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submitted 4 hours ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/meatfrappe on 2026-08-16 22:27:50+00:00.


I live in a nice neighborhood where a bunch of us are friendly with each other. One of my neighbors, Mike, has a pool, and today he invited me and a few other neighbors over for a little pool day. Music, beer, wine, pool floats. Everything you need for a nice suburban pool day.

At one point, another neighbor was walking her dog past Mike’s house. His pool is mostly behind the house, but you can see part of it from the street, so we waved and yelled hello. She waved back, and we invited her to come join us. She said sure, came through the gate, and pretty soon someone had handed her a glass of wine.

About ten minutes later she realized her husband Dave might be worried that she was taking so long to return, as her dog walk was becoming an extended expedition.

She said, “Hey, Meatfrappe, I don’t have my phone. Can you just text Dave real quick and tell him I stopped at Mike’s for a glass of wine?”

“Sure.”

So I pulled out my phone and texted Dave:

“Hey FYI your wife is over at Mike’s house having some wine.”

Then I put my phone down, jumped into the pool, climbed onto a floatie chair, and spent the next hour drinking beers and enjoying my afternoon. Eventually I got out and picked up my phone to check the time. I had about a dozen messages from Dave.

Except… to my horror...

Not the correct Dave.

I had texted a completely different Dave in my contacts with a very similar last name. Think “Dave Smith” versus “Dave Smithers.”

And unfortunately, Wrong Dave apparently knew several people named Mike.

Even more unfortunately, his wife was also out of the house running errands at that exact moment.

And even more unfortunately than that, Wrong Dave apparently already had some concerns about how friendly his wife might be with one particular Mike.

So while I had been peacefully floating around drinking beer, this man had been experiencing the worst hour of his marriage.

Wrong Dave's texts went something like:

“WTF? She said she was going to Walmart and the library.”

“How do you know? Thanks though.”

A few minutes later:

“I called her and she didn’t pick up.”

Then:

“She called me back and is claiming she’s at Walmart. Can you see her with Mike? Can you take a picture and send it to me?”

Then:

“I KNEW IT ALL ALONG.”

Then:

“Dude what the fuck?”

And, just to complete the experience, I had also received a text from Wrong Dave’s Wife:

“Why the fuck are you making up shit about me?!”

I stared at the screen for a few seconds as my soul left my body.

Then I immediately texted both of them:

“My bad. I texted the wrong Dave by mistake. Meant to text Dave Smithers. Sorry for the confusion.”

At that point I decided the most responsible course of action was to grab two beers, get back in the pool, and try to avoid the universe for a while.

When I finally checked again later, there was about a 45-minute gap in the conversation Then one final message from Wrong Dave:

“You have no idea how much shit you have caused.”

For what it’s worth, Correct Dave apparently never even noticed that his wife’s dog walk had taken longer than usual.

TL;DR: Neighbor asked me to text her husband that she had stopped at Mike’s house for a glass of wine. I texted the wrong husband, who apparently already suspected his own wife of something involving a different Mike. Accidentally may have detonated somebody else’s marriage while I floated around in a pool drinking beer.

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submitted 4 hours ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Faerie-Footman-442 on 2026-08-16 20:11:01+00:00.


My friend recently got married, and he and his new wife are obsessed with doing dinner parties. It's so cute because they haven't gotten sick of the idea yet, and so I always attend happily.

They have two small dogs: Bunny and Malloy. Malloy is very tender-hearted and shy, while Bunny is the most hell-stricken dog I've ever met in life. Bunny is the effing boss, and poor Malloy knows it all too well...

Unfortunately, Bunny hates me. She decided this the first day she met me. Even though I always say hi and smile at her, there is just something about me that Bunny finds absolutely intolerable. She is cool with the other guests, but she snarls at me.

At the last dinner party, Bunny was being a real bully to Malloy. Malloy was playing with a yellow, rubber gardening glove, and Bunny freaked the eff out when she saw it. My friend told me that there had been dog drama regarding the glove for about a week now. The climax of the evening happened when my friend's wife made a grand display of "punishing" Bunny by throwing the glove away.

Later, when I went into the kitchen to mix a drink, I covertly retrieved the glove from the trash and stuffed it in my pocket. I had a plan...

I put the glove in my car, and for about a month I dreamed of my friends' next dinner party. I dreamed of returning unto Bunny her long-lost glove, and seeing joy explode upon her face. I dreamed of Bunny hopping into my lap and looking up at me with love in her eyes...

My friend and his wife had another dinner party last night, and I brought the glove. The second I walked into the house, I rushed over to Bunny (who was on the couch), I got down on my knees, and I presented her with the glove.

Bunny seemed perturbed by the fact that I would even deign to acknowledge her. But she magnanimously sniffed at the glove anyway. I witnessed recognition dawn on her stupid little dog face...

