Don't we already have the Cartoon Network?

In that fairytell world, anything is possible.

THIS is the true answer.

I think I have some thinking to do. With all the crap I have, surely I have something I can rig together. Thanks!

That's what I'm going with, a Common Grackle. He appears to check all the boxes, as far as I know. Edit. This is in North Mississippi.

Not yet. During the summer there is a feeder just up and to the right that they wear out all season. Funniest thing I've seen at the "pond" was during the recent snow. Several birds where full on getting their baths on. I could kick myself for not recording it.

Yeah. What they said.

Thank you, for that! I didn't know I needed this until now.

They'll never be topped in my lifetime. So there's that, I guess.

Never, is the appropriate answer.

This is crazy. That kinda implies that we should be able to make a "phonograph" to capture voices from long ago.