residentoflaniakea

There's a lot to unpack there, and I don't want to appear qualified to help you over this medium. In therapy you could get to the bottom of this, but it takes a lot of work and time. Please have a look into Dialectical behavior therapy, as this seems applicable for the picture you painted about your experience.

Have you thought about why you do this? What prompts you to seek help? If you want to cease this behaviour, do you know why? Is it because it doesn't feel right, as in it's not "you", or is it because of the consequences? What worries you, should you live more authentic and truthful, about your social interactions and relationships? Envisioning that folks in most cases react very well if one takes their mendacious mask of, how do you feel about that? Change is hard and those are some questions I just came up with that should prompt you to contemplate in order to understand the root of these behaviours. No need to answer them here.

Don't remember the movie or show but on aired in Korea I saw they would blur out parts such as cigarettes as well as arm pits (male actor) and a chef's knife (prop was being held with the actors intention to defend herself).

Freshly cut Ytong blocks. Ink of ballpoint pens.

One day he was going on about Kiki, how she does things in a certain way and I kept him going by say how interesting it was. He then turned to me and asked "You know that Kiki isn't real, right, I made her up?". He doesn’t like lying or being lied to, so within that frame I guess he wanted me to confirm that it was just play.

Our child has one. Her name is Kiki and she lives on a farm where she drives her tractors in a village called Plamplams. She speaks also an imaginary language. It seems like she represents experience he lives through vicariously expressing some image he has on how he fits in this world. We as his parents have always encouraged him; it is wonderful how he develops such creative images.

From your writing it seems you have a lot of insight and are very self aware. Use this as your strength. Not sure how you're faring in regards to alexithymia but this tends to be a blindspot for folks with trauma and autism spectrum condition. Matching your needs with your internal states (vis a vis your emotions) will go a long way to manage your life so it's worth living. Don't get hung up on labels too much but they are useful as a shortcut to learn from others and their similar experiences.