Land of the free is a national anthem lyric, bend the knee is from game of thrones

Wage theft is when they ask you to clock out for a meeting, not when you don’t like what they pay

100% of acid rain contains dihydrogen monoxide

It’s so windy in Wyoming how is that not their biggest source

Understandable mistake, as with them being your employer you would expect it to be a 401k plan

#NoTallVampires

You teach crabs how to read and before you know it the crabs will be trying to unionize

Some companies would tell you not to take gifts in case they look like bribes

Don’t put the gun within reach of the printer, come on

First of all, - just for some background: My mom died right when I was born, (she was actually really, really hot- but this isn't about her. I guess that's ****** up to say, but whatever.) I actually grew up with my dad's family, because my dad has all sorts of emotional issues and he bailed before I was born. So you can see, my childhood was really kind of messed up. 

Anyways, growing up I feel like there was always a lot of distance between me and my sister. When I was about 17 or 18 I first noticed that my sister was a hottie. 

I don't want to go into to many details about it, but basically what happened is that I accidentally found a video that she made of herself. I knew she didn't make it for me- but I thought she was so ******* beautiful that I watched it twice. I probably would have watched it a hell of a lot more, except that like right around the time I found the video, all this crazy **** went down and I had to leave home. (My dad's family who I was staying with got in bad trouble with the law. I never talk about it). 

Sooo... I was totally lusting after my sister at that point. She was also having bad trouble with the law. She was actually in custody when I left home. 

My friend and I went to go pick her up. When I saw her that day, after seeing the video, I have to be honest, I just wanted to **** her brains out. Looking back on it now, it's pretty messed up- but I think she had feelings for me too. She actually kissed me right after we came to get her... and it wasn't a sisterly kiss, you know? I mean, it wasn't like ridiculously sexual or anything, but it definitely wasn't sisterly. 

After we left, we all went to crash with my Sister's friends. On the trip there, my friend sort of implied that he wanted to get with my Sister, and I got a little jealous. He's a good looking guy- and even though she was my sister- I just felt like he was competition. Not much else happened between us for a while except some maybe-sexy hugging. 

Pretty much everyone in my life at that point was wanted by the government, so we all moved around a lot. I'm not saying that I'm proud of it or anything, but it was kind of an awesome time. 

My friend and my sister never hooked up I don't think- but I thought there was some serious sexual tension going on between them. It was around that time that I got really badly hurt in an accident. It was ****** up. I almost died. But when I was in recovery my sister came to see me, and out of the clear blue sky she started gives me this awesome, slow, passionate kiss on the lips. 

Sadly (although, I guess for the best) nothing ever came of it. We spent some time apart... and I started to get really religious, so I tried not to think of her that way. It was actually going well for a long time- like I was totally over her. But I have to say, like a year or so after all that stuff went down, we were out sailing (not like a date or anything romantic like that), and she was wearing like the hottest bikini I've ever ******* seen and it brought back all the old feelings. Sigh. 

A little while later she actually wound up with my friend from before (the sexual tension guy). I can't say I was surprised. 

But even after she was shacking up with my friend, there was one time we were at a party... my friend was inside, and my sister and I were outside alone. It was a really intimate moment. I think something might have happened, except that I killed the mood when I told her that Darth Vader was our father and that I had to go face him.

So she was returning her cybertruck

So does everyone, thanks Equifax