eupraxia

It's been an intense few weeks. Been offering up space to some other folks in the community and we've been working through some heavy shit. Feels good to be living polyamory as mutual aid, something I've always believed in but hadn't yet implemented to the level I wanted.

I'm also experiencing some really major improvements with fibromyalgia for a few reasons. I've been able to get to the gym a lot more, and having the equipment there to get my joints back in place is helping a lot. Still can't make my way through a workout without feeling really out of place and dysphoric and I'm sure I'm glowering at everyone but nobody's given me shit yet and I doubt they will. I also definitely didn't hear this many dudes before I transitioned at the end of their sets loudly announcing "87... 88... 89..." and racking their weights like they're benching the earth itself.

Psilocybin has also changed things significantly and microdosing has been helping so so much. So glad to have people who helped hook me up.

NIIIICE good choice!!! Like fire engine red, purple-red, or orange-red?

The way I see it is that tradition is working pretty damn well on the whole. People are producing kids just fine, taking care of them as they grow and become adults is the hard part. That lineage you point to is the only reason I'm alive today, yes, but there are a lot of other "only reasons" I'm alive today that happened after I was born, and many of them were very much not from my biological parents.

Personally there was a lot of generational trauma in my upbringing and I don't wanna pass that on. These days I've taken that parental drive and repurposed it toward the adults in my community whose parents have decided to abandon them, usually due to being queer. It's different than having a parental relationship to a kid, but I'm finding a community guardian role is filling the same emotional need. The people I care for won't carry my name, but I didn't even carry my own name lol.

I used to struggle with the fact that nothing I do will likely outlive me, but now I feel it's just as worthwhile to make the present day better for the people who need it. I'd still love to work with kids, maybe teach or something, but being trans makes many parents less willing to allow their kids to be around me. I might foster someday, it'll be a challenge but I think it's something I'd get a lot more out of.

Ballots aren't where effective political action happens. Demanding better means organizing outside of election years, maintaining strong communities, and showing up to participate in political action that isn't just ticking one of a few allowable boxes. Demanding better sometimes means just doing better, regardless of the state's involvement. That isn't directly applicable to, say, genocide, but it does help build a real base of support that allows people to work outside the system to further that progress between elections.

I'm voting for Harris because I would much rather organize under her administration than Trump's. It's a dead simple choice imo, because demanding better means doing the work every other day than Election Day.

and definitely pay more attention to your local elections, those will more directly impact you and the people around you.

my main beef is that "too fat" is a wildly varying scale from person to person because everyone stores and processes fat differently. and if you're "too fat" that may not in fact be your most relevant health concern. my experience with health providers that focus on BMI during intake is that if you're "overweight" many other health problems will be seen through that lens even if they're unrelated... in my case, lots of dieting advice, being told to exercise more come to find out decades later I had an undiagnosed nervous/muscular condition. now that it's treated somewhat, my weight stays pretty much in "normal" BMI with the same or lower activity. I'm kinda pissed it took this long to get treatment for an underlying condition because the ruler said "too fat."

I am a mad scientist! So cooool!! Sonuvabitch.

Well yes, but I don't even necessarily mean a gun :P

Hey don't underestimate it! If that's what ya got, lean into it if you need to. If you can be quick on your feet and convince someone you're not worth the trouble that can already keep you out of danger. You can always pick up a more physical weapon later, or that just might not be your thing, you'll figure what works for you.

Yeah, I feel much the same. Shit happens sometimes and it's good to be prepared. That goes for situations where civilization is collapsing and also in day to day life too. "Preppers" are so hyper fixated on one particular hyper-individual fantasy outcome. The merits of, say, integrating into a mutual aid network are completely missed.

It's always so much more useful to have AND KNOW WHERE every one-off necessity you might need is. A flashlight and spare batteries. First aid supplies. Spare medication. Superglue. A good utility knife. Emergency bedding. Enough shelf stable food for a few days. Some card games to pass the time. A few creature comforts that are easy to keep on hand. An appropriate weapon you practice with regularly. Some space an unhoused friend could crash for a week.

You get whatever you can together and organized and then you SHARE IT, because these things will all solve day to day problems for people in your life who maybe don't have them on hand. And then you pay attention to other needs that come up and make small additions so you're prepared for the needs of people you care about. And then boom there you go you've done actual fucking preparation! And get to sleep a little easier knowing you're ready for a lot more that life could throw at you.

Margaret Killjoy has a great podcast on effective preparation that comes from a very practical community readiness perspective. Definitely worth a listen. Live Like The World Is Dying

Can also recommend looking into local HEMA clubs as a step in that direction depending on your goals. Generally they tend to be queer friendly (if not queer themselves) and can help you learn some melee combat basics, which may be more relevant depending on your environment. I learned a lot from axe-and-shield fighting, even though it's not directly applicable in most real world situations. But the silly Viking shit was fun enough to make me really love showing up and practicing, and it helped me get confident using an axe. So now I feel comfortable open carrying a utility axe for self-defense with a lot of plausible deniability. Also taught me how to deal with a riot shield :3

I was getting ready to come out to my sister in like late 2021, she had a really bad motorcycle accident and we were catching up and it seemed like the right time to tell her.

then she started talking about how a near death experience made her start re-evaluating some things, and then she came out to me and it was the fucking spiderman pointing meme. Both of us moved to WFH after covid hit so the timing makes sense, but it was such a wonderful coincidence.