And then Bunny effing exploded. It seems that the realization that I been in possession of her lost glove was an intolerable prospect to her. The only choice for Bunny was to go blind with wild rage.

Everyone at the dinner party stood around awkwardly while my friend and his wife kept the twisting, snarling Bunny at bay with a couple of brooms. Eventually my friend managed to lock Bunny into their bedroom.

Everyone pretended to have fun for a little while, but we were all keenly aware of the harrowing dog-screams that were coming from the other room, and the pounding as Bunny threw herself repeatedly into the door.

I left after about 30 minutes of this.

Tl;dr: I thought a long-lost glove would make a judgmental dog love me, but it had the opposite effect.

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submitted 4 hours ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Solid_Swordfish_ on 2026-08-16 18:21:10+00:00.


Today I fucked up. For those who don’t know what Salagen/ pilocarpine is, it is a medication for severe dry mouth. However, it works on other exocrine glands as well. That means it has the side effects of making you sweat, cry, pee, have a runny nose, and produce bronchiole mucus.

This medicine does not mess around. It is strong, my dentist even told me that “most people don’t like it because it’s too intense but you are welcome to try it and form your own opinion”. Today is only my third day trying it and I fucked up. I woke up, I took one pill, I made my breakfast and ate, then I went to get dressed and took another pill. I had forgotten that I already took one.

Within 15 minutes I had sweat through my clothing. My hair is saturated in sweat, the hair that I had just curled and done nicely (a rare thing to do for me). I cant keep up with swallowing my saliva and cannot speak without drooling, honestly it’s more than drooling it is like if I had a mouth full of water and tried to talk. I had to get naked and lay on a towel and wrap another towel around me because I got so sweaty and cold and shivery. I look like I am crying because my tear ducts are also starting to produce tears.

Today is my last day of vacation too, and I am far too sweaty, spitty, and teary to be able to leave my room.

Anyways. At least it is not a very long acting drug and I should be back to dryness in a few hours. For now I will live life as a human fountain.

TLDR: I accidentally took twice my dose of dry mouth medication that works on fluid production other than just saliva and now I am so spitty, sweaty, and teary that I have to stay hidden in a room because I’m pouring liquid from everywhere.

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submitted 16 hours ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/BBElTigre on 2026-08-16 02:38:20+00:00.


YES I KNOW I AM STUPID I got out of the shower, feeling fresh, used this good honey body wash, everything nice and clean and then I saw my can of impulse true love body spray and decided that, y'know, everything needs to smell good because I am a classy woman.Bear in mind I am germaphobic with OCD so bad smells drive me insane. So I sprayed pretty much nothing on there, barely even a full spray. Now, I've waxed before. But holy fucking shit. I've had spine tattoos less painful than that. It felt like someone jammed a fucking pike up my ass. My ancestors and future generations of my bloodline felt that pain. I scrambled back into the shower and washed the fuck out of it. It's been maybe 45 minutes and it still stings. Naturally I googled it and found a very similar post of a young gentleman doing the exact same thing, so I'm glad I'm not the only moron.

TL;DR: Sprayed deodorant in my ass, it really hurt, don't do it.

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submitted 1 day ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/ItCumsAtNoon on 2026-08-15 10:44:09+00:00.


I was at a funeral a couple of years ago. A distant family member passed away. One of the people who approached the podium to say something in remembrance was Deaf. No one was with him to do an interpretation. I understood some sign language because of an ex gf who knew how to sign, but I was not on the level of being an interpreter. So just like everyone else, I just sat there and watched this guy communicate in silence. I didn't understand 70% of what he was signing, but the 30% I did understand was actually funny. The guy was telling a story about how his coworker, aka the person who passed, accidentally farting in front of one of their VIP clients during a meeting. I laughed out loud, which prompted the lady behind me to say "don't be rude." I looked over my shoulder to make eye contact with this woman, but before I could explain my reaction, she shushed me. I turned back and realised people were staring at me like the funeral was my fault. I had a lot of explaining to do afterwards.

Anyway, it's an old story that I remembered when I bumped into the Deaf guy recently. He wanted to know if everyone still hated me lol.

Tl:dr Laughed at a Deaf guy's sign language speech during a funeral and made everyone hate me who didn't understand sign language.

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submitted 1 day ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Squishy_Pandas on 2026-08-15 03:33:31+00:00.


I was reaching the end of my cycle, but couldn't remember if I'd put a tampon in before work in case of any last little bit of spotting. For some context, I'm 8 months postpartum, have a copper IUD, and work full time. So while I was at work, I decided to check if I still had a tampon in.

I felt a string. Amazing. Mystery solved. I started to pull, but was met with some resistance. Weird, but okay. So I pulled again. Still resistance. I pulled again.

At this point I'm starting to wonder why this tampon is fighting for its life... But that's when I felt it. The bottom of my copper IUD.

