When SAM is under pressure from the makers on Kasq, getting into a new class about the unexplainable puts her on the trail of another important emissary. But after exploring the life and legacy of the Sisko, SAM learns she no longer has to defend her choices to succeed. Who didn’t get screeners? Which stunt was shot like a ConAir explosion? What is the propellor hat of confections? It’s the episode that treats DS9 like a sacred text.

When some Klingons start experimenting with augment DNA, they start a pandemic and kidnap Dr. Phlox to find a cure. But after Hoshi gets melded and Reed gets thrown in the brig, the rest of the crew chase down a Rigelian ship and find the Entrepreneur has been sabotaged. What could push us into the physical-media lifestyle? Who is Trip Tucker’s Steve Stevens? Where do lady captains need to be careful? It’s the episode that’s going through some changes.

When a Klingon transport is destroyed and the diaspora becomes the topic of debate at the Academy, Jay-Den Kraag faces his fear of public speaking to make a case for Klingon autonomy. But after Captain Ake reunites with a warlord from her past and Admiral Vance lets him win his charity in battle, Jay-Den begins to recognize the new brother he has in Caleb Mir. Who probably started shaving in the fourth grade? What does two dads and one mom necessarily mean? Which sport needs more screaming? It’s the episode that’s spamming the universe with advertisements for Starfleet Academy.

When evidence reveals the drone pilot to be a white Andorian, Archer and Shran beam down to the polar region looking for the Aenar. But after building a telepresence chair right in the middle of sicksbay, the crew’s tests eventually reach Gareb and end the Romulan attack. Who’s not the easiest person to work with? Why are Ben and Adam never going back to the U.K.? What’s a great strategy for resigning from a job? It’s the episode that’s The Silmarillion for Hemmer.

When the War College students start pranking the Starfleet cadets, the adults in charge only add fuel to their fire. But after Darem fumbles as team captain and Caleb and Tarima get closer, the cadets end the prank war with only a little bit of lab-grown eye trauma. What do we not universally want to know? When is a backwards basketball shot required? Which movie will not be mined for drops? It’s the episode with a Paul Verhoeven shot.

When the Betazed president alphas Admiral Keeps-Sending-You-Dave-Ramsey-and-Tony-Robbins-Videos during negotiations to potentially rejoin the Federation, it becomes clear he may not be there to negotiate in earnest. But after the president’s daughter takes a liking to a Caleb, he may be able to save the negotiations as long as he doesn’t goo everywhere first. Which dead actor is living on? How was BART rebranded? Which cadet is jacked like a WWE superstar? It’s the episode that forgot everyone’s name.

When Shran’s girlfriend dies at a Tellarite’s hand, the avenging of her death could ruin their alliance so Archer cuts in to end the duel honorably. But after Trip and Reed get trapped and irradiated, they blow up the damn ship and escape back to the Entrepreneur. Whose advice should always be followed? What is Admiral Gardener’s secret identity? Who never skips face day at the gym? It’s the episode that wanted more gash and Narg.

When a failure of Starfleet justice makes a sad little slickback out of Caleb, his escape kicks off a 15-year crime spree and all he wants is to find his mom. But after Captain Ake gets reinstated as the chancellor of Starfleet Academy, Caleb’s transmission to mommy reignites an old beef with Nus Braka. Who’s the only person in Hollywood with a thriving career? Where are dirty clothes stored on the Athena? Which character is all green felt and wood inlays? It’s the episode that saved the fly around for the end.

When Shran’s ship gets blown up and the Entrepreneur is nearby to help, the mutual distrust between Tellarites and Andorians simmers over before trade talks can begin. But after the crew uncovers evidence that the marauding ship can shapeshift, Talas gets shot and Trip and Reed get left behind. What’s the Amish-style 69? How many ways can Babel be pronounced? Where do Andorians bust from? It’s the episode that’s Great, not Grawful.

When the plague has to wait for some mandatory quasar research, the Suburban of shuttles is launched only to crash with seven crew members aboard. But after they leave the shuttle and get attacked by big foots and oversized spears, Spock’s final act of desperation leads to a redemption of his leadership style. Where is help never far away? What’s the difference between TOS and TNG shuttles? Who is so Bosch? It’s the episode that makes Disco shuttles look more accurate.

When Hoshi and Trip return from a Klingon garbage dump with a life-threatening illness, Reed and Mayweather start acting like aliens while Captain Archer and Dr. Phlox try to work out a cure. But after watching the virus take the lives of two crew members, Archer convinces the Organians to try out compassion instead. Who is the Night Stocker? How might Archer suck Klingon dick? Which character is the Harry Kim of Star Trek Enterprise? It’s the episode that’s out of the testicular woods!

When everyone but Spock is exhausted from their space adventures, a shore leave planet starts gaslighting them about some dangerous illusions. But after no one can find the glade and the landing party gets stranded, a Caretaker appears and explains the amusement planet’s safety precautions. How do you know if you can do a bit on your boss? Who is a little like Bruce Wayne but not really? What does Captain Kirk’s snake tattoo say? It’s the episode that approaches the uncanny valley from the opposite precipice with a glade in between.

