ruined her surprise trip. Then got pulled over for a bad call i made on the road, then got a cleaning sponge stuck in my toilet and have to use my college funds on hiring a plumber to fix it.