Immediate panic. I had, in fact, not found a tampon string. I had grabbed my IUD strings and tried to yank it out, and almost successfully removed it. I immediately pushed it back up until I couldn't feel the bottom anymore. Not my best moment. Almost immediately started bleeding and cramping.

At this point, the strings also felt way too low, so I called my doctor and explained what I had just done. They told me to come in as soon as possible because, understandably, we were all pretty sure I'd just displaced my IUD. So I went to the hospital.

And by some absolute act of God... IT WAS IN THE RIGHT SPOT.

Everything was fine... Except how I had to repeatedly explain to multiple medical professionals that I had accidentally tried to yank out my copper IUD because I thought it was a tampon. Ridiculous.

TL;DR: I almost pulled out my copper IUD device because I thought it was a tampon, resulting in a same day hospital visit.

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submitted 1 day ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/ThePeenMachin3 on 2026-08-15 01:25:30+00:00.


I (22M) am writing this to get some advice on how to handle being completely in the wrong. I was driving to work and decided to stop by a cafe to get a coffee on the way. I was on a residential street when a guy driving a longer vehicle was doing a 3 point turn by reversing into a driveway.

I was totally impatient and drove through when the gap was just big enough as he reversed. The guy then honked at me and drove behind me flashing his high beams a few times. In response, I flipped him off out the window. Immature, I know.

The cafe was at the end of this residential street, so when I pulled into the carpark, he drove past, what I didn’t realise was that he had decided to park on the street. So then, I’m inside and just finished ordering my coffee when he comes in. He’s a middle aged guy, and I don’t immediately recognise him as the same dude until he says “mate, was it worth the one second you saved by getting through that gap?”. It immediately irked me. I puffed out my chest and starting going on about him needing to “resit (his) test if (he) can’t pull off a three point turn” and “if (he) wants a problem (he) can have one” etc…

As soon as I got confrontational he disengaged with the conversation and went silent, waiting for me to walk away before approaching the counter to order his coffee. While I was waiting I felt terrible about how I acted, I sat with it until I got my coffee. I approached him and said “that was impatient and rude of me, I apologise” and offered to shake his hand, which he didn’t reciprocate but did kind of give me a nod.

Since then I’ve just felt really guilty all day, I want to be better than that. I don’t want to intimidate people and I feel like a wannabe macho, brutish idiot. It’s not the first time I’ve been too quick to anger either. I’m just wondering if anyone has any advice for how to handle situations like this without letting pride get in the way in the moment. I always seem to think I’m in the right when it’s happening, but then feel terrible after, I hate thinking that my ignorance has ruined someone’s day.

TL;DR Squared up to a guy at the cafe after road rage, I’m in the wrong.

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submitted 1 day ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Severe-Hope-9151 on 2026-08-15 01:08:32+00:00.


TIFU when wanting to talk about a baseball giveaway promo with a new co-worker. An amazing Pope hat the Chicago White Sox gave out at a recent game and how they were already being sold for over $100 and my BIL is a big fan but I'm not getting him the hat.

So, a new associate came on duty, and I try not to assume people know more than they do, so i asked if he was familiar with the Pope. He said he was, and he's the last Pope. I didn't know exactly what he meant, and he must have seen the confusion in my eyes. I told him I didn't know what exactly he meant, and he said that this Pope is going to be the last, then it will be the end of days.

To tell you I didn't realize he was that kind of special is an understatement. I appreciate he didn't go hard or try to convince me of it. It was just said matter of fact, and I found a quick way to end the conversation. I'm never talk about anything other than work with him.

TL;DR: I tried having a light-hearted chat with someone who brought up the rapture very calmly. I'll never talk to them about anything other than work again.

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submitted 2 days ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/parcoeur9 on 2026-08-14 17:00:04+00:00.


You read that right. I sent an outreach email at work on behalf of my team. When one of the bcc recipients replied to me, I accidentally marked it as a phishing attempt. Well, I guess I marked the whole mail chain as a phishing attempt, because my company's IT department emailed me shortly after I reported the message to confirm my error: "You marked this as phishing, but it appears that you are the sender and the recipient." (It was an outreach with blind-copied recipients, so I was main recipient on the email.)

I laughed out loud at my monitor and facepalmed. Of course, I reported myself. Thankfully, my company's IT office has a pretty good sense of humor and replied, "No problem. That's what we figured."

That's right, IT. Gotta keep y'all on your toes.

TLDR; I reported my own outreach email as a phishing attempt to my work's IT department and had to confirm that I reported myself by accident.

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submitted 2 days ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Old-Amphibian-9827 on 2026-08-14 03:29:30+00:00.


So there I was, cruising down the road when I spotted a car that looked identical to my mom’s. Naturally, I decided the only sensible reaction was to execute a dramatically triumphant overtake, pull right alongside them, and lay on the horn three absurdly long times—HONK. HOOOOOONK. HOOOOOOOOONK.—while waving like a frantic hyperactive golden retriever. I was fully prepared to see her laughing at me from the driver's seat. Instead, the window rolled down to reveal a complete, thoroughly bewildered stranger looking at me like I had just escaped a psychiatric ward. My soul instantly left my body. I gave a timid, apologetic half-wave, stared straight ahead, and drove away in utter, quiet shame. Note to self: verify the license plate before launching a full tactical horn assault.