When Captain Archer reunites with his retconned second family, the experiment set up by Dr. Erickson is a both a charade and a danger to the crew. But after Ensign Burrows is killed and Danica loses it at her dad, Trip gets suspicious and Emory finally has to let go of his son. Who ruined cupcakes? How does human slurry get removed from the transporter bucket? Which character is the Steve-O of pushing wheelchairs? It’s the episode that wants to check more backs.

When some cloaked Romulans interrupt Space-Church, Kirk feels it necessary to investigate. But when a crew person with a bad attitude harshens the bridge’s vibe it’s time to follow a comet and learn some Vulcan history. Will Spock remember this Romulan? How many people does it take to fire a missile? Where’s the stained-glass window? It’s the episode that feels like a submarine, but lives like a warbird.

When V’Las is still warmongering at the Vulcan tactics table, Archer and T’Pau insist they must deliver the Kir’Shara to the High Command personally. But after Shran kidnaps Soval and tortures him for no reason, the Andorians team up with the Entrepreneur to avert V’Las’s war. What do all cults on Vulcan have in common? Which rules are outlined in the first chapter of the torturer’s manual? Who likes to travel with a knife roll? It’s the episode that could have been called Reunification Zero.

When the Entrepreneur gets off course with a theatre troupe, the real reason for the diversion is the lead actor might be Trogdor. But after the last remaining witnesses are eliminated one by one, Captain Kirk’s interest in the young daughter of Karidian ends in another theatrical tragedy. When do you get “the executioner” added to your name? How many colony survivors are rocking full face? Who might sneak into a Sesame Street impression? It’s the episode that introduces a new first-time segment!

When the Uxbridge-Shimoda company holds its first annual holiday party, everyone is invited and attendance is not optional. But after sharing a festive cocktail and suggesting attractive new possibilities for Lego, we’ll either bring back punch bowls or play a round of good keg, bad keg. What would constitute a very special episode of Factory Seconds? How does egg nog get weaponized? Where does Bill want to put his AP style book? It’s the episode that goes boldy!

When Archer and T’Pol find the Syrannites in the caves, they reunite with Mrs. T and learn T’Pau wasn’t the United Earth Embassy bomber. But after Archer tells the Syrannites that he’s carrying Surak’s katra, he leads them to an important ancient relic while the High Command threatens war. How is Ben like T’Pau? Which type of prison cell feels like a very Vulcan idea? What’s the main thing that keeps Adam out of cults? It’s the episode that’s fascinated by the idea of going full torch.

When the Menagerie arc winds down, a Mug Draft winner rises. But after losing the Mug Draft, a shocking realization threatens to change how we feel about this competition forever. What’s the title of Ben’s new documentary? Which mug is the Michael B. Jordan here? Do you want the winning mug for yourself? It’s the episode that both loves and hates this shit.

When the United Earth Embassy gets blown up on Vulcan, an investigation begins and Dr. Phlox sniffs out the fake evidence right away. But after Archer and T’Pol go into danger looking for the wrong suspect, a mind meld by Soval reveals the identity of the real bomber. Where else could that one laurel go on the flag? What does GTL stand for on Vulcan? Which tortured holiday portmanteau works better? It’s the episode that opened a FOIA request.

When a private sub-space message is “delivered” to the Enterprise, Kirk and Co. make their way to Star Base 11. But when Spock takes this opportunity to abduct captain Pike and the ship, there’s no TAL-ing what can happen. Is this Spock from an alternate Trek timeline? Will Bones address the elephant on the bridge? Can Pike scratch that itch? It’s the episode that doesn’t say “fire” but leaves its finger on the button.

When Dr. Soong wants to hide all of his augments in the Briar Patch, Malik pitches a plan to start a war between the Klingons and Starfleet. But after Persis continues to play both sides by helping Soong escape to the Entrepreneur’s brig, Malik decides to blow up the Bird of Prey leaving only one family member to serve time. Who was the older brother Ben needed growing up? What is Soong’s record? Which upgrade comes with a premium hole saw? It’s the episode with a bad bit moment that gets off on a technicality. 

When Kirk and co. stumble upon an unavoidable-glowing-cube-boi they get stuck in an awkward spot. But when Balok toys with the way The Enterprise normally handles new encounters, it’s time to see what the alien looks like and escape the tractor beam. Is Spock too cool for school? What’s that big ear-spring? Have Halloween decorations improved? It’s the episode that gives you a Howard over the wrong frequency!

When Dr. Soong’s augments arrive at Cold Station 12 and continue their mission to unfreeze dangerous shit, Archer meets up with a Lennie Aug and convinces him to help kick the frozen can further down the road. But after the away team beams into a hostage situation, Soong extracts the codes from Richard Riehle and the augments leave everyone on the station to die. What’s a great errand at a great time? How is Ben like Arik Soong? Which side is Persis on? It’s the episode that got unexpectedly arc’d.