kind of a vent post but not really. I ended up giving up uni bc i was struggling too much: the commute is a sensory nightmare (heavy city traffic when i had my classes) and when i get to class i doze off and completely lose track of the lecture. I was 2 years behind in my exams and felt trapped, stupid and a complete inept. Then after seeing a therapist a few times (they diagnosed me) they pitched the idea of specializing in something i actually liked, which led me to sort of drop out (still havent officially) but im sure my decision is final, bc i really started struggling to keep up with lectures i didnt care about even though i liked my major. I feel like all these past few years i only started college bc i guess thats what i was supposed to do. But now i feel much lighter and freer. I dunno what ill specialize in bc theres too much stuff i like and i cant choose, but i hope it gets better

Im male born, but i dont feel particularly "male" so to speak: currently im non-binary bc i dont feel i belong to gender categories. Its just like im mentally in a gender-limbo and i think ive been in it my whole life, but its not concrete, as in sometimes i wish i was a girl (this happened also when i was a kid) but at the same time i feel like the categories of binary gender arent fit for me. Im just confused as in what i am. From the outside i think im generally seen as male but inside it's kinda like i don't care but i don't like to be in the gender binary but i wish i was more "girly". Can anyone relate?

i cant wrap my head around it

hello, funny image unrelated

12TET (12 tone equal temprament) is a system which divides the octave (eg. C3-C4) in 12 equal parts and it's the system used on many instruments, especially in western music. Maybe I'm getting bored of it bc of the fact that I've probably heard every possible combination of notes in this system. The thing i hate about it is how limiting it is, because in between even a semitone there's a world of possibilities and i wanna study and use microtones. The thing is guitars are caged in a 12 tone system, as many western instruments are. My point? I WANT A FRETLESS GUITAR/INSTRUMENT I WANNA DISCOVER MICROTONAL CHORD CHANGES bit of a rant

i think that'd be cool

yesterday i went to a concert of a friend of mine, then with some friends we went to his house for an afterparty. I had probably one of the most fun nights in my life (also bc we were all kinda ND). Then I went home, and all of it came crashing down: i was back in the place where i feel unwelcome, where im forced to live with my parents, who i came to hate throughout my life bc of how they give conditional love, have had many outbursts against me, fueled my meltdowns and punished me for them. Some days ago they found some weed in my room and my mom literally started talking to me as if i wasnt human, calling me a junkie and stuff. They never listen to me, when i talk about my feelings they always manage to either give useless advice or turn it personal and start a fight. For instance I've completely lost interest in uni bc they kept pushing me on the topic when i had major difficulties with it, and I'm considering dropping out bc i can't take it anymore. I can't move out bc I'm broke, if i don't finish uni I'll never be able to sustain myself outside of this fascist shithole called Italy, and i can't handle a job, let alone with uni. I feel trapped, and all i want to do is hibernate myself and forget about this world. I feel like I'm a mistake on this planet

i want to make alterations to a default seed minecraft world on a large scale (eliminating land, extend rivers, make mountain ranges, ecc...) for a mc world I've been working on for the last few years. In short, i want to make it a big island with mountains, valleys from an already generated world. Is there any mod or program that could make something like this? (i already have world edit but it's not enough for what i have in mind)

I didnt get hospitalized, though I saw my psychiatrist. She reccomended a therapy catered to my needs as a neurodivergent person (probably with the same who diagnosed me, hopefully). I cant say im happy but a little relieved by not having to be hospitalized