TL;DR thought it was my mom

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submitted 2 days ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Pure_Ant713 on 2026-08-14 01:50:45+00:00.


My mom turns 60 next month and my siblings and I have been planning a surprise dinner for weeks. We had a group chat with basically everyone involved except her and last night I had it open on my phone while we were figuring out who was bringing what. I went to add my aunt Michelle to the chat. I have absolutely no idea how I managed this, but instead of adding my aunt, I added my mom.

Normally that would be fixable if I noticed immediately. Unfortunately the group chat was literally named OPERATION OLD LADY. Even worse, the messages directly above were my brother asking who was picking up the cake, my dad saying he’d get her out of the house by 5 and me saying just make sure mom suspects absolutely nothing.

I saw her name appear in the members list and immediately tried to remove her but I was too late. She had already read everything ,nobody said anything for about thirty seconds. Then my mom finally sent sounds fun. what time should I pretend to be surprised? My brother started calling me an idiot, my dad sent about six laughing emojis, and my mom has apparently decided she’s still going to act surprised just to make me suffer. So now we’re still having the surprise party, except the only surprise is going to be how convincing my mom’s acting is.

TL;DR: Tried to add my aunt to the group chat planning my mom’s surprise 60th birthday. Added my mom instead. The chat was named OPERATION OLD LADY and she read the entire plan.

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submitted 2 days ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/RegaultTheBrave on 2026-08-14 01:25:53+00:00.


So, to put things simply, I have never been someone who automatically picks things up. I kinda just "discover" as I go, things that most people have been doing for years, and that my parents never really told me about.

Sometimes its an innocent thing I am technically doing better than the norm, like how my family has always just used towels ONCE rather than reusing a towel for a week. I genuinely never understood what a towel rack was even for until I was 26 years of age.

One I discovered very recently that I definitely was behind curve on, was *cleaning under toenails* when I clip them. I just noticed a little flap looking thing under my toenail while routinely cleaning and trimming, thought it was weird, and then I realized "holy shit, theres an entire buildup of gunk under here". No smell, no nothing, just a weird gunk. I assume it was a buildup of keratin from the nail repeatedly being lightly chipped off due to impacts over the years.

Well anyways, there was a part of me that was like "well damn, maybe if its all here, I should just leave it, its not hurting me". Not listening to that was the start of my fuckup.

In what would have been a banger of an episode of Oddly Satisfying, over the course of about an hour at 2AM, I used one of those spoon looking picks used to dig out crab meat, to dig out all of this keratin gunk from my two big toes. It wasn't a crazy quantity, but it was a very notable amount that should definitely have not been there, and it looked kinda nasty. After removing it all, my toes felt kinda numb in the region, but also weirdly free and light. This was the moment I started to realize what I had done.

Now, two weeks later, applying LIGHT pressure to either of my toes in the area where that keratin buildup was, causes a LOT of pain. A gentle tap on the doorframe is agonizing, running hurts because of the impact, and *putting my shoe on too fast* when I am late for work is torment from Satan himself. Like I swear a gentle breeze is nearly enough to cause me pain in my toes. I have no clue how much I will continue suffering with this, but it brings me no pleasure to admit that it was all my own doing.

Moral of the story, dont be like me. Clean under your toenails NOW so you dont remove it all at once after living your whole life with it. Also, apologies if I grossed anyone out, I tried to keep it as non-graphic as possible while being accurate.

TL;DR, I cleaned under my toenails and removed a lot of keratin buildup after literally never doing it in my life (27 years), and the aftermath has been brutally painful.

Edit: Massive thanks to user r/wavydaby for letting me know that what I tore out on both toes is the hyponychium, a fucking beneficial thing for feet that most people have.

This just makes it even more of a fuckup LOL.

Also yall, you can stop being rude to me about "not bathing" and shit, like what the hell is this? I literally mentioned in my post that I was in the process of routine clipping of my toenails yet people are saying I am not??? Wtf???

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submitted 2 days ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Glignt on 2026-08-13 18:33:16+00:00.


I was eleven years old. I had just watched hammer qualification from an athletic Championship on the telly. I went out to our garden for a snack but it was August and birds had eaten every single berry left. No cherries, strawberries or raspberries.

I looked on the rhubarb plants and saw a rhubarb flower sticking up. My mother had learned me, to always remove rhubarb flowers. This to make more stalks as the stalks is what you use on rhubarbs.

I picked the flower and was just on my my way to the compost heap, when I remembered the hammer throwing. So I went the lawn , just near the slope down to the road.

