rybeel

I was afraid at first. What if i feel alone and sad ? Loneliness and me have a tumultuous relationship. Too shy, i suffered a lot when i was younger and now, too jaded by most people i just want to retire to my room and not see anyone. Yeah obviously not everytime, otherwise i wouldn't travel.

Anyway, this summer i took the "interail" (i can only recommend). Normandie, Berlin then Poland and at every location, i sleep at a friend's house. Journey mostly alone and evening sometimes group activities. I find fun to have conversations in french, english and german at the same time. I must train my german. Polsih I absolutely don't understand and I couldn't try, how the fuck could you say a word with sczcjw together ? I would love to learn, but I'll stay with german and Italian first.

The perfect day for me is one or two museum, wandering, drink a coffe or eat in a nice place, visit some shops I don't have in my country and hang out outside, club at weekends, talk to strangers I'll never see again.

And i can do all of this in my complete freedom, i can get lost in the city without the stress of the others, planning activities without asking "who want to do that ?", Walking on the streets with my headphones, eating when i want.

God it feels great. Why don't we do that more often ? Like, it's good to learn to deal with yourself, to be totally independent but i feel a kind of pression to say "nah i go alone" when people always ask "with who are you going ?"

I must admit that i failed two days ago. I got a new tatoo, so painful and i felt bad emotionally, so yeah not great. But I'll keep trying. God damnit, it's not my first tattoo but it was from far the most painful. It's not even finish, 6h already, probably 4-5h left.

I love smoking. After a meal or when I don't know what to do in a social group. What else am i supposed to do with my hands when i don't say anything ? And the smoke is like my stress coming out from my body. Fantastic. But it stinks, and really, i find the taste awful. The worse is when i try to swin or run; you could hear me breathing like a cow giving birth.

So when my friend Fairy (not her real name) ask me if i wanted to quit with her, i painfully said yes. So we each bought an electronic cigarette and we tried to forget tobacco.

It was hard. All the excuses were good for rolling a cigarette and getting one more egg closer to cancer. But i held. The heat wave did help, i was to hot to go out, at least.

First day over. Hope it'll last.

How do i forgot everytime ? I hate this but i feel bad when i see that someone don't follow me anymore. I don't even know who this is ! How can this makes me "sad" ? I post only to show my work sometimes, but damn i hate it i must not go on this app to see how is it going.