I held the rather flimsy flower with both my hands and started rotating and let go of the rhubarb flower. It flew about five meters. I was 11 meters to the ditch and 13 meters to the side of the road.

It was fun, so I went back to same rhubarb stand and found a bigger rhubarb flower hiding under the leaves.

Second attempt did not fly an impressive length either. Only seven meters, so it was still far from the road.

Now I checked the other rhubarb stand. There I found a very large flower. This one had a weight over a kilo and had a longer and firmer stem the the first two.

In case I would throw it more the 13 meters and it would land on the road. I checked for traffic and there was none. So I started spinning, but I felt I was to close to the slope so I aborted my attempt.

I went back a little bit further on the grass and tried a new attempt. Thia time I was spinning fast and my arms was fully outstretched and angled my arms up from the grass about 45 degrees. Perfect release this time. When I looked out on the road I saw a yellow car speeding from the south on the far lane. I also saw the rhubarb flower still in the air and on collision course with the car.

I throw my self on grass not to be seen, if the rhubarb hit the windshield. There was a large metallic bang, where the rhubarb flower hit the roof of the car. I could see it bounce and end up in the far side ditch 22 meters away.

The motorist applied his brakes and came to a stop. He came out went around his car looking for damage. Then he went back and checked the road. He did not manage to see the green-red-white flower in the grass. Finally he entered his car and drove away.

I sneaked down the slope and picked up all three flowers, that soon ended up in the compost.

I have not thrown any garden produce hammer style since then.

TL;DR

As child I threw a rhubarb flower over 20 meters by athletic hammer style and ended up hitting the roof of passing car.

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submitted 3 days ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/NoHelmetsInHell on 2026-08-13 16:43:24+00:00.


My boss decided to bring his 19 year old son to work yesterday. Everyone was warm and welcoming because we had no choice. We were in the presence of the future ruler of the company, so we had to behave at our best. I had a ton of work to do, so my focus was on finishing my tasks. However, the boss's son appeared at my desk. We made small talk. He pretended to care about my job and I pretended to care about the random thrift store he recommended. As soon as we ran out of things we pretended to care about, he leaned in and lowered his voice to ask if I was "the weed guy." I matched his body language and said I had no idea what he was talking about.

Dude laughed and nodded before saying he knew everyone at the office called me "Wee G" because I'm the weed guy. I said none of that was true and attempted to change the subject, but then he was like "I can pay you in cash if you have anything on you now." I said I had work to do and advised him to find another supplier. He was like "don't be a boomer bro", so I was like "I'm not even fucking 30... BRO." He mumbled some shit about "boomerism" being a state of mind or whatever before he finally gave up and left me alone.

I thought it was over until the boss approached me and informed me that his son said he smelled weed on me. I said I didn't smoke weed though. The boss said he's not accusing me of anything, but then he made me aware that his son's been in and out of rehab because of drug abuse, so therefore he trusted his son's nose if he said he smelled weed, especially if the person who was accused of smelling like weed was apparently nicknamed Wee G the Weed Guy. I was about to explain the situation, but the boss stopped me from responding and repeated the fact that no one was accusing anyone of anything, but he would prefer it if I keep my distance from his son. I decided to shut the fuck up and just nod.

Tl:dr Refused to give my boss's son drugs and created an enemy who ran to daddy and said I smelled like weed. Now the boss wants me nowhere near his son.

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submitted 3 days ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/shazulmonte on 2026-08-13 10:32:18+00:00.


Good morning to everyone except the person I waterboarded awake. Oh wait, it was me.

Last night, I found a good book and stayed up ‘til the wee hours of the morning reading. Knowing I had to wake up in a few hours, I finally called it and put my phone top down (vertically) in a basket.

Come 6am, my alarm goes off. Decided to try to catch some more z’s and blindly grabbed my phone with two fingers. Turned it toward my eyes to peak at the screen and turn off the alarm.

Dumped water directly on my face and up my nose. Apparently, instead of grabbing the edges of the phone, I grabbed the lip of the cup. Went to tilt the screen, tilted the cup. Still feel the sensation of water going up my nose. 10/10 do not recommend.

Now my PJ top is hanging to dry, a towel is on the bed, and I’m lying under damp sheets because I didn’t want to risk waking my child by getting dressed. Good start to the day.

TL;DR: I stayed up late, went to turn off my alarm on my phone, grabbed a cup of water instead, poured it directly on my face and up my nose.

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submitted 3 days ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/missnoroi on 2026-08-13 10:17:11+00:00.


This is an actual thing i've done.

So, my mom cooks this chicken soup every week. It usually lasts us 2-3 days, which is why when we want some, we put it on the stove to heat up. I get left at home alone 5-6 days a week until around 4pm, meaning i have way too much time on my hands. Well, since i have the time, my mom told me to do some chores, those being vacuuming and mopping the floors, which we need to do really often as we have a cat, a ragdoll cat specifically. I agreed because I don't have a choice and ended up slacking off for majority of the day until I realised it's already 2pm so I decided to get to work. I first decided to go downstairs and put the soup on the stove to heat up while I clean, as I honestly thought it wouldn't take me long at all, as I only had to vacuum and mop in my room and the cat's, i expected it to take me like 5 minutes, which was VERY WRONG. It ended up taking me far longer than I expected, as I had lost track of time, completely forgetting about the stove. I only remembered and probably made it out alive because we have those modern stoves with a safety setting, and it turned itself off with a loud beep. i watsed no time running out of my room and seeing light gray SMOKE reaching the very top of the stairs. I had to go down there either way, so i sprinted downstairs, and it was even worse on the first floor. Smoke was everywhere, and when i walked intot he ktichen praying the soup didn't set on fire, i was relieved but also horrified to see the soup quite literally turned into BLACK ASHES. All that was left behind were 3 carrots which basically melted into the pot. I opened every single window in the house and immediately went to my best friend google for advice, and read that I should put the pot outside to stop it from stinking the place up any further. And barely any time after i did, MOM'S CAR pulle dinto the driveway, and she already knew something was up when she saw every window was pulled open. By that time, I had cleared out the smoke but the entire house smelled HORRIBLE. She thankfully took these news well, but unfortunately, the pot the soup was in did not survive.

TL;DR: I forgot about the soup I was heating up on the stove while cleaning, burned it into a literal powder, filled the house with smoke and ruined mom's pot. And the cherry on top, I stunk up the whole house for hours.

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submitted 3 days ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Huss_tler on 2026-08-13 05:54:58+00:00.


Every workday morning is the same routine.

Wake up, brush my teeth, shower, dress up, pack up, car on and two left turns before arriving to my usual drive thru cafe.

Ever since I moved down here 4 months ago for my job I have maintained this morning sequence of events before heading off to work.

Love this Cafe, they have this amazing cheese croissant and ice latte - it’s a must have to energize my day.

I was very suprised when just a few days into my routine the morning staff began to recognize my car. At first it was just a

“Morning Sir! Ready for your day?”

Then it was

“Hey again! Ice latte and a crossaint right?” which was quite flattering.

Then it became

“Alrighty! The usual?”

But then those bastards did the unthinkable. I was in the car queue and made it to the window, the fucker had the tap machine ready for payment and wasn’t even looking at me while holding my drink and pastry out the window.

That fucking grin too, not a word spoke yet everything in between understood. Almost like he was saying “You are BORING son! I know you better than you know yourself”

So for the last month, every morning I’d walk up to the window and either hear a shortened “Morning” or just a smile with “here you go”….i wasn’t even ordering anymore. Just accepting my fate.

Until last week, I pulled over to the drive thru window - as usual. The order was prepared and he was handing it over.

One hand had my glorious crossaint & latte - the other had the payment machine.

Well not today…today I say something…today I break out of this damned cycle!

“Uh…no actually I just wanted a…water”

“Huh?”

“Yeah! Just water today please”

He looked at me in disbelief. The betrayal was gutting.

He retreated back behind his window and I held my ground.

He came back with a water bottle and said “Sir this is on the house” as if to win me back in his good graces.

“Oh well thanks”

He just stood there for a second still staring at me, hoping I’d change my mind.

“Are you SURE you don’t want ANYTHING else?”

“Nope I’m certain. Have a wonderful day”

Heartbroken he says “You too!”

Victoriously I emerged from the battleground.

The next day, I see him again. He seems to have learned his lesson, he asks me this time what I want.

I tell him “the usual”…he smirks…”the usual?”

My eyes widen…”yes?”

“Sorry sir just remind me that would be a latte and?”

“Crossaint…”

“Thyme, white cheese or turkey?”

“White…”

“Do you want any addons?”

“Huh? No…just the usual”

“Oh I know sir just making sure!”

Oh no…what have I done…

It’s been almost two weeks… I used to get out of that drive thru in seconds, now it feels like an eternity. And he smirks everytime he sees me.

I won the battle but this bastard won the war!

TLDR: Changing my drive thru order made me lose privileges.

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submitted 4 days ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/xXDeadlyDeliriumXx on 2026-08-13 00:35:47+00:00.


Obligatory this happened last night and not today.

To start, I have anosmia, I cannot smell through my nose but can still taste. I have lived with three gas leaks and can't pick up the most obvious scents, and am usually unaware to things others would pick up instantly. But still cook usually with no issues and thoroughly enjoy it.

Lastnight I was baking potatoes for dinner with a side of bacon and boudin. All was well, nothing looked bad and cut normally, there was no discoloration or softness or liquid. I baked them and plated it for my boyfriend and I and went and sat to enjoy dinner and I bit into this sickly sweet tasting potato that just tasted........wrong. Whatever was wrong alerted me to it instantly and it quickly turned into this mush, all I could do was get up and run hoping I could make it to a trashcan before my body purged whatever that was. It was bad, it didn't look rotten or feel rotten but holy crap there was something wrong with it. I eat potato all the darn time; potato soup, twice baked, mash, fries, hash browns, and baked potatoes so often. Like it is my favorite food and I have never had that happen.

If anyone could explain that I'd be grateful.

Not sure if I'll be eating a potato for a solid while after that.

TL;DR Baked potatoes for dinner, despite the look and touch passing off as a good, it was rotten apparently. Can't smell and never even knew til I put it in my mouth.

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submitted 4 days ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Own_Ad_7614 on 2026-08-13 00:28:23+00:00.


I’m a school student approaching my Junior year, and today, i checked my school email to the realization my German teacher had emailed Me.

The email included a hyperlink that was regarded to as some type of ‘invoice’; in retrospect it was clearly a shady link. However, I disregarded that concern, as i was confused for another reason: I shouldn’t be contacted because I was not on the roster for German the following year. My immediate thought was that there was some confusion since my teacher was MIA for the last few weeks of school regarding personal issues. I thought the link involved attendance and so clicked on it seeing what I could do to resolve any issues.

In this brief window where my mind turned off critical thinking, I had entered my email and password into the default google pop-up, like you might expect when you log into your browser. The second I had sent my password I realized my mistake.

I first attempted to change my password; however, school accounts on devices outside the school property cannot do that. I didn‘t know what to do so I moved on for a period of 10 minutes before deciding to delete some of my saved passwords on the account. I then checked my email’s trash and was immediately horrified. I had sent an email to about 100-150 people, ostensibly those who I had sent emails to in the past, many of which were from the school. The email also included another link, though fortunately the email was ‘signed’ at the bottom with the superintendents information rather than my own.

Thankfully, I contacted some of my friends who were in the list, and apparently google had not sent the email due to the suspicious activity. I sent a preemptive email clarifying that my account was compromised as well.

Unfortunately, the situation only escalated. The person responsible had realized there was another set of contacts they could exploit: those who had school emails. They proceeded to email EVERYONE under the school email on my account with another scam link. There were emails sent that spanned the entire school system going alphabetically. I only realized this because I started getting responses from students asking about the alleged ‘invoice’.

With the help of my friend I was able to activate 2 factor authentication on my phone and kick the foreign window devices off my account. Apparently, the windows device was from Cape Town, South Africa. Afterwards i sent the same clarification/ alert email to the rest of the people messaged(hundreds if not thousands).

So far no more emails have been sent on my account, but I’ve been stressed nearly to the point of hysterics at points. I’m going to contact my schools office tomorrow to see if I can change my password just in case as they have limited windows of contact(as observed by the many automated emails alarming me of ‘vacations’ attended to by school staff). Also, the aforesaid friend is trying to hack them back.

TLDR; I accidentally provided a hacker with my school account information by interacting with a message from a former teacher, and then said hacker disseminated the scam link to my entire school via my account.

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submitted 4 days ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/actswithimpunity on 2026-08-12 19:42:40+00:00.


This actually happened two weeks ago.

I had a small operation that required anesthesia and a lot of pain medication. The hospital told me someone needed to pick me up afterward. But I just moved across the country so I decided to lie ans tell them my ride was outside and then just get an Uber home.

I dont remember much after the surgery or for most of the rest of the day.

The following week, I was supposed to leave the country and was planning to bring my cat which I needed some paperwork from my vet for. So at some point during my post anesthesia blackout, I called them about it. I have absolutely no idea what I said on that phone call but it was bad enough that I got an email telling me they were terminating their relationship with me as a client!

Then next thing I remember, I’m BIKING to my vet, which is thankfully only a few blocks away, and like falling all over the place, I think I ran into a street sign lmao

Then I’m inside the vet’s office, sobbing and screaming because they fired me as a client, waving my hospital bracelets at them and yelling, “I AM ON ANESTHESIA and FENTANYL!” Yikes

Anyway, this is your reminder that when a hospital tells you that you need someone with you after anesthesia, they are not just being overly cautious. You may feel like it’s no big deal to take an uber and next thing ya know ur screaming at your vet bleeding down the knee like a psycho

TLDR Thought I’d be fine alone after anesthesia. Blacked out, apparently had an insane phone call with my vet, got let go as a client, biked there while still completely drugged, fell all over the place, and screamed “I AM ON ANESTHESIA!” while waving my hospital bracelets at them

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submitted 4 days ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Weary_Influence9779 on 2026-08-12 17:38:06+00:00.


I slept late and wokeup half asleep, I grabbed what I thought was my leftover fried rice and shoved it in the microwave for 90 seconds. Hit start, walked away to brush my teeth. I was lowkey relieved that I'm saving time and won't have to make my lunch from scratch.

Suddenly I hear a sound. Rushed back to the kitchen.

Came back to sparks. Actual sparks. Inside my microwave.

Turns out I'd grabbed my phone off the counter instead of the Tupperware. I've no explanation for this stupidity, trust me. Apart from the fact both were black in colour. This was my first time dealing with a situation like this, and I was surprisingly calm or should I stay still half asleep?

All I have now is a $900 paperweight, a smoked microwave and cold fried rice😭

The smell filled my entire apartment, only for my roommate to walk into the kitchen. Quite a start to monday morning.

TLDR- Microwaved my phone instead of my leftover rice

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submitted 4 days ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Rei_sus on 2026-08-12 15:10:35+00:00.


Me and my girlfriend just wanted to have a nice, short retreat for our anniversary. We are broke as fuck, but some months ago we just joked about going to Paris like some basic straight couple.

We looked into it, without really thinking we could afford it.

Found an incredible combo flight+hotel.

Thought the catch was that the hotel and the airport were both fairly far from Paris.

Said “fuck it, we will just take the trains” and booked everything.

We leave tomorrow, and I was just checking the last details of our itinerary, where the metro station is, which line to take, when is the last train and bla bla. I’m on google maps, and… I inevitably stumble upon the reviews of our hotel.

In that moment I realise that, for the first time in my life, I did NOT checked any kind of review for the hotel. I just kinda went with it, too excited to finally visit Paris (something I dreamed of for a long time!) so I… I just did not thought about it.

Yall… when I tell you this place IS A NIGHTMARE.

Apparently there’s no working AC. Rooms are dirty. Bathrooms moldy. They demand a 120€ deposit (mind you this information is mentioned NO WHERE, nor on their website or on the third part booking I used). I’m reading 1 stars review after the other. I’m crying. My girlfriend still knows nothing about it.

That’s what I get for being spontaneous for once in my life. It’s going to be fun.

TL;DR: I spontaneously booked a trip to Paris without checking the reviews of the hotel, and I’m just finding out it’s a shit place. I leave tomorrow and there’s nothing I can do.

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submitted 5 days ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/StarReasonable9666 on 2026-08-12 02:31:46+00:00.


Really, I guess the fuck up happened back in April, when I started making plans to go to the Ren Faire. I have the dress I wore 3 years ago, and I figured since I had time I would add some flair to it. I have spent literally *hundreds* of hours since then hand embroidering designs and adding beaded details to this dress. I'm not done by a long shot, but I put *a lot* of work in to it.

Today, the belt I ordered to go with the dress came in, so I decided to put the dress on so I could see exactly where the belt would sit and make sure it fits me. But the dress doesn't fit me!

I mean, yes, I managed to get into it. I had to almost completely undo the lacing in the front, and after squeezing into it, there's barely enough lace left to tie a bow. And the sleeves are so tight I can't even raise my arms!

So now not only did I do so much fucking work for nothing, I also don't have anything to wear to the Faire next month.

TLDR: I got fat and didn't realize just how fat.

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submitted 5 days ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/MediocreTask6079 on 2026-08-11 20:50:07+00:00.


Was making dinner last night and realized halfway through that I forgot to buy parmesan.

The grocery store is literally across the street, so instead of turning everything off like a normal person I lowered the heat, left the sauce simmering and ran over there.

I was gone maybe 10 minutes.

Came back to the fire alarm going insane and two of my neighbors standing in the hallway because my apartment was full of smoke.

Apparently the sauce had boiled over, hit the burner and started smoking like crazy. Nothing actually caught fire thankfully, but the entire place smelled awful and the building manager had to come up because someone called him.

Now I have a nice warning about leaving cooking unattended and I'm probably gonna have to replace the pan.

Setting my kitchen on fire over a $5 block of parmesan feels especially stupid.

The parmesan wasn't even worth it.

TL;DR left a sauce simmering while I ran across the street, came back to smoke alarms, angry neighbors and my building manager at my door.

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submitted 5 days ago by bot@lemmit.online to c/tifu@lemmit.online
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Faerie-Footman-442 on 2026-08-11 19:38:00+00:00.


My brother left one of his marijuana vapes at my house about a year ago. I don't usually smoke marijuana, because it makes me think the universe is judging me, but I had a very tiring day yesterday, and I found that vape in my junk drawer when i got home, and one thing led to another...

I started watching that episode of Futurama where Bender delivers a package to the robot planet, and it was so effing funny. I ate a banana, and after I ate it, I could actually feel the nutrients seeping into my bloodstream, and the jolt of life I got from those nutrients made the show even funnier. I ate a second banana, and the same thing happened. I was laughing and laughing and laughing.

I ended up eating like 6 bananas.

I woke up in the middle of the night and I felt like I was going to die. I raced to the bathroom and threw up a huge, disgusting banana log. I can't believe I let myself eat so many bananas.

Tl;dr: eating bananas made show funnier, but not good for digestion.

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Today I Fucked